Red vs Blue:War is Hell

Chapter 6

"Where are we?" Grif asked Simmons and Church. They were in a large place. Lots of ramps and halls and things sticking out of the ground and walls. Looked very similar to Caboose's mind when Church and Tex had went inside him.

"We're in the Sergeant." Church said.

"Neat." Simmons said looking around.

"Okay, we need to find Montross." Church said.

"Hi." Caboose walked over to the three.

"Caboose?" Grif asked. "What's he doing in here?"

"Hi." Caboose said again.

"This is Sarge's mental image of Caboose." Church said.

"Hi." Caboose said again then ran off screaming.

"Okaaay." Simmons watched him run.

"Simmons!" Sarge came up to them. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Sarge?" Simmons and Grif asked at the same time.

"Mental image again, guys." Church said.

"That's Sarge's mental image of himself?" Grif asked. "Not much different."

"Shut the fuck up, Grif!" Sarge shouted. "Simmons, kill Grif!"

"Yes Master!" another Simmons ran up and aimed his machine gun at Grif.

"That is his mental image of me?" Simmons asked.

"Master, he looks just like me." the mental image Simmons pointed to the real Simmons then he kissed Sarge's ass.

"Nice ass kissing, son." Sarge nodded.

"Thank you, Master." Simmons nodded. "I'm going to go finish building the shrine of you, now, okay?"

"Go on." Sarge said.

"Thank you, Master." Simmons nodded and ran off. Then another Grif ran up.

"Shit." the real Grif muttered.

"Kill me! Kill me! I'm a dumb ass! I deserve to die!" the mental image of Grif began yelling. "I'm so fucking stupid! God hates me!"

"That's his mental image of me?"Grif asked.

"Yeah." Church nodded. "Now, we have to get on with this."

"With what?" Sarge asked.

"Sir, permission to go suck my own dick?" the mental image Grif asked Sarge.

"Permission granted." Sarge nodded and the Grif mental image ran off. "Anyway, what stuff must you get on with?"

"We need to find this guy called Montross." Church said.

"I've never heard of him but maybe those blues know."

"This fucking sucks." Tucker sighed. "What the hell are we supposed to do until Church and the reds kill Montross?"

"I don't know." Tex shrugged.

"Hey, I've been wondering something." Caboose said. "Have you ever seen Church without his armor?"

"Uh, yeah." Tex said. "We went out, dumb ass."

"I see." Caboose nodded. "Have you seen him with a dress on?"

"Yes." Tex answered.

"Seriously?" Tucker chuckled. "When?"

"Once we went to this bar in Amsterdam. He go drunk and ran off, okay?" Tex continued. "So he went to this shop and-"

"Blues!" Sarge shouted. All four of them were standing in this empty room with four doors in it. Church, Caboose, Tucker, and Tex each came out of their own door.

"Holy crap, it's me and the guys." Church said.

"Heeey." the Church image groaned. "Somebody kill me. I'm sofreakin' miserable, all I do is die. I get blown up by a tank. By a bomb. Shot in the stomach and the head."

"Hi." Caboose smiled from behind his helmet.

"Dammit, I'm stupid." the Tucker image said. "I blew up the present. Dammit, I'm stupid. Fuck."

"Anyone wanna have sex with the black armored bitch who blows everyone to hell?" the Tex image asked.

"I'll handle this." Grif said.

"No!" Simmons yelled.

"Does anyone know someone called Mackenzie?" he yelled to the blues.

"Not Mackenzie, dumb ass." Simmons insulted the orange armored moron. "It's Montross. How the hell did you get the two mixed up?"

"I don't know." Grif shrugged. "They are very similar to names."

"No they're not." Simmons shook his head. "They're nothing alike besides the fact they both start with an M."

"No, we don't know any Mackenzie." the Tucker image shook his head.

"But a Montross stopped by." the Tex image said.

"Hey, sir?" the Grif image walked up to Sarge. "I was wondering in what direction I should suck my cock."

"Um, what ways are there?" Sarge asked.

"Well, up and down." the Grif image nodded. Suddenly, a sniper shot went through the mental image of Grif's head and he fell dead on the ground.

"Son of a bitch!" the real Grif yelled.

"Who are you?" Sarge asked Grif.

"Shit." Grif stomped his foot on the ground.

Church looked up and saw a white armored man on a balcony with a sniper rifle. "Montross!"

"You'll never catch me!" Montross shouted and jumped down off the balcony. He ran for one of the doors but it was locked as were the other three. Church, Simmons, Grif, and Sarge all four surrounded Montross. "Oh poo." Montross groaned. "I guess you caught me."

"It's over, Montross." Church said pointing his machine gun at Montross's face. "Give up."

"It's not over, Leonard Church." Montross smiled behind his white helmet.

"Leonard?"Simmons turned to Church.

"Oh shut up." Grif said. "Your name is Dick, dick."

"Good bye, my friends." Montross giggled.

"I don't think so." Church said. "Open fire." Church, Simmons, Grif, and the mental image Sarge all four opened fire on Montross. All the bullets, sparks, and smoke clouded everything and they couldn't see anything. Once the smoke cleared, Montross was gone.

"Oh shit." Grif groaned. "Where'd he go?"

"He couldn't have gone anywhere." Simmons said.

"Yeah." Church nodded. "All radios in the canyon are shut off."

"And I'll also take a large diet coke. Ooh, and a small fry. Could you repeat all that to me?" Donut said into his radio.

The person on the other line replied, "Yeah, okay, one double-cheese burger, a happy meal with two toys, a large diet coke, and a small fry."

"Yeah okay." Donut nodded. "Have it brought to Blood Gulch."

"Where is that?"

"You don't know where that is?" Donut asked. "Well, I don't either. Seriously, where the hell am I? You know what, just forget it all."

"Okay."

"Right. Bye." Donut said then took a deep breath of happiness. "Damn, I love my active, powering radio. Which is turned on by the way."