Chapter Four: A Special Place in My Heart

Sirius was quite sure that his heart was broken. The only consolation he had was "Lily daydreams" but just thinking about her made his gut wrench with guilt and sorrow.

A whole two weeks had gone by since the incident at Peter's house and school would be starting in a couple of days. Sirius had this feeling like things would never be the same but he wondered if that had to be a bad thing.

After hours of sitting awake and contemplating, he decided that he had fallen into some type of love. He wasn't quite sure which kind but he knew that if he was forced to never see Lily again, he would surly die. (Always one to be melodramatic.) He figured that the next night, he would put his new feelings to the test and decide, once and for all, whether to live happily ever after with the most brilliant girl in existence or sacrifice his feelings for his brother's friendship and happiness. (He already had a feeling he knew which one it would be.)

"I can't believe James punched you! I mean, how egotistical of him to think that he had any sort of ownership over me and who I choose to be with!"

Since Sirius had told her, she couldn't stop going on and on about James and his "egotistical, horribly antagonistic, chauvinist, disloyal, and manly (taken out of context)" treatment of her current date. It had started to get on his nerves until he began to truly listen to what she was saying.

"…and the point is that if he wanted to be with me he should have said something before you did! What does he think? That I'm a mind reader and I can just tell what he's thinking! I practically failed divination! And you know better than anyone how many girls James goes out with in one month. It's a new one every week! Even if he did ask me out, which he only does as a joke, I would never go out with him because I know he would just break my heart!" She finally took a breath and looked at Sirius who had currently pulled the car over after she had stopped ranting.

He had borrowed his Uncle Ted's old Cadillac (seeing as Lily's parents were a little wary about floo powder) and was driving Lily home from Diagon Alley. He decided to pull over for what he was about to say.

"Since when have you started calling him 'James'?" Sirius asked softly.

Lily blinked and then blushed, looking away. "I don't know." She mumbled, at a loss for words, a rare thing for her.

Feeling slightly subdued, Sirius looked at her so that he could explore every part of her beautiful face. He just looked at her, like he was really looking through her, and began to chew on his bottom lip like he did when he was really thinking.

"What is it?" She asked, finally chancing a glance at him.

The corner of his lips turned up and then his mouth was set into that mischievous smile he wore whenever he had a brilliant occurrence. "I'm the rebound guy, aren't I?" The smile didn't reach his eyes.

"Huh?" Lily asked, now honestly confused.

He ran his hands through his hair, almost trying to tear it out.

"You love him! But you're trying not to admit it!" He said this like he was Sherlock Holms and he had just solved the mystery. "I should have seen this coming. I mean, we really tried not to talk about him but now that I've brought him up, you practically can't stop. And you might like me," He said, not looking at her. "Maybe even love me. But not in the way that James Potter makes you feel stir crazy and nuts and wonderful and afraid all at the same time."

Sirius wanted to cry but he decided not to because Lily already looked like she wanted to.

"Sirius, are you breaking up with me?" Lily asked in a broken whisper. He wasn't sure if she was upset because she really liked him or if he had hit too close to home.

He lifted her chin up and tucked a strand of red hair behind her ear. "Sorry Tiger Lily. You'll thank me later."

He let her go and turned the car back on. They drove in silence and when he turned the corner to Lily's house she said in a whisper, "Now that I've gotten to know you and I've decided you aren't such a bad guy," Sirius chuckled a little, "well, I think I'm going to miss not being with you. Now I know why the other guys love being with you so much. I think that is what's breaking my heart the most."

Sirius pulled the car in front of her house and sighed, laying his head on the steering wheel. He refused to look at her and fought the voices in his head instead.

'Tell her you love her.' Sirius was startled to know that this voice sounded like James.

'Since when have you had a change of heart?' Sirius asked the voice back derisively.

'I love you, Sirius. You need to make yourself happy if this is what you really want. And who would know better than I do that she's the best you'll ever come around. If you have her don't let her go.'

Sirius thought about it and was about to open his mouth to say the words out loud when he heard another voice. It was Remus' voice.

'Padfoot, follow your heart. Listen to what it's saying. It can be really logical if you give it a chance.'

This was the one piece of advice he was looking for when he had first talked to Moony about Lily. It was vague but oddly helpful.

So Sirius, thinking he was way beyond schizophrenic and wanting to do the right thing for everyone, closed his eyes again and listened.

'Right now, Sirius old buddy, right now isn't the time. But it'll come. Just speak and the right words will come out.'

"Tiger Lily," Sirius whispered with his eyes still closed and his forehead against the steering wheel. "I'm going to miss you too. The Marauders use to be the most important thing in the world to me. And they still are." Sirius finally looked at her, Lily's green eyes shining with anticipation. "But now so are you. You're always going to be my friend but like any of my best friends," Sirius leaned into her and caressed her cheek with his hand, "you will always have a special place in my heart."

Sirius kissed her then, not passionately or softly, but thoroughly as to remember everything about her mouth. And when she was properly kissed and she finally gave him a real smile, he walked her to her door and waved to her when she looked out her bedroom window.

So far his heart had been right so he decided to listen to it again and go back to where he was staying in Diagon Alley and play his guitar.

TBC...

A/N: Only one more chapter to go! I'll tie up all the loose ends in the next chapter which should be posted either tomorrow or by Monday at the lateset. Also, as soon as this story is done, I'll post my new one which should be a lot longer (and a lot better).