Disclaimer: I own nothing

What could have happened if Falco didn't return after the Andross battle? Loosely based around my other fic, the Behemoth, with each chapter from a different character's perspective.

Shattered Reflections

Grief

Its dark, but not because its night. A harsh storm battles away in the skies. The sea tosses its head in furious white crests and beats itself against the shore. Occasionally bright lightning cracks the sky, roaring like a beast. All the while rain pelts down. In the distance the grey sea rises up to meet the grey sky, they merge together so that I can't tell where one begins and the other ends. I shout at the storm:
"Stop raining! Go away, let me see the sun! I'm tired of the rain…"
It thunders back, louder than my voice can ever be, especially now, I seem to have been shouting a lot lately… I'm soaked through; the soil beneath my feet has turned to mud. I'm not wearing any boots, I'm standing in stolen clothes, boots were one thing I forgot, I wasn't exactly thinking straight. I'm cold; I stopped shivering a long time ago. They say that's a bad sign… I don't mind being cold, at least that way I feel something…does that make me a monster? What am I turning into?

I'm alone. I have been for a long time; I grow tired of that too… it seemed like a good idea… at the time… like all these things… But they're here now, I can still feel her. Above, a distant light in the sky bodes company, such as I'm not sure I'll welcome. Even now the storm rages on, oblivious to me. I'm small, insignificant, no matter how hard I try to make a difference… I only seem to make things worse… Everything I touch seems to break… or turn to dust in my hands.

He's here, why did they send him? Of all the people in the Federation he's probably the last one I want to see.
"Hey Lombardi! What are you doing? You can't change the weather, or have you lost your mind as well as any other redeeming factor that made you any more than a waste of skin?"
Charming, isn't he. But then, he's always known exactly how to make me angry… furious, and I don't anger easily, especially not now. I hate him! And yet… I know… deep down another part of me cares about him… Though I don't understand why… maybe after 8 years it did get personal… Maybe he's right. I think I have lost my mind. I can hear him walking up to stand next to me; his feet are squelching the mud. He's by my side… again… that's comforting, though I'd rather if it wasn't, it would be easier that way. I keep staring out at the sea. I refuse to look at him, but still I can see him out of the corner of my eye. Dressed in all the latest stuff as usual, he's never wanted for anything. No matter how hard it got for those around him he always got what he wanted, he never had to go without, even when that destroyed the rest of us.

Why do you look at me like that? It's somewhere between loathing and approval, I've never understood exactly where… Sometimes I think you hate me, and other times I get an entirely different impression, I'm not sure I like either of those. You frighten me sometimes… I of all people know all you're capable of, having been on the wrong end of it… more than once. He's looking me up and down now, like he's assessing me… like I'm not worthy to even stand in his presence, just a waste of skin huh? Maybe he's right... but I don't bow to anyone, especially not him… at least… not anymore. I don't think I could bow even if I wanted to. He can't see that, he's never been the most perceptive, I could have been dead and he wouldn't have noticed, funny really… isn't it? I'm not sure anymore. I think… part of me is dead… It died with the others… that seems like an eternity ago… but its not. It can't have been, the mortal are still alive… he proves that, I was beginning to wonder if I was in hell. I guess I'm not… why would he be here? The famous hero… I can't possibly be in heaven…

I like storms… I like the rain… kind of. The rain is fine when you have somewhere warm to hide from it… I don't, but what does that matter now? I like it because it reminds me I'm not in a cage… pain suffering and death… that's the price of freedom… or so they say… ugh… Civilians… they don't know what they're talking about… yet… even they have seen war these years… and they seem destined to see more… That's my fault too… Do you think he would hate me more if he really knew everything I'm responsible for? The things I was supposed to do, but didn't because I was too afraid… or too weak… weak. …I can't even defend myself, let alone anyone else. I always needed someone to rescue me. Maybe I can't look after myself. He'd never stop laughing if I told him what I'm thinking. Ugh… maybe I should punch him in the head… I don't think that would go down too well… He's bigger than me, and stronger… always has been, guess he probably always will be too… If I live long enough to find out. It still hurts.
"Peppy told me to come. He said I should apologise, personally I think you owe me the apology"
He's always been like that, he's never apologised, even when he broke my bones, but that wasn't the worst hurts he gave me… but we won't go into that.
"Frankly I'm here for him, not you"
He doesn't look at me. Maybe I don't deserve to meet his eyes…
"If you care about him you'll come back. Mind you if you cared about us you would never have left"
He said "us"…
"I'll say sorry, if it will make you come back"
I'd like to go home, I care more for them than he can ever understand, but I don't want to hurt them. I just hurt everyone I get close to.
"I'm… sorry Falco… I was angry… I didn't mean what I said. I do miss you, I want you home almost as much as Peppy does, but that would be hard."
He's smiling at me, that familiar, almost, coy smile. I'm loosing control. I'm starting to shake, my legs are going like jelly. I can't, not in front of him.
"Falco… you ok?"
What a question, so many things I could answer in response, most prominently no, but I can't speak past the lump in my throat.
"Falco, are you crying?"
You tell me. I don't know, I stopped noticing.
"Falco…"
He comes closer, looking intently at me. Fox McCloud is that compassion I see in your eyes? He's reaching out to touch me. I'm afraid of that. Touch is pain to my twisted senses. I'm terrified of it. I want to run away, like I always do, but my legs, like jelly won't move, like before… when I just sat there and let them do what they wanted. He's caught hold of my arm. Part of me wants to rip away, fight him off, if it came to conflict he'd win of course. Another part of me is willing to submit entirely to his will. I'm so tired of fighting, I can't do it anymore. My legs! They're going!

He caught me. I think I surprised him. I didn't do it on purpose. This is the last thing I wanted, he'll laugh at me for this, I know it, once he gets over the shock. I don't care anymore. I just don't want to be cold, wet and hungry for a while and if he can offer me that so be it. I am crying now. It hurts my chest. That's nothing new. I've put him in an awkward position. He doesn't know what to do with himself, what to do with me. As a matter of fact neither do I.
"Falco you're soaking"
He sounds like father. Of all people I don't want him to be like him, he was a monster. Fox isn't. At least I hope not, or I'd be going back to what I thought I had escaped from. Wait, what is he doing? He's wrapping his coat around me… but… you'll get wet. I don't want you to get sick on my account. I hate to see you suffer… What's he doing now? I think he's trying to rub warmth back into me, my arms. That's a hopeless task, it feels as though the lasts of the warmth went out of me when… they… died… and left me to face the world alone… face them.
"You're like a giant blue ice cube!"
He's laughing at me, but softly, not in that mocking way he used to, kind, inviting me to join in… almost like a puppy begging to play. He's wagging his tail. I find myself smiling at that… I'm not ready to laugh… not yet. His warmth reminds me how cold I really am. The feeling's started coming back in my limbs… and for a moment I hate him for that. He doesn't mean to hurt me. He's trying to help. I'm shivering. Maybe that's a sign of life coming back to me… now I don't feel quite so… dead?
"I've... missed you"
That took me totally by surprise. I guess I must look shocked. He looks hurt… perhaps that I don't know he cares… or for another reason my mind is too blurred to understand. The cold seems to be clinging to me now, like a mist. Swirling round my mind, almost, intoxicating. Like Fox when he's drunk, but this seems to hurt more than any hangover… not that I have much experience… I've had enough pain from alcohol. He's talking on his comm. his words are lost to me… I don't know why… I just can't hear them. The mist seems to be growing thicker… like a warm blanket…
"Hey, you still with me buddy?"
Huh, what… ugh. Where's he takin' me… to an Arwing… His. Under the wing… its dryer. I'm so cold…. So tired…
"Falco come on! Stay awake!"
But I don't want to…
"Talk to me buddy, come on, you like to shout at me!"
Actually… I don't…
"I told you stay awake! Don't you dare go to sleep!"
He sounds panicked… what's he so worried about?
"Come on Falco… Please hold on! If you go to sleep now… you won't wake up again!"
Wats 'e soo worried about… there's notin' wrong with me…
"Peppy… make it quick ok?"
His voice is distant… I hardly hear it….