PART VII: HOPE OF THE WORLD.
Chapter 71
It was in the wee hours of the morning. Shinji was lying on his side, fall was coming closer, and he could feel it by the change in the temperature and the change in the wind.
While he was lying there, he focused on Asuka sleeping next to him. Her back was facing him and she was wearing a small dress she had made herself for sleeping in. Shinji liked the way it fell on her and he smiled as he stared at her back and then gently ran his hand over her back.
Shinji had gotten in the habit of going to bed naked since he had gotten used to him and Asuka making love almost every night. Tonight, though she had seemed very tired and all though he did want to make love to her, he just kissed her gently and let her fall asleep.
Asuka had said she had felt really tired and just wanted to rest. She said that in the morning, she needed to tell him something important but it could wait until then.
Shinji said okay and let her fall asleep. Lately, she seemed to be very tired and he wondered if she was feeling okay.
One day last week, he had caught her in the bathroom throwing up and he wondered if she was feeling sick or coming down with something.
When they were in the town last week picking up supplies, he had noticed she had stockpiled on several things but she wouldn't tell him what they were and she asked that he'd be good and not look.
He respected that of her and kept his promise but he wondered what was going on?
However now he couldn't fall asleep.
He was too eager to hear about what she wanted to talk to him about and another idea hit him as well. Shinji moved closer to her and gently kissed the back of her neck. He knew that drove her wild and he smirked as he gently planted kisses down her neck and shoulder.
He heard her moan and then he heard her say in a sleepily annoyed tone. "Shinji…."
Shinji chuckled and then began to move his hands up and down the side of her body and across her chest. "Shinji…. I'm tired." She whispered with a laugh as he continued to assault her neck with his lips and then feeling that the urge was welling up inside of her, she turned around to him and wrapped her arms around him, kissing him passionately
All was going according to Shinji's plan when suddenly and abruptly; she pulled away from him and held him back, placing her hand on his chest and her other hand over her over her mouth.
"What's the matter?" Shinji asked her as he looked into her face.
Asuka immediately jumped up out of bed with her hand over her mouth. She ran into the bathroom and then vomited into the toilet.
"Asuka, are you okay?" he asked her as he too jumped out of bed, put on his jeans and went into the bathroom, watching her vomit into the toilet. "Asuka! Are you all right?" he asked as he put his hand on her back.
"Leave me alone!" She snapped.
Shinji was taken back by her insult. "Honey, what's the matter?" he asked her as he looked down at her and saw her throw up again.
He felt it was because she was sick and had become irritated He waited until she was done and then knelt beside her as she wiped her mouth. "Asuka! What the hell is wrong?"
"Nothing. Its okay." She said as she vomited again uttering. "Schist!"
He took a small towel next to the basin and soaked it in the water, wringing it out and then coming over to her, kneeling beside her. "Here." He told her as he offered it to her and brushed the hair from her face. "You're not feeling well?"
"No shit!" She barked out. "Just…go to bed, Shinji. I'll be fine."
Shinji did not want to leave her. She was sick and he wanted to take care of her. However, she looked quite annoyed and he knew when she was like that, she didn't want to be bothered at all.
"If you need me, I'm right here."
"GO TO BED, SHINJI!" She yelled out as she glared up at him. "I know what it is! I'll be fine! Just…go to bed damnit! You did this to me!"
"What did I do?" Shinji asked as he looked down at her.
"Shinji, I'm…" Then when she looked into his face, she felt the nausea hit her again and she vomited violently into the toilet.
Shinji's eyes went wide as he stood up and looked down at her. She had thrown up when she looked at him! It made his heart sink and quickly he stepped away from her and felt the old Shinji come back to him, the frightened boy, the lonely boy, the one who just felt his heart break.
Quickly, he walked out of the bedroom and sat down in the living room on the couch. He didn't hear Asuka call to him once. He was hurt and upset. She had vomited when she saw me! He thought. Do I make her sick now? How could that be? Doesn't she love me?
Thoughts pounded through his brain and he all but felt like the wonderful times that they had shared all year long were now over. She doesn't love me anymore! He thought to himself. I want to die.
He leaned forward and buried his face into his hands and then cried. He didn't care if Asuka heard him. He didn't want to believe it was possible that she couldn't love him anymore, that the very site of him made her sick! He felt lonely and sad.
Asuka heard him as she came out of the bathroom. That sounds like he's…. crying? What the hell? She walked down the hall and sure enough, he was sitting on the couch, his head in his hands, crying. It made her heart ache. She was confused by why he was crying, what the hell had happened? Was he worried about me? Did I hurt the idiot's feelings? What is up with him?
"What did I do?" he asked himself aloud. "What did I do to make you stop loving me?"
Asuka's heart nearly shattered when she heard him and her eyes widened. "How could you think that?" she yelled out as he came over to him and sat next to him on the couch. "You fucking idiot! Where the hell did you get that idea from?"
He raised his head and looked into her face, she saw there were tears in his eyes and he was so upset. "You…. threw up when you saw me? Do I make you that sick?"
Asuka then laughed when she heard him. Quickly, she covered her mouth. She shook her head as she looked at him, slapping him gently on the forehead. "You idiot!" She said through laughter. "I can't believe you don't…that you haven't figured it out…."
"What's to figure out? Suddenly the sight of me makes you sick?" he asked her.
"Well, tell you the truth, Shinji, yeah you kinda do." She said with a chuckle.
Shinji's eyes went wide and he backed away from her as if she had just stabbed him through the heart. "WHAT THE FUCK?" he yelled out as he looked at her.
"Shinji…"Asuka said as she came closer to him and touched him, only to have him shrug her away. "Shinji, no not like that! I do love you! I will always love you! But, this has been happening for a while now. Idiot! Haven't you ever heard of morning sickness?"
Shinji turned and looked at her and wasn't sure of what to say. "What? Morning sickness? That happens when you're…"
Asuka smiled at him.
His mouth fell open, as he raised his finger and pointed at her. "…. Y…you're? Asuka, honey, you're telling me that…. you're…. YOU'RE…are you…?" he asked her as his eyes became wide as saucers while his heart raced. "Did we? Are you? Are you…?"
"Shinji… I'm pregnant."
Then he just sat there and looked at her.
"You're what?" he asked her in a whisper as he leaned forward and looked into her face.
Asuka smiled at him and touched his face gently, saying to him in a soft voice. "This is what I wanted to talk to you about, Shinji. I was going to tell you in the morning. I'm pregnant, Shinji."
"Pregnant?" He whispered to her.
"Yeah. We're pregnant, Shinji." Asuka said with a smile.
Shinji breathed in and chuckled. "We're…. going to have a…baby?" he asked her as a tear came out of his eye and smile went across his face.
Asuka giggled, nodding her head at him.
"A baby, Asuka?" He chuckled as he looked at her and asked in a whisper with the same smile. "We…. are gonna…have…. a baby? I…. did…. you are…. oh my God! A baby?" he said in a whisper as he smiled and chuckled. "Honey, when did you know? How did you know?"
Asuka smiled at him and then answered. "I thought for a while I might have been but then… …I found out for sure…yesterday."
"How?" he asked her with his voice going up an octave. "How do you know?"
Asuka smiled and then said. "Remember when we were in the town and I went in the stores to look for supplies? I found a few pregnancy tests and I took a few…just in case, something like this happened. You see, I haven't been feeling well lately and I've noticed I've put on some weight, not a lot just a little and also I haven't had my period in over a month…. well two months really. . I also have felt strange so I thought maybe…. I could be. So I took the tests and bought them home."
"You did?" he asked her.
"Shinji, you had to know it yourself that this could happen."
Shinji took a deep breath and then nodded his head. "I thought it could but…. I guess I hadn't thought much about it. I've just been enjoying it."
"I mean it occurred to me that we've been having a lot of sex. I mean we do it all the time and I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner then this. I mean we've been married almost a year now and it hasn't happened. It didn't happen after the cave or when we started doing it here. I thought for a while maybe…we wouldn't be pregnant and you know, I was kind of sad about it. Then one day, when I started throwing up, I thought maybe I could be pregnant…. and it scared the shit out of me! I thought about it again though and all of a sudden, I was just…. happy. I mean didn't you find unusual that with all of the sex that not once did I get pregnant?"
"Well, I haven't…really…I found it unusual but I figured…How long have you been throwing up for?" Shinji asked.
"Truthfully?" Asuka asked.
He nodded.
"About a month."
Shinji swallowed hard and then asked. "That long? So, did you do…. one of the tests?"
"Yeah." Asuka said. "I…tested myself."
"And?" he asked her.
"Idiot! I just told you!" Asuka growled, then her face softened and she said softly with a smile. "It was blue! I did it twice and it was blue both times! It was blue, Shinji!" Asuka said as a tear rolled out of her eye. "It was blue." She said as she touched his cheek lightly.
"Blue?" he asked gently as he smiled back at her.
"Idiot! White not pregnant. Blue pregnant." Asuka told him with a smile.. "It's true, Shinji! I'm pregnant. We're having a baby, Shinji."
"A…. baby?" he asked her as he looked into her face and smiled with a tear coming out of his eye. "We're…. going to have a…. baby?" he asked her gently.
"Yeah." Asuka said to him as she looked at him and then placed her hand on his cheek. "Our baby. WE made a baby, Shinji."
"We made a baby?" he asked her with the same smile as his eyes went wide. He only could stare at her. Pregnant? The word hit him like a ton of bricks. She is pregnant? I got her pregnant! Pregnant? PREGNANT! OH MY GOD, SHE'S PREGNANT! SHE'S PREGNANT! Wow, she's pregnant. Oh my God, what am I going to do?
"Shinji? Honey? Are you okay?" Asuka asked while she stared into his face. "Yoo hoo! Shinji?" Asuka called out as she waved her hand in front of his face.
The thoughts rumbled through his head as he stared blankly into her face, he still had a small smile on his face. I'm going to be a father.
Asuka wasn't sure of what reaction she would have received but she knew he had to deal with it in his own way. She looked into his face, she saw a man who was smiling with a look of fear in his eyes but happiness on his face. .
My wife is going to have…a baby? He thought to himself. I'm going to be…a father? Wow, I'm going to be a father. Wait! Hold up! How can I be a father? I don't know what to do! How can I? What will this child do with a father like me? How can I be? Still, she's having a baby. My baby. Our baby. We made a baby together. Oh my god, this is incredible! She's having my baby. We're having a baby? The winter is coming! It'll be cold! She'll be pregnant with our baby during the winter! Fuck! What am I going to do? How am I going to do it? What do I do? I'm not ready for this. I'm too young to be a father. How can I do this? What do I say? But, wow, this is amazing! I'm so confused. I feel happy and yet…. oh my god, I'm so scared. What do I do? How am I going to pull this off? What can I say? Still, we made a baby together. We're going to have a baby and I'm about to become…. a father. Wow.
Asuka let a great deal of time pass while he just stared blankly at her with his mouth open and his eyes wide. "Shinji?" Asuka asked.
Shinji still stared blankly at her. He did not move or say anything. He just stared and thought. A baby?
"SHINJI!" Asuka called out loudly.
We're having a baby. Wow. Still there was no response and in order to get his attention, she reared back and slapped him hard across the face.
Shinji wound up on the floor, holding his reddened cheek with his hand and looking back to her, stunned. "ASUKA, WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" Shinji yelled out as he sat up.
"Because you were in shock!" Asuka yelled back as she sat on the couch and looked at him and he noticed that a tear rolled out of her eye that she quickly wiped away. "Let me guess…you hate the idea, don't you?"
"No!" he said as he sat up.
"Yes, you do! I can see it!" Asuka yelled out as she turned her face away.
Shinji looked at her and then came over to her; he knelt in front of her and looked into her face. She seemed sad that he hadn't said anything and now she was looking down, trying to avoid eye contact. "I'm sorry." He told her.
"Sorry?" Asuka asked as she looked into his face and started to cry.. "What are you sorry for? Sorry you got me pregnant? Sorry, you haven't said anything about it? Just what exactly are you sorry for?"
"Well, yes…. I mean, no…I mean, ….I am sorry…. that…. that… I…just…. Asuka, …I meant…. what you just told me…Asuka, it's like…." He told her as he forced a small grin.
"Well?" She asked as she looked at him. "Can you tell me what you were thinking?"
Shinji took a deep breath as he looked at her. He simply smiled at her and brushed the hair from her face, letting his palm rest on her cheek and he said to her with confidence in his voice. "I am scared to death."
Asuka took a breath as she looked at him. "So am I." She responded.
"Asuka, I am petrified!" He told her as he looked at her and spoke softly. " I don't know how to be a father, Asuka! I don't know anything about it at all. We're so young. Our lives will change so much. Asuka, I am afraid. I don't want know what to do…. I don't know how to handle this. We have no hospital; we have no way to make sure that everything will be okay. We don't know how to be parents. We're in a big bind here."
Asuka took a deep breath as she heard him, then she started screaming out through tears. "You hate the fact that I'm pregnant, don't you? DON'T YOU?"
"Asuka…."
"I was always afraid of this happening but we had each other, I thought if it happened …it would be okay. I mean we're married and we live here. We have a home and we'd be able to build a family. I feel like this our home and we're safe here and we could do this here. I mean its not before with wandering around having nothing and now we have a home…. I wasn't so afraid of it happening. You hate it, don't you? You bastard! You're the one who did this to me! It's not okay, is it?"
Then he held onto her hands and she looked into his face and he spoke again with a stronger tone in his voice. "It is okay." He said to her as he brushed the hair from her face and smiled at her.
"But, you said…. you're scared? You told me…you don't know how to be a father and now you're saying it's okay?"
"Yes." He told her with a smile. "Asuka let me explain. I am scared. Yes, I don't know what it is to be a father but Asuka, I love you and I am so happy right now!"
"Shinji…"
"Let me finish…." He said as he looked at her and spoke gently. "Inside of you right now is something that we created together. The baby has a part of you in it. I love you with everything I am so I all ready love what's growing inside of you right now. How could I not love it?" Shinji smiled as he looked at her.
"You do?" She asked him as she saw in his face the kindness and gentleness coming out of him and more so, she could see strength in him. "You really do?"
"Asuka, I love you. You're carrying our baby inside of you and I'm so unbelievably happy. Asuka, I won't run away from this. You are my wife. I made a vow to you."
Asuka smiled and sniffled as a tear came out of her eye. "Shinji…."
"Asuka, I promised to take care of you and love you. I said to you I wanted to be with you forever and build a life with you and that included a family. I wanted children, Asuka. I always said I did. I still am very scared about this baby. You know what though? I am so happy right now. I love you with all my heart and soul. I would die for you, Asuka. I would kill for you. I would do anything in this world to make you happy and protect you. To know that you have something inside of you right now, that we created together, is a feeling I can't put into words."
"Shinji…." Asuka whispered.
He came closer to her and put his forehead against hers. Then gently, he placed his hand over her stomach and smiled with a nervous chuckle as he said to her gently. "Asuka, to know that you have my baby growing inside of you now makes me want to protect you both and love you both with everything I am. Asuka, listen to me. I will be the man you expect me to be, Asuka. I'm not a boy any more. I will be the father this child needs and the husband you can always believe in. I want a family. I've always wanted a family since I never really had one. I want to be with you until the day I die. Part of marrying someone…. is…. having children too. The day I married you, I knew it wasn't just going to be me you and me forever. I wanted this someday. Looks like someday is today. Now seems as good a time as any. Asuka, you…. have to understand. I was in shock but more out of happiness then anything and yes, I'm afraid but I know we can do this. I'll tell you right now though, I don't know what kind of father I can be but with you by my side, how can I go wrong? Something tells me being a father is not about not knowing what to do; it's about how much love you want to give. I have a lot of love to give. You gave it to me. So now, I am going to give a lot of the love you gave me to our child."
Asuka's breathed in as she felt a tear in her eye, staring into his face. He was being strong and confident. Asuka noticed something about him; this wasn't a boy speaking to her, this was a man. This was her husband and the father of her child.
"Shinji, I've never heard you speak that way before. I am so scared too but what you just said, you take away my fear."
"And you take away mine." He told her. "We can do this together. We can accomplish anything, Asuka, as long as we're together. We can do this."
"You know what?" She said as she sniffled and smiled at him with a tear rolling down her cheek. "I think you all ready know what it is to be a father because right now, I am seeing the best father who ever lived and he's the love of my life."
Shinji drew her close to him and held her in his arms; he shut his eyes and breathed out. "I will be what you need me to be, Asuka. I will never leave your side. I will never let you down. I will love you with all that I am I will be the father that my father could not be to me. I will be the husband you deserve to have. You will never be scared or want for anything as long as I am here. I will make sure you both are safe and happy for the rest of your lives. Our family will be strong and we will love our children and teach them well. Asuka, this is the greatest day of my life."
Asuka rested her head on his shoulder and cried happily. Her tears were one of joy and she held him to her closely and next when she looked into his face, she saw his whole demeanor change, his head was held high and in his eyes was love for her and their child.
She knew at that point this was the day that the boy in Shinji left and the man arrived.
"Let's go back to bed." She whispered.
Chapter 72
Over the next few months, Shinji made strong preparations to assure that the coming winter would not do to them what it did to them last winter. Throughout Asuka's pregnancy, he was extremely attentive to her every need and made sure she didn't do anything that he considered strenuous.
Asuka would smile at him, as she would watch him tend to the house and to her. She had never seen him like this before. The way he was, so protective and attentive, it was like he was a totally different person.
Then she knew the reason, the man she loved was about to become a father and for that reason, he was acting like one.
He made sure that there was enough firewood to last as many days as possible. He frequently checked their supply of food and made repairs to the house in any areas that he felt were vulnerable.
Taking the truck into the town, he stockpiled on medicines, bandages, food, and clothing. He looked around the town for old stores that might have had baby furniture, baby clothes and anything else he thought was baby related.
Asuka watched as day after day, he brought home something new. He worked on the room for the baby; pouring everything he had learned about carpentry into building what he would consider the perfect room.
Asuka went with him a few times into town to check on painting supplies and various toys and what not. While she decorated the room and told him what color of paint to buy, what toys to get and whatnot, she watched him as he worked the hardest she had ever seen him work before.
She watched as he cursed all day long putting together the baby's crib and then after he was sure it was put together right, spending all night painting the baby's room.
He found books on childbirth, parenting and any other resource he could find to prepare him and Asuka for the next stage of their lives.
Then by accident, he happened upon something really incredible. He couldn't believe he had found such a thing but he was happier beyond belief.
Then he also took from a sporting goods store an object that he'd swore a long time ago that he'd never use.
When he got back to the house, Asuka was curious at what he was doing. He wouldn't let her know, he told her he would let her know later.
When nightfall came, Shinji stepped outside for a brief moment to bring in the many supplies he had and as he looked over at Asuka he smiled at her and said to her. "I have a gift for you."
Then he went over to a light switch and Asuka's eyes lit up when the lights in the house were on.
"What? How?"
Shinji smiled and then told her. "I found a generator. A gas powered generator. I took enough gas to last us. This should power us through the winter. Asuka, we have electricity now!"
She was so happy that she ran over to him and threw her arms around his neck, giving him a long kiss on his lips, with a smile that ran from ear to ear.
"Hang on a second, I'll be right back."
He went outside of the house and then when he returned, her eyes widened as she saw what he held in his hands.
"A gun?" She asked. "Shinji, that's a rifle!"
He took a deep breath as she watched as he bought in the rifle and hung it above the fireplace. He took a deep breath as he turned to her, then walked up to her, taking her hands into his own. "I know a long time ago I told you I would never carry a gun but now I'm older and I realize that there are two things in this world that I will never leave unprotected. Asuka, listen to me very carefully. I will do what is necessary to protect my family and to provide for you. If it means that I have to use a gun to do it, I will."
Asuka nodded at him and gently touched his cheek. He reached for her hand and held it gently. Then he smiled at her and said. "How about we watch a movie? Now that we have electricity, we can do that."
Asuka smiled and then watched as he pulled out a few DVD's and after discussing them at length, he put one into the DVD player of the TV that they had never used and settled on the couch to watch a movie.
"This is so great." She said as he rested against him. "I haven't seen a movie in years. Shinji, this is wonderful."
"Yeah it is." He told her as he put his arm around her, then he looked over at her stomach that was now starting to show and he smiled as he rested his hand over her stomach while he held her.
While the weather became chillier, Asuka watched her belly grow.
One day as she stood by the window and looked at her large stomach, rubbing it, he came over to her and stood behind her. He put his arms around her and then lightly kissed her neck. "What are you thinking about?" he asked her softly as he held her.
"That I am a fat ass cow." She said through a giggle as she rubbed her stomach.
Shinji chuckled. "No you aren't." he told her with a smile. "You're having my baby. You're beautiful." He moved his hand across her large stomach and smiled, as he kissed her neck and shoulder. "You're stunning and so beautiful. I don't think I've ever seen you so beautiful as you are now."
Asuka giggled and blushed as she heard him. "How can you think that? Look at me! I'm huge."
"You're having our baby." He said to her as he turned to her with a smile.
"Idiot." Asuka said with a laugh.
He smirked and continued to rub his hand across her stomach and then his eyes widened. "What the…."
Asuka giggled as she felt it too. "Did you feel that?"
"Yeah!" he said as he knelt down in front of her and put his ear to her stomach. "Wow." He said happily. "The baby…. it…IT KICKED!"
"Uh…yeah they do that." Asuka said as she ran her fingers through his hair.
He listened again and then he felt it again and smiled. "Wow." He said with a smile as he stood up and looked at her. "I felt it again! I think it knows."
"Knows what?" Asuka asked.
"That I am its Dad." Shinji told her. "It kicked when it heard…. my voice. Wait! Whoa!…. There it is again…it does know, Asuka! The baby knows!"
"I think it knows too." She told him. "You're happy aren't you? You want this don't you?"
Shinji smiled at her and nodded his head. "More then you could ever know. I can't wait until it gets here. I am so excited. This is like…nothing I could have ever expected. Its funny, Asuka, I was so damned scared when you first told me but, I just want it to be here now. I want to know…. " He said as he rubbed his hand across her stomach. "I can't wait to hold it and play with it and show it everything…I just can't wait! I just…. I want to know what it is to be a father…."
Asuka smiled at him and then said. "You all ready do."
He smiled at her as he looked up at her and then he stood up and looked into her face, smiling as he still had his hand on her stomach.
"Shinji," Asuka said as she breathed in. ", I want to tell you something."
He looked into her eyes and saw her smiling at him. She gently covered her hand over his and then said. "I am so proud of you."
Shinji breathed in and smiled at her as she said it. "Honey…"
"No, I mean, I really am so proud of what you've become." Asuka whispered to him. "You're not like the way you used to be. You're so strong, so fearless, gentle, kind, loving."
"You gave me the strength I needed to change, Asuka." He told her gently. "All these years, you've been helping me in more ways then you count."
"I love you so much, Shinji." Asuka whispered.
"Honey, I love you too." He told her as he put his arms around her and held her to him.
Chapter 73
Asuka awoke to the sound of gunshots. Instantly, she sat up and grabbed her robe. She followed the sound and then looked out of the back window of her bedroom and there her eyes widened, as she couldn't believe what she saw.
Shinji was outside with his rifle.
He stood in his winter jacket, holding his rifle, aiming it at soup cans that he had perched along the fence.
Asuka watched as he fired, missed. Then, fired again and missed another can. She chuckled as she watched him curse over missing the can but saw him continue to try no matter how lousy he was.
Every morning, he practiced shooting cans. All though it seemed like he never improved, he continued to practice. As he continued to practice, he became more and more skilled. It had been quite a while since he had fired a gun.
At NERV, Shinji, Asuka and Rei had to undergo Basic Firearms Instruction. It was done so that they could operate the weaponry on the EVA unit. Shinji never liked it. Yet, he had also picked up on it fast and had gone through the course quickly. Asuka too had done well with it and gone through the course quickly. Rei too had advanced quickly.
In nearly four years time, neither him nor Asuka, had picked up a gun. Now four years later, he was holding in his hands a rifle. The purpose of this rifle was to protect his family and to provide for them if necessary. Soon as Shinji began to practice more and more, his firearms training from his days at NERV kicked in and he was shooting all of the cans with perfect aim.
Soon the fall crept away and the winter came and with the same harshness as it did the year before. Shinji worked hard on the house to make sure it was warm and the repairs were done to make it a sanctuary from the harsh cold and snow that fell.
His main goal was keeping his pregnant wife safe and secure. He would do whatever he had to do to make sure of that.
Yet even though the winter was harsh, and their food supply was getting to be low, Shinji took a deep breath as he made a decision. The snows prevented him from driving the truck into the town. So in order to have food for him and his wife, he made a decision to do something he swore he'd never do.
Asuka watched him load up the gun that morning, dress himself warmly and go out into the snow with the rifle slung over his shoulder.
When he returned an hour later, he bought home two dead rabbits.
The first time he had done it, had shocked her.
She had never believed Shinji had it within him to kill. That time with the wild bobcat thing, he had killed the animal in self-defense. As an Eva pilot, he had killed the "angels" but to actually kill a living creature, like the rabbit he bought home the first time, shocked her.
His response though was what she never expected him to say. "We need to survive. I need to provide for my family. I'll do what needs to be done."
Asuka had been proud of him.
Every night he also stuck to reading the same book about childbirth, reading it cover to cover, memorizing everything. When the time came, he would be ready.
She wasn't afraid with him preparing so much. True, she would have wished for a doctor and a hospital but she knew that with all the research Shinji was doing, she would be okay.
Another question came to Asuka's mind one night, while the two sat on the couch, reading together.
"Shinji?"
"Yeah, Hun?" he asked as he read the book.
"Shinji, have you ever thought that maybe…we aren't alone?"
Shinji turned to her and breathed in as he asked. "What are you getting at?"
"Shinji, I've been thinking lately like…animals survived Third Impact, right?"
"Yeah." He said.
"The only people so far have been you and me but what if elsewhere, there were people who survived Third Impact? Have you thought maybe some people might have been able to survive Third Impact? Maybe, Shinji, some people survived it too. Maybe we aren't alone, maybe we never have been. Maybe, we're not alone in the world."
Shinji's face then dropped to a frown as he slammed the book shut and got off the couch, going over to the window and standing in front of it, looking out as if he was looking for something.
"Shinji? What's the matter?" Asuka asked as she got up off the couch and went over to him.
"I don't' want other people to ruin our lives." Shinji said flatly. "I want this to be our home. I don't want anyone to ever come between us or our happiness."
Asuka looked at him with shock. "You wouldn't want to live in society again?" She asked. "You wouldn't want to be with other people?"
"Society is bullshit." Shinji said as he looked at her. "Society almost destroyed us. No, I'm done with society. I'm done with governments. I'm done with people. The only person I want is you. I want what we have. I would never trade it. Would you?"
Asuka looked into his face. She missed the comforts of their former lives. She missed television, stores, people, friends and every other accommodation with it but as she looked at him, she also would never trade her life with him for anything. "No." She said as she wrapped her arms around him. "Where you go is where I go, remember?"
"Society almost destroyed us, Asuka. SEELE tried to execute us. I hate society!" Shinji said as his face dropped into a scowl.
"Okay." She told him as she felt his arm come around her.
"We don't need them. We have each other. That's all we will ever need."
"I know, Shinji." Asuka said as she closed her eyes and looked out the window with him as they watched the snowfall.
"That's what you want too, isn't it? Just us?"
"Yeah." Asuka said as she looked at him. "Just us is fine."
Chapter 74
Shinji had been on top of the roof applying some patches to weak spots. It had been cold that day and snow was falling. Rather then have the house not be warm, he climbed up on the ladder and decided to fix the roof regardless.
"SHINJI!"
When he heard Asuka's cry from on top of the roof he all but jumped down from the roof. He ran into the house to find her on the couch, holding her stomach and in the center of the floor, he saw liquid, the hammer he had been holding dropped out of his hand, then he looked back to her and breathed heavy.
"Shinji…help?" Asuka asked.
Shinji's eyes went wide. He removed the gloves he had been wearing and stuffed them into the pocket of his jacket. He rushed over to her side and knelt beside her, taking her hand into his own. "Asuka, I'm here!"
"OH MY GOD…. THAT FUCKING HURTS!" Asuka cried out as she gripped his hand and squeezed with all of her might.
Shinji felt pain go through his right hand and looked into her face. He was afraid. He didn't know what to do, his body shook and then he heard her scream again as she gripped his hand tighter and made him call out in pain. I'm not ready for this, he thought to himself. I can't be a father. I can't be a husband. What was I thinking? I can't do this…. I can't…I'M still a kid…. I'm nineteen, almost twenty, and all ready a father and husband…. what the fuck was I thinking?
Asuka turned to him and looked at him with tears in her eyes, she said in a weak voice. "Shinji, I'm scared. Help me. Please, help me. I am so scared…please help me."
There were tears in her eyes and pain radiated on her face. Shinji looked into her eyes. He could see her shaking and sweat come down her face. He was scared too and then looking into her eyes, he began to find something within him. No. NO! I wont' run away! Enough of that! She needs me. She's scared and she needs me. I can't run. I'm not a boy anymore. I'm a man now. I have to be here for her. I have to. I am this child's father. I am her husband. She needs me. I have to be here. I won't run away. I can't. I love her too much; I have to get her through this. I'm not like my father. I will be better then him. I will act like a father should. I have to find my strength.
Shinji took a deep breath and clutched her hand tight. "Shh…." He looked at her, remembering every passage from the book on childbirth and smiled at her, lightly running his hand through her hair. He spoke to her gently but with confidence in his voice. "Don't be scared, Asuka. I'm here. I'm going to be right here. Listen to me; I'll get you through this. You are going to have to do a lot of work here but I'm going to help you. I'll be with you the whole time. I'll never leave your side." He gently kissed her on her forehead and then smiled back at her as he said gently. "When the pain hits, breathe and count. Never let go of my hand. I'm going to figure out how soon you are from delivering okay? When another contraction hits, we're gong to count together okay? Hang onto me. I'll keep you safe. Okay?"
Asuka nodded and then felt a pain hit. She breathed in, clutching onto Shinji's hand counting down and then breathed out. Shinji quickly looked at his watch.
"Did that help?" he asked as he unzipped his jacket and took it off.
"Yeah." She said as she nodded her head and closed her eyes.
"Okay." Shinji said as he rolled up his sleeves. ""Five minutes apart." He said nervously as he realized that she wasn't too far away from delivering.
Asuka nodded and then she felt another pain. She breathed out and screamed in pain, clutching onto Shinji's hand, squeezing as hard as she could.
"It's okay, Baby." He told her sweetly. "Hold onto me. I'm here for you."
"Shinji…. oh my God…. this hurts…so bad." She cried out as she held onto his hand.
"Can you get up? I want to get you to the bedroom, okay?"
"Okay." Asuka said as she sat up and he grabbed a hold of her and then gently but quickly took her into the bedroom and laid her down on the bed and then ran quickly to get towels and sheets.
"Shinji!" Asuka called out.
"I'm here!" He said as he ran to her side, throwing the towels and sheets on the bed. "I'm here, Honey." He whispered to her as he took her hand into his own and kneeled down by the bed.
"Honey, I'm so scared…"
"Don't be scared." He told her gently. "I'm going to be here the whole time. We're going to do this together. You can rely on me."
He sat beside her on the bed and looked into her eyes, as he held her hand and smiled at her.
He let go of her hand just for a minute to place towels and sheets underneath her and across her. He put pillows behind her so that she was comfortable and eased her pants off of her as he got ready for the next stage of their lives.
"This hurts!" Asuka cried out as she felt a contraction and squeezed her eyes shut. "Oh God, Honey, this hurts so bad!'
"Baby, its okay." He said to her with a firm but gentle voice. "We're going to do this together, okay?'
"Okay." She told him as she squeezed his hand
"I'll be here the whole time, Asuka. I won't leave you alone for a second. I'm going to help you do this. It's going to be hard though, okay?" he said to her gently.
Asuka nodded and smiled, then she gripped his hand tight and squeezed her eyes shut as she winced in pain "Shinji…oh fuck!" She yelled out as a pain hit her.
"Breathe, Asuka! C'mon, breathe with me." Shinji said as he felt pain go through his hand.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP! I KNOW!" Asuka growled.
"Asuka, listen to me! "Shinji said firmly. "Breathe! You can curse me at me all you want but breathe!"
"FINE!" Asuka yelled out and then she began to breathe.
Shinji watched her for about two hours as her pains became closer and closer together and then finally, she began to deliver.
"C'mon, Asuka." Shinji said to her gently. "Its time to push."
Screaming out in anguish, Asuka felt pain rip through her body and out of her mouth ran a series of profanities, all directed at Shinji. "Oh you mother fucking idiot bastard son of a bitch from Hell! Push, Asuka, push, and push! You fucking push!" Asuka screamed out. "You fucking are the cause of this! Shinji, I'm gonna beat your fucking ass!"
Shinji's eyes went wide as he felt pain come from his groin and he winced. "Asuka, honey! That hurts!" he said in a painful voice as she gripped his crotch and squeezed.
Then she leaned forward and said sadistically. "OH? Does it hurt? Good! Now you can feel pain, just like me!"
"But honey…I'm not…. trying to cause you pain!" Shinji said in anguish as he felt pain go through him as he looked at her face and squeezed his eyes shut..
"Oh? You may not be trying to cause me pain BUT YOU ARE THE FUCKING CAUSE OF IT! It was because of you, Shinji! You did it! You and your dick did it!" Asuka screamed out and then she said in an even more sadistic voice. "Hey, Shinji! Idiot, do you know what I'm gonna do to you? Do you want to know what I am going to do to you? DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?"
"Asuka, this really hurts." He said as he looked into her face. "Please stop."
"Oh does it hurt? Does it hurt, Shinji? Good! Then you can feel what I AM GOING THROUGH! YOU DID THIS TO ME, SHINJI and…. I'm gonna rip your dick right off of you!"
Shinji's eyes went wide as he looked into her face. "Asuka, calm down…"
"NO! NO!" Asuka said with an evil laugh. "I'm going to break right off of you, Shinji, so you can NEVER put me through this shit again!" Asuka laughed evilly and then said in a growl. "Oh you bastard! You are so dead after this! It's coming off, Shinji! RIGHT OFF! I am gonna rip your dick right off! We are never having sex ever again! Never, Shinji!"
Shinji swallowed hard as he looked at her and held onto her hand. "Uh…uh…. uh…its okay, Asuka. It's…its okay, honey…." Shinji said nervously in a high-pitched voice.
Then he heard her scream out horribly and looked at him with pleading eyes as she released her grip from his crotch.
Shinji took a deep breath as he felt her release her grip and then looked into her face.
"Oh God, Shinji! Oh my God, it hurts so bad!" She cried out as she grabbed onto his shirt.
Shinji held onto her hand. "Its okay." He told her as he kissed her forehead. "I'm right here. I love you and I'm right here."
"Shinji?" Asuka said while tears streamed down her cheeks. "Honey, I'm sorry I called you a mother fucking idiot bastard son of a bitch from Hell. I'm not going to break it off, I swear. I didn't mean what I said about never having sex again. I am so sorry I tried to hurt you… I'm just…. in so much PAIN!"
"Its okay, Baby. I know you hurt a lot. I'm here though. I'm right here. You can curse me as much as you feel like cursing me. I did do this after all." Shinji said with a laugh. "You can call me anything you want. I love you."
"I love you too…." She said gently and then she breathed in as she felt another pain and then she screamed out again and Shinji's eyes became wide as he looked down.
"Oh you are a fucking asshole!" Asuka screamed as she felt pain rip through her and she bore down. "This is like pushing a bowling bowl out through the size of a fucking lemon!"
Shinji looked back at her and then he quickly did what he needed to do to help her as he watched with wide eyes and had fear run through him like never before.
"Oh my God, Shinji! It hurts! This hurts so bad!" She cried out.
"Its okay, Asuka." Shinji said as he breathed heavy. "Let's do this together. Breathe and push okay?"
Asuka nodded and then bore down with all of her might as Shinji watched his baby start to be born. A small head emerged and his eyes went wide and his body shook as he was amazed by what he saw. He was also terrified and felt like he was going to pee his pants.
"Whoa…"Shinji said under his breath as he swallowed and was in awe of what he saw. Sweat poured down his face as he watched with wide eyes.
"Oh fuck, Shinji!" She cried out in pain. "This hurts so bad…I'm scared, Shinji."
"I'm here." He told her. "Asuka, I'm scared too but I'm not going to let the fear take over me. I'm the father and I'm going to act like a father. I am going to protect you and take care of you and I'm going to get you through this but you have to work with me!"
"GO TO HELL!" Asuka growled. "YOU DO IT! I QUIT! I'M NOT DOING IT ANYMORE!"
"No, Asuka!" Shinji told her firmly. "You can't fail on me! You push this baby out, Asuka! You have to work hard here and then after this is done, you can beat my ass." He said with a smile as he looked at her.
Asuka smirked and then nodded her head. "Okay." She said as she reached for his hand.
"C'mon now." Shinji said as he held her hand. "Let's do this! Asuka, push, c'mon. I see the head. C'mon, Asuka."
Asuka nodded and then bore down, sweat came off of her and she pushed hard. Then she took deep breaths and looked back at Shinji with anger. "Shinji?" she growled. "IDIOT!"
"Push, Asuka! C'mon, PUSH!" he said in a loud voice.
"FUCCCCCCKKKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUU!" Asuka screamed.
"One more push, Asuka and we'll have our baby. C'mon, Asuka. Push. One more. Now!"
"FUCK YOU! I AM DONE PUSHING! THIS IS YOUR GODDAMNED FAULT, SHINJI! YOU DID THIS YOU FUCKING IDIOT!" Asuka yelled out.
"Asuka, push!" Shinji pleaded. "You have to!"
"Fuck off!" Asuka growled as she breathed out and laid back saying in a tired voice..."I can't…. I don't want to…. I'm too tired…."
She did not move then Shinji said gently. "Look at me, Asuka. Look into my eyes. Look into my eyes…. and use my strength…push, Asuka. You have to!"
"I can't, Shinji." Asuka said as she breathed heavy. "I don't have any more…strength."
"Yes, you can!" he told her. "You have to, Asuka! You look into my eyes, Asuka. Let me be your strength. Use my strength, Asuka. Look at me."
. "Shinji…"
"ASUKA!" Shinji called out loudly and firmly. "LOOK AT ME! YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT ME, ASUKA!" Shinji breathed in and then said gently. "Look into my eyes, Asuka." He whispered to her. "My strength is yours. Use my strength."
Asuka raised her head and then looked deep into his eyes and she saw the comfort and the love she had always seen.
She found her strength as she breathed in and then pushed with all of her might, never breaking eye contact between her and Shinji.
"Shin…. ji!…" Asuka called out. "You…idiot!"
"Look at me." Shinji said to her gently. "Look in my eyes. Take a breath. Now, release and push! Concentrate. Push, Asuka. Push!"
She reached for his hand, squeezed and then screamed out in agony as she bore down. 'SHINJI!"
Shinji breathed in as he looked down. .
His eyes went wide as he felt a new life come into his hands from Asuka and he couldn't believe it.
His mouth dropped open and he breathed in as he laughed loudly.
Asuka breathed out and lay down on the bed; she was covered in sweat and breathed heavy. "Shinji?" She asked in a tired voice as she closed her eyes. "Is it over now?"
"Oh my God." Shinji said as he looked down and felt a tear roll out of his eye. "Oh my God Asuka!" he said tearfully as he looked at her with a wide smile and then back down at the baby in his hands with tears running down his cheeks. "Asuka, " he said to her as a tear rolled down his face. ", we have a…a girl."
"A girl?" Asuka's eyes opened slowly as she raised herself up on her elbows with a smile.
Shinji nodded and then looked down at his baby daughter and cried. "Asuka, she's beautiful."
Asuka then smiled widely as she heard a sound that was the most beautiful and softest sound she had ever heard before. It was a soft but strong cry. She couldn't believe it herself. "Shinji? Let me see, Shinji?" Asuka asked.
Shinji nodded his head. He raised the baby up to show his wife.
Asuka's eyes softened and tears rolled out of them as she smiled and looked back at him. "Our baby?" She asked.
Shinji nodded at Asuka as he looked back at the tiny baby in his hands. .
"Can I hold her?" Asuka asked.
"Okay. Let me just clean her up a bit, okay?"
Asuka nodded and watched while he cleaned up the baby and then wrapped her up in a small blanket.
Shinji walked over to her and then handed the baby to Asuka. Asuka smiled from ear to ear when she saw the baby and began to cry.
"Shinji, our baby is here." She said happily as she held the tiny baby in her arms.
"I know." Shinji said to her as he knelt down by the bed and looked on with her. "Isn't she great?" he asked as he looked at his new daughter and wiped a tear from his eye.
Shinji laughed and smiled widely, he said to her with pride in his voice. "I've never been so happy before." He looked back to Asuka and then wiping another tear away from his eye he said to her. "I love you so much. You did so well."
Asuka smiled as she looked at her child. "Shinji, she's beautiful." She felt tears form in her eyes as she felt a love in her heart that she had never known before. "Shinji…. she's so beautiful. I can't believe this is what we made together…." She looked up into his eyes and then said gently as she touched his cheek. "Shinji, all that pain was worth it. I love you, Shinji."
Shinji smiled and held onto her hand, he gently kissed her lips and smiled back at her. He looked at his child and smiled. "She's so little. She looks…. just like you. She's beautiful." He told her as he kissed her gently as the two of them looked at their new baby. "What should we call her?" Shinji asked.
"I was thinking of a name that I think is a good one for this particular time."
"What?" Shinji asked her.
"You said something to me once about a hope for the future. Hope." Asuka whispered. "We could call her Hope. Our hope for the future."
"Yeah. I like it." Shinji said. "Hope Ikari. It works. Okay. Her name is Hope."
Asuka looked at her daughter and smiled as she breathed out. "Welcome home, Hope." Asuka smiled and laughed as she held her baby and Shinji looked on with her as the two of them were amazed by what had just come into their lives.
"I'm a father now." Shinji said as he looked at his daughter and smiled.
"Yes you are." Asuka said to him with a smile.
He looked back at her and sat up on the bed with his wife and new baby daughter. He put his arm around Asuka and gently, stroked the top of the tiny baby's head. He breathed in as he put his head against Asuka's and chuckled as he watched over his wife and child. "It's so funny."
"What is?" Asuka said as she looked at him.
"How something so small could be something I was so afraid of." Shinji smirked as he looked at her. "Looking at her now, all I want to do is protect her, love her, make her happy and be the best Dad I can be."
"You all ready are." Asuka said to him gently with a smile. "I've seen you risk your life for me and face danger head on but what you did today, I don't think I've ever seen a more braver man then you were. You are a great father, Shinji. You will continue to be."
He smiled at her and breathed in as a tear rolled out of his eye. "I will do my best." He said to her.
Asuka smiled as she looked at the child and then said. "I hope that I can be a great mom to her. I really want to be a good mother."
"You are." He told her. "Asuka, we've got a lot to learn and Hope will teach us. We'll be fine and we'll teach her well. We'll make her a happy little girl." He said with a smile.
"I love you." Asuka said to him.
As he looked at her he kissed her lips tenderly and then whispered. "I love you both so much. I'll spend my life making you both happy."
Chapter 75
Now that they were parents, Shinji and Asuka's lives changed dramatically however, they discovered that they both loved it.
Asuka had never seen a man more in love with his child then Shinji was. When he held his daughter and played with her and made her smile, there was a love that was unmatched to anything she had ever seen before.
She too loved being a mother. When she was with her baby, she wanted to protect her and keep her safe with all of her might.
When the two of them put her to bed at night, they felt so much pride as they watched their baby grow from day to day.
Asuka never knew what it was to really be a mother until the day that Hope arrived. Every morning when she would hear her cry, Asuka would hold her and listen to her baby coo. Shinji would stand by the door and watch with a smile and then shortly after come over to them both.
Asuka felt a very special bond between her and her daughter and she had never known anything like it before. She was amazed still every time she looked at her that this was something that her and Shinji created together. It amazed her.
The love between Shinji and Asuka grew deeper. All though they had a child, their passion and love for one another never diminished. As time went on, it seemed to get even hotter and better.
Time went on and as Shinji and Asuka watched Hope grow, they saw a happy, smiling, laughing, smart toddler emerge.
Asuka couldn't believe the amount of love she had for this tiny little person who, as time went on exhibited both traits from her mother and her father.
It was truly a happy time for them as they watched their daughter grow. Shinji was so proud of her when she first began to talk and uttered her first word. Asuka was ecstatic as well.
Then as Hope began to take her first steps both parents felt so much pride over their little one's accomplishments.
They loved playing with their little girl and teaching her new things and Asuka felt so much joy in her life. It was odd. The world had basically ended and here with only the three of them, they were starting over.
In Hope they could their love for one another and their happiness. Hope was a very happy child. She was active like her mother and feisty with a little bit of a temper. She could also be mellow and gentle like her father.
Never in their entire lives had Asuka nor Shinji felt so much love or joy.
As they were outside one beautiful spring afternoon, Shinji had Hope on his shoulders and he was pointing to objects and chuckled as Hope repeated what he said.
"Big Tree." Shinji said to his daughter.
"Big Tree." Hope repeated.
"Bird." Shinji said as he pointed to a bird flying over them.
"Birdie." Hope said. "That's the grass, Daddy!" Hope said as she pointed to the ground.
"That's right, honey." Shinji told her as they continued to walk together and then Hope smiled and laughed as she pointed to Asuka.
"Mommy."
"Yes." Shinji said with a smile as he looked at Asuka. "Mommy."
As Asuka watched her family she smiled as a thought came across her head, and as she continued to walk with them, holding onto her husband's arm she looked over at him and smiled. He took a deep breath as he walked with them. This was like nothing he or she could have ever imagined.
He looked back to her and smiled back.
Chapter 76
It was about a month later after that day, Asuka had settled into bed, she was wearing her nightgown, reading a book. Shinji came into the room a few minutes later and he smiled as he looked at her.
"Is she asleep?" Asuka asked.
"Yup." Shinji said as he began to unbutton his shirt.
"Rabbit and Hen book?" Asuka asked.
"Works like a charm." He said with a grin. "She's out like a light."
"Always does." She replied as she put the book away and grinned at him.
He caught the grin and smiled back at her.
Asuka knew what he wanted. It was so obvious. She closed her book and put it away. She watched while he finished taking off his shirt and then his pants. He smiled at her as he sat down on the bed and then removed his underwear and lifted up the covers.
She turned to him and then felt him put his arm around her and kiss her. As she looked back into his face, she smiled at him and said. "Shinji, there's something I need to tell you."
He looked at her strangely. "What's the matter?"
"Nothing. Nothing is wrong at all." Asuka smiled at him and rubbed his chest saying softly. "Do you like being a father?"
He chuckled at her and then said. "What kind of question is that? Of course, I do. I love being a father. What's up with you, Asuka?"
"Shinji, I'm pregnant." She said to him with a smile.
He smiled at her and looked into her eyes. "Another baby?"
"Yeah." She said with a smile. "Another baby, Shinji."
"Really?" he asked her.
"Yeah. How do you feel about that? I mean I know last time it was tough and this time might be tough too. Are you okay with that?"
He held her hand and kissed it as he looked back into her eyes and then whispered. "I would love to have another child, Asuka."
"You really would?" Asuka asked.
He smiled at her and nodded. "Yeah. I think it would be fantastic to give Hope a little brother or sister to play with. I've been thinking that…. I want a lot of children. Hope's given me so much. I've found that being a Dad is something that makes my life really different and good. You make me feel whole, a family just makes everything fit good. I love being a father and your husband. I love our family.."
"You're really happy, aren't you?" She said with a smile.
"Asuka, my life is so full and rich. I have you and Hope and now, we're going to have another child and I can't wait. That life we left behind us seems so long ago. I don't feel like that anymore. I feel so strong now and so much more then what I was. You did that to me. Hope did that to me. Asuka, I am so happy right now." He told her with a chuckle as a tear ran out of his eye. "Asuka, this is what our life was meant to be. Our lives are so good and wonderful. It's like a slice of heaven, Asuka"
Asuka smiled back at him and sniffled as she said. "I love you so much."
"I love you with everything I am." He told her as he moved closer to her and kissed her. Looking back into her face, he kissed her again and then slowly turned her over onto her back where he lifted the nightgown over her head and smiled back to her as they made love.
They felt nothing could ever destroy their happiness
…. They were wrong.