Again, I write that the last chapter was mostly a flashback of Helga and Brainy's relationship. It was supposed to explain more behind how and why they got together. Notice in the flashback in the last chapter I did not explain a lot on Helga's emotions because it was Brainy's dream. So, he was describing how he remembered it. Moving on, this chapter has more things to do with Helga and Arnold in the present. Enjoy! P.S. The reason I am updating so fast is becasue I know the next chapter will take some time to write.
Disclaimer: I do not own Hey Arnold!
Thanks to all those who have reviewed:
J.T. – Thank you so much. :) That brought such a smile to my face after I read your review. I really appreciate all those comments. I'm so ecstatic you could see the growth and changes in my writing. I was actually a little worried when I posted that chapter. I hope you like this chapter just as much. I'm definitely working on everything that you told me before. P.S. Was that the first time you were left speechless? =)
Hazy- Thank you. I'm glad you think so. I hope to continue making each chapter better than the last from now on. :)
Estel fuga- I was wondering what happened to you. Oh well, I'm glad you're back. :) Just remember that everything that happened with Brainy and Helga was a dream. This story is just one that you really have to think about because the relationships between the characters are complicated. I'm glad to see I made you think. I don't want to give anything away, but you're right about Helga. I just didn't say that in the story. Trust me, I know what you mean. That was what I was thinking as I wrote this chapter. Helga wants love where ever she can find it. You're right about everything that you said of being in love. I might go into more depth with that in the next few chapters. I have not decided to have Helga end up with Brainy or Arnold. I'm still working on that. I probably won't decide that until the very last chapter of the story. :) Thank you so much for the insightful review and I hope to read more of your story soon.
KrystalNeko- Thank you for noting that out. :) I think I clarified that in my author's note above. Your welcome for that, but I love to do it. Being an author, I can be extremely biased with my work so I need to hear those suggestions. I'm so happy you saw the improvement. I really tried to use the last chapter to practice with some of your suggestions as well. I hope you enjoy this chapter and thanks for reviewing. :)
Ms Frosty- Thank you! I'm glad you caught that whole dream sequence. Next time, I will make sure I clarify it better. Yeah, I have so much fun doing Brainy because it's like creating a whole new side to him that is not seen on the show. I think him and Helga are really cute together. Aw, thank you so much. I'm glad you think so. :)
RuffMaster- LOL. I didn't understand that either. I thought I did too, but I guess not. Thank you, I'm so glad you think so. :) Yeah, I was a tad worried about the length of that chapter, so thanks for the reassurance. And I promise when your next chapter is uploaded I will review it. Thanks for reviewing and you have a good day too! :)
Chapter 17: Damaged Judgment
From Helga's house, Arnold treaded home in a despaired state. It was not just despair that plagued him, now jealously had situated itself within his soul. He had offered Helga every possible opportunity for her to love him, but she had not taken advantage of any. Arnold did not understand. What did Helga see in Brainy? Brainy seemed no more special than any other guy, in fact, to Arnold, Brainy should not have been even competing with him for Helga's heart. Immediately, Arnold ordered himself to stop thinking such thoughts. Jealousy had begun to get the best of him.
"C'mon Arnold, don't let this happen to you. Think positive. Maybe things will change tomorrow," Arnold muttered, but he knew it would not change the feelings he possessed towards Brainy.
Letting out a deep breath, Arnold saw the coldness escape from him. Evening was arriving quickly causing the cold day to become colder. He needed to hurry if he did not want his limbs to grow numb.
After Arnold left, Helga waited in the living room not comprehending that nothing was left for her to wait for. She had lied to the love of her life reasoning that she needed to figure out the conflicts that arose within her. Those were the conflicts that kept her from committing, the conflicts that caused her to feel so disarrayed. Confusion of herself caused her to suffer so much more than she had to. If she could just figure out what caused her to feel so confound, then maybe she could find the solution to all her problems. Crimeny! Why can't things just be ea-
"Helga! I'm home!" Her mother's drunken voice snapped Helga from her thoughts.
"Thanks for the notification, Miriam," Helga responded sarcastically. She looked to the cat shaped clock hanging crooked on the wall to see six o' clock was approaching.
Through the opening of the living room walked in Miriam carrying a small briefcase tucked under her right arm. Once Helga had entered junior high, Miriam had found a job as a secretary at Bob Pataki's beeper business. Even with this new occupation, Miriam had not chosen to become sober; for she would never be able to do so until she discovered the peace within her family.
"How was your day, hon'?" Miriam slurred, collapsing on to the couch that sat near the doorway of the kitchen.
"Peachy, just peachy," Helga retorted. She did not bother to face her mother as she answered.
"Oh," Miriam yawned, oblivious to the scorn in her daughter's voice, "I'm so tired."
"I'll be in my room," Helga announced as she walked to the staircase, "Yell at me when dinner's ready." Helga chuckled slightly to herself at that ironic request. She knew Miriam would never fix dinner, but still, it did not stop Helga from pretending she had a happy family life.
"'Kay, hon'," Miriam answered, "Maybe we can talk later on…"
"Sure, whatever, Miriam," Helga grumbled, irritated, as she ran up the stairs to her room.
Opening his front door slowly, Arnold stepped aside to allow the rambunctious herd of felines to charge out of the boarding house. Arnold smiled as he watched his aged pig, Abner, chase steadily after the cats. Shaking his head, Arnold stepped inside and closed the door behind him. His nostrils flared with the familiar aroma of beef which drifted throughout the entrance.
"Come an' get it!" his grandmother hollered from the dining room. After her saying that, Arnold heeded the sound of a cowbell echoing throughout the boarding house's corridors. Instantly, down the stairs a bustle of tenants came rushing, pushing at one another in a competitive race to see who would arrive at dinner first.
"Here we go again," Arnold sighed. He did not want to eat. He wanted to be alone, away from the lies he had been told, but he could not ignore his stomach's chanting of hunger any longer. In a positive thought, maybe it would take his mind from lingering on Helga. Unhurried, he followed the hustle into the dining room. When he arrived, all the tenants had settled into their seats around a large, rectangular table. At one end sat Arnold's grandfather, Phil, and at the other end stood Arnold's grandmother, Gertie, serving beef and beans to the tenants.
"Howdy, cowboy," his grandmother greeted using her free hand to tip her oversized, western hat at Arnold, "Come an' wrangle up a seat."
Without answering, Arnold walked to a chair beside his grandfather and situated himself.
"No raspberries tonight, shortman," Phil whispered to Arnold and then chortled to himself. Then, he moved his attention to Gertie, who was now serving Ernie Potts, "Pookie, hurry up, my bones are growing weak I'm so hungry!"
"Hold your cattle, sheriff! I'll be over yonder sooner than a full moon rises," she answered as she spooned a cup of beans on to Ernie's plate.
"Yeah, grandpa, she's serving me next," Oskar Kokoshka laughed, pointing to his empty plate.
"Kokoshka, shut your mouth and for the last time don't call me grandpa!" Phil chastised, standing from his wooden chair to point his fury towards the bearded man who sunk cowardly in his chair. After regaining some composure, Phil sat down with a rather disgruntled expression fixed on to his face.
Remaining quiet, Arnold lifted his fork and began tapping it lightly on the drinking glass set before him. Even though he endured extreme exasperation towards the constant bickering of these people who sat around him, Arnold appreciated that they were there. They were his family, even though an odd one at that. Without their unusual behavior, meaningless boredom would inhabit his life. And just like Helga, they each had captured a special place in his heart. Now, he felt welcome for their presence around him because at the moment they distracted his thoughts from tracing back to Helga.
Dinner passed quickly for Arnold with the meal satisfying his stomach triumphantly. Not once did he join in to the conversation going on between the members of his family because he had not had much to speak about. But he still experienced an enjoyable time just listening to them talk of their stressful days. At the awkward pauses when no one talked because of the food piled in their mouths Arnold's thoughts reluctantly returned to Helga. Then, someone would fortunately interrupt and Arnold would reinsert his focus gratefully back to the pleasant atmosphere of his family arguing with one another.
After finishing their meals, all the tenants hurried out of the room, not wanting to be chosen for their aid in helping Gertie clear the table. Fortunate for her, Arnold stayed behind with Phil who patted his stomach happily.
"Pookie, you outdid yourself. I haven't had such a good meal since…since," Phil put his finger to his distinct chin thoughtfully, "since, oh yes, since I was a little boy and my mother cooked for me. Those were such good days."
"Well partner, them berries add a mighty good bastin' to the beef," Gertie answered as she hoisted a large pot from the table.
"Berries?!" Phil whined, suddenly clutching his stomach in pain, "Aww Pooky! You said you wouldn't put berries in it."
Arnold grinned to himself at the familiar scene acting out. His grandfather rose from his chair, knocking it backwards, and as he ran speedily from the room he hollered back to them, "I'll be in my office!"
"What a pixie fly," Gertie muttered as she returned to the dining room from the adjoining kitchen.
Shaking his head, Arnold raised another plate into his arms. Even with their constant spats, he understood the powerful love between his grandparents. They were each others' moving force in life and neither could live without the other. In the journey called life they were each other's soul mate. Sighing, Arnold thought of Helga at the words soul and mate. How he loved her and yet she was so difficult towards him to the point he was stiff with hatred at her. That did not matter because the fact still remained that he loved her. And she lov-.
"A cacti done pricked your tongue, cowboy?"
"What?" Arnold looked towards his grandma who stood in the doorway connecting the dining room to the kitchen, holding a rope in her left hand. She appeared quite strange dressed in her western clothes as she waited for him to respond. Consisting with a checkered print, her long sleeved shirt was buttoned to her wrinkled neck. On her bottom half, she wore a brown skirt that just barely graced the wood floor as she walked in her decorated, leather boots. And beheld across her face was a large, toothless grin. For an old woman her eyes showed vivid with the vitality of life such as a young person would possess.
"No, grandma. I was just thinking," Arnold said, walking past her into the fluorescent kitchen, still grasping a dirty plate.
"Been ponderin' the stars?" Gertie asked, her southern accent growing thicker.
"I don't think so, Grandma. It's too difficult to explain." Placing the plate into the stacked sink, Arnold switched on the water and began to wash the dishes.
"Try me, partner." Gertie walked to the kitchen table and lassoed up a chair.
Arnold breathed in deeply, deciding whether or not to confide in her. What could it hurt? It was not as if preserving this secret was helping him. If anything, it was tearing at him harder. At the slightest possibility, she could possibly supply unto him a solution. Stopping the water, Arnold turned to confront his grandmother. He did not know how to start.
"You see, I, well, yeah, I, no, hold on," Arnold attempted, but his grandmother cut him off.
"It wouldn't happen to be a young cowgirl that's a got you all a flutter, is it?"
"How did you know?" Arnold wondered. How did that come out so easily?
"Us a cattle folk just got a good ear, ya see," she replied, pointing to her hearing aid.
"Oh."
"Aren't ya gonna give a tale as to what the problem is?"
"The problem is I don't know what the problem is. Everything had been going perfect with me and Hel-, her, until another guy came," Arnold said, remembering the whole incident. His eyes stung at the thought of rejection.
"Ah, I see's your point," Gertie said, "Another cowboy came an' stole your little lady."
"Yeah," Arnold replied. He pulled up a chair to sit beside the ancient woman, in hopes it would assist her in instilling him with an answer to his problems.
"So, what do I do, Grandma?"
"This is a darn good toughie, cowboy," she answered, resting her head on her hand.
"Yeah, I know," Arnold responded, mocking her action.
"If it twas a me, I go an' get my shotgun an'- "
"No grandma," Arnold answered, cutting her off quickly.
"Well, okay, now, dun go an' git your horse tail all in a twirl. Just a thought," she explained, moving her hand to her cheek, "Do ya love her?"
"Uh-huh."
"Does she a love ya, too?"
" I don't know. One day it seems as if she does and the next…," Arnold allowed himself to trail off. He had not wanted to finish, it would only be admitting the truth he had not yet prepared himself to encounter.
"I'm a gonna tell ya somethin', but ya goin' to have a cow for me sayin' it," Grandma informed, pushing her chair over the linoleum floor to face him directly.
"I could use any advice right now, Grandma. What is it?"
Arnold observed as his grandmother swapped at a fly resting on the table. Then, she wiped the dead insect's remains on her skirt.
"Grandma?" Arnold eyed her suspiciously.
"Sor'y, just got plum distracted. Them pesky varmints are a crawlin' everywhere. What were we a talkin' about?"
"You were just about to give me advice about a girl?"
"Oh yes, what I was a goin' to say is that ya jus' got to give 'er some time. She'll a come aroun' if she knows what's a good for 'er."
"But, what about the other guy?"
"Jus' forget 'im. If she done love ya then she'll a have to come aroun'."
"You're right. I didn't like hearing that," Arnold responded. In the depths of his mind, he knew she was right. All along he should have waited for Helga. But, of course, he had proven too impatient, and had impelled things to act between them too fast. Oh, I've been so stupid.
"I done told ya that, but it's the truth," she confirmed.
"I know, I know, Grandma," Arnold agreed, rising from his chair to finish the dishes, but his grandmother blocked him.
"Why don't ya jus' go an' mosy along. I'll finish up in 'ere."
"Are you sure? I really don't-"
"Yee-haw, I'm a sure, now scoot before I go an' change my mind."
"Thanks, Grandma," Arnold replied, giving her a quick hug to express his gratitude, "I'll be in my room." After releasing her, he began walking from the room when his grandmother stopped him again.
"Arnold," she called, setting her lasso on the table. No longer did her voice possess a southern drawl, but now it was her own.
Turning, Arnold looked at her incredulously. Hardly, did his grandmother ever act normal.
"It will be okay," she ended, showing encouragement in her suddenly tired, grey eyes.
"Thanks," Arnold answered, a genuine smile spreading across his face. Before she could reply with another remark, Arnold walked from the kitchen and ran up two flights of stairs, shutting his bedroom door behind him.
Helga fell exhausted against the comfort of her bed. The bed feels so good. If she could just fall asleep, then maybe…But no, she had to stay awake. Sleep would not solve her problems. It would just be a hideaway. Still, the pink sheets did offer the warmth that she so longingly desired. Yawning, Helga pressed her head against the laced pillow, slowly allowing…
"C'mon, Helga, wake up," she ordered herself abruptly. After shaking her head, she slapped her cheek softly, "There, that should do it."
Dragging her body to sit straight, she decided to call Phoebe. Desperately, she needed someone to confide in, to take her mind away from the splendor of sleep. And Phoebe appeared as the best candidate. Hastily, she elevated the cordless phone resting upon the nightstand beside the bed to her ear after dialing in a number.
"C'mon Pheebs, answer the phone already," Helga instructed as she listened to a second ring. Finally, after a lengthy five rings a hushed voice greeted from the opposite line.
"Hyerdahl residence, Phoebe speaking."
"Jeesh, Pheebs, could you have picked up any faster?" Helga responded, coiling the telephone cord around her finger.
"Oh, greetings, Helga. I'm glad to hear from you. I've been meaning to ask you about something."
"Great Pheebs, I wanted to talk to you, too," Helga said, untwisting the cord from her finger and bringing her head to lie against her pillow again.
"Well, proceed, then," Phoebe replied.
"No, never mind, I don't feel like talking about it anymore."
"Does it regard something at school?"
"No, now get off my back Pheebs. I changed my mind. Maybe, I'll tell you about it later," Helga cried in exasperation. She definitely did not want to be forced into conveying her most intimate emotions to anyone, not even her best friend.
"I apologize, Helga," Phoebe whispered into the phone. Worrying thoughts for Helga came to Phoebe. There is nothing Helga can not trust me with. What could possibly be troubling her? I wonder if it involves Brainy. Phoebe had no reason to think of Arnold; Helga had never told Phoebe of her returned emotions for him. Whenever Helga had begun dating Brainy, Phoebe had concluded that Helga had grown out of her foolish, childhood crush for Arnold.
"Forget it, Pheebs."
"Forgetting," Phoebe chimed happily. It was necessary that she get on Helga's good side if she was to discover what was wrong.
"Now, what did you wanna ask me about?"
"Um, I was quite concerned over your actions this morning. You appeared aloof," Phoebe spoke, squeezing her eyes in anticipation for Helga's response. It frightened her to heed it. Helga might think she was just trying to be a nuisance, rather than propitious.
"Oh Phoebe, it's horrible. My whole life is over," Helga cried into the phone. She had not wanted to expose herself so fast, but her emotions had seized her in the moment.
"What's horrible, Helga?" Phoebe inquired, concerned as she listened to the muffled sobs escaping from the telephone. Oh my goodness. This is serious. Why, Helga hardly ever cries.
Continuing to cry, Helga retold Phoebe of all the events that had partaken in the day. From the threatening morning with Brainy to the passionate kiss with Arnold, crying harder at the more difficult details.
"Oh, Helga, I had no idea," Phoebe responded when Helga finished.
"There's no way you could have," Helga said, her tears relenting.
"Your feelings have returned for Arnold, I propose then?"
"They never left, Pheebs. It doesn't matter anyway. I've ruined everything," Helga replied, frustration claiming her tone.
"On what evidence do you conclude you have ruined everything?" Phoebe asked, the concern in her voice escalating to a level of anxiety for her friend.
"Because Phoebe, I told Arnold I didn't love him, when I'm sure I do," Helga gasped, the tears regaining momentum.
"Then, why did you not tell him that?"
"Because…"
"Because why?" Phoebe countered. This is not at all like Helga. Usually, she is so straight forward.
"Because, oh, I don't know," Helga sighed, her tears gradually coming to an end.
"You can tell me, Helga."
"Phoebe, I really don't know. I would say it's because of Brainy, but it isn't," Helga paused, "Well, maybe it is."
"Is it?"
"Not really, I think it's just me," Helga explained. Confusion was overtaking her system. She could not even think for herself anymore.
"What are your feelings toward Arnold?" Phoebe inquired after a long silence.
"I already told you I love him, but he probably hates me now," Helga informed. It hurt her to think that Arnold could hate her when she felt such an overwhelming love for him.
"This is quite a perplexing situation, Helga."
"I know," Helga stifled, "but the question is 'what do I do'?"
"I advise you to wait. If he honestly exhibits love for you he'll return," Phoebe told her.
"What about Brainy?"
"You'll have to converse with him. How? I do not know, but somehow you'll have to." Weariness filled Phoebe. Her intelligence was failing her because even she could not simplify the difficult concept of love.
"He won't talk to me," Helga answered, placing her hand to her forehead.
"You have to make an attempt," Phoebe replied.
"Okay, I gotta go," Helga said. Listening to the truth was becoming such an overbearing task for Helga she needed to rest. Moving her finger to click the phone off, Phoebe's small voice intervened.
"Helga," she said, encouragement sifting into her voice, "Everything will be okay."
Helga smiled, "Thanks, Pheebs." Then, she turned the phone off before Phoebe could reply.
Author's Note: Okay, what do you think? Give me your comments, criticism, etc. Thanks for reading. If you have questions you can email me or ask me them in your review.