I just wish she'd understand. Inuyasha pushed himself up from the ground cursing his inability to explain himself.
"Why do you always go running off to see her? It's as if I don't exist when she's around, it's like you forget all about me! And after everything that's happened between us, you still can't get over it. Kikyo's dead, Inuyasha, why can't you just accept it and let her go?" her voice got painfully quiet. "Why aren't I enough for you?"
He wanted to answer her questions, he knew she deserved to know the reasons for his actions, but he could never find the words. It was too hard to show her that dark place in his heart.
I just wish she'd understand.
Things would be different if she could just understand. He wouldn't be here, brushing dirt off his haori, watching her eyes burn, hating himself for what he couldn't control, hating himself for hurting her so much. If only she could miraculously understand, if it just suddenly fell into her from the heavens, perhaps they'd both find some sense of peace. Perhaps she'd forgive him for all he could not give her.
They weren't expecting the attack at dawn. The swarm of formidable youkai caught them off their guard. They were flustered, and they became sloppy. So sloppy that he got separated from her in the fray. It took far too long to find her again; by the time he caught her scent, it was mingled with blood of the wolf prince.
"Kouga-kun, please stay awake," she knelt next to his mangled body, her face white with terror. "We have to take you back to the village, Kaede will be able to treat your-"
Kouga chuckled and choked. He glanced down at the gaping hole in his chest. "I'm afraid it's too late, Kagome, I think I'm a goner." He flashed her a reassuring smile before groping feebly around for her hand. "But at least I showed that bastard youkai what's what, huh? I really gave it to him good, that's what he gets for messing with my woman."
"Oh Kouga," her voice quivered as tears fell into their joined hands, "I'm so sorry," With his last bit of strength he touched her wet face, wiping it dry with his fingertips.
"At least I protected you," he whispered hoarsely, "Knowing that you're safe...I can die happy." He closed his eyes and didn't hear her cry.
Days passed, then weeks, and Kagome stopped sleeping. She stopped smiling, she almost stopped talking altogether. They always found her staring into space, looking haunted and indisputably lost. He finally had enough.
"This needs to stop." Inuyasha sat beside her as she gazed blankly at the night sky. "You can't carry this around forever. Kouga died weeks ago, you can't still be this freaked out about it." She remained silent and motionless, and he cracked.
"Would you snap out of it?" he roughly grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her eyes to meet his. Hers were dull and lifeless.
"He died because of me," she whispered at last. "He loved me, and he died because of me. Don't you see Inuyasha, I think I get it now, I finally understand." She slowly stood, clutching her chest. "I now know what's in your heart, I can feel it too. I won't be able to let him go either." And as she drifted back to camp, he wished with all his might for her innocence.