Naruto: The kage consiparcy
Chapter 1:Ball Bats
Sakura waited at the Ichiraku ramen bar. Her cell had been asked by Kakashi to gather for a mission. As she sat sipping some cranberry juice, Naruto ran toward her, waving. "Hey! Sakura! What's up?" He skidded to a stop near her.
She smiled sheepishly. "Hey, Naruto. Uh, yeah, not much." Sakura was saved the problem of small talk as Sasuke calmly walked toward them.
"Sasuke! It's great to see you! It's been a while since I've had the pleasure of your company," she said in a sing-song voice.
"We had a mission 2 days ago, Sakura," Sasuke said, the confusion evident in his tone.
"'That's too long for me," Sakura replied. "So, what's on tap for today?"
Naruto chimed in with, "Funny you should say that. I just learned a jutsu to make us look older, and I know a guy at the Rockin' Sake. So, who wants to go---OW!" he exclaimed as Sakura smacked him upside the head.
"You pervert! Is that all you think of?"
"Well, this morning I was thinking, 'I hope Kakashi's late so I have time for a bowl of ramen.' Does that count?"
Sakura sighed. "I don't know why I try." She smacked Naruto again.
"Ow! I'm really starting to get torqued, Sakura!" Naruto snarled, as he jumped back.
Sasuke sat on a bench and watched them fight. He thought, they claim not to be, but they do act like the best of friends. Finally, ten minutes later, he stood and said, "Are you guys done fooling around, or do I need to find you two a room?".
"I'll agree to that," Naruto said eagerly.
"Huh? What the--room-- EWWW!" Sakura proceeded to to fall to her knees and begin vomiting.
"Hmmph. If it was Sasuke we were talking about, you'd jump at the chance," Naruto grumbled.
'SO WHAT!" Sakura yelled. She stood and stalked over to a little kid with a baseball bat. As Naruto turned away from her, she ripped the bat out of the kid's hands and cracked Naruto in the back of the head. He went down like Monica Lewinsky. She kept on hittng him as he rolled over and covered up.
"Wow, what a witch!' The little kid said. Sakura turned and looked at him, murder clearly visible in her eyes. She slowly walked over to him. Sakura handed the bat back to him, but right before he grabbed it, she hit him in the face.
"Homerun, midget," she said darkly as she dropped the bat on his unconscious form.
"Sakura! That's not very ladylike." Ino walked up, and took the bat. "Here, let me show you how." Ino then wound up, and smacked Naruto directly in the "lower" regions. He curled up into the fetal position, whimpering.
"No more, no more." Naruto pullled his knees to his chest, as several younger kids looked at him and laughed.
"Whoa, whoa! Drop everything!" A puff of smoke cleared to reveal Iruka, the Academy teacher."Kakashi's been kidnapped!"
"WHAT?" the cell said in unison.
"Come with me and I'll explain. Oh, hi, Ino. By the way, don't mention this to anyone." Iruka turned and dashed down the sidewalk, Kakashi's cell close behind. During the mad dash, the same thoughts were running through the cell's heads: if they're good enough to kidnap Kakashi, they could destroy the whole village! Naruto, however, had an additonal thought: If they destroy the village, does that mean no more ramen?
Ten minutes later they reached the Academy, and went directly to the upper floors where the Hokage was at. "Sit down, children," he requested. "We have a...slight problem."
"Uh, yeah, there's no more ramen at Ichiraku...and oh yeah, KAKASHI'S GONE!" Naruto yelled. "How the hell do you lose track of someone like him?"
"He was taken in a...'compromising' position, and needless to say he let his guard down, as he fell victim to a jutsu
you know a lot about, Naruto."
"What are you two talking about? What does Naruto have to do with this?" Sakura asked.
"Someone in our village is a traitor, as he witnessed the aforementioned jutsu, and passed it on," the hokage replied.
The cell sat in stunned silence for a moment.
Sasuke was the first to figure it out."You mean...the 'Sexy No Jutsu'?"
"Exactly. You could take over a whole continent with that. Provided, of course, it was inhabited only by men. I've fallen prey to it before...but that's beside the point. We received a ransom not, if you can call it that, from the kidnappers. They want us to come after him."
"And by 'us', you mean our cell, right?" Naruto said.
"Uh, yes. They specifically requested you three."
"How did you figure that out, Naruto?" Sakura demanded.
"Well, I've always been good with euphemisms, but you know all about that, Sakura. Like the time you offered to 'sharpen my kunai'?" Sakura didn't even grace him with a reply. Instead, she just tackled him and began to punch him several times.
"Do they really hate each other?" the Hokage asked Sasuke.
"A lot less than they let on. They do act like an old married couple, don't they?" Sasuke and the Hokage began to laugh, as Sakura kept bashing Naruto.