Devoted
Chapter 8
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Lily was sprawled across her bed, sobbing in huge, choking gasps. All her life she had worked so hard to be perfect, to be the girl who never did anything wrong, who always knew what the right thing to do was. It had been important to appear faultless. She had waited her whole life to be Head Girl, so she could play the part even more fully.
And now… now everything was coming to a horrifying complete stop. All Lily had heard from her friends the entire year was, "Why don't you live a little?? Have a little fun! Just relax, Lily!"
Boy had she started to relax. She was cheating on her wonderful boyfriend who claimed to love her. Loved her…
Kissing James hadn't felt like cheating at first. It had been fun, and that's what her friends had been trying to get her to do all year. But now everything was coming into retrospect and her perfect features and perfect mind and perfect conscience felt…tainted. This was one hell of a stain on her clean record.
I'm imperfect. I messed up.
Lily could hardly breathe for crying. She looked into her armoire mirror only to see stains of mascara lining her cheeks and her hair plastered to her face. She gently pulled her hair away and wiped the makeup off.
"When things aren't going right, you must be doing something wrong." Lily whispered to her reflection. It was a saying her mother always quoted and, in the annoying way parents are able to manage, she was right. "I'll just start over again tomorrow."
No more drinking, no more skipping classes, no more James, no more fun. But at least I'll be perfect.
Resolutely, Lily turned on her heel and entered her en suite bathroom. It was literally a dream bathroom. The tub was nearly half the size of a swimming pool with a plethora of spouts and jets. There was a shallow end that was cushioned and perfect for relaxing while the rest was at least five feet deep. The floor was a soft, stony white tile and the counters were a gleaming silver marble.
Lily ignored the beauty as she marched in purposefully. She knelt next to the tub and turned one of the silver knobs, filling the bath quickly. Sinking into the warm, scented water, she began scrubbing herself so hard that her skin turned a glowing shade of pink.
"I…just…need…to….get rid…of…this…disgusting…me…!" Lily mumbled to herself, splashing water on the floor.
After nearly an hour of this vicious scouring, Lily heaved her body from the tub and drained it.
Wrapping herself in a fluffy white towel, she glanced at the clock. 3:00 A.M.
She sighed and looked at her reflection. Her face was perfectly clean. Lily smiled and cast a drying spell on her hair. Then she pulled on her pajamas, left the bathroom and collapsed onto her bed.
The stars winked as she closed her eyes and fell asleep.
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James was waiting casually on the sofa for Lily to come out of her room the next morning. It was a Saturday and he was hoping that maybe they could spend the whole day together; talking, snogging, doing homework, snogging…
He stirred as her door opened, reminding himself not to look anxious. Instead, he hitched what he obviously thought was a devilishly handsome smirk onto his face.
He watched Lily as she traipsed from her room, smoothing down her shirt and running a hand through her hair. Was it a trick of the light that made her eyes appear puffy?
She passed the couch, careful not to spare James a passing glance. This made him frown and grab her arm.
"Hey beautiful," he started, causing Lily to blush lightly. "What's wrong? You didn't even say good morning…"
She could feel his hazel eyes roaming her face, trying to catch her eye. She decided to concentrate of the flawless carpet.
Flawless, just like I am. Like a life without James Potter.
Lily wrenched her arm from his grasp. "Nothing's wrong. Good morning."
His frown deepened for a second but was quickly replaced with an evil grin. "That is simply wonderful." He leaned in to kiss her.
However, Lily had entered the common room anticipating such a thing to happen and was prepared. She hastily backed away, tears unwillingly filling her eyes.
"James… James, I can't do this anymore." Her throat was burning with unshed tears.
James stared at her, his usually warm eyes now scared and confused. "You… I don't… What do you mean?" He stuttered.
Lily shook her head. "I really like Sirius. I don't want to mess up what I've got with him and what he means to me. What happened between us…it was fun. But I can't mess around like that anymore." A single tear managed to escape from her emerald eyes, staining her shirt as it fell.
"But Lily! What about what you mean to me?!" James practically screamed. He felt like something was crashing into him. He thought he had managed to get her to like him.
No, whispered a voice in his mind. Did she ever break up with Sirius? You were just a game.
James watched as another tear made another trail down her cheek. "Never mind, it doesn't matter anymore," he sighed, wiping the tear from her face. "You'd better go to breakfast." His voice was monotonous, almost dead sounding.
Lily seized his hand which was still on her cheek and, turning it over, kissed the palm. "I'm so sorry," she whispered before leaving the tower.
James watched he door shut with a soft click. He grabbed a bottle of ink that was sitting on the desk and threw across the room. It hit the wall and shattered, spraying black everywhere.
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Lily tried to master her tears as she entered the Great Hall. She took a great quavering breath and gazed across the Gryffindor table, her eyes promptly landing on the wavy black hair of Sirius.
She grabbed a spoon from the nearest table and looked at her reflection. Her eyes were red and swollen and her ivory skin blotchy. "Cleocosma," she muttered, pulling out her wand. Instantly, salon perfect makeup appeared on her face.
With another deep breath, Lily made her way to an empty spot beside Sirius. "Can I sit here?" She asked, timidly.
He looked up at her with a pleasant smile. "Of course you can Lilybird." He patted the seat next to him.
"So…you're not mad at me?"
Sirius frowned for a second. "Nah, I thought about it and it's too soon for me to say something like that," he answered. "We've only actually gone out once and there's no reason to rush things."
Lily took her third deep breath. "Thank you, Sirius."
"No problem, beautiful!" He smiled.
The words triggered something in Lily's head… James. She felt very bad about killing his expectations. But, it was a necessary part of her regaining her reputation. She remembered the puppy-dog face he had pulled on her a week ago. He truly was an amazing person, quite different from the little boy who had asked her out years before.
Sirius interrupted her thoughts. "Do you want to do something today?"
"Actually," Lily began, digging into the scrambled eggs, "would you mind doing some homework with me? I'm quite behind."
"Sure Lilybird," Sirius answered, very aware that this could be a long and horrible weekend if Lily was planning on doing homework the whole time. "And I'll plan something for us to do on a break, okay?"
Lily smiled. This was more like it.
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Five hours later, Sirius and Lily were in the Library doing homework. Sirius grimaced as Lily put an unneeded flourish on the last line of her Charms homework and reached into her bag. More work perhaps? He sighed with relief as she pulled out a planner and crossed the Charms assignment- the last assignment- off the list.
"Ok," Lily grinned. "Have you got anything planned for us now?"
Sirius stood up, offering his hand out to the red head girl. "But of course, my darling Lilybird. If you'll follow me…"
Lily grabbed his hand and followed him out to the Quidditch pitch where a lovely blanket and basket sat. "Oh, Sirius! This is amazing!"
A soft breeze played with her auburn hair as the couple opened the basket and found all their favorite foods. Before long the basket was empty.
Lily sighed and leaned back onto her elbows. "This was…perfect. I'm sorry I ran off on you last night, Sirius."
"Don't apologize, Lilybird. I completely understand." Sirius replied, lying on his stomach. "Maybe it's too soon to say I love you, but…well…I do really like you." He scooted over right next to her. "You are the most remarkable person I've ever met." He kissed her gently.
Lily expected to feel weak, as she had when James kissed her. Instead there was only a sort of numb buzzing in her head. She pulled away, looking at Sirius curiously. His eyes were filled with pure desire. She furrowed her eyebrows and pulled Sirius toward her, more roughly, perhaps, than she'd intended to.
Sirius gained access to her mouth with his tongue, getting much more satisfaction out of it than Lily. She felt his hand creep up her body and had the uncomfortable feeling that it would land on her breast. She gave a shudder of relief when it plowed into her hair.
He wrapped his fingers in the red curls. Removing his lips from Lily's, Sirius began kissing her collarbone.
She started giggling. It was a little known fact that Lily Evans was extremely ticklish. In the midst of her laughing fit, she glanced up at Hogwarts' west face. The Head tower loomed over most of the castle roofs. In the highest window a shadow was staring across the Quidditch pitch.
"James…" Lily murmured suddenly, staring at his figure.
Sirius whipped his head up, a confused look on his face. "What did you just say?"
Lily blushed deeply, "I noticed James looking at us from the window up there." The silhouette quickly stalked away from view. "He's gone now, but he was just watching… it was kind of weird."
The sun was starting to go down behind the snowy mountain tops, casting a beautiful golden shine across the lake.
Sirius stood up with a bemused smile. "It's getting late. I'll walk you back to your room." He held out his hand and pulled Lily up as well.
"Thank you for being so nice, Sirius," Lily whispered. Her mind was with James at the window. "This was really great, the food and all…" How badly had she hurt him?
"No problem at all, beautiful. No problem at all."
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Hey everyone! Ok, I know that everyone who was banking on some Lily and James action is severely disappointed, but if I had them together this soon, I wouldn't have a story! Right now, Lily is just confused, don't rush her!! She'll make the right decision!
Thank you to all my beautiful reviewers. I love each and every one of you. This time I'm going to ask for 15 reviews for a new chapter. It's only because on the 7th, I got 10 reviews on the first day, and I'm just not that fast. So, 15 should be good. Of course if it takes you a month to give me 10, I'll stick with that number.
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