Devoted
Chapter 11
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On January third, the four marauders and Lily, Tina, and Colleen were standing in the rain outside the Hogwarts Express, saying goodbye to James's mum.
Lily sighed as she boarded the train, watching the rain wash away the dirty snow. She could feel Tina glaring at her…still. It was giving her a headache. Maybe that's what Tina was trying to do, like some sort of voodoo mind penetration thing.
Yeah, that's it.
James finished jamming his trunk into the overhead compartment. "Lily, we have to patrol the train, remember?"
Lily bit her lip and stole a glance at Tina. "Are you sure?" She whined.
"Er, yes," James said slowly. "McGonagall told us that we should if we were going home for Christmas. Otherwise she would have a Prefect do it… Remember, at the last meeting?"
Lily got up slowly. This was very uncomfortable. She kissed Sirius on the cheek and left the compartment.
"I cannot believe them!" Tina growled loudly, crossing her arms roughly.
Sirius looked at her, bewildered. "What do you mean? They're the Heads, you know. They are supposed to be patrolling the train."
She snorted, "Yeah right. I'll bet that-"
"Tina, can I talk to you…outside the compartment?" Remus interrupted hurriedly.
Sirius, Peter, and Colleen exchanged confused glances.
Tina shrugged. "Fine, we'll be back in a moment."
They exited through the sliding glass door and Remus led her to an empty compartment.
"Are you trying to seduce me, Remus?"
He shook his head, "Listen, please don't say anything to Sirius about Lily and James. Obviously you saw something, but just…just stay out of it. They're adults, and they know what they are getting into and the consequences."
"You knew about this?" Tina practically shrieked. "You knew about this and...and…you're completely ok with it?"
Remus shifted nervously. "I encouraged James to do it in the beginning. But that's not the point. Just please, promise me that you won't say anything to anyone."
Tina looked into his honest eyes and considered what he said.
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Lily and James meandered through the nearly empty corridor, occasionally calming overexcited First Formers.
Suddenly Lily drew a shaky breath. "I'm worried about New Years. I'm worried about Tina."
When James didn't respond she kept rambling. "What if she says something to Sirius? I don't want to lose him! And what about you? He's your best friend. This is a disaster."
James stopped walking and threw his hands into the air. "Then tell me Lily, please, tell me. What is it that you want? Are you ever going to choose between us?"
"I want you both," Lily whispered.
James shook his head. "That isn't possible."
"I know," she sighed. "Just…just be with me for a while."
A couple of Ravenclaws walked into the corridor and Lily and James started patrolling again.
"I don't know Lily. I guess we'll just have to see what happens." James answered quietly as they opened the glass door to their friends' compartment.
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Tina stared at Remus intently, listening to his words echo in her head. I encouraged James to do it… They know what they're getting into… Just stay out of it… Just please; promise me that you won't say anything to anyone…
"No, I can't promise that," she muttered hoarsely. "Obviously I care more about them if you are just going to let this happen."
Remus rubbed his eyes wearily. "Come off it, Tina. Don't be a wet and get into their business! If they want to do it, it's their choice."
Tina turned on her heel, one hand on the door. "All my years in Hogwarts, I was astounded by the loyalty that you four had. The things you were willing to do for each other. But this time… Have you even thought about Sirius? About what this will do to him? It's a poor way to repay him for everything he's done for you, Remus." She threw open the door and left.
Remus followed her, crestfallen. He'd been so sure that Lily and James would work out. They were, as lame and clichéd as it sounded, meant to be together. He couldn't believe that everyone else had missed that.
He walked into the compartment and was somewhat surprised to see Lily curled up next to Sirius, talking quietly, James and Colleen telling Peter an edited version of the New Years celebration, and Tina, her lips pursed, staring out the window.
He slid next to her and spoke in a low voice that wouldn't be heard by anyone else. "So, you're not going to say anything, then?"
Tina turned towards Remus and muttered coldly, "I'm not going to embarrass them by saying it in front of everyone. I'll tell Sirius in private."
Remus leaned back in the seat and gave a fatigued sigh. Next week was the full moon, as if he didn't have enough to deal with. How could he protect his friend's carefully tangled romances if he was in the Shrieking Shack?
The train rocked softly on the tracks as it made its way through the pelting rain. It was a relatively quiet and uneventful ride. About half way through, John Pearson, a Hufflepuff and friend of the Marauders came in and they all played a rousing game of Exploding Snap. Sirius ended up with his eyebrows singed and smoking.
Finally, Hogwarts loomed in the window, growing larger by the second, and everyone left to change into their robes.
The castle reminded Lily of the Muggle horror movies as lightning crashed around it in the dark night sky. She had seen some over the summer and they had scared her to death. Her sister Petunia, however, hadn't watched the movies. She got more enjoyment in watching Lily writhe and scream as zombies and monsters paraded across the screen. The memory of Petunia giggling, "Don't you see those things at your freak school?" made Lily blush furiously.
James and Lily pinned on their Heads badges and led the twenty-five students who had gone home for the holidays quickly up to the castle, heads bowed against the raging gale.
Soaking wet, they entered the Dining Hall for supper. Colleen had mascara running down her cheeks.
The feast was as enjoyable as ever, but the seven friends decided that it was time to go to bed when Peter literally fell asleep in his soup. Of course, first they spent a few minutes watching him and laughing because every time he snored, the broth would bubble.
Finally they got up and bid goodnight to their other friends and slowly walked toward the Gryffindor and Head Towers.
As they reached the portrait of the Pink Lady, Peter, Remus, and Colleen said the password and climbed through the hole. Sirius gave Lily a hug and made to follow them, but Tina grabbed his arm.
"Uh…Sirius? Can I talk to you?" She asked, throwing a disgruntled look at James and Lily.
Lily froze and stared wide-eyed at Tina.
Sirius furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and squinted at Tina in the dim light. "Ok, sure. What's up?"
James made a funny noise and glanced at Lily. She was paler than normal and looked about as sick as he felt. His stomach was flip-flopping.
"It's about New Years," Tina began. Flip Flop. "When I wen-"
Lily jumped between her friend and Sirius. "Stop!" She yelled before bringing her voice to a whisper, peering over shoulder at Sirius. "Please, just…just let me tell him, ok?"
Tina hesitated and shifted her weight. "You promise you'll tell him? Because Lily, I swear to Merlin, if you don't I will."
"I promise, just not tonight. Let me figure out how to do this." Lily pleaded.
Tina took a quick look at Sirius who staring at everyone in confusion. "Fine, but do it soon."
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Sirius
Meet me on the Quidditch pitch after our first class.
Love Lily
Lily tied the note to the leg of a tawny school owl and let the bird fly through the window. She hadn't slept all night and finally decided to just get up and send the fatal letter to Sirius.
It had to be quite early, the sun was barely peeking over the distant mountains and many of the owls were swooping into the castle after a night of hunting.
Lily sighed and watched the light creep across the grounds, sparkling as it hit puddles from the storm. Looking at her watch, she decided that breakfast would probably be starting and left for the Great Hall.
Somehow, she wasn't surprised to James down there as well. His hair was messier than normal and there were dark circles under his eyes.
"Didn't get much sleep, eh?" She asked, sitting across from him.
James chuckled wearily, "No," he scooped some porridge into his bowl. "I'm guessing you didn't either?"
Lily shook her head and looked at the enchanted ceiling. "I'm meeting Sirius after Defense Against the Dark Arts."
"I see," James murmured, looking at his food.
"Is there anything you want me to say for you while I'm talking to him?" she asked, absent mindedly wringing her hands.
James lifted a spoonful of the oatmeal, letting it slide out of his spoon and splash the table. "Tell him I'm sorry."
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Defense Against the Dark Arts went by painfully slowly. Lily opted to sit next to Colleen across the room from Sirius and barely listened to the professor ramble on about shielding spells.
Finally, the bell rang and Lily packed her bag and walked hurriedly to the Quidditch field.
She sat in the center of the wet grass and pondered how she'd let her perfect life get so complicated. Childishly, she pulled tufts of the grass out of the earth.
After what seemed like forever, Sirius entered the field and strode over to Lily, his face a mixture of worry and puzzlement.
"Lilybird? Are you ok?" He asked quietly but she jumped all the same.
"Yes, I mean no, I mean…" She let out a deep breath. "I need to tell you something."
Sirius grabbed her hands and pulled her up. "Ok, you can tell me anything."
Lily let out a small sob as tears came unwillingly to her eyes.
"What's wrong, bird?" Sirius asked, startled.
"You deserve so much better than me," she choked through the tears. "You deserve someone who can love you and be there for you and be truthful." She rambled, letting out another sob. "You deserve someone who won't kiss your best friend."
Sirius stared at her for a second and then dropped her petite hands. "What did you…? What did you say?"
"I kissed James," Lily sobbed not bothering to wipe the tears away.
"You ki-" Sirius turned, raising his hand to his head and running it through his hair. "Just once?"
Lily looked at her feet. "No…"
"How long exactly has this been going on?"
"On and off since a little while after we started going out. I didn't mean to, Sirius!" She cried, grabbing his arm.
Sirius gave her a disgusted look and shook her hand away. "Don't touch me. I can't believe you did this."
Lily put her face into her hands. "Please…"
He started to walk away, discreetly wiping a tear from his cheek.
"James wanted me to tell you that he's sorry." She called out.
Sirius kept walking. "He can speak for himself," he called over his shoulder, walking out of the field.
Lily fell on her knees, crying harder than she could ever remember crying.
"One more thing
Why is it my fault?
So maybe I try too hard.
But it's all because of this desire.
I just wanna be liked, I just wanna be funny.
Looks like the jokes on me,
Just call me Captain Backfire."
-John Mayer, My Stupid Mouth
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Wow…that made me upset. I feel so incredibly bad for Sirius! But it had to happen and we all knew it. Sadness. Well, this story might be ending sometime in the near future, which is also sad. I don't know exactly how long it will be, but I can definitely tell you that it won't be one of those stories with 50 chapters! Hahaha.
Thank you:
starlett13
rachel132
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Star19 [about 15 times, lol]
James's Lily
soccerchic1989
rupertsgirlie
DeoxyriboNucleic Acid
Lyss
Ruth3
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arwenundomneil
kill lily get james
MEE
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