Devoted
Chapter 12
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Lily had cried herself out. It was several hours before a cruel, cold breeze woke her. She looked up at the cloudy sky and saw a few outlandish snow flakes float to earth.
What am I doing out here? She thought heavily, wrapping her arms around her body. Suddenly the memory of what had happened came flooding back.
Lily shivered, and hurried up to the castle. Her face felt stiff from crying and her right arm was asleep.
She shook her arm as she walked into the warm fortress, cursing the tingling. It must have been hours since she'd fallen asleep, as the Great Hall only held a few last minute diners. Lily wasn't very hungry, so instead she ambled up the stairs and into the Head Tower.
James was dozing on the couch, holding the Marauders Map on his lap. She snuck over to him and quietly sat on the sofa, laying her head on his shoulder.
He stirred, "Lily," James mumbled, opening his eyes blearily. "When did you come in?"
"Just now," Lily answered.
James focused his eyes. "You've been crying."
She laughed mirthlessly. "Sirius broke up with me."
"I know," he replied. "He said that he knew and hasn't spoken another word to me all day."
"I'm sorry," Lily sighed.
"Don't be sorry about this. I knew what I was getting in to. Come on, let's get you into bed. You're freezing."
Lily yawned and allowed James to pull her into her bedroom. She collapsed on the bed without even changing.
James kissed her forehead. "Do you want to sleep in tomorrow? I'll make excuses."
"No, I already missed most of my classes today. I don't want to get behind."
He leaned down and gave her another small kiss on the cheek. "Alright, I'll see you in class then." He made for the door when Lily's diminutive hand grabbed his wrist.
"Do you want to…stay the night with me?" She asked, blushing furiously.
James turned towards her, looking as though he was considering the idea. "Lily, I know you are upset right now. I'm not going to be your pity shag. 'Night, love." He quickly left the room, pulling the door closed behind him.
Lily let her hand drop and turned onto her stomach, burying her face in her voluptuous pillows. She felt stupid for even asking.
Of course, after napping outside for so long, sleep didn't come easy for her. She spent a most of the night listening to her own breathing and trying to ignore the sick knot in her stomach.
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The deep gong of the clock tower ripped through the air, startling Lily into consciousness.
Cold sunshine was cascading into the room. She stepped into it and shivered before reaching into the wardrobe, pulling on her uniform, and running her fingers through her frazzled mane of hair. She hardly felt like taking a shower and coating her brown eyelashes with makeup. She didn't feel like her old self. She wasn't perfect and couldn't pretend anymore.
There was no one in the Great Hall as Lily stepped in. Breakfast was just arriving on the long tables as she settled into her usual spot on the bench.
Helping herself to pancakes and sausage, she watched people slowly trickle in. After a quarter of an hour, Colleen walked through the door. Lily gave her a hopeful smile, but Colleen just stared through her with cold indifference, choosing a seat on the opposite corner. Shortly after, Tina, Remus, and – Lily's heart gave a strange twinge – Sirius walked in and sat around the blonde haired girl.
Remus glanced over at Lily and said something to the others. Sirius shrugged and answered loud enough for everyone to hear, "go ahead and sit with her. There's enough freeze to go around."
By this time, most of the students in the hall were staring in the direction of the Gryffindor table. Or, to be more specific, staring at space that was now between Sirius and Lily.
Many of the girls exchanged eager looks and smirked at Lily before bursting into giggles.
The redhead sighed and began mashing her breakfast into an inedible mixture.
"I guess you're not hungry," a hoarse voice said from across the table.
Lily looked up optimistically and saw James. She gave a soft smile, "We've been ostracized."
James looked down the table. "Ah, so we have."
A group of Ravenclaw girls composed of mostly Kristi Lohan and her simpering little friends gathered around Sirius, sighing as he spoke with a brave grimace. Kristi put her hand on his shoulder sympathetically as he finished.
It was like a car crash; Lily simply couldn't tear her eyes away from the scene as Sirius smiled in a vague, tired way. She watched the girls guffaw and whisper to each other. Watched them steal glances at her and James.
"Bloodly fucking hell," Lily cursed vehemently. "Half the school will know by lunch." She threw down her fork and dropped her head into her hands. God, she had the worst headache.
She felt a body sidle next to her and the breathy voice of Kristi whispered in her ear, "I was just guessing before, but you really are a slut, huh?"
Lily brought her head up and stared at the girl's sly, fox smile. A mocking smile.
Before anyone could do anything else, there was a sharp crack and Kristi was leaning against the table, holding her face. She uncovered her visage and Lily's handprint stood out brilliantly on the pale skin.
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At nine-thirty that night, Lily stumbled back into the Head Tower, rubbing her right elbow and blinking her tired, bloodshot eyes. McGonagall, ("That wicked old bat," Lily thought irritably) had given her detention scrubbing tables in the Great Hall after her performance earlier in the same room.
To say the day had been a disaster was an understatement. True to her prediction, most, if not all, of the school was aware of the Sirius-Lily-James love triangle and all of the girls in the school were plotting how to get Sirius to fall in love with them.
In the lessons that Lily had with James, they sat together in the back of the classroom, ignoring the whispers that were circulating, but in those she had without him, Lily felt quite alone and it was harder to disregard the stares.
If this wasn't enough to make her lose concentration, the teachers were now stressing the N.E.W.T.'s more than ever as the exam loomed closer.
Lily heaved a gigantic sigh and sat down at the common room's desk. James either wasn't around or he had already gone to sleep, not that she felt much like conversing. She was dead tired and had at least two hours of homework to complete from yesterday.
Stupid love triangles.
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It had been nearly a week since Lily and Sirius's breakup. Hogwarts was becoming an unbearable, lonely place for her with no one to talk to but her fellow outcast, James. It was painfully clear that her peers now regarded her, not as a role model anymore, but some sort of…whore that had no feelings of her own, and cared nothing for the feelings of others.
Of course all of her professors were pleased, because with her lack of social life, Lily's homework quality was at an all time high.
Which was great…just great.
Lily stalked through the hallway after her last class on Thursday. She noted dully that people had moved from talking about her to simply ignoring her existence.
She took a deep breath and stared in front of her. A classroom door opened on the left and Sirius, of all people, strode out. He was completely alone.
Glancing around at the people still gathered in the hall, Lily jogged up to him.
"Sirius, can we talk?" She asked timidly, catching up with his long strides.
He looked at the floor and raised his eyebrows. Lily took that as an invitation to continue.
"I never meant to hurt you. I was just…caught up in the moment. Please, can we just be friends? Acquaintances? I miss you. I'm sure James does too."
"Lily," Sirius's voice cracked as he stopped walking. He turned toward her but gazed at the wall. "How can I do that? I think I…I loved you and you destroyed everything."
She was struggling not to cry again. "And I'm sorry. I really am. I never meant for things to turn out that way. Can we at least start over?"
Sirius looked towards the Great Hall where nearly everyone was eating dinner. "I don't know, Lily. I really don't know."
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Sorry that I made you all wait well past the 15 review mark to get such a lame and short connecting chapter. ((Sigh)) It was really horrible, I know. Anyway, school starts in two days. Gah. So I may not be able to update quite as often. I can hear you all snorting because I don't update often as it is. I'll try though, so review review review. Even if it was a bad chapter, I'm going to ask for 15 reviews, ok?
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Thanks everyone! Keep reviewing!
A/N As of 9.13.2004 School has started, and even though I don't have a lot of homework right now, I don't have very much time to write. I'll try to get another chapter out as soon as possible. Thank you, and sorry again for the delay.