3.2.5 :There is much love. And I need to take out the trash. Do the dishes. Hm.
"Sanzo, I think I'm pregnant."
This is what Sanzo heard as he opened his eyes to a new day. This is what Sanzo saw:
Goku, in his pajamas, clutching at a rather large, rather round belly. He was looking a little green, too, but Sanzo normally just chalked that up to typical Goku.
In fact, he could also put the belly into that category, too.
Nothing special. Back to sleep!
"Sanzo?"
"Don't barf on me. You just overate."
"No, Sanzo, really! I think I can feel it kicking."
"That, you dumb monkey, is your stomach ready to wharf. Now get out of here and stop waking me up!"
So Goku, a little disappointed, left, and immediately found a toilet to empty his guts into, despite the fact that typical Goku didn't ever waste food by throwing it all up.
NEVER.
And that was that.
"Sanzo, I think Goku's pregnant." Hakkai said softly into Sanzo's ear during breakfast. "He's been sick a lot lately."
What.
Goku saying something stupid was one thing, but Hakkai saying the same thing was another. Sanzo stared.
At Hakkai.
Hakkai was looking very worried, wringing his hands in a worried fashion, his eyes looking in that worried way toward Goku, who was eating and yelling at Gojyo as usual, but still looking a little green.
"I think we should get him to a doctor, Sanzo."
Sanzo opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted by Gojyo.
"Hey, monk! The monkey says he's pregnant!"
And the entire inn paused to digest this.
Fast-forward to the doctor! The other doctor! Yeah, him! The baby doctor! (Because, well, Sanzo could only take so much stupidity after the riot caused by hundreds of fangirls rushing forward to point at the suspected father, which will be elaborated upon verrry soon.)
(Like now.)
"I think it's yours, Sanzo."
"What."
"Well, it can't be mine, and I hope it's not Hakuryuu's, but - "
"Well, it can be."
"Kyuu?" They'd switched back, just in case you forgot about the creek thing. Easy plotline cleanup!
"It's not Hakuryuu's." There was some sort of evil aura around Hakkai. Gojyo meeped.
"Well, it's not mine. I was just saying."
"And you think it's mine!" Sanzo was CLEARLY apoplectic (Apoplectic!). His hair was standing on end, DBZ-style, even!
Hakkai drank his coffee, and the world screamed.
And Goku burped, and out came a baby.
"I think I'll wear a dress, now." Goku declared, and went off to find one.
Sanzo stared at the baby on the table. It was clearly a Goku clone, sitting and eating meatbuns. Gojyo and Hakkai smiled happily, killed the dress!Goku, and gave the new one his old clothes.
It was really, really, really bloody, so the two had to strip down and bathe each other in the creek.
And Sanzo went back to bed, swearing off of chain-smoking cigarettes while sleeping.
Kougaiji: What.
Yaone: What.
Jien: What.
Lilin: I'm hungry. Can I have what Goku's got?
Nii: Why certainly, let me show you -
Kougaiji: Bunny, attack!
Bunny: CHOMP.
note: if ever there was a sidestory to bpuws, it's this one, because it's so different (to me) from the rest of it. However, it's still a braindump fic, so I'm not apologizing. In no way.
Yaone: You just put that next to last line in for kicks, didn't you.
I aim to please.
Yaone: It's 58, you know.
I know it. Most you'll get out of me yet.
Yaone: Big whoop. Gimme back my 35 doujin.