A/N: I obviously don't own any of these characters, nor the premise. They are all the property Lucas Arts or those other kotor fan writers I subconsciously stole ideas from.
I hadn't planned on writing any fan fic, but after reading most everything I could here, these scenes just fell out of my head and onto my computer screen. I do not claim to be a writer and this was written purely for my own amusement. I apologize in advance for any long term damage I may inflict. Warning! The following scenes are purely character fluff. Anything resembling a plot is purely coincidental.
Vashti smiled to herself as she felt the Hawk jump to hyperspace. They had just left Dxun and everyone was in high spirits. They had successfully averted a civil war and destroyedanother foothold of the Sith. They knew that the fight wasn't over yet, Sion and Visas' master were both still out there, but Vash had found Kavar. He was the last of the Jedi masters she had been searching for. He had also long been her favorite of the masters, especially of those on the council.
The memories of her time on Coruscant had flooded back to her while talking to him. She hadn't known master Zez-Kai-Ell personally as a padawan, and of course Vrook didn't generally inspire nostalgia in anyone, unless they were a masochist. But she and Kavar had been close. She'd had a slight crush on him when she was just a padawan (as did many of her classmates), but it faded over time as the peace of the Jedi code worked its way into her being. After her promotion to knight the two had often found themselves in each other's company and had become good friends.
The memories of happier, less complicated times gave her hope that all the tribulations of the last 15 years would be over soon.
The Mandalorian wars had begun when she was still quite young, the first attacks occurred when she was just 20. She had just been promoted to knight and assumed they would go help the outlying regions that were being attacked. But they didn't go. Over the next two years she saw the order being slowly torn apart as many questioned the decision of the council not to intervene. She watched the Holonet each night and her peace had shattered a little more with each report of the current civilian death count, which worlds had been razed or which Republic ships wouldn't being coming home.
At the age of 22 she had followed Revan to war with very few misgivings.By the time they left, very little had remained of the Jedi peace she once had. The deaths were too many. Through her connection to the force she could feel the life being snuffed out and with each flicker of the light her willingness to submit to the will of the council grew weaker.
When Revan left to fight, Vash's conscience told her where she belonged. Revan was inspiring. She was a great fighter, but she was more than just a powerful Jedi. She was a leader. She was a student of history. She was brilliant. Few who had felt the call to protect the falling worlds could stay behind once she began talking.
Vash, like many of the Jedi who had joined the war, had been given the honorary title of General and was placed with a small fleet of ships and a smaller contingency of Jedi. She was to be the tactical advisor to the Admiral in command of the small fleet. Which meant that she worked with Revan to help plan and coordinate their attacks.
As they fought the war, she realized that the deaths she had felt through the force were not just the deaths of the innocents or the Republic soldiers, but were also those of the Mandalorians they were fighting. Each death hardened her more.
She had learned to shut off her emotions through peace at the academy, but now she shut off her emotions by disconnecting herself from everything around her. She still relied heavily upon the force to guide her, but she could no longer bring herself to meditate. When they weren't fighting she had tried hiding herself away and losing herself in work. She poured through information about each battle, looking for weaknesses to exploit, looking for places to shore up their defenses. But when the battle plans could no longer distract her she would attempt to lose herself in the crowd.
The soldiers were great for this. They always had a spare cup of juma for her and they had given her a pazaak deck of her own. She managed to escape her torments while she spent time playing and drinking with these men and women. She could feel under the surface that they were all there for the same reason she was. When you had faced the things they had, you had to find a way to laugh. Laughter made them all forget the pain for a little while.
But then there was Malachor V.
Malachor V had broken Vashti. She stood on the bridge of her ship watching the battle rage below. They had lost communication with Revan at some point during the fight, but the battle plan had been clear. If they could not win, Vashti was to give the command to set off the mass shadow generator. They didn't know the full extent of what the strange machine would do once activated, but Vash knew that by activating it they could win this battle and if they won here they would win the war.
She reached out with the force and felt the battle below her. She felt the minds of her own troops faltering. She felt the fear mingled with exhaustion. She felt the death. She reached out to feel the minds of the Mandalorians and the emotions were different. Pride, Joy and frequent adrenaline surges overwhelmed her. She knew the Republic would not last much longer. If they fell here, they would not be able to stop the Mandalorians. She closed her eyes briefly, shaking off the reluctance she felt. When she opened her eyes, she made eye contact with Bao-Dur, the tech who had built the machine, for a moment and nodded.
The next thing she knew she was falling. Everyone was falling. The bridge crew fought to return to their posts as the captain yelled for full power to the engines. They were falling toward the planet and they had to try to get away. Vashti watched in horror as ships lower in orbit failed to escape the quadrupled gravitational pull of the planet. Republic and Mandalorian ships alike plummeted to the planet below, crushing those who were inside. Landslides killed most of those still on the planet itself. Vashti reached out with the force on instinct, trying in vain to save those she could. She fell to her knees when she felt them. She felt the Republic soldiers and pilots, the Mandalorian warriors but worst of all the Jedi. Their minds reached out to her and she could not shut them out. She felt them die. She felt the fear, the pain … the regret. The emotions poured over her. She tried to hold on, to comfort them all as they died. But the fear began to overwhelm her. She had to escape. She could not. They invaded her mind now, she tried to push them away, but each cry echoed in her head. As her ship reached a safe distance, the world went black around her.
When she awoke in the medbay the silence in her head comforted her. She thanked the force that the pain had stopped. She was told that the war was now over. The Mandalorians had surrendered after the defeat of their Mandalore by Revan and the subsequent destruction of most of their troops. She was a hero. She had saved millions. The Jedi that followed Revan were claimed as heroes. But the heaviness in her heart had not been abated. Knowing that she had probably saved lives in the long run did little for the guilt that overwhelmed her. She needed redemption. She needed the council's forgiveness.
She went to see the Jedi Council on Coruscant as soon as her ship made orbit. Only they could absolve her now. When she entered the council chambers she only wanted them to hear her, to request sanctuary within the temple. But the Jedi who faced her did not want to hear. Vrook set the tone and began to tear into her for following Revan to war. She had meant to ask for forgiveness, but instead she began to defend herself and Revan and all those who went to fight. They would not listen to her. Anger began to surge as they continued to argue with her. She couldn't believe what they were doing. She was to be exiled, a Jedi no more. As her anger increased, she reached out to the force to try to subdue the emotions welling up inside her. She hadn't touched the force since Malachor, she had been afraid that the cries would still be there, and now as she stood before the council she realized that she could not feel the force at all. She glared at each of the council members trying to discern if they had done this to her. Her eyes softened slightly as her gaze lingered on Kavar. She could see the reluctance and sorrow in his face, but there was a firm resolution there as well. She knew then that she did not belong here. She didn't know where she belonged, but it certainly wasn't with these former friends who now condemned her.
They asked for her lightsaber. These arrogant cowards wanted to take her last remaining bit of connection with the Jedi. Her rage overwhelmed her. She clenched her jaw to try to retain some control of her emotions and thrust her lightsaber into the pillar at the center of the room. She turned and walked out. She found herself buying a small ship with the credits the Republic had paid her for her service. She loaded the ship with some supplies and began to fly. She had to get away; away from the council, away from the Republic, away from the pain.
That had been 10 years ago. The ten years she spent without the force were a blur to her now. It was like she had been in a dream. In some ways she had been much more aware of things around her, but everything seemed fuzzy around the edges. She isolated herself from others. She tried many times to reach out to the force again, to meditate, to feel something more than she did. But the force was gone. She grew used to living without it. She worked hard to overcome her loss. She had to relearn all her skills. Everything was different without it. But she had learned.
She began to feel it again when Kreia woke her on Peragus. At first it scared her. She wanted nothing to do with anything Jedi. But as her connection to the force began to grow again, she began to regain the peace of her youth. She had missed this feeling of connectedness. Each of the companions that now traveled with her had added to her strength and that peace.
They gathered in the common area of the Hawk now each looking for a way to pass the time on the long hyperspace jump to Dantooine. The success of the missions on Dxun and Onderon left them all overflowing with positive energy. They had their differences still, but at the moment they felt cohesive. They were a team. They sought each other out now. Only Kreia remained in her quarters.
Visas and Canderous were sparring with force pikes on one side of the room while Mical and HK-47 refereed. Mira and Atton were playing pazaak at the table in the center of the room. Bao-Dur watched them play as he tinkered with some parts. He would grin occasionally as he noticed each of them trying to skift a card or two into their side deck.
Vashti looked around the room at her companions and smiled again. She had never been as content as she was here. She ambled over to the pazaak game, peering over Atton's shoulder. "They're practicing their skifting again, eh?" she commented to Bao-Dur. Mira and Atton both groaned and threw down their cards as Bao-Dur grinned and nodded.
"They've both been too preoccupied by their own cheating to notice each other's, General"
Vashti grinned "I would say you two should be ashamed of yourselves for cheating, but since you guys hardly need practice doing anything else pazaak related, it's probably a good use of your time."
Atton cocked his head back and looked up at Vashti pretending to be annoyed with her. But the twinkle of her blue eyes and the genuineness of her grin were contagious. He grinned back at her, his gaze turning a bit lecherous, he patted the seat next to him. "Come join us, we'll play 3 handed."
"Why stop at three?" Mira asked. "Anyone else want to play? First one to win 10 games wins."
Canderous and Visas stopped sparring, panting from the exertion.
"Make Canderous play with you," Visas said between breaths, smiling. "He's worn me out."
Canderous chuckled to himself, and gave Visas an approving nod. "You fight well, Jedi. Anytime you want a rematch, let me know." He nodded at the group at the table as he ambled off to the dorm, "I'll play, just let me go get my deck."
"You should join us too, Visas," Mira chirped.
Visas chuckled, "While my force sight allows me to see much, playing cards is a little beyond my abilities."
Mira stammered a moment, "oh yeah, right… um, sorry… I forgot."
"Really Visas," Vashti said, "We want you to join us. I'll have HK transmit the card information onto your datapad so you can play."
"Objection: Master, I would rather not play interpreter for the sightless meatbag. It is a misuse of my many skills," HK complained.
"Can it, HK." Vashti said with a grin, "If you haven't noticed, we're in hyperspace and there aren't any meatbags for you to blast, but if you stick around and help out, I might let you use your shock arm on Atton if he tries to skift us."
"Hey!" Atton objected as HK replied, "Hopeful Exclamation: Very well master, I will assist, but please remember that my shock arm is at your disposal, just give the word and I will gladly deliver a jolt to whomever you deem worthy."
Vashti sat beside Atton and chuckled patting him on the knee lightly, "don't worry, babe, as long as you don't cheat you don't have anything to worry about, right?"
Atton growled but couldn't help grin as he felt her hand on his knee. The assassin droid had it in for him, but he was pretty sure Vash wouldn't sic HK on him, even if he did cheat. He hoped.
"Deal me in," Bao-Dur said as he found a seat at the table next to Mira, "I'm not much of a player, but I don't expect to win anyhow." Visas sat down at the table on the other side ofBao and HK stood behind her, linking up to her datapad.
"Mical, get your butt over here. You're playing too," Vashti ordered.
"I, uh," Mical stammered for a moment then relented, "OK, it's Republic Senate rules, right? So I won't lose anything when I lose? In that case, I would be thrilled to join in on the fun." Mical took a seat between Mira and Vashti and Atton glared at him briefly. Vashti smacked Atton on the shoulder and said, "Stop that, play nice or I'm going to send you to your room."
Atton's glare faded and was replaced once again by the lecherous grin, "you can take me to my room anytime you want to, you know that." Vashti smacked his shoulder again playfully, "I said SEND not TAKE!" she giggled.
Bao-Dur and Mical exchanged amused glances at the two as Canderous came back in the room with his pazaak deck and a large container of juma juice. Atton immediately perked up.
Canderous grinned and said, "I thought we could make this a little more interesting and play with Juma Rules. Beginning of every set, everyone takes a drink. The winner of each set, or each winner if anyone ties takes a drink."
"Atton, deal everyone a card," he instructed. "Every time anyone is dealt a card with the same number as the card you've just been dealt, you take a drink. Any questions?"
Mical blanched a little as everyone else's grins grew larger. "Well, at least I don't think I'll have to worry about winning." Mical said mostly to himself.
Mira cackled a little too gleefully, "oh, this is going to be fun… Atton! Mical's got a 6! Make sure you deal a few extra, I soooo want to see him drunk."
Atton eyed HK warily and nodded.