Prefect Evening?

I try to swallow the pain. Push it down so none of this, matters to me. I am a Snape! I try desperately to cling to that pride. To push aside all other thoughts.

How could I have almost embarrassed my family like that? My Father?

How easily she had twisted me around. She had used me. I foolishly, had let her. I knew that I was not attractive. I knew that she had merely needed my help. But I had confused it to be more.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes a moment. Pushing down the lump that grew in my throat. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be a home, alone.

I curse my weakness. I had used those letters of hers a life support. Some nights, I would read them all. I had envisioned her, and her happy family. As if I could be there, not in Snape Manor. Being hugged rather than hexed. That the concern in them was real.

I knew it had just been to ensure favour so I would help her in the future.

I should have known from the moment that I saw her with Black, that this . . . had been a prank. The punch-line couldn't have come at a better time.

Balling my hand into a fist below the table, I mental curse Black. Expecting to see him here. It didn't matter, really. The main bill campaigning tonight, behind the fundraiser, was the Muggle Protection Act. It's widely known that Father is one of the strongest opponents to it. Which of course meant that my actions where being closely watched as well.

I felt the sting of her hand on my jaw again. I had almost challenged MY Father for her! What a fool!!!

I sat silently. Suddenly wishing that the girls sitting so close to us, were whispering through the speeches. Part of me wanted to her hear voice, part of me wanted her to show that lack of respect. I found that I wanted to hear what she had to say about me.

I felt their eyes on me during the speeches. I wasn't going to let her know what that she'd done to me had hurt.

Had I miss read her?

Had I been that far off in my judgement of her?

I take great pride in my skill at reading people. I would have known it she was playing me from the start. Wouldn't I have?

I catch Lucius from the corner of my eye. I saw him subtly glance back toward them...her. I could see the malice in his eyes. He must have planned something horrid. Suddenly I can't wait to hear it.

Filthy Mudblood!!!

Len's POV

I watched Severus closely. His back board straight. He looked very tense. I couldn't shake the guilt and the worry that knotted in my stomach. Surely he was smart enough to figure it out. Wasn't he? The image of his eyes, shocked, confused, the pain. I cringe.

I never meant to hurt him. I . . . I was only trying to help!

That prat Malfoy! I know that he would have told everyone. Then, both our families would have been embroiled in a scandal. Right now, I couldn't let that happen to my dad, he'd been working so hard. I couldn't let that happen to Eri, he places so much value of his family honour.

What have I done?

I have stopped trying to listen to the speeches. My insides are turning in circles, like an ocean. I look to Maia. I wish I had something to write with.

Maia nudges my arm a few moments later, shows me a small pad of paper, written on it. In our code: What's wrong? You look like your going to cry or be sick?

Maia hand me the pen, and paper. I guess she must have been at enough of these to know how to amuse herself during the lectures. I write back: I think that I did something awful!

Maia looks confused. I continue: In the garden, gag saw SS and I. I had to do something, before he told on SS, so I slapped SS.

Maia looked a little stunned. I pressed on having to get this out: I said some nasty things. I just wanted to make it look convincing. I think that I really hurt him.

Maia glances at Severus. He hasn't moved. He's still facing straight ahead, not looking elsewhere. Maia takes the pen from me, and writes: It doesn't look like he's cluing in.

I give Maia a knowing look, one of sorrow. My mother grabs my arm, then casts us an evil look, telling us to behave. I nod in understanding. Once mum's attention is again on the speaker, I again take the pen from Maia. I look to her pleadingly: M what am I going to do?

Maia thinks for a moment. Then her eyes brighten. She quickly writes: After the dinner there's more dancing. Talk to him then.

"How?" I mouth to her. She looks thoughtful again. She goes to write many times before actually writing anything: I could ask him?

I cast her a, yeah-right look. She pouts her lips a moment. Then suggest: Do what gag did to me, ask when there are witnesses. He can't say no!

I shook my head. I wrote: Wrong! He could and would, especially because of this bill. Besides look at him . . .

We both cast quick glances to him. I continued: He's not going to talk to me.

I spend most of the speeches thinking of someway to get to him to tell him. Thinking, pleading silently, -Come on. Figure it out. You know that I didn't really mean it.-

I catch Lucius looking back as us occasionally. I briefly wonder what he's planning. I decide to worry about that later. I currently have more important things to worry about. Perhaps I could slip a message into the pocket of his robes?

I close my eyes. I prayed that he'd catch on. However as the lights were raised for dinner, I noted no change in him. He didn't even look back when someone behind us broke a plate.

"Can you believe they sat us near . . . mudbloods?" I can hear Snape's father sneer. I pretend to be deaf, ignoring it.

"An outrage father." I hear Severus reply. "Perhaps you should withdraw your generous contribution for such an insult."

I felt my heart sink. He didn't really mean that? Severus didn't really just say that about me, and my mum? No, appearances! It had been to keep appearances to his father. Right? Like I had in the garden?

For the love of Merlin, was this how he felt!

I could barely touch my meal after that. My stomach tied in knots. Worry for Severus. Worry over his true feelings behind his words. Worry about Lucius' scheme. I had started to feel very sick.

I excuse myself and headed to the Ladies room, as soon as was appropriate. All I can feel is my stomach rebelling. Once empty, I curl into a ball against the wall for a moment.

What had gone wrong? Things had started out so nice tonight. Now this!

Damn Malfoy! This was entirely his fault! I decide bitterly.

After the churning subsided, I rinse off my face in the sink. My hands are shaking and my breathing is ragged. I feel terrible, and it's all Malfoy's fault.

Maia comes in. She must want to check on me. "Len, you look awful. You alright?"

I nod, then get out a "fine". But my stomach jumps up at that. I close my eyes trying to force it to return to where it belongs.

"I was going to ask you if you wanted to come over to my house. But. . ." Maia starts. I wave the rest away.

"Maia that's a great offer. Did you hear what he said?" I turned to her pleading. "He . . ." I couldn't bring myself to voice it. Maia hugs me. "Merlin, I just need to think." I think I felt tears run down my checks.

"Come on let's get some air." Maia suggests. I nod a follow her out into the gardens. Maia has her arm around my waist. An affectionate, supportive gesture, nothing else. We walk for a while in silence. I try to work things out. I can't seem to.

"Oh, you do seem to like secluded strolls." I heard Malfoy's voice from behind us. He was like . . . some sort of shark. He could always show up when you least wanted him to, like he knew. It was very annoying.

"Please leave us alone." Maia orders. I'm in no mood to play games, or mince words with him.

"Sod off!" I reply. We turn to look at him. I take note that his thugs aren't with him. Severus on the other hand is, standing behind him a step to the left. I can't meet his eyes I'm too confused.

"Oh, but I had such fun things in mind. For both of you." Lucius silky voice makes my stomach flip again. I swallow hard. Fortunately, my stomach is empty. Although the thought of vomiting all over Malfoy, would definitely be amusing. But wrong? I'm sure it was. . .wrong? Right?

"Leave us alone. Or I'll give you a black eye." I threaten. To my surprise he laughs. It's not a warm happy laugh. It's a cold sarcastic, cruel laugh.

"Indeed. I expected no less from a Half-breed, mutt." He replied. Then focusing on Maia. He had completely disregarded my presence. "However, dear, beautiful Maia. You have so much potential. All you'd have to do is trade up in your friends." His voice was silky, like a caress. His eyes burned a trail over Maia's form.

Maia, although herself very bold, was taken back at the obvious lust smouldering in Malfoy's eyes. He pressed on, not giving her time to find her tongue. Taking a step toward her. "I could show you things. Things that would make, even a Ravenclaw like you, blush. Things that would have you begging for me." With voice backed up the promise on his words.

I was suddenly worried that Maia would abandon me. I was petrified that I was being left alone. Would she do that? Why was I suddenly so insecure? What was happening? This isn't good. I need help! I pleaded.

I worried for a moment. Then as if Mistra had heard me pleading, Malfoy said likely the only words that could have broken the trance Maia was in. "I could have you howling at the moon. Begging me for more."

I saw her square her shoulders. That comment must have reminded Maia of Remus.

Maia takes a step back to stand beside me. She levels a steeled gaze on him. The moonlight suddenly shining off her dress as if it's armour. "For shame Lucius. Such an indecent proposition. And at an affair like this too." Maia suddenly put to use all the tools that society and breeding had afforded her. "I think that it is no longer proper to continue this conversation. We will be going now."

Unfortunately the only way back was through the path between Malfoy and Severus. The wall of the ministry prevented going around on one side. A hedge maze, prevented escape on the other. Maia without pause took my hand, setting her head high walked straight through between them without pause of glance. I had to admit the way she managed to ignore them altogether was . . . frighteningly cool.

Severus grabs my other arm as I pass by him. It lacks the normal gentleness of his touch. I finally turn to meet his eyes. Big Mistake! They are cold and black. I can see them clearly. I've never seen this look from him before. I shiver.

He pulls me suddenly. Maia was taken by surprise and I'm pulled free. Or rather, I'm pulled into Severus grip. "Not yet. You promised me something earlier." His voice is chilling, but . . ."I intend to collect."

With lightning speed he grabs my head. Bringing his lips down hard on mine. His thumb forces my jaw down, for him. This was nothing like the last kiss between us. It was hard, demanding, almost cruel. It told not on love . . . but of pain, and possession. Just as suddenly he let me go.

I was truly in shock. My body went limp. If it wasn't for Maia, I'm not sure what would have happened. She grabs me and literally drags me into the hall (well I half walked, was half carried).

Maia's voice sounds so far off. "How I wish that Sebastian was here right now." I heard her say. "Hell, any one of the Marauders. They wouldn't have dared to try any of this. Len, you alright?"

I can feel where his fingers had dug into my arm. I still can't seem to shake out of this fog that has settled in my brain. The last thing I need right now is to go home to a million questions from my siblings.

I am mutely aware of sitting down. "Mr and Mrs Nightshade, would it be alright for Len to stay at my place tonight?"

I think that there was some comment about no clothes. Foolish argument really. Maia and I trade clothes all the time. I am in a haze. Nothing around me seems real. Maia suddenly steps on my foot. I slowly blink at her. She motions to my mother, who's looking at me very concerned.

"Are you alright, Lenore? You look pale?" Mum asks concerned.

"Fine." I manage to get out. Then I fake a yawn. "Just tired. I wasn't really expecting it to go this late." She nods in acceptance. Apparently, I must be a really good actress tonight. It seems that everyone believes me without question. I suddenly wish I was transparent.

The Crestwings' leave shortly after. I go with them. As soon as Maia closes the door to her room, I burst into tears. All I can get out is a strangled "Why?"

Snape's POV

I was partially thankful that the lights were raised for dinner. This meant that we would soon leave. Father believed that most of the true manipulation happened before the meal. I heard a plate fall behind our table. I refused to look back to see what the clumsy fool has dropped.

"Can you believe they sat us near . . . mudbloods?" I hear Father sneer. I usually cringe at these words. Less then 10 minutes ago I would have. However I suddenly agree.

"An outrage father." I reply bitterly. Especially, those mudbloods. I silently add. Again, less than 10 minutes before I would have been delighted at the seating, now, I was just annoyed. "Perhaps you should withdraw your generous contribution for such an insult."

I can't help but notice how Father seems to take an interest at these words. My new found bitterness might well please him, in his twisted world view. Which was suddenly making far more sense. Normally this would set off warning bells in my mind, but right now all I could hear were Lenore's words buzzing in my ears. I would never have believed that I would have agreed with him. I think I almost saw him smile approvingly at me.

After we finished eating, I was eagar to leave. However Father had seen someone that he simply could not leave without talking to. Taking mother with him he left our table. Lucius leaned over to me. He motioned to Maia, who was leaving the hall, alone.

"Wonder where that little cow went." He muses. Looking around the room. "You're girlfriend's vanished, again." I look at him coldly.

"What are going on about?" I hiss. I was so not in the mood for his prattle right now. I just wanted to be left alone.

"That mutt . . . Nightshade, she's up and left again. Wonder who she's on to now."

I felt my gut twist. Lenore, manipulating someone. I corrected myself . . . someone else. I knew that other guys would do what she wanted, fooled by her beauty and that mock- innocence, that was so convincing.

I notice the evil look in Lucius eyes. Shut up! Leave me alone! my mind screams at him. But my lips curl and reply, "What did you have in mind?"

A few minutes later, after leaving Crabbe and Goyle in the hall. Those two idiots would never have known how to play the game Lucius had in mind. I followed Lucius into the gardens. It seems that I was not the only one obsessing over a Ravenclaw. Lucius was set on finding and finishing what he'd started with Maia.

I spot them, walking in the garden. Len looks ill. Oh no, what's wrong? My mind screams. Why does the sight of her make me want to comfort her? I shake the ridiculous thought away. "Lucius." I motion to the girls. A fresh wave of pain washes over me at seeing her. No curse I have ever experienced had hurt this much. I resided my self not to care. Pushing it down.

"Perfect!" Lucius smiled wickedly. "Feel like some pay back?" He asked as we approach them. The wind carries the sent of Lenore's hair to me. I ball my hands against my favourable reaction.

Merlin she's beautiful! I steel myself against such thoughts. Not this time. I won't help her.

"Oh, you do seem to like secluded strolls." I heard Malfoy say. We were behind them. I remained quiet. Lucius likes to be the centre of attention. I prefer to watch and wait. One learns more that way.

"Please leave us alone." Maia orders.

"Sod off!" Lenore replies. Having turned to look at us. I notice that Lenore only looks at Lucius. I notice that Lenore glance of assessment, she must have noticed that Crabbe and Goyle are not flanking Lucius as usual. I am standing behind him a step to the left.

"Oh, but I had such fun things in mind. For both of you." Lucius silky voice.

Lenore looks as if she will be ill. Not that I care. However, I suddenly picture her throwing up all over Malfoy, that would definitely be amusing.

"Leave us alone. Or I'll give you a black eye." She threatens. To our mutual surprise he laughs. It's the way only a Malfoy can laugh, cold sardonic, cruel laugh, seething with a pretentious air. I watch the reaction to this. Maia seems to cringe back a bit, Len getting more defensive.

"Indeed. I expected no less from a Half-breed, mutt." He replied. He focuses his attention on Maia. He was disregarding Lenore's presence as much as she was mine. "However, dear, beautiful Maia. You have so much potential. All you'd have to do is trade up in your friends." His voice was silky, like a caress. His eyes burned a trail over Maia's form.

Maia, had obviously been shocked by him, either that or like so many other girls, was fascinated by Lucius. His eyes telling volumes of his obvious lust. He pressed on, not giving her time to find her tongue. Taking a step toward her. "I could show you things. Things that would make, even a Ravenclaw like you, blush. Things that would have you begging for me." With voice backed up the promise on his words.

I nearly scoffed at that. The truth was that Lucius was somewhat of a sadist, and care only for himself really. Although I knew of a few girls, the ones that had challenged him, at first anyway, who he'd made desire him, do anything for him.

Lenore looked suddenly worried. Not that I cared.

I however, could no longer stand for being ignored by her. Pretending I wasn't here, like I was beneath her notice. How dare she? I would not let her ignore me. I would make her take notice of me.

Malfoy continued on. His promises had Maia, a true Ravenclaw by nature, captivated. It whispered tones he adds. "I could have you howling at the moon. Begging me for more."

I saw her square her shoulders. That was not the usual reaction to that promise. Had Lucius overplayed this time? Part of me liking the thought that Lucius had failed to get what he wanted tonight. It seemed only fair to me.

Maia takes a step back to stand beside Lenore. She levels a steeled gaze on him. The moonlight suddenly shining off her dress as if it's armour. "For shame Lucius. Such an indecent proposition. And at an affair like this too." Maia suddenly put to use all the tools that society and breeding had afforded her, reminding us both that she is a pure-blood from a high family. Sadly I think that this only turned Malfoy on more. "I think that it is no longer proper to continue this conversation. We will be going now."

We had positioned ourselves so the only way back to the fundraiser was through the path between Malfoy and me. Maia without pause took Lenore's hand, setting her head high walked straight through between us without pause or glance. I had to admit the way she managed to ignore us, was fit for the most well bread Slytherin. I'm sure that Lucius enjoyed this show.

I had really had enough of Lenore ignoring my existence. I would show her. I grab her other arm as she passed by me. My rage and hurt turning my grip hard and unrelenting. Finally she turns to meet my eyes.

I know from the void I feel inside, from the pain that they are cold and black. With my hair back, I know that she can see them clearly. She looks confused and frightened. I feel her shiver, under my gaze.

I pull her suddenly. I yank her to me, away from Maia. "Not yet. You promised me something earlier." I order, my voice is chilling, even to my ears. I hold her eyes to mine, I want her to know. "I intend to collect."

With lightning speed I grab her head, not giving her time to react. Bringing my lips down hard on hers. I use my thumb forces my jaw down, for me. This was nothing like the last kiss between us. It was hard, demanding, almost cruel. It told not on love . . . but of pain, and possession. She needed to know that was what I felt for her now. I released her just as suddenly as I had grabbed her.

I felt her go limp. Maia looks at me furious, then at Lucius. She grabs hold of Lenore and quickly half walks, half carries her into the hall. I stare after them. They are afraid, I can see it. Lucius claps me on the back.

"Marvellous, good show. "He grins evilly.

"It's what she deserved." I reply. Her words "pig", "You're just like the others!", "pathetic" ring through my mind. Then why did I feel a great weight land in my stomach? Why did I have a buzzing pestering me, it sounded something like no she doesn't! ? I ignored both. Wanting only to go home. To be alone.

"It's somewhat of a shame. It looked like she enjoyed that. She may have been fun." Lucius continues. I roll me eyes, why can't he shut up? Go mute for five minutes? Just leave me alone?

"Severus!" Mother calls me. "Hurry up, your father wants to leave." I never thought that I'd so welcome that phrase. I wave mutedly to Lucius, as I join my mother. Lucius only like to hear the sound of his own voice anyway.

We get home. I bid my parents a good night, and had to my room. I walk alone through the dark cold halls, it seems very fitting. I reach my room, closing the door tightly. I am glad that it is far from my parents.

The weight in my stomach and on my shoulders was suddenly very great. I sank to the floor under the weight of it. I could feel tears start to fall down my face. After a few moments I crawl to the secret panel in the wall.

I stored the letters from Lenore in here. Suddenly, once so precious they now appear offensive to me. I took one out, the first one and began to read.

Hello Eri

I hope that you are having a wonderful summer holiday.

Lies!

I cast the letter away from me. Not caring where in went, or what happened to it. This once precious piece of parchment now meant nothing.

I begin to read another:

Sound's like you have a busy summer ahead of you. Don't worry about getting back to me if I should become troublesome. I won't take it personally.

Of course not. You'd rather not be bothered with Me. I sneer. I can feel the tears again.

I just like to converse (even by mail) with someone else on an intelligent level, every now and then.

Yes, at least she acknowledges your mind. See that's all she ever wanted. I tell myself. As if seeing for the first time, this "admission" of guilt that she was using me.

Hope you do manage to enjoy yourself, even a little, at these events of yours.

Lies! Lies! LIES!

I throw all the letters away from me. The sight of them, the very thought of them, pains me. It had been far crueller to do this, than just to have left me alone all summer.

I sneer at the scattered parchment on the floor. Something this evil, was almost worthy of the Dark Lord.

"For once I think Malfoy was right." I tell the darkness. "The best place to strike is always the heart." I swallow the growing lump. "I will never feel. I will never let myself be fooled like this again."

I rest there on the floor surrounded by Lenore's letters. I weep. With each tear I begin to form a wall. Building a fortress for the remains of my heart.