Meddling & Manipulations
Atton was sulking. There was no doubt about that. He sat in the cockpit by himself, shuffling his pazaak deck agitatedly. He could hear the rest of the crew enjoying themselves in the common area and it annoyed him. She was out there with them, laughing and cutting up. She shouldn't be with them, she should be here with him… or at the very least he should be in there with her. But, he didn't feel welcome out there for some reason. Everyone knew about them now, not that there had been any big secret about it before, but it was much more serious now and he didn't think he could go out there and pretend nothing had happened. And he damn sure wasn't going to go out there and fawn over her. Not after the way she had dumped him in the dirt earlier.
He'd been frustrated when she walked out of the cargo hold, but he'd assumed she'd be back once she dealt with the crew. He'd even destroyed the room's security camera while she was gone so that they'd have some real privacy when she got back. But she hadn't come back. He waited for a while, but he realized she wasn't coming when he heard her in the commons laughing with the rest of the crew. He'd thought about calling to her over their bond, but he damn sure wasn't going to appear desperate now. He could outwait her. He was pretty sure he could anyhow. His biggest problem had been that once she had wound up back out in the lounge there wasn't any way for him to get back to the cockpit without going by her.
He hadn't meant to look at her at all when he passed through, but he hadn't been able to help himself. She had been so cute, sitting there, shoving food into her face. She'd flushed slightly as he'd entered the room. She'd had that guilty look on her face too. The one that told him she knew exactly what she was doing to him. But at the same time, her aura told him that she was enjoying it thoroughly. Women.
What frustrated Atton the most about women was that there were only three kinds, and they all had major problems. First there was the boring kind. They were generally stupid and couldn't think for themselves enough to breathe, much less play a good game of pazaak or hold a decent conversation. The second kind of woman was capable and not exactly boring, but they were predictable. Predictable could be a lot of fun for a while, kind of like flying a speeder. Once you knew where all the buttons were, you could make them go wherever you wanted them to. But, like flying the speeder, after a while it just got to be a chore and you began to wonder why you thought it was fun in the first place.
The third kind of woman was the really frustrating kind but fortunately for his mental state, they were pretty rare. They were the ones that just when you thought you might have them figured out they went and changed the rules again. Vashti had been a perfect example of this kind. Back on Peragus, she'd wandered into his life in her underwear and then promptly began to play the prude.
He'd almost left her on Citadel station. He figured he could earn enough playing pazaak to bribe Czerka into a ride to Nar Shaddaa, but she had just expected him to stay, so he had. At first he just figured it was something to do, she needed a pilot, he needed a place to sleep, some food to eat, someone to play pazaak with and enough credits for the occasional glass of juma. But it didn't take him very long to realize that as long as that old witch was hanging around her he wasn't going to go anywhere. He knew that Vash didn't entirely trust the old hag, but he felt like he needed to be there as a sort of counterbalance. When Kreia had ripped his secrets out of him and threatened him in the Jedi Academy it had made him more protective of Vash. He would play along with Kreia's little game, but he would make sure he was there to pull Vash out when she got in over her head.
He'd been surprised by her constantly. She was much stronger than he'd expected but much more vulnerable as well. She constantly oscillated wildly between complete confidence and extreme fears of ineptitude. She treated everyone they met, including the crew, uniquely. She always seemed to know just what to say or do to gain favor with them. That is if they survived the first ten minutes. But it wasn't like she was one of those sleazy people who lied or pretended to be something they weren't to gain approval. No, she somehow always managed to really see things from the other person's point of view. Not only that, but she really was all those things that people admired her for.
She was strong. She was gorgeous. She was incredibly powerful, highly empathic, courageous, smart as a whip and she never failed to surprise him with all the things she was capable of. But at the same time, she never came across as superhuman. She always deferred to other's expertise even when she came close to or surpassed them in her own knowledge.
He had been very surprised when the first place they went after Telos was Nar Shaddaa. Even though he'd been talking about it since Peragus, he'd thought for sure she'd have wanted to go to one of the other "more civilized" planets first… particularly after the way she'd flushed when she saw the holo of Master Kavar that suggested he was likely on Onderon. He didn't know if anyone else noticed her reaction to the guy, but it had been obvious to him that she'd had a thing for him at one point. A thing that hadn't resolved itself completely during her exile… perhaps it had even grown over the years. So, needless to say, when she popped Nar Shaddaa into the hyperspace map, he was dumbfounded. He was even more amazed at how easily she had fit in there. Even knowing there was a price on her head, she had helped everyone she'd been able to. She had held her own against the most seasoned pazaak players and exchange bosses and had even had complete composure dancing for Vogga.
She had been a little reluctant to wear the costume at first, but she had quickly settled into the role of slave girl. Actually, she had seemed to really enjoy it. He had really enjoyed it as well… at first, but all those men looking at her on her way through the docks in that skimpy outfit… it had been more than he could handle. It had bothered him so much, that when they had been in the pazaak den later he had shamelessly flirted with that twi'lek pazaak whore just to try to annoy Vash as much as she had bothered him. It had worked… a little too well. She had given him the cold shoulder for the next day. It had been amusing at first, but by the time she started talking to him again, he was so grateful he'd almost hugged her. How pathetic. One day without her attention and he'd almost gone nuts.
He had been scared to death that she would find out about his past. That she would walk away and never look back. She was a Jedi. How could she not hate him for the things he had done? She had probably known (or at least known of) many of those he had killed or worse yet, turned. She knew it immediately, that's why she had asked the name of the woman who had given her life for his. But for some reason, when he'd finally told her, a tide of compassion and affection had swept over him. Rather than hating him for it, she had instead embraced him, his past, his pain. In that moment, she had understood him more than anyone one else ever had. She had willingly offered to train him right then, like she hadn't been surprised at all that he was force sensitive. She offered him forgiveness… not her forgiveness, but his own. She gave him the ability to make that woman's death mean something more than just turning a Sith torturer into a pazaak playing, juma swilling smart ass.
The months that had passed since she had begun training him to be a Jedi had been really enlightening. He'd learned so much from her but the role of teacher and student had kept them fairly separate. Their bond had grown over time, but the playful flirting she had done before had practically stopped. He'd blamed it on Mical at first. That snot nosed little suck up had really pissed him off with that stupid bow and his obsequious words. He couldn't believe it when Vashti had agreed for him to tag along. It had infuriated him when she started training him to become a Jedi as well. The only good thing about it was that it put him in the same position he was, her student. Of course, it had been a lot more fun when he was the only one she had been training. It hadn't been long though, before she was training Mira as well and then Bao too. He wondered sometimes if she drew force sensitives to her or if she actually caused their sensitivity to manifest itself.
It had been after she met with Kavar the second time, just before this trip, that Vashti had started treating him differently. She had insisted that he accompany her and the old bat to Onderon to help Queen Talia. He had been fuming when she and Kavar had walked off and had an intimate little chat. The man obviously admired her. He was drawn to her as they all were. But he was the one she'd had a crush on. He was the one who made her nervous. She had hugged him before they left and Atton had felt like ripping the older man's head off right then. But something weird happened when she walked back over to Atton. She stood closer to him than she normally did. She made more eye contact, she smiled more… she was flirting with him? Now?
How in the hell did it make any sense at all for her to suddenly warm up to him, after talking to Kavar? He didn't understand it, not at all. But he certainly wasn't going to complain. Even if he was just a surrogate for her feelings for the older man he knew he had to take advantage of her sudden change of demeanor and see if he couldn't make it a permanent thing. He'd done a pretty good job of it the night before he thought. But today, he wasn't quite as sure. He was torn between waiting it out and making her come to him or running out there and dragging her off to the cargo hold and showing her exactly how he felt about her.
It was thoughts like that one that were going to have him going mad soon. He hoped desperately that she would seek him out shortly. He didn't know how much longer he could sit in the cockpit, pretending to play pazaak and watching the cloudy blur of hyperspace. He didn't know what he'd do if she didn't come. Worse yet, what if she didn't come and he went to her and she rejected him? He had been so confident in the middle of the night, now he was a mess - a giant jumble of hormones and fears. Why, for Force's sake, was he drawn to the one person that could really hurt him? What it is about human nature that makes them crave and fear vulnerability at the same time?
Yes, Atton was sulking. And it was as he sat in the cockpit, shuffling his side deck, mulling over his current state that he was suddenly disturbed by the large Mandalorian man settling into the seat beside him.
Atton just looked over at him and almost growled. The old man chuckled briefly and began speaking conspiratorially, "You shouldn't have to wait much longer. She'll come drag you out of here fairly soon if you keep this up." Atton narrowed his eyes questioningly. "You've got her on the run, boy! She doesn't know which way is up. And she's wanting you to show her." Canderous chuckled again with a sly wink. "Of course, it's too soon for that. You need to make her really sorry she ditched you. Give her the cold shoulder for a while after she comes to see you."
"You don't think she'd just get pissed off and go away?" Atton asked.
"Oh, she'll get pissed off all right. But, as you saw this morning, that's a good thing!" He let out another throaty chuckle, "Have to love fiery Jedi women, don't you? I once got Bastila so angry with me that she put me in stasis and… well…" the old man's grin widened considerably at the memory, "let's just say that as soon as my job is done here I am jumping the first freighter for home, taking my woman straight to bed and not coming out for at least a week."
Atton blanched, not entirely comfortable with hearing about the large man's love life, as Canderous stood and ambled back down the hallway to the commons. The younger man shook his head, wondering what in the world had brought on that little visit.
After lunch, Vashti had wandered to the garage to tinker with her light sabers. It was relaxing work, and she needed something to take her mind off the negative bundle of energy that was assaulting her from the cockpit. She knew he was trying to block her from feeling his emotions, but there wasn't any way he could block all of it. She wasn't ready to go deal with him again yet. She didn't know if she was afraid of him or if she just enjoyed the idea of him sulking over her. Regardless, she wasn't ready to deal with his emotions right now. Hers were confusing enough.
As if the roller coaster of emotions she had been riding for the last 24 hours weren't enough, she was now beginning to feel guilty! Atton was angry with her, and really, she deserved it. She should have gone back in there. She knew it, but the idea of everyone on the ship snickering at them their imaginations going wild about what might be happening behind the locked cargo hold door really bothered her. She was an intensely private person. Sure, she enjoyed making a spectacle of herself occasionally, like with the pazaak game all those years ago, or the time during her exile she had worked as a dancer in some cantina somewhere past the outer rim, or, more recently, dancing for Vogga… well ok, she hadn't actually enjoyed dancing for the hideous hutt, but she had thoroughly enjoyed the walk to and from the docks and all the stares she had received from random passersby. She had really enjoyed how each stare had made Atton fume. She certainly enjoyed getting a rise out of him. But the truth was that she enjoyed being on display when she chose to be, not when it was thrust upon her. This ship was just too damn small for this sort of thing.
Too bad she hadn't thought of that last night. She'd liked to have blamed it on the Juma, but she knew better. Alcoholic beverages never made her do anything she didn't want to do in the first place. So she had wanted to be close to him – for him to pull her close and hold her. She wanted it now as well. Her body ached for his embrace – to feel his body pressed against hers… she wondered how much longer they were going to be stuck on this ship. She didn't know if she could wait that long. Heck, she probably couldn't wait till Dantooine.
"General?" the quiet voice interrupted her introspection and she smiled at her old friend and acknowledged his question. "What are you doing back here?" He asked her. "You've not got much time left before Dantooine and who knows how many chances you'll get to set things right after that. Go to him. Work things out. There is no need for all this turmoil. You two are clearly crazy about each other."
Vashti blinked. Bao always had a way of simplifying things. She supposed that was why he was so good at fixing things. He was always able to look past all the extra circuits and switches and see the real problem and devise a simple straightforward solution. Too bad we're not machines, Bao would have us worked out in no time. She smiled at him, "It's not quite that easy. This ship is too small. We need to get away."
"So go lock yourselves in the cargo hold for the next day," he suggested. She blushed.
"I can't stand the thought of everyone snickering and speculating about what might be going on if we were to do that." She responded with a frown. "Ugh, it's just creepy thinking about it."
"Then don't think about it, General. We would all disappear if we could if it meant you could have a few moments of self indulgence."
"Jedi aren't supposed to be self indulgent." She spoke quietly, as if this was the first time she had considered that she was breaking the code by feeling these things.
"Everyone should be self indulgent sometimes, General. You can't expect any machine to run without refueling itself somehow. People are the same."
"But I should be refueling from the force, not some torrid love affair." She responded.
"Perhaps, General. But I don't believe you really feel that way. The force is interconnection with life. How could bonding with another life form in that way not bring you to a greater understanding of it?" He patted her briefly on the shoulder and then left her with her thoughts again.
Why had she even argued that with him? It wasn't like she really felt she was doing anything wrong. Many of the rules of the Jedi were just ancient guidelines for living that some overbearing windbag had decided to make mandatory. How many good and decent Jedi had the order lost because they felt the call of love? And for what? To hold to some misguided ideal?
Talking with Kavar had blown away any of the remaining hesitations she'd had. It was sort of sad to see him so much older and lonelier than ever. At least when he had been around other Jedi there was always a certain level of intimacy. You were surrounded by men and women who could sense your moods and anticipate your actions. You were never alone. It had been enough for Kavar. He loved everyone in the temple. A true, pure love, that could only come from the force, but it had been love. Vashti saw what he had become. She saw the hurt etched in his face from every death of his brethren. He had loved them all and he bore the pain of losing them. While he had told her of his pain when his padawan had left to follow Revan, Vashti realized that some people were drawn to relationships with others. They wouldn't not form just because of some code or just because you abstained from the physical side of things. The Jedi teachings said that personal relationships brought forth dangerous emotions. But the truth was, for people like her and Kavar the lack of intimacy was just as dangerous if not more. Disconnecting yourself from those around you made you not care when you hurt them. It made you seek out only your own gratification. Those were the emotions that led to the dark side. She wondered what Kavar could have had if he had allowed himself to love one person totally and completely. What had he missed by pretending to follow a code he'd already broken? As she had walked away from Kavar and towards Atton she had decided that she wasn't going to restrict her own affections any longer. She suddenly felt truly free.
T3 rolled into the cockpit and chirped happily at Atton. The man growled, "I'm not in the mood, get out of here." T3 warbled a question, "No, I don't want you to take over, I'm fine. GO AWAY." The little droid didn't leave, but rather sat there for a moment whirring quietly.
After a moment it started chirping again, this time it was a long series of chirps and warbles and as it went on Atton's jaw dropped. He didn't catch everything it was saying, but he was pretty sure he heard, "master… go… coupling… happy… now… before too late…?" The DROID was giving him advice on his love life now?
Atton stood up and glared down at T3. He pulled his blaster off his belt and fiddled with the settings for a moment. T3 whirred nervously and as Atton aimed his blaster at the little droid, it turned quickly and began wheeling itself down the hall. Not fast enough though, Atton pulled the trigger and hit it twice on its backside while retreating. Nothing to hurt it, but maybe it would leave him alone now.
He slumped back in his chair and braced himself for the chiding that was sure to come next as he heard the calm footsteps of the zabrak in the hallway.
"What?" Atton asked defensively as Bao entered the cockpit.
"Did you really just shoot at T3?" the zabrak asked as he settled into the co-pilot's chair.
"Yeah, what of it?"
"Well, if he offered to take over the flying duties for you, you probably should have taken it, rather than shooting him."
"That's not what I shot him for," Atton replied grumpily, "I asked him to leave, but he didn't and then… well… then I shot him."
"Atton, you need to get out of here. You need to go try to fix things with her, before it's too late."
Atton spoke through a clenched jaw, "I'm not going anywhere. If she wants things fixed she's going to have to come find me. Not like she doesn't know where I am."
"The General is a complicated woman, she is scared now, for whatever reason, and she needs you to help her forget her fears." Bao stood and walked out quietly.
Vashti was still at the workbench, fiddling with random parts when Mical found her. "Vashti…" he began hesitantly. She closed her eyes a moment and then turned to him with a forced smile. He continued, "I believe that you need to resolve the issue that is weighing on your heart." He paused, trying to judge her demeanor. "You two clearly need to work things out… get it over with. The tension is driving the rest of the crew nuts."
"Oh really?" She snapped at him. "So I'm just supposed to go in there and talk to him so that you and the rest of you can feel better, even though you guys are the ones who interrupted it all in the first place?"
"Um, well…" he stammered.
"HK, what do YOU think I should do about my current predicament? I haven't heard from you yet!" She snapped at the droid who was quietly standing in the corner of the garage.
"Statement: Master, I cannot understand your attraction to the meatbag Rand. But you clearly favor him and wish to make him your plaything." Vashti turned bright red. "Conclusion: Since you have already decided your eventual course of action, I cannot see what purpose these delays serve."
"It's that obvious, eh?" Vashti said more to herself than anyone else. "OK, fine, you guys win. I'll get on with it, but I'm going to need your help." She glanced at Mical, Bao and HK and received nods from each of them.
"What do you need us to do, General?"
Atton flinched as he heard yet another set of footsteps heading his direction. Mical, yech. He scowled and refused to look at the younger man as he settled into the seat beside him. "You're smart to stay holed up here. You know you don't have anything to offer her. You're only protecting her from getting hurt by you."
"You think you can offer her more?" Atton asked incredulously.
"Well, yes, but that's not my point," he hesitated as he shot Atton a look and noticed the older man's disposition sour visibly. "She is at a very vulnerable place right now. Her hormones are confusing her and she has foolishly interpreted her natural physical cravings as more than what they are."
Atton's face scrunched up in confusion, "So you're saying she's just attracted to me because she's horny?"
"Well, it's slightly more complicated than that, but yes." Mical mulled it over a minute, "If you weren't her pupil, I would probably encourage you to go ahead and let her… express… these desires with you, especially considering your past history with women."
"Hey! What do you know of my 'past history'?" Atton raised his voice considerably.
"Oh, well, perhaps I assume too much. It would just seem obvious to me that anyone with your general demeanor has to have had considerable experience with women of all sorts. Most of those experiences being very short lived."
The older man frowned. "So you're saying that if she wasn't training me, you'd want me to seduce her so she could get it out of her system?"
"Precisely," Mical replied with a smile.
"But since I am her student…?"
"Well, that complicates things. It would be practically impossible for her to not feel guilty afterward and rather than it just being a physical release, it would get emotionally messy. She would confuse the bond between master and padawan and the physical expression and would likely foolishly begin to think she loved you or something ridiculous like that."
"Yeah, cause that's so ridiculous. She couldn't possibly love someone like me." Atton said sarcastically.
"Well, it would be foolish of her to love you, when you're likely to scurry off after you've used her for your own selfish indulgences."
"Why you… " Atton began angrily.
"Atton, I didn't mean to offend. I was only commenting on how wise you were being to distance yourself from her now. How unselfish you were being, letting her find another way to work through her physical conflicts."
"Another way?" Atton asked sharply, "What do you mean another way?"
Mical just smiled smugly to himself as he stood and walked out of the cockpit. "Oh, you don't need to concern yourself with that. You just make sure you stay out of her way so she doesn't get confused again."
Atton fumed. What the hell was that about? If that simpering child thought that he was going to do anything with Vashti… He would have something to say about that. He couldn't restrain his curiosity any longer and making sure no one was coming he ducked into the security room and started checking cameras.
Mical was headed towards the garage, where apparently Vashti was working at the workbench. He walked in behind her and placed his hand on her shoulder. Pulling her away from her work, he hugged her. She hugged him back and Atton's eyes narrowed at the screen. She was leaning into that hug way too much for it to be just a friendly thing. Mical whispered to her and then took her by the hand and began to lead her out of the garage. Atton began flipping through the different cameras trying to discern where he was leading her, but he didn't see them on any of them. After a moment he realized, he'd taken her to the cargo hold. Atton's knuckles whitened as he gripped the console. She wasn't interested in him, right? Hadn't she just told him last night that she thought of him as a little brother? Of course, she had been practically dripping with desire while meditating with him this morning. Sith spit.
Atton stormed down the hallway towards the common area, intending to go to the cargo hold and give Mical a piece of his mind, but the hallway was blocked by homicidal droid with a very large shock arm.
"Let me by, HK." Atton growled.
"Statement: The master thought you might decide to interfere, so she suggested I use any means necessary to keep you on this end of the ship." HK's red eyes flashed violently.
"Damn it, HK. I am NOT in the mood!" He was yelling now, and Bao stuck his head out of the garage to see what was going on.
"Is there a problem?" the zabrak asked quietly.
"Will you get this damned metallic freak out of my way?" Atton yelled angrily.
"Statement: I must follow the master's orders. She requested that I detain you here. You will not pass until she has given instruction otherwise."
Atton glowered a moment and then grinned maniacally as he raised his hand, using his destroy droid technique quickly followed by a force wave to get the heap of junk out of his way.
"Atton, you can't go in there," Bao said walking over to the now deactivated droid. "You won't like what you find. I told you that you needed to work it out before it was too late." Atton hesitated momentarily, suddenly a little frightened of what he might find.
The Mandalorian piped up from where he was standing, "Are you going to let her go that easily, fool? Aren't you going to fight for your woman?"
Mira glanced over her shoulder from where she was sitting on the sofa at him. "You'd probably be better off staying away right now. She's in quite the mood…"
Atton looked from Canderous to Mira and over to Bao as he mulled over what they had said. It only took him a moment, however, to make up his mind and he stormed off towards the cargo hold. He didn't see the collective grins on his companion's faces as he turned the corner in the hallway.
Atton was almost running now, too scared of what he might find to slow down, for fear he wouldn't have the courage to keep going. As he tore around the corner he noticed T3 sitting just outside the cargo hold door. The little droid warbled at him mournfully as he pushed his way past the droid and into the cargo hold, stopping just inside the door. Confusion crept over him as he saw only Vashti sitting on the floor apparently meditating. He began to look around and had the faint impression of someone behind him, by the door. He turned just in time to see Mical duck out the door behind him, activating the door control with a grin as the door closed.
Atton bewilderedly shook his head as he heard the little droid chirping happily in the hall, the sounds of his security arm activating the locks on the door. "What the hell?" he said aloud. Still trying to decipher all that had happened.
"Hello, flyboy," Vashti purred from her spot on the floor, "it sure took you long enough to get here."