A/N: In my hurry to post the last chapter before running out the door I forgot to say thanks for all the really nice reviews. Fortunately, I chose to completely avoid doing anything actually productive today so that I could hurry up and write this chapter. So I can make up for it by posting my replies here. I'm planning on writing one more chapter, as sort of an epilogue to the game. And then hopefully, I'll be able to step away from my keyboard and get back to the rest of my life.
Kuramas Girl Angel, Nina Rand, gekkeiju, Aeryn and Rachil Fayrchild - Thank you all for the kind notes and the encouragement. It's due to comments like yours that I kept going... So you can only blame yourselves!
SilverShadow: I was really touched by your last review, especially since the whole reason I wound up here, writing this junk is that I followed a link off a kotor message board to Atton's Redemption a few months ago. So again, you only have yourself to blame! I'm glad you liked my silly fighting scene. It's good to know that the strange looks I got from my kids while swinging their toy lightsabers around trying to work out the battle sequences were worth it.
Revan's Pet Duck: I'm glad I could inspire you to random weirdness. Weirdness is what I live for.
LuvsDelkoSpeed: I'm flattered :D But if this is the best story you've read so far, you've got a lot more reading to do!
Trillian: I was very pleased to read that you like my characterization of Atton. I always feel like I get him wrong somehow... or maybe not enough. I'm not sure. As far as poor Disciple goes... I feel much the same way you do, and have considered writing a little romance between him and Mira just for kicks. But then I start to feel sorry for the poor girl... It's not that I don't like Mical, I (and my character) like him quite well,we just find him boring as all heck. The only good thing about him in game is that when you're wandering around the ship, trying to get your crewmates to talk to you, he's the only guy who really will. Of course, he says the same stuff over and over and over again... but the "you're an impressive specimen" line is way better than the "Never mind." you get with Bao, or the "Wanna play pazaak?" you get with Atton. Of course, the accent is irritating and he's just so... boring. I'd love to see someone bring some life to him, so if you're up to the challenge, go for it!
And now, for the main event...
Alone at Last
Atton turned slowly toward Vashti, his jaw clenched almost angrily. Once he'd realized what she'd just done to him, he was slammed with two very conflicting emotions. Anger, that she hadn't just come in and talked to him, and elation that she had gone through all that trouble just to get him locked in here with her. But, he also remembered Canderous' words earlier in the day. Make her pay. Don't let her get away with ditching you.
"What? Done with your boy toy and want to play with a real man now?" Atton began with a snarl, pushing more anger into his voice than he really felt.
Vashti regarded him amusedly. "Something like that," she said with a chuckle.
Atton frowned, "You know, if you really wanted to spend time with me this badly, you could have just asked."
She smirked, "Yeah, I know. But what would be the fun in that? Besides, I think you're way more interesting when you're angry."
He glowered down at her. She was still sitting cross legged on the floor and she wore her simple tunic and pants that she generally wore under robes. She was barefoot, and her long brown braids hung in front of her shoulders rather than coiled around her head in their usual fashion. Her vivid blue eyes sparkled with warmth. Damn she's gorgeous. He frowned more as a grin flickered across her face, clearly indicating that she had heard that.
"Damn it, woman, what the hell do you want from me? I am sick and tired of being played for a fool." He paced across the floor now.
She shrugged. "I just wanted to stop being hounded by the rest of the crew. Locking us in here together was Bao's idea. I just played along."
"Well, babe, don't stick around on my account. I'm sure you've got more important things to do than spend time with me." He snapped.
"Well, while I might actually want to take you up on that considering your foul mood, no can do, flyboy. They've locked us in and they're not going to unlock the door until we're approaching Dantooine. There's no way to unlock the doors from the inside. So unless you're so unwilling to stay with me that you'd rather take your lightsaber to the door, I'd suggest you have a seat. It's going to be a long day with you pacing constantly."
Atton tapped his lightsaber restlessly and eyed the door. Part of him wanted to do whatever he had to do to escape. Not because he didn't want to be here with her, but because he hated being out of control.
"I don't think Bao would appreciate me leaving another mess for him to fix. So, I guess we'd better try to work things out then," he said grumpily as he began to really contemplate his surroundings, "couldn't you at least have brought in a chair or two?"
Vashti chuckled and stood and stretched. "Nope, no chairs sorry," she said as she began digging through one of the nearby containers. She pulled out several thick blankets and stacked them on the floor close to one wall. Then she pulled out a container of juma, a couple of glasses and a small box with all sorts of food sticking out of it. She smiled at him alluringly as she set the foodstuffs in the center of the blanket and sat on the edge of it, her back against the wall. She took one of the glasses and filled it with Juma and smiled as she took a long sip, the fruity warmth searing her throat. "You're welcome to share some of my supplies… since you didn't think to bring any for yourself." She grinned up at him.
"Well, no one told me there was going to be a picnic in the cargo hold, or I would have brought my hoverball." He said still sounding grumpy as he settled himself down on the blanket on the other side of the box. He leaned back against the wall after filling his own glass with juma. "Thirty-six hours till we come out of hyperspace at Dantooine… are they really not going to let us out till then?"
She nodded, "Yeah, I think so. I hope you brought your pazaak deck. Otherwise this could get really boring," she shot him a glance and saw an amused grin as he glanced over at her.
"Damn it, I left my deck in the cockpit. I guess we'll just have to sit here and stare at the walls instead…" after a moment of theatrically staring at the wall across from them, he said, "wow, it's really dark and grey in here.." They sat there drinking quietly for a few minutes in companionable silence. After a bit he reached over and took her hand into his. He stroked her palm lightly with his fingertips, "I guess Bao was wrong…" he said quietly, "he told me I wouldn't like what I'd find in here…"
She grinned, "yeah, you never could resist a nice glass of juma."
"Hey, I…" he started to protest, but then realized she was teasing him. "Hmph. I'm not sure we have enough juma to keep me happily locked in this room for 36 hours."
"Well, I think I have something that could help you sleep, if you get too bored."
A grin swept across his face, "I just bet you do…" he said lewdly.
She blanched. "That's NOT what I meant!" He snorted. "Ugh, you are infuriating! How is it you can turn everything I say into an innuendo?"
"Babe, the things you say don't need to be turned into anything. You're the one making the innuendos. I'm just pointing them out."
She stammered, "No way, flyboy, you twist things all by yourself, all I meant was that there are some sleeping pills over in one of those bins…"
"Riiight, so you didn't mean to suggest at all that you might enjoy helping me get to sleep…"
"I didn't mean to, no." She answered him grumpily.
"Ah, but you're not denying you would like to," he grinned at her as she blushed. She was so damn cute when she got flustered. "Mical said you were just interested in me because you're horny." Her eyes got big and her face reddened even more. "I thought about it a lot, wondering if you really did view me as just another piece of meat. An itch that needed to be scratched… If I did pursue you, would it just wind up being some torrid night of passion, gratifying each other physically over and over but going our separate ways in the morning?"
"Atton, it's not…"
"But then I realized…" He interrupted her with a grin, "I can live with that…"
Her eyes widened even more as she involuntarily smacked him on the shoulder. "Of all the…" she started angrily, but he interrupted her again.
"You didn't let me finish, princess," he said with a grin as he leaned over towards her, bringing his face close to hers, placing a finger on her lips. "When it comes to getting to be with you, I'll take anything I can get. If it's just flying your ship, I'm there. Need me to help you save the galaxy, you got it. Any affection you want to show me, I'll take gratefully, even if I am just getting Kavar's table scraps."
"What?" Vashti yelled in spite of the finger pressed against her lips. "Kavar's table scraps? Are you suggesting that Kavar's already gotten the best of me?" She was incredulous. How could he even believe anything remotely close to that?
"Oh, come on, babe." He rocked back away from her and slumped against the wall, "You know as well as I do you had (have) a serious thing for him. Your feelings for him are strong and he unlocked something in you the other day… something that made you want to give into your passions. Even if you can't have him."
Vashti was dumbfounded. "You think I'm in love with Kavar? Sith spit! He's cute and all and sweet and force knows I did have a crush on him when I was a kid and yeah, I get a little starry eyed around him, but damn that doesn't mean I want him or anything!"
"You are seriously in denial, babe." Atton's expression had soured.
"No, I'm not!" She yelled at him. "If I wanted him, I damn sure wouldn't be in here with you! What kind of person do you think I am?"
"I didn't mean it like that," he snapped back at her. "Damn it woman, I was trying to… ugh, never mind." He took a long drink from his glass of juma, almost draining it. "All I know is that I saw a mutual attraction between the two of you on Onderon. But when you come back from talking to him, you're suddenly flirting with me. It sounds like transferred affections to me. You can't be with him, so you'll take whatever you can get."
"It's not like that at all, Atton," she spoke a little more quietly this time. "Kavar is very much like me and I saw the way the deaths of his friends weighed on him. And it occurred to me that refusing a physical relationship hadn't spared him from any of life's pain. So why refuse the happiness it can bring?" She looked over at him, hoping he understood what she was trying to say. "Yeah, Kavar unlocked something in me, that's true… but he unlocked the feelings for you that I'd been repressing."
The man smiled as he rubbed his chin. "Really?" He asked a chuckle coming into his voice.
"Yes, REALLY!" Vashti playfully snapped back at him. "But what were you trying to say before you referred to me as table scraps."
"Nooooo, babe, that's not what I meant…" he sighed. "Anyhow… what I was trying to say… is that I'm here. To be used by you, in whatever capacity you desire. And if you want to space me tomorrow, well, at least I'll die having spent my last day being close to you."
"Force, Atton, that's really sappy." She said with mock scorn.
"I know!" Atton agreed heartily. "Don't think I enjoy being this pitiful, because believe me… I don't."
She grinned. "I actually think it's pretty cute. It kind of reminds me of how you were begging me to let you out of the force cage on Peragus. There's that hint of desperation… that fear in your eyes that I'll just leave you there…"
"The complete bewilderment at being face to face with a jedi goddess in her underwear." Atton added dryly.
Vashti snickered. "You always go back to that, don't you?"
"Hey, that's one first impression I don't ever want to forget. Mmmmmm."
"That was one of the images I saw in your head last night," she added thoughtfully. "You'd changed it up a little though. All your images of me in your head are embellished… it's kind of scary. You don't remember my flaws."
"What would be the fun in fantasizing about your flaws?" He asked, honestly a little perplexed at her issue with it.
"They're a part of me… and one day, you won't be able to overlook them so easily. It's better to embrace them now…"
"Hey, I know you're not perfect. But, can I help it if I prefer remembering you in a black bikini instead of that weird jumpsuit?"
Vashti giggled. "I'm going to have to find myself a black bikini then," she said as she drained her glass of juma. "You know, it's kind of surprising with all the looting we've done in the last few months we didn't come across at least one bikini."
"Yeah, I'm surprised they're not standard issue for those Sith assassins." He added with a chuckle as he refilled both their glasses.
Vashti pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. "Atton," she said after a long moment of contemplative silence. "Can you show me an image of that woman? Let me see one of your memories of her?"
Atton shifted uncomfortably against the wall. "I'd rather not think about it." He said with a frown.
"But you do think about her… a lot, don't you?" Vashti looked over at him. "You don't have to if you don't want… but I would like to know who I should be thankful to for helping you get to me."
He nodded slowly, reaching out and taking Vashti's hand. "Just an image though, I don't want to think about those things right now." He closed his eyes and waited till he felt her presence. You have to help pull me out if I get sucked into the memory. He instructed her.
I'm right here… go ahead, I just want an image. Suddenly an image of a black haired woman leapt into Vashti's mind. The woman's eyes were dark and scared and yet there was compassion there as well, love.
"Atton," she spoke aloud wanting to draw him out of the memory. "I saw her, thank you."
Atton nodded, a little pale. "You did know her, didn't you?"
Vashti nodded almost imperceptibly. "Yeah, she was a few years ahead of me at the academy. Tanvi Leir. I didn't really know her, but she was a good woman. She had a strong propensity for visions." Vashti stopped for a moment taking a long drink, "She probably wasn't lying when she said she came to find you. She had probably seen you in her meditations and likely saw her death…"
Atton gripped her hand tightly, "I'm sorry… I shouldn't have… I…"
"Ssshhhhh, there's no need to apologize, she thought your life worth saving, or she wouldn't have been there."
"I shouldn't have been there, I shouldn't have followed them…" he added his voice sounding scratchy.
"We all have our regrets. Everyone does. But in the end, the force has its will and it will be done."
"You really believe that?" Atton scoffed.
"Yeah, I do. I don't understand it… but maybe one day…"
They sat there, their fingers intertwined and their thoughts heavy. Vashti began to grow sorry that she had ruined the good mood. "It's the pain that has enabled us to fight now. The Sith teach to embrace the pain and let it fuel your anger. But I believe real pain causes us to temper our decisions. Helps us make good choices. It is because of the heaviness of our hearts that we can stand up to these Sith. Because we know the weight of the guilt of making the wrong choice."
"Yeah, but if we fell, we could pretend it wasn't the wrong choice and not feel guilty."
"Then why did you leave them?"
He smiled grimly, "because I couldn't stop the guilt or the pain. I didn't want them to stop either. As long as I hurt, I knew I was still alive."
She nodded and raised his fingers to her mouth, pressing her lips against them gently. She gazed at his hand then, admiring its masculinity. "Where'd you get this scar?" she asked as she traced the line from his knuckles down past his wrist.
"A knife in a bar fight when I was 19." He said with a chuckle.
"Ouch." She showed him a similar spot on her elbow. "I've got one of those too… from my exile. That was one of the worst things about not having the force. The scarring with just kolto is horrible."
He nodded and leaned forward, pulling his hair apart just behind the right side of his forehead exposing a deep gash, long healed. "Crash landing during the Mandalorian war."
"So you've always crashed a lot, have you?" She asked teasingly.
"Only when I'm being shot at, but hey, most people die when they get shot at… I just crash." He shrugged.
She turned away from him and showed him a nasty gash on the back of her neck. "I got that when I was learning how to fly a speeder. I crashed and burned big time…"
He grinned, "So then it's a good thing we don't let you fly this thing?"
"Oh yeah. Too many buttons for me. I panic. Forget where the brake is…"
"You're joking?" He asked her, laughing.
"I wish I was," she replied grimly. "Why do you think I never gave you the option to leave? No way was I going to be flying this thing anywhere."
"Hmph. And here it was I was thinking it was because you couldn't get your mind off my manly good looks."
"Well, they definitely played a factor." She shot him a playful grin.
"But wait, didn't you fly your own ship during your exile?"
"Yeah, I did. But that doesn't mean I'm any good at it."
"Wow, something you're actually not good at… I'm shocked." He teased. "Is there anything else that you're not any good at?"
"Home decorating." She said, quite seriously. "It always bothered me that all the girls I knew always had their rooms at the academy all coordinated… pictures, stuff…it was weird. I tried once… but it was really sad."
Atton laughed, "How so?"
"Well… I don't know… it just never seemed to work when I did it… A friend came over once and spruced my room up… but it didn't take long before the datapads and gadgets were covering all the surfaces again." She shrugged.
He snickered, "Ok, anything else you'd like to confess to being bad at?"
"I can't fix hair for the life of me." She waved a braid at him. "This is it. Two braids, wrap them, pin them. That's all you get."
He reached over, taking the braid she was waving at him and ran his fingers over it lightly. "I like your hair," he said absentmindedly as he ran his fingers to the end, pulling the band off. He slowly unraveled her braid, his fingers pulling through the strands. "It's still damp."
She nodded, "Yeah, it was still pretty wet when I braided it this morning. It takes days to dry sometimes when it's been braided. I don't think it dried the entire time we were on Dxun." He smiled and moved closer to her so he could unravel her other braid. She laid her head on her knees as he combed through her hair with his fingers. "This is why twi'leks will never really do it for me…" he said his voice just above a whisper.
She grinned, "I can't stand the stuff. Half the time I think I should just chop it all off go for something shorter, less heavy. But, I never do. I don't have to think about it this way."
"Good." She let him play with her hair for a while. She had always loved having her hair played with. It had been a very long time since anyone had though. She sighed contentedly just as her stomach rumbled loudly.
She sat up, and patted her stomach. "Are you as hungry as I am?" She asked him as she began pulling some food out of the nearby box.
He was quiet and she paused her rummaging for a moment and looked at him. His gaze made her look away fast. "Yeah, I'm very hungry." He said quietly as he tucked her hair behind her ear. She jumped as his fingers grazed her ear and then her neck. Her heart raced. She shifted nervously away from him, reaching to the far side of the box to try to find some imaginary item.
He grinned, "Why so nervous, Vash?" he asked, as his fingertips ran down her arm.
"I.. uh…" she stammered, "Well, it's been a long time…" she frowned grimly.
"It's been a long time for me too. But why the frown?"
"I just feel so…" she paused, trying to find the right word and he frowned back at her, "vulnerable."
"I'm not going to hurt you, Vash." He started, confused by her sudden discomfort.
"No, it's not that… it's very hard to explain." She hesitated a moment, playing nervously with her hands. "I've never really done this before." He looked very confused suddenly. "No… I don't mean I've never done that… it's just that it was very different then… I was different then."
"Without the force, you mean?" he asked her, trying to understand.
"Sort of, but not exactly. I like you…" she looked at him hesitantly, his eyes sparkled with amusement. "Damn it, you're trying to make me nervous now, aren't you?"
He grinned and pulled her closer to him, wrapping his arm around her waist her back pressed against his chest, "I like you, too." He whispered, his hot breath tickling her ear. She tried to bolt, but he kept her there with his arm and began kissing her neck gently as his other hand ran gently from her throat to her collarbone and down her arm. She sighed loudly, relaxing into his grip significantly. "There, now why don't you try explaining that to me again," he murmured between hot kisses.
"Ummmm… can't think…" she muttered back to him.
"Good, even better." He kissed her collarbone then, and then her jaw line. She turned her head over her shoulder towards him. Their eyes met for a brief moment before he kissed her, gently, sweetly, but hungrily. Her whole body answered his kiss. Her pulse raced, and she couldn't keep from pressing against him. He broke the kiss and gazed at her for a moment. Her eyes fluttered open and she met his gaze. He smiled at her and slid his hand up from her waist inside her tunic as he kissed her again.
They went on like that, slowly trading kisses as clothing was shed. They explored each other hungrily and as their bodies intertwined their minds became interwoven as well. They found solace in each other's arms and for one brief moment all the pain that hung on them - the death that weighed down their souls - vanished in the sheer bliss of their intimacy.
They awoke early the next morning, their bodies still intertwined. He nuzzled her hair affectionately as she sighed into his chest. "You're right," he whispered quietly, "This is the best kind of serenity." She giggled and nodded.
"When did I say that?" She asked still sleepy.
"Somewhere between the 2nd and 3rd round." He nibbled her neck affectionately.
"Hrmmm… I don't remember… it's all just a blur. A really, really incredible blur…" she murmured into his chest.
"Just ask and I'll be happy to show you again what you missed."
"Mmmm, I'll take you up on that… after breakfast." She sat up and grimaced. "Damn it, I have to use the 'fresher…"
He chuckled, "Plastisteel cylinder?" he suggested.
"Ew, no…" she closed her eyes and concentrated a moment. "Good everyone's still asleep." She began sorting through the pile of clothes strewn about the floor and threw Atton's at him. "Get dressed," she instructed him as she pulled her clothes on. He did as she asked, and as she dug through the nearby box he pulled his pazaak deck out of his pocket absentmindedly and began shuffling.
She pulled a small device out of the box and glared down at him. "I thought you said you didn't have your deck?"
He grinned up at her with a triumphant smirk, "yeah… well, I lied."
She shook her head, clucking her tongue lightly against her teeth in disbelief. "What, you didn't want to play pazaak… for once?"
"Hey, I just figured there were better ways to pass the time." As he grinned up at her, she raised the small device she had found in the box, pressed a button and the door hissed open. "Hey! You said there wasn't any way to unlock the door from in here!"
She grinned down at him, "yeah, well… I lied." She couldn't help but gloat as she scurried out the door towards the fresher calling back to him, "hurry back, you don't want anyone to figure out we're not really locked in."
A few minutes later, they met back up in the cargo hold and Vashti used her device to reseal the door. "So, why are you locking us back in?"
"Pfffttt, I'm locking them out, you nerf herder."
"Nerf herder?" He asked incredulously, "Wow, that's quite the tongue you have on you, young lady."
Her eyes flashed with amusement, "I'll show you everything it can do after breakfast."