Epilogue

Vashti ran towards the lowered ramp of the Ebon Hawk as the Trayus Core crumbled around her along with the rest of Malachor V. She looked back one last time at the crumpled form now half covered by debris and quickly squeezed her eyes closed to stop the coming onslaught of tears. Regardless of whatever else Kreia had been, she had been a mentor, a friend, a teacher and Vashti had loved her. As she entered the ship she allowed the tears to fall freely. She grieved for the woman. Not for her death, but for her life. For the bitterness that had sprung from those who had betrayed her. Long ago she had been betrayed by the Jedi order. She had tried to teach her pupils to think beyond the Jedi code, she had not delineated between light and dark as vehemently as the council did. And she had been exiled for it, the force stripped from her. She went to the Sith then, and they too, had betrayed her in a battle for power. Her bitterness against both the Sith and the Jedi had overwhelmed her and in Vashti she had sought her revenge.

The wound, the echo, Vashti knew now that what she had been hearing all this time emanated from her. If the council was to be believed, the echo was an absence of the force. An absence that allowed her to feed on other force sensitives. But that didn't make sense to her. She didn't feed on those around her like Darth Nihlus did. She drew on their strength, yes, but in doing so, she strengthened them as well. The masters also had told her that she had grown powerful because of the deaths she had caused, but Vashti wanted to believe that it had been because of the wrongs she had righted.

Mical reached out his hand to help her as she staggered onto the ship. She took it exhaustedly, glad for the help to make it to the top of the ramp, and allowed him to direct her to the small sofa as the ship listed dramatically against the oscillating gravitational forces of the planet. Mical ran toward the cockpit, yelling that they could go and she braced herself as the Hawk accelerated forcibly away from the crumbling planet. As the gravitational forces pulled on her body, the tears fell even more freely. Malachor V was dying once and for all. The pain of all the deaths of all those years ago flowed over her again mixed with the fresher grief she felt for Kreia, Kavar and even Sion.

The ship steadied once out of the grip of Malachor and Vashti felt Mira's arms wrap around her from behind. The younger woman leaned her head against Vashti's in an understanding embrace. Her tears really fell then, coming out in long uncontrollable sobs. Mira let her cry for a minute or two and as the sobs lessened she spoke quietly, "I think we still have some of Visas' chocolate… do you want me to get some for you?"

Vashti chuckled, between sobs and nodded. As her friend went to find the treat, she wiped her eyes worked to regain some of her composure. Mira returned a moment later with the box of Corellian chocolates and several handkerchiefs. The older woman nodded gratefully, wondering how Mira always knew just what to do to make her feel better.

As if to answer the question, Mira sat beside her and said, "A simple rule to remember in life… whenever you are going anywhere that there might be any emotional distress, take chocolate."

"It is good for the soul." Visas said with a nod as she joined the other two women on the sofa sitting on the other side of Vashti and both Visas and Mira wrapped their arms around their leader. The sobs came again, not as violently as they had before, but more therapeutically.

"General," Bao's soft voice called from the hallway by the medical bay. "The hyperdrive is badly damaged, but I believe we can make it back to Telos for repairs."

"Thank you, Bao," Vashti's voice choked for a moment, "for everything." He nodded and turned away, the absence of his remote was felt strongly by all in the room.

"At least G0T0 seems to have disappeared," Mira noted, "Thank the force, that droid seriously gave me the creeps." Vashti half chuckled and held onto the arms that were still wrapped around her.

Telos, Vashti said to Atton over their bond without explanation. He answered back, And pray the hyperdrive holds. She smiled slightly, glad to feel his presence so strongly again. It had been dampened while she was on Malachor, all of her bonds had. She hadn't been sure if it was the place, or if something had happened to them. She had feared the worst, until Kreia began to tell her of their futures.

The ship jumped to hyperspace and a few minutes later Atton walked into the commons, raising an eyebrow at the still huddled women, he shot Mical a look. The younger man just shrugged in return and shifted awkwardly in silence.

"Mira, where's that camera of yours? We need to get this on disk!" Atton asked enthusiastically trying to lighten the mood, "We could make a fortune selling it on the adult holovid market… What do you think, Mic? Jedi Babes of the Ebon Hawk?"

Mical blushed, but grinned as the girls all shot Atton stares that were mixes between amusement and scorn. Atton grinned a particularly charming grin as Vashti tried to smile at him, but his heart ached as he saw the grief overflowing in her eyes. "Seriously, I'd be happy to give some direction if you girls are interested in exploring your, ah… wilder sides…" The three girls simultaneously made small noises of contempt and force smacked him on the shoulder. They all broke into giggles as he grimaced and flinched from their telepathic abuse. He grinned again, "Owwww, you girls are cruel… there definitely needs to be a scene of the three of you using the force to punish some poor fool who fell into their clutches."

While her tears still fell, Vashti snorted, she began laughing so hard. "I suppose you volunteer for that role?" she questioned him between her discordant bursts of emotion.

"Well, you know me, anything for art," he raised his eyebrows at her and smirked.

She shook her head at him, "ugh, you… are hopeless." She grinned as she said it though, letting him know she didn't mind it a bit. "I need to go meditate on some things Kreia told me before she died, and then I'll tell you all everything that happened down there." She hugged each of the women beside her gratefully before standing. She then walked over to Mical and gave him a similar thankful embrace. Atton coughed loudly and she shot him a look as she leaned into her hug with the younger man a bit more, enjoying Atton's scowl. She broke the hug and then made her way for the port dorm, grabbing Atton's hand and dragging him along with her as she walked. He shot Mical a triumphant smirk as they turned the corner.

She settled onto her bunk, pulling him down next to her, and stared at the empty place on the floor where the older woman had usually meditated. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her on the cheek gently. He didn't understand her love for the old witch, but he could certainly not blame her for caring, it was what she did.

"She said a lot of things… things I have to sort out." She flicked her gaze up to his face, and then wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest.

He cringed at the fervency of her embrace; it felt way too much like goodbye. He kissed her forehead gently, his fear of losing her seeped out through his trembling lips. "Just... if you need anything… from me… from anyone else, let us know… we're here for you. We wouldn't be here without you." And we're not going to let you go anywhere else alone. He thought to himself, not bothering to shield the thought from her.

She nodded into his chest. "She said I had to go fight the true Sith… that I couldn't take anyone I loved."

"But that would mean you would go alone, and alone, you would be vulnerable," his voice almost sounded pleading.

"More or less vulnerable than if I was constantly afraid of losing you?"

He held her tightly and whispered, "I'd rather die beside you than let you fight this alone." She sobbed suddenly, a great gush of tears flowing out onto his chest.

"Sssshhhh, you need to rest," he said as he lowered her to the bunk, curling up behind her, holding her tightly.

"I need to meditate…" she said as she began to drift off to sleep, her exhaustion overtaking her. Atton wrapped her in the force then, and used their bond to coax her into a deep restful sleep. The last week they had been running non-stop, her most of all. She had defeated three Sith Lords, and before that she had witnessed the death of the remaining Jedi council, including an old friend, at the hands of her mentor.

The trip from Dantooine to Telos had been stressful for Atton to say the least. The happy carefree attitude of the crew had vanished during that short visit. Each of them felt the loss gripping at the heart of their leader through their bonds, but none felt it to the extent that Atton did. Vashti had tried to tell them what the council had said, what had happened, but her explanations had been lacking. She was trying to distance herself from them and had avoided company during the trip to Telos. The tension had been unbearable. She blamed herself for allowing Kreia to use her like she had. She replayed the scenes over and over in her head, trying to make them end differently. Atton had tried to distract her, tried to comfort her, but the self-torment overwhelmed him, and he resigned himself to watching her from nearby. She had blocked him from her thoughts at first, but as she spiraled downwards, her guards were dropped and he had seen the scenes as she relived them. The council had been firm, but surprisingly kind, in their attempt to strip her of the force. She had wanted to resist, to run away, but she had been unable to. Through her mind, he felt the stasis field and watched in horror at the reactions of the council to Kreia as she collapsed to the ground. He heard the scorn in the old woman's words; he saw the orange lightening arc over Vashti's head, draining the life from the men standing before her. He heard the old woman's admiration turn to contempt. She had been afraid.

It was confusing to be this connected to someone else. Feelings didn't come with names attached. He knew she hurt, but her hurt made him ache so badly, that it was hard to be the comfort she needed. He wondered if feeling her emotions so strongly did either of them any good. Did it lessen her pain that he felt it also? Or did the emotions feed on themselves, growing disproportionately out of control. He hurt primarily because she was hurting. She was hurting because of the loss of her friends and mentors, and the feelings of failure she was battling, but she also hurt because she knew the rest of her crew was hurting with her. Perhaps this was the echo… this continuing cacophony of pain… growing ever louder until one could not touch the force without feeling it… forcing its users to deafen themselves to it or die in its misery… perhaps this was the death of the force that the masters had spoken of.

But the ache was different now. Instead of the maddening self-doubt and fear she'd had then, the emotions that hung on her now were sadness, loss and an overwhelming grief. Before Malachor she had radiated a negative energy that pushed everyone away. But as soon as she'd stepped off Malachor and onto the gangplank of the Hawk, everyone on board had felt the change in her demeanor. She was drawing on their strength and compassion. She wanted comfort now, she wanted comradery, she needed their support.

As she slowly regained consciousness she reached out with the Force to ascertain her surroundings. She was in her bunk, but she was alone now, and the Hawk was thrumming with the passage through hyperspace. Her crew, her friends, were mostly in the common area, Bao was in the garage and two distinct presences were noticeably absent. Canderous had been gone since they had finished their fight over Telos. He had gone back to Dxun, Vashti imagined. Kreia was the other missing presence and hers was more than just an absence of her person, it was like there was a big hole where she should have been. Her bond with the woman had been there since she had begun to feel the force again. She didn't realize how much of what she had assumed was the force was actually the woman's presence. And now it was gone. It was a relief in some ways. There was something disturbing about that sort of intense force bond. She had bonds with the others on her ship, and many more before her exile, but even her bond with Atton, as strong as it was by most standards, was nothing compared to the former presence of the older woman in her mind. It had been constant. Vashti suddenly wondered just how much the older woman had experienced during the trip from Onderon to Dantooine. Judging by the empty spot in the force where the woman had been before, she guessed the older woman hadn't missed much. The thought made her giggle as her eyes fluttered open just in time to see Atton turn the corner into the room with a plate full of food.

"Good morning, babe," he chirped happily as he sat on the side of her bunk.

She smiled at him warmly as she sat up and leaned against him, inhaling his warmth. "How long did I sleep?" she mumbled sleepily.

"About sixteen standard hours," he said with a grin as her eyes widened, "I bet you're hungry."

"I'm sure I will be as soon as I wake up," she nuzzled against his neck, and he set the plate down on the next bunk and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her forehead. She looked up at him then and kissed him affectionately. She sighed as she broke the kiss and collapsed against him, her body molding itself to his form. "I need to meditate… how long 'til we get to Telos?"

"About 27 hours," was his reply as he held her tightly. "Eat first, then you can meditate."

She nodded but didn't reach for the food right away. She just stayed curled up in his arms. She sighed contentedly and after a few minutes reluctantly broke their embrace, reaching around him to grab a piece of bread.

"We were worried about you before Malachor," he said quietly.

"I'm sorry…" she started to try to explain, but he stopped her.

"We're just glad you're feeling better now." He kissed her again, more passionately this time and she felt her body respond to his kiss. He broke the kiss and grinned down at her. "Niiice, but shouldn't you be meditating?"

She narrowed her eyes at him and grumbled, "Do you have any idea how hard it is to meditate when you can only think about one thing?"

He smirked, "I thought the point of meditation was to think about one thing…"

"Yes, but not that one thing, bantha breath." She kissed him, fervently, longingly. They hadn't made love since before their stop on Dantooine and Atton had begun to wonder if they ever would again. But now she was making up for the previous long week, and as she wrapped herself around him he briefly noticed that her touch had changed somehow, there was more longing to it now, not the physical kind, but the emotional. She wanted him to comfort her and he was happy to oblige.

Some time later, Vashti finally disentangled herself from him and pulling her clothes back on, sank to the floor to meditate. Atton rolled over in the bed lazily and watched her as she settled into her familiar pose, her hair hanging loosely over her shoulders. She felt his gaze upon her and fluttered her eyelids open, smiled at him, then closed them again and began her meditation in earnest.

She listened to the echo, exploring it as it emanated from her. They had said it was a wound. That she had severed her ties to the force so completely that it had caused an absence of the force in her. But if that was in fact true, how was it possible that she could feel the force so strongly. She was a cipher, Vrook had said, drawing power from those around her. She didn't know if it was true, but even if it was, was it in fact a bad thing? Nihlus had used a similar power to kill and destroy, to leach power from life. But Vashti had only killed when necessary, of course, when dealing with the Exchange and the Sith, necessary had come pretty frequently.

She was a Jedi, she was sure of that. Kreia and the council had both said she wasn't. The council had implied she was a Sith, but Kreia had just said that she wasn't truly a Jedi. Wasn't a Jedi someone who used the force to achieve good things? But then Revan had sought out the Star Forge to gain strength to use against the Mandalorians and it had caused her to fall. So it was not motivations that delineated between Jedi and Sith, but rather… outcome? But no, that would be like saying the end justifies the means, and she could not condone that. So where was the line between Jedi and Sith?

Did the force really have its own will? And if so, did that mean that those that fell to the dark side were within its will? Did one have a choice not to fall or were we all just tools to be used as Kreia had implied? If it was the will of the force, how could it be good or bad? How could it be classified as light and dark? She had told Atton she believed in the will of the force, and she did… and she wanted to serve that will. But would she serve it even if it meant falling? Is that what Revan had done?

She knew she must follow Revan. There was a war to be fought against the true Sith… a belief… but a belief in what? What was it they believed that made them such a threat to the galaxy? Could it be that they used the force as the council thought she did? Drawing their power from others and when they had drained all the force from the life around them, they would collapse upon themselves?

Kreia had told her she could not take anyone with her that she cared about. That such attachments would only bring doom where Revan is now. But Kreia had also said that Revan would need warriors, Sith and Jedi, any that were willing to go. And her companions were Jedi, some of the few that were left, but Kreia had not mentioned any of them going to fight when she spoke of their futures.

It was odd to Vashti that Kreia had not been able to tell her anything of Bao-Dur's future. Nor had she been able to hear his surface thoughts when she had been teaching Vashti to listen. As powerful as the old woman was, why couldn't she? Was Bao that powerful in the force that he could shield his thoughts from her, even without being conscious of it? Or… more likely, was she blinded by her own preconceived notions of non-humans being only beasts?

The truth hit Vashti suddenly. Kreia had been blind. She had lectured Vashti many times about being blinded by pride, blinded by physical sight, by strict Jedi dogma. But the old woman had let her own blind spots fester and grow. Hers were mostly borne of pride. She could not sense Bao, because she believed she couldn't. She believed Atton to be a fool, because he used base emotions to hide his mind and she did not value talents such as his. Vashti had not been able to resist asking if he had loved her, but Kreia's answer had merely tried to reinforce her own ideas in Vashti's head. Atton was a fool, and he had nothing to offer one such as her… The woman really was blind if she thought that was the case.

The council had its own blindness. They refused to see the merit in teaching anything but a strict suppression of all emotions. They failed to act when they could have helped; they believed anything they didn't understand to be of the Dark Side. Rather than expand their knowledge and learn more, they hid themselves in what they knew to be true and used it as walls to shut out everything else. Not that seeking knowledge wasn't dangerous, it was. It was the seeking of knowledge that had led to Atris' fall, to her own blindness and her desire to lock herself away from other force sensitives.

Blindness. That's what it was all about, wasn't it? We fail to perceive truth, because we are blinded by our own preconceived notions of truth. The truth was that helping someone often did make them a target, and often they would have been better off to have done it themselves. But, then, was it truth that you should help no one? Vashti didn't think so. The truth was also that a helping hand, a small kindness could often make such a difference, its ramifications unending. So by following either philosophy without thought, you would cause as much harm as you would help. So did that mean that you tried to use wisdom and judgment to sort out who you gave the kindnesses to? How could a person be so prideful to think that they could know?

Vashti wondered where her own blind spots were. She was sure to have them, as all did. She could only hope that by surrounding herself with people who did not think like her and had different experiences that she would minimize any serious myopia on her part. Perhaps that was why the council had become so blind. They had done everything the same way for so long, that all their experiences and thoughts were the same. And they had begun to reject any ideas that seemed contradictory to their own, believing that they solely understood the Force. Vashti now believed however that one could not pretend to grasp the will of the force and the more a person spent trying to understand it, the more they became blinded by their obsession.

The will of the force would be done, regardless. So she would choose the way in daily life that would leave her with the least problems sleeping… if only she could discern which way that would be. Some choices were easy. She would give the beggars credits; she would rescue children and reunite families. She would fight against Czerka's chokehold on the galaxy. But other choices were harder. She would follow Revan, of that she was sure, but should she do as Kreia had instructed and go alone? Or would she risk the lives of those she had grown to love? She didn't relish either option, but she had drug these same men and women all over the galaxy already, fighting forces more powerful than she could have imagined before Peragus, and they had willingly followed her, fighting with her, risking their own lives. A war would be fought against the true Sith, and if it wasn't fought past the Outer Rim, it would be fought within it. No matter how powerful Revan was, they would not be able to fight them alone.

She would follow Revan, but she would not go alone. If she truly was a cipher, drawing power through her bonds then she would be useless by herself, vulnerable, as Atton had said. Kreia had said she could stay at Malachor and point the way to Revan for the Sith and Jedi who would fight. She would not stay in that tainted place, but she would raise an army. Her crew, her friends, they were just the beginning. It was the will of the force that they had come together. But it proved to Vashti that force sensitives were more abundant than the council wished to believe. How many more were scarred by the war of the last 10 years, searching for a purpose and a redemption like each of them had. She and her crew would find them. They would train them at the academy on Telos and when they were strong, they would follow Revan to war.

Her eyes fluttered open and a purposeful grin spread across her lips as her eyes met his. He was still lying on the bed watching her and grinned back at her saying, "Now, that's the kind of look I like to see. I take it you worked some things out?"

She nodded, "Yeah, I know what I need to do now."

"Yeah?" He replied, "Need any company? I mean, besides, if I'm not around to bail you out of trouble who knows what could happen."

She nodded with a grin, "Yeah, you can tag along… if you think you can earn your keep."

His eyes sparked, "Well, my last boss thought I was quite handy to have around."

"Oh, really?" She asked playfully, "and what sorts of things did she have you do?"

He smirked at her as he grabbed her by the hand and pulled him into the bed with him. "Well, it'd be way easier to show you."

She awoke in the early hours of the morning, a sharp pain shooting through her abdomen. Without opening her eyes, she cradled her swollen stomach with one hand and clenched the arm of man lying next to with the other. It's time. Atton's eyes snapped open, her thought still echoing in his head. Now? He asked her, his eyes wide with the fear and excitement that can only come from becoming a father. She opened her eyes and nodded taking a deep breath as the contraction eased. He placed his hand on her stomach and received a rambunctious kick. Stay put, I'll call Mical. She nodded and closed her eyes again, reaching out to feel the auras of the lives cradled within her. The girl fidgeted restlessly, sensing the change in her mother's body chemistry. The boy endured his sister's kicks patiently, adding his own only when another contraction started.

In all, it had not been the best of times to start a family, but it had apparently been the "will of the force" as it had happened, in spite of precautions she had taken. They had spent the last two years gathering Force sensitives to Telos. They had over two hundred Jedi in training now, and Vashti had already taken a contingent of about fifty Jedi past the outer rim to find Revan. She didn't like the idea of just dropping them off and running home, but she had hid her pregnancy from Atton and the rest of her friends so that she could go at all. She would send Visas and Mical to lead the next expedition and hoped to send close to a hundred Jedi with them. She hated that she couldn't go to fight with Revan and the rest, but she wasn't willing to leave her new charges behind, and she certainly couldn't take them with her. She would have to be content continuing the search for force sensitives in known space. She had recently been granted permission to continue her search in the Republic Fleet. She was excited by the prospects of adding well trained and experienced soldiers to their ranks.

Atton settled back down on the bed, next to her. "He's on his way, can I get you anything?"

"Can you com Mira and let her know I'm going to need her to teach the weapons class for me today?"

Atton grinned, "Babe, I'd be surprised if she didn't know already, with the energy you're sending out over your bonds. Heck, the whole Academy probably knows."

"Ah good, that means I won't have to bother with birth announcements." She grimaced as another contraction came, slightly stronger than the last.

"Breathe, Vash, remember the techniques Mical taught you to minimize pain."

She shot him an aggravated look, "You do remember that I can share my pain over this bond of ours, don't you?"

His face paled, "You wouldn't… would you?"

"Don't piss me off or you might just find out," she mumbled, the tension easing from her voice as the contraction subsided.

"Ah well, in that case, you keep muddling through, and I do believe Mical is bringing something for the pain. Until then… can I get you some ice chips?"

She shot him another annoyed look, "Force, why did I ever let you watch that that stupid Birth Coaches holovid anyhow? Do you really think ice chips are going to help?" She half snorted and giggled and patted him on the hand. "You didn't watch that other one did you? I forgot what it was called…"

"Supporting Your Partner In the Womanly Act of Breastfeeding," Atton shifted uncomfortably.

"Oh, crap, you did, didn't you?" Vashti shook her head at him. "I am going to kill Mical for giving those to you. He didn't give you any others, did he?"

"Just one. The Art of Parenting Force Sensitive Twins: The Unique Joys and Challenges of Raising Powerful Children"

Vashti blinked. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Hey, that one's pretty good actually, has a whole section on how to figure out which one is levitating the furniture."

Vashti grimaced as another contraction came, relieved as the exterior door slid open and Mical came in quickly followed by Visas. Noticing her expression Mical promptly said, "Breathe, Vash, remember the techniques I taught you to minimize the pain." Atton stepped away from the bed quickly as Vashti grabbed a pillow and chunked it at the younger man. "Did I say something wrong?"

Visas put her hand on Mical's arm, "I think I will meditate and attempt to alleviate some of her pain until it is closer to her time, why don't you join me?" Mical nodded and they settled onto the floor.

Vashti's face quickly relaxed, as the pain began to subside, "Thank the force for pain management techniques… especially ones I don't have to do…," she said with a lighthearted giggle, smiling at Atton, "How about some of those ice chips now, eh?"

A few hours later Mical placed a beautiful dark haired baby boy on Vashti's stomach, and followed quickly with a lighter haired girl, which he handed to Atton.

Vashti exhaustedly smiled down at the little boy on her stomach, as Atton sat next to her on the bed, gazing down at the beautiful little girl he held. "Hello, Tanvi," he said in a small voice to the wriggling mass he held in his arms, "Hello, Kavar," he said to the calmer child on Vashti's stomach. "I'm your daddy." Vashti's eyes filled with tears as she snuggled the small child to her chest and leaned against their father.

Aaaannnnd... that's a wrap.

Thanks again to all of you who left reviews. They really make my day and keep me writing. I hope the wrap up didn't dissapoint. I'm actually toying with the idea of writing "episodes" where Vashti and the crew traipse around the galaxy recruiting their army. There's no telling if I actually will though...

The Lady Revan: I really appreciate your thoughtful review and believe me, I stewed and pondered how to have Kreia react toVashti's and Atton's romp. In the end, I decided to go with her general behavior in the game.She would voice her opinion. If you agreed with her, she would say it again once if you continued that particular behavior, but after that she would just insult you once and leave you to it. If you disagreed with her, she would just insult you and leave you to it sooner. This was especially apparent when playing a male exile and her comments to him about mating with Handmaiden or Visas. In the end, it probably would have been more interesting to have her a little more involved, but writing for her was incredibly intimidating so I decided to take the easy way out and just ignore her... (I did the same for G0T0 as well, I know, I'm lazy.)