Disclaimer : see chapter 1
AN : now aren't you guys proud of me? I actually managed to update in a month's time even though it took me the better part of the month to convince L to help me with the translation… (doesn't that merit a review … ? ;))
Again, if you want to be notified about the story's progress, or even read other A/P FF, see my homepage in my profile ;)
I'm not totally satisfied about this chapter, perhaps because I still have to follow the script rather closely at some point. But I really tried to give the characters some introspection… Let me know if you think I succeeded or totally failed ;)
CHAPTER 7
32 BBY
There's something peculiar about this boy, something I can't put my finger on and it keeps me intrigued. Maybe it's that rare combination of melancholy, of not wanting to let go, and his hopeful perspective of the future – he wants to change things and make them better, but on the other hand he doesn't, for change seems to frighten him at the same time.
Padmé looked thoughtfully at what she had written and shook her head. This wasn't the purpose of this diary. She had to describe the facts as they were, and above all, objectively; ruminations about a small boy didn't fit in here…
And yet…
She sighed.
Everything was quiet on the space ship. Sabé and the other servant girls said with Captain Panaka in the improvised throne room, Master Qui-Gon had returned to Mos Espa for some "unfinished business" and the other Jedi was preparing the ship for departure.
Everyone was busy and she had taken the opportunity to slip away inconspicuously to update her journal on recent events.
She couldn't suppress a smile when she thought back on the thrilling finish of the Podrace. Reluctantly she had to admit she quite enjoyed the excitement of the race, but this was only because their departure for Coruscant depended on the outcome (at least, that was what she convinced herself with).
--
9 ABY
"The feeling was so overwhelming! Finally I understood what I was capable of, what I could achieve… My mother was so proud… And Padmé…" Anakin sat himself next to his son and smiled sorrowfully. "I would do it all over again, just for her smile. She made me feel like I could move mountains…" He took a deep breath and continued: "They could proceed their journey and ongoing mission. But apparently, Qui-Gon had made a deal with Watto. Qui-Gon was Obi-Wan's mentor," he clarified when he saw Luke's questioning look. "He was great Jedi Knight. He was surrounded with this aura of power and charisma. And he believed in me, in times when nobody else did, not even Obi-Wan…"
Luke heard the vague bitterness in his father's voice and was relieved when he suddenly added ironically: "And he was blinded by it. But I'm getting ahead of myself. It's not easy, placing and feeling all these emotions. I've lived in the darkness for so long, with hate and anger and self-loathing as my only allies. It's strange and uneasy to not be dominated by them anymore and to feel friendship and sorrow and so much love again…"
Luke smiled sympathetically and patiently gave his father the time to compose himself. After a while, Anakin went on: "Nevertheless, Qui-Gon had achieved in liberating me from Watto. He felt I had the talent to become a great Jedi and he wanted to give me this opportunity. My mother however…"
Anakin gulped, rose and went to one of the many windows. For a long time, he gazed out at never sleeping city. He let out a harsh laugh and turned to his son.
"Even now, more than four decades later, I still wonder if I did the right thing by leaving her. Maybe I should have remained on Tatooine and tried to buy her freedom. Who knows, I might have succeeded through Podracing. But it's useless to ponder the "what if"'s. What's done is done, even though you'll always keep wondering if it couldn't have turned out differently. Would I have fulfilled my Destiny, the Destiny both Qui-Gon and Palpatine believed so strongly in ? Or would I have been Anakin Skywalker, a famous Podracer?"
Silence fell and both men were lost in memories bringing them back to a past full of hurt and betrayal.
"Maybe Qui-Gon was right. Maybe everything happens for a reason. Maybe it wasn't a coincidence I met him, Padmé and Obi-Wan. Maybe everything turned out the way it was destined be, and is this," and he gestured to Luke and himself, "my Fate. But…"
"… you keep asking yourself how far your own decisions had an effect on the outcome of things," Luke finished.
Anakin nodded.
"You know… In the beginning, the Jedi Council didn't want me to be trained… They sensed it; Obi-Wan sensed it. But Qui-Con was utterly convinced I was the Chosen One, that I would bring balance to the Force… And I wanted to become a Jedi so badly and make my mother proud and free all the slaves …"
His voice faded…
--
32 BBY
Ten pairs of eyes watched his every move. Anakin tried to hide his awkwardness and stared bravely back. Luckily, he felt Qui-Gon's hands press in his shoulders, like a beacon of calmness in the ocean of stressed emotions he seemed to be drowning in.
"… Correct you were, Qui-Gon," the little green Jedi Master known as Master Yoda spoke.
"His cells contain a high concentration of midi-chlorians," an other Jedi named Mace Windu added.
"The Force is strong with him," a third concurred.
"He is to be trained, then," Qui-Gon said, relieved. Anakin felt his heartbeat quicken.
Master Windu gave Qui-Gon a fixed stare and shook his head solemnly. "No, he will not be trained."
Anakin panicked. He would not be trained? He felt how tears of bitter disillusionment sting in his eyes. No, no, no … this could not be true… this can not be true… He had to become a Jedi! He had to free his mother! He had to…
Qui-Gon's hands grasped his shoulders more tightly. Apparently, he hadn't expected this decision of the council either. "No?" he asked in utter disbelief.
Again, Mace Windu shook his head. "He is too old. There is already too much anger in him."
"He is the Chosen One… You must see it!" Qui-Gon didn't even bother to keep the incomprehension out of his voice.
"Clouded, this boy's future is," Master Yoda spoke. "Masked by his youth."
"I will train him, then. I take Anakin as my Padawan learner."
Anakin didn't miss the surprised reaction of the Council, and even Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon's present Padawan, looked at his Master in amazement.
"An apprentice, you have Qui-Gon. Impossible, to take a second," Master Yoda said.
"We forbid it…" Master Windu spoke curtly to bring an end to the discussion.
"Obi-Wan is ready …" Qui-Gon began.
"I am ready to face the trials," Obi-Wan interrupted.
"Ready so early, are you? What know you of ready?" Yoda answered sternly.
Anakin saw Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan exchange angry looks.
Qui-Gon tried to smooth over the sudden outburt of his Padawan. "Headstrong… and he has much to learn about the living Force, but he is capable. There is little more he will learn from me."
"Our own Council we will keep on who is ready. More to learn, he has…"
"Now is not the time," Mace Windu interjected. "Go with the Queen to Naboo and discover the identity of the dark warrior. That is the clue we need to unravel this mystery of the Sith."
"Young Skywalker's fate will be decided later," Yoda said.
"I brought Anakin here; he must stay in my charge. He has nowhere else to go." Qui-Gon looked at the Council.
Mace Windu nodded. "He is your ward, Qui-Gon… we will not dispute that."
Anakin watchted as Master Yoda sadly shook his head and almost pleadingly asked: "Train him not. Take him with you, but train him not!"
"Protect the Queen, but do not intercede if it comes to war until we have the Senate's approval," Mace Windu repeated the mission.
"May the Force be with you," Yoda ended the conversation.
Dazed, Anakin followed the two Jedi to the landing platform. He didn't quite comprehend what had happened. But he did understand the Council did not wish to grant his training, and then Qui-Gon… He glanced furtively at the Jedi Master who was in deep discussion with his Padawan. Obi-Wan was obviously worried about something. Even though he didn't want to eavesdrop, he could clearly hear parts of the conversation.
"It is not disrespect, Master. It is the truth."
"From your point of view…"
"The boy is dangerous… they all sense it. What can't you?", Obi-Wan spoke urgently.
Anakin started shaking. He was dangerous? But he was just Anakin? Why was Obi-Wan trying to turn his Master against him? Was he jealous? Was Obi-Wan afraid he would be a better Padawan than he himself had been? After all Qui-Gon believed he was the Chosen One…
Qui-Con looked severely at his apprentice. "His fate is uncertain, not dangerous. The Council will decide Anakin's future… that should be enough for you. Now get on board!"
Anakin cringed when Obi-Wan threw him a pitying look, before entering the Nubian Cruiser.
"Master Qui-Gon, sit, I do not wish to be a problem," he uttered softly.
The Jedi smiled. "You won't be, Ani… I'm not allowed to train you, so I want you to watch me and be mindful… always remember, your focus determines your reality. Stay close to me and you will be safe."
--
9 ABY
Anakin looked at his son.
"You see, maybe things could have been quite different. The Jedi Council distrusted me. And they were right, they were right, …"
Reviews are very highly appreciated… ;-)
Thanks to…
Mrs. Hayden Christensen: (damn, I have competition…), this chapter is a tiny bit longer ;), I hope you liked it!
Lilac Moon: Thanks! Was the update soon enough ;-)?
Usakitten: woow thank you blushes; I hope you liked this chapter too
Caralynne : ducks away for lightsaber thx! I hope you liked this chapter!
Namonaki Pharaoh: Yep, it is indeed quite ironic: Anakin trying to escape his fate as a slaveboy and just ending up to be a like puppet on string for the most evil man in the galaxy… Oh, and with "her downfall", I meant actually "Padmé's downfall" ;-) (it's quite confusing, sorry!) (I know that in this chapter, there is such a similar confusing part – with a lot of "he"'s ;), I hope it's still clear enough though ;) – thank you for reading, and looking forward to your comments on this chapter…
Thefragile7393: I hope you find this chapter "interesting" ;-), thanks for reading!
Anneman: Hii! Ik weet, nu zit je in het zonnige zuiden, lekker bruin te bakken, in hoeverre dat nog kan, want je bent al bijna ene koffieboon – ik vrees dat ik u niet meer ga herkennen als je terugkomt! Anyway, dank u natuurlijk voor het lezen. Je bent mijn rots ….
Mr.Firenze: thank you! I'm a bit worried that perhaps the story progresses to slowly, but I'd like to develop the characters, and that takes some time…
You're right about the updates… but do no despair! I'm really planning on updating on a more regular basis ;-)! I hope you liked this chapter, and I'm looking forward to hear from you!
Meandmysharpie: thank you ! I hope you liked this chapter too!
Trina: thanks! I hope you liked chapter 7!
TriGemini: Leia and Luke will definitely sharing their findings, but I'm not sure when. Don't expect it to happen that soon, though ;-). Yeah, Anakin is a good person. I'm not even sure if Darth Vader has always been that "evil", if you know what I mean. Palpatine, for example, is evil, no question about it. Anakin on the other hand, just wanted to do good, in his own twisted way. His intentions were good. But he fell in the trap that the goal justifies the means… A classic Greek Tragic Hero …
I hope you liked this chapter! And I'm curious at your comments ;-)
Julie Horwitz: thank you so much :). Luke and Leia will talk to each other, but it may take a while before that happens… I'm not sure if Leia will actually meet her father, nothing's fixed yet. It might happen… or not… ;-)
I hope you liked this chapter, and please, feel free to comment :)
Maiken: aha, nog een nederlandstalig iemand – jeeej! Mercikes! Hopelijk vond je het hoofdstuk wat goed … ;-)
Forestrain: o beautiful nick (I like the smell of a forest after it has rained!). Thank you! I hope you liked this chapter too!
Kal's Gal: thank you :-), and what about this chapter ;-)?
Karaii-chan: woow thank you! blushes scarlet I hope you liked this chapter too ;-)
Daleia: thank you, I hope you liked this chapter also!
Laura-chan: Oh yes, Italy… a great country with one heck of a history… ;-) The basis of our civilization… You could be a descendant of Marius, of Sulla or Caesar or Augustus or even Nero or Calligula for all I know … ;)
I hope you liked this chapter !
Eridani: thank you! Yes, I know the pacing. Actually, I don't think it's Padmé's diary that is slowing it down, but now, in this chapter it is for example the description of the Council … I know, I know, but I really wanted to include this part, because it's important for Anakin's character development (his jealousy of Obi-Wan or his distrust in the Council… It all starts here …)
Despite the rather slow pacing, I really hope you liked this chapter! Looking forward to here from you !