Thx everyone who reviewed last time
A Quiet Night In
After spending two years on a deserted island, thirty five minutes in jail, and a night stuck on top a ferris wheel, John and Randy decide on a quiet night in for once.
Or so it seemed.
Not having a T.V can be very damaging.
John and Randy are now currently taking on the dizzying heights of the crossword in the local paper
"What's the first one?" John asked
"One down, six letters, ironmonger" Randy replied, looking very confused "ironmonger?"
"Write it down" John said
"No, ironmonger is the clue" Randy pointed out
"So write it down" John again said
"There's only enough room for six letters" Randy replied
"You'll have to spell it wrong" John said
"Ok" Randy replied" Er v i z b u x"
"So what we got?" John asked
"Vizbux" Randy replied
"Excellent" John said "How does this help with two down?"
"Fish, four letters, now beginning with X"
"Xylophone, Xylophone fish" John said
"Naw it sink wouldn't it" John and Randy both said together
"You know, i don't think vizbux is right you know" John said
"Ummm yea" Randy replied
"I know, why don't we think of another word that means ironmonger, but only has six letters" John suggested
"That would be cheating wouldn't it?" Randy asked
"Who's to know" John said, tapping his nose as he said it
"Your right there my old pal, let's do it" Randy replied "I got it, Harold"
"Harold?" John asked confused
"He's an ironmonger, Harold the ironmonger" Randy said, though John still looked as confused "Remember, we ate his dog"
"Oh yea, we won that bet didn't we" John replied
"No we didn't, thats why we had to eat his dog"
"Oh yea, bung it in" John said" Wait, Harold only has five letters"
"Well i can make the H, really big so that it fills the first two squares" Randy suggested
"Go for it" John said, as Randy put it in, then stopped
"Well there's no room for the D"
John sigh with frustration "What is the point of having a clue if it doesn't fit the little holes"
"I'll think I'll just put bollocks" Randy said
"Oh come on Randy, lets do this properly or not at all" John said
"Ok not at all" Randy replied angrily, and ripped up the paper "god i hate crosswords"
The pair sat in silence for a few minutes before Randy eventually spoke again
"We can't go on like this, why did they take the telly away" Randy said, revealing a big clean space on the littered covered table where the T.V used to be.
"You know very well why they took the tele away"
"No i don't" Randy replied
"Yes you do Randy Orton, because as you were making your way to the shop with the rent money, you ran into a rather strange and wizardry old man, who sold you five magic beans, which coincidentally costed exactly the $85.63 we owed in back rent to rumbalows."
"They are magic beans you know" Randy said
"Oh yes" John said, grabbing a plant pot from the floor filled with soil, and the five beans " and here is the magic beanstalk, im glad i have a head for heights cause it a whopper isn't it" John said sarcastically
"Well it's not all my fault, how did we get $85.63 behind in the first place?" Randy said
"It' ok, lets just forget it" John said
"It wasn't me, who saved up the $85.63, every week, for the past three weeks and took it four days along, to Dr grady's personal organ enhancement clinic, was it" Randy said
"I know lets have a no talking competion" John said, trying to change the subject, though to no avail
"For a mere $85, you to can have your personal organ enhanced, so that it is comparable in size of that of a fully grown mountain gorilla" Randy said, reciting the advertisement
John just sigh "Yes. And when it said comparable in size I didn't realize it meant an awful lot smaller than"
"You mean it didn't work?" Randy asked
"Well, he enhanced it temporally, but when it said revolutionary new enlargement technique, i didn't realize he was going to put me in a room for half an hour with a pile of porno mags" John replied "$85, i could be watching Friends now"
"Yea"
"Alright, Alright, lets just stop arguing sit down and watch the, Damn" John said, again realizing the T.V had gone "Come along Randy, there must be more to life than tele"
"What?" Randy asked
"Well" John stopped as he tried to think of something, but couldn't "Your right there isn't"
"This is unbearable, we could be missing a late show special about faulty bikini's" Randy said, sitting back down on the couch
"Oh don't" John said, who sat down next to Randy on the couch "Look we must be positive about this, treat it as a opportunity to do new things, so tiddlywinks?
"No, no ,no we ended up in hospital remember" Randy said
"Oh yeah" John replied, remembering the experience "I know, pin the tail on the donkey"
"We haven't got a donkey" Randy replied
"Pin the tail on the chicken" John said
"We haven't got a tail" Randy replied
"Pin the sausage on the chicken" Johns said
"We haven't got a pin" Randy said
"Sellotape the sausage to chicken" John said, who was now getting frustrated
"We haven't got a chicken" Randy replied
"Sellotape the sausage to the fridge" John shouted
"We haven't got a sausage" Randy replied
"Stick a bit of sellotape to the fridge" John shouted
"Not much of a game" Randy replied
"You got a do it blindfold" John said
"We haven't got a blindfold" Randy replied
"Then we'll have to improvise then won't we" John said poking Randy in the eye "Ok"
"Ok, give me the sellotape and i shall stick it on the fridge" Randy replied, who had now recovered from getting his eye pocked
"Here you go" John said
After receiving the sellotape, Randy causally walked to the fridge, and stuck the sellotape on it
"Is that it?" Randy asked
"Yea" John replied
"Who won?" Randy asked
"It matters not who wins, it's how you play the game" John replied
"Oh, you mean i won" Randy said
"Yes" John said
"Woohoo" Randy shouted
Damn why do i always lose everything, John thought to himself, then he had an idea.
"So you think your good at games then do you, then how about a real game, a game of champions"
"You don't mean" Randy replied in anticipation
"Yes" John said
"A see how much custard you can hold in your underpants competition"
"No, though thats not a bad idea, good even as my idea doesn't work out, though this time we should let the custard cool down first"
"And that handstand rule is a complete disaster" Randy said
"Apart from that, a good game" John replied
"Yea, though you do have a huge advantage, as you underpants a so very huge" Randy said
"Too right, may the best man win"
15 minutes later there's custard everywhere, Randy's on the couch, underpants filled to the max with custard, meanwhile, John is by the door, his underpants also filled with custard, but about ten times the amount of Randy's.
"So it's agreed then, im the winner" John said, who was struggling to stand with the weight of the custard in his underpants holding him down.
"Yea alright" Randy replied, somewhat reluctantly
Thirty minutes later, and finally John and Randy have the place clean
"You won stick the piece of sellotape on the fridge game, and i won the custardy pants tournament, that makes it.. um... oh one all, time for a time breaker" John said
"It's ten o'clock now, we could be missing a late show special on lesbian arts" Randy moaned, completely ignoring John
"I got a game for the decider, chess" John said
"Chess, we haven't got a chess set have we?" Randy replied, who had now had his back to John with a horrified look on his face
"Of course we have, my antique chess set my aunt y Maggie left me, i got it under lock and key because it's so valuable" John said, who was now getting the key from it's hiding place, which was behind the radio
"Don't look, im getting the key from it's secret place" John said
"Behind the radio" Randy muttered to himself
"Hang on, what's the key doing enbeded in this cake of soap, some one could take a copy from that, i must speak with the cleaning lady"
Randy, who had taken a key from his pocket, quickly swallowed it before replied "we haven't got a cleaning lady"
"Then I must get on and speak to her" John said, who had now unlocked the box containing his chess set "This chess set is very valuable, all the men are made out of ivory and are worth $100 each according to aunty Maggie"
"Shit" John shouted as he opened the box, and quickly slammed it "Where's all the pieces gone?"
"Pardon" Randy replied
"This is rediculas, there's only five pieces left" John cried
"Well im sure we'll manage, i mean, we are American after all" Randy replied
"Your right, what do you want to be, black or white?" John asked
Randy took a moment to think as he examined the last remaining pieces "Umm black"
"Right you win there's no white pieces left" John said "That was fun"
"This time we play with a full deck" Randy said
"But we only got five pieces" John pointed out
"We can use other things for the missing pieces" Randy suggested
"Great" John replied
"Right, we need sixteen prawns, well were in luck there we got a back in the freezer that is four years past it's sell by date" Randy said
Several minutes later everything was ready, with a chess set that contained a cactus as a queen, a bottle of brown sauce as the king, ketchup and a spider man figure as knights, and several other household items the guys were using for the missing pieces, it was ready, the game which would determine the winner.
(10:00pm)
"Right, this is it, two guys mono a mono, all or nothing" John said
"Right, my move first" Randy said, and reached for the pawn in front of the king, only to have his hand slapped away by John"
"Just on more thing, how do you play chess?" John asked
"You don't know" Randy replied
"No" John said, shaking his head as he did " Im sure ill pick it up quick, just tell which pieces are mine, which way round the bored we go, do we get any money?"
Randy just gave a sigh of frustration
(6:30am)
"Let's go through the rules one more time before we start" John suggested, which prompted another frustrated sigh from Randy.
"Now how does the castle move again?" John asked
"It's not a castle, it's called a rook" Randy corrected
"Why?"John asked
"I dunno, it just is" Randy replied
"What about the racehorse?" John asked
"It's a knight" Randy corrected
"Where's the knight then?" John asked
"Well he must of fallen off" Randy replied
"Not much of a knight then" John said
"Just put it down" Randy said
"Now" John started, and picked up a plastic sausage "This is also a bishop you say"
"Yes" Randy replied
"An he bends sideways" John said
"Correct" Randy replied
"And the queen goes in every direction"
"Correct"
"And they let children play this you say, i mean it's pretty strong stuff isn't it, i mean knights taking pawns, and apparently if a pawn goes all the way turns into a queen"
"John, iv'e been here since 10pm last night it's now half six in the mourning, ive explained to rules of chess to you six hundred and forty two times, now lets play" Randy shouted angrily
"Ok" John replied nervously
"Right, king pawn to king pawn four" Randy announced, then squashed the clock which was on the table
"Why did you do that?" John asked
"Shut up it's your move" Randy shouted
"Ok ok, i know your tactic" John replied "right, attack" John shouted and started moving all his pieces in random directions, eventually stopped after seeing the strange look on Randy's face.
"Thats your move is it?" Randy asked
"Yea, get out of that one" John said smugly
Randy took a moment to ponder, seeing as he realized the John still didn't know the rules, he could as he wish, and calmly took his king, and one by one moved it over every piece.
"Check mate" Randy said
John just stared for a second before punching Randy in the face, which sent him flying from his chair, Though Randy quickly recovered a smacked John several with a frying pan he had picked up to the fridge, where he shut John head in the door.
"It's funny" Randy said to John "They say tele encourages violence, and im smashing your face in, and we haven't got one"
"Thats where your wrong, because we do" John said, getting up, his nose gushing with blood "And here it is"
"Where was that, i could have been watching tele all night" Randy asked
"Behind the fridge, i hid it when the guy from rumbalows came round" John replied
"Why?" Randy asked
"Well i thought it would be nice to go an evening with out the tele for once, you know build a bit of interaction"
"Well" Randy started, taking the T.V from John "If it's interaction you want, get a load of this" Randy said then smashed the tele over John's head.
"Oh shit" Randy shouted
this took longer than expected, by far the longestin the seris so far, and the best one i hope, at least i think so :D plz review