Chapter Four:Of Old Women and Lance

"Now, honey, please tell me all about your problems. Cookies?" an old woman asked Lance, smiling at him.

"No thanks..." Lance stared at her. She grinned.

"Call me Granny."

"Okay, Granny." Lance rolled his eyes. "Look, I don't really wanna be here, so how about we just pretend I'm done?"

"Oh, now dearie, I felt the same way when my husband died. I was so lost, and a nice young man helped me through it. I went back to college-" Granny was cut off by Lance.

"At your age?"

"Yes. And now I'm here. Don't you have some problems with someone you love?" she asked. He immediately thought of Kitty.

"No." he grumbled.

"Now, now, tell me about it... "

A few minutes later, Lance was sobbing hysterically.

"SHE BROKE UP WITH ME! I'M THE ONE THAT SAVED HER FROM APOCALYPSE, AND HOW DOES SHE THANK ME? GOES WITH THE STUPID METAL GUY!" he wailed.

"Now, now, surely there's another girl you could get to know better!" Granny said soothingly.

"No. Not really." Lance moaned.

"Oh." she muttered.

"How could she leave me? We were so happy..." Lance sobbed.

"That's what you always think, love." Granny sighed. When she noticed Lance staring at her, she grinned. "I'm from England. May have lost most of my accent, but keep saying love by accident."

"KITTY! OH KITTY! WHY? WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?" he sobbed into her shoulder.

"I can help you get over Kitten." Granny smiled.

"Kitty." Lance corrected.

"Whatever. The thing is, you just need some motivation to get back into the dating world." Granny smiled.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"But..." Lance sighed.

"Kitty is the one your heart belongs to." Granny grinned wryly.

"Thanks for understanding." Lance tentatively hugged her.

"No problem, sonny." Granny smiled.

"Uh... Why is your hand on my butt?" Lance asked nervously.

"No reason." Granny answered, not moving.

"This is getting creepy." he stared at her, removing his arms. She didn't move. "Really creepy."

"I'm sure that I'm twice the woman Katrina is." Granny smirked seductively. Or tried to. It ended up looking disturbing.

"KITTY! GET YOUR FREAKIN' HAND OFF MY BUTT!" Lance yelped, jerking away from her.

"Oh, you just need to loosen up." Granny smiled, wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

"No, I need to get outta here. HELP! HELP!" Lance yelled.

"Sweetie, lemme help ya calm down." Granny said, taking out some beer from a cabinet. Lance stared at her.

"ILLEGAL! SHE'S OFFERING A MINOR ALCHOHOL! HELP ME!" Lance screamed.

"Honey, rela-ax!" Granny giggled.

"SAVE ME! FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, SOMEBODY HELP ME!"

"Silly boy."

"PLEASE! I'LL DO ANYTHING! HELP!"

"Just calm down..." Granny kissed his cheek.

"NO MORE!" Lance yelled, causing a tremor to shake the building. He took advantage of the momentary confusion of Granny to run out the door. He slammed it behind him and sped down the hall.

"Lance, you still have half an hour." Mystique glared.

"DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK IN THERE! OH, PLEASE, NO! I'LL DO ANYTHING!" he sobbed.

"Lance?" Todd and Fred stared at him.

"If I wanted you out of my hair, I should have just gotten you drunk." Mystique grumbled. Lance paled.

"No. No beer..." he muttered, sitting in his chair and staring at the ceiling. "No old ladies either..."

"Wanda, your turn." Mystique ordered. Wanda glanced at Lance.

"Do I have to?" she asked.

"Yes." Mystique said shortly. Grumbling, Wanda left the room.

I liked this chapter. 'Twas fun. Anyway, feel free to reference my stuff in your stories, okay?

Review replies:

silenttiger43: How was this? Haha on Lance.

EE's Skysong: I think these last two chapters I've been in a good mood. Feel worse for Lance. Granny is old.

Numbuh 333 half way2 hell: It was one-sided Lancitty. Then again, I would choose the valley girl over Granny.

Cat2fat900: If I ever do, my mother will protect me from the scary people in white.

Red Witch: Yes, official permission! victory dance Hahaha Todd...

Crash Slayer: Yeah, after I finish writing all these therapy stories, I'm redoing the X-Men. I'll let Kitty and Rogue have stalker issues. Twitch away, my friend.

sheikgoddess: Thank you!

Review, and thanks for your reviews. Next up, Wanda and destruction!