*Cowers* I know, I know. I deserve to be strung up by my ankles from some cold, high and draughty crag somewhere above some very sharp rocks and devoured slowly by carnivorous birds of your choosing for all eternity… *whimper* I am so sorry. Two and a half months is… shockingly bad, even for me. I have an explanation though. *raises hand meekly* For those of you who are (on the UK schooling system) in/were/know someone who's in year 11 and know someone who's doing IT and art, then you'll know why. If not, let's just say for IT we had about 6 weeks to do about 4 months work, and art is… always time-consuming. But I've finished the IT now! Gave it in yesterday! And I usually neglect my art anyway… So I have time! Time! Revision? Don't remind me…
Ahem. Sorry to ramble. I've stopped now.
TO MY REVIEWERS: I love you all! You've been amazing (if a little threatening). 48 reviews for one chapter… that's bloody more than I got for all of my 5-chapter song-fic story (don't read it. Please. Save yourself)! Thanks to Captin Amy, Blue Yeti (damnit, you saw through my cunning deception… ah, so kind so kind. And may I say, you're looking very furry and blue yourself…), Rad Bubblegum (ah, your reviews cheered my up no end… and made me feel really guilty too. I'm sorry! You were amazingly dedicated! Don't hate me!), Tie Kerl (ah, Book of Jude, that's the one. Yeah, I read that one. Was good!), Taedere-Belletrist, The Sharpest Thorn (Are you kidding? Root? *cackle* of course Root! *evil smile*), The toaster (ah, tell 'em my name. *reckless* Man, you reviewed a lot…), Bubbly Hooplah (you reviewed a lot too… I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to annoy you so much. Please don't kill me), impish-harlequin, Singing Cat, Legman Limes1, The Serendiptuos Oracle (why did you have to chose a name that's so hard to spell anyway… aww, you don't need to retreat into your hole. There are no holes in our kingdom! We filled 'em all up with jelly, remember… *dribble* jelly… ahem. Nice long words. Chuck a couple of them in the English Lit. exam… *wink*), (nameless), demon sloth, flamin, Anacalagon, Boogalaga, Paulina, Laughing Dragoness (heya! Haven't seen you in a while… hope your mid-terms went OK), bilbette, Dslguy14 (where have you been? I've been waiting for you to update for ages now), Mage Kitty, Kelsey, Spasmodic dust bunny, Tide, evilimp532, Tonduil (nuts, you are…), TazMoon, Eva Kasumi, lutefa, Pendragon4 and last but not least Artemis the Hunter. Thank you all, all Frond-knows how many of you. *looks harassed* I'm gonna get seriously snowed under if you all review every chapter… *wink*
A/N: Ah, I said I was done rambling, didn't I? Ah well. You should know never to believe me. *wink* anyway, I had something to say here… yes… *sits in thought for a little while* nope, it's gone. No, no, I remembered! *sits up proudly* I've chosen a genre. It's general/humour on account of me trying to me funny. So don't expect too many laughs. And, one more thing, then I'll leave you alone and let you get on with it…
This is chapter is once again, and even more grovellingly dedicated to my amazing beta Mei Leng as she saved it from being crappy and boring (well… more so) and she cured my block, my depression and my plot-crisis all at once! And also, many many thanks to my other beta the Serendiptuos Oracle for helping me come up with ideas for the chapters in science lessons… *giggle* have you found out where they keep the chlorine/hydrogen yet? *cackle*
*****
The faint sound of her alarm filtered slowly through the layers of sleep to Captain Short's brain and with a groan she rolled out of bed and hit the floor cursing. Mornings were not her forte. Still swearing foully she staggered into the shower and let the hot water do its work. She tried to remember what had happened yesterday to cause the oppressive feeling of foreboding that hung in the steamy air, but it eluded her steadily.
As she was struggling into her jumpsuit and getting her legs helplessly tangled in it, the vid-phone on the wall began to emit a loud bleeping noise. Hopping precariously on one leg, Holly made a dive for the 'receive' button, sliding down the wall into an ungraceful heap.
Commander Root's gravely tones filled the apartment and the captain could almost see him peering into the room.
"Short? You there?"
Holly waved a hand in front of the camera lens. "Right here, Commander. What can I do for you?"
Root evidently decided not to question her location any further. "Report to Ops at 09:00 for a briefing with me and Foaly. Don't be late."
He terminated the link abruptly and Holly was left leaning against the wall as the memory of the curse rushed back to her. Another long string of expletives escaped from her mouth before she got herself under control. Obscenities would be of no help to her now. With a resigned sigh (once more, there would be no time for a proper breakfast) she wrestled into her jumpsuit, zipped it up, snatched a nutri-bar from the cooler, grabbed her helmet and departed for Police Plaza.
*
Holly hesitated on the marble steps, not at all eager to enter the building. She took a tentative step over the threshold. Nothing happened. She took another. Still nothing. The sprite on the reception desk was giving her a funny look, almost as though she had a large horn protruding from her forehead. Captain Short quickly pulled herself together. The key to this whole thing was acting as normally as possible. Straightening her back, Holly strode as confidently as she could past the receptionist and through the doors towards Ops, bypassing the security locks with her Access-Card. The officers she passed seemed to stare at her for a moment then look quickly away when they noticed her looking back. Holly frowned. This was just odd.
When she got to Ops, Root and Foaly were waiting for her. As soon as they caught sight of her, both pairs of eyes widened in shock and Holly strongly suspected at least one of them was trying not to laugh. It was the final straw.
"What the hell is wrong with people today? I know I'm a cursed elf, but from the way people have been looking at me, you would have thought I'd grown an extra eye. What in Frond's name is going on?"
Foaly definitely concealed a snigger as he handed her a mirror. "See for yourself."
Holly stared at him for a few seconds then glanced into the reflective surface. What she saw there held her gaze.
"Bloody hell." she muttered, fingers tracing the skin around her eyes. Her face had been transformed. Her lips and irises were a hypnotically strong gold and the area around her eyelid was tinted with the faintly glimmering colour. Holly was horrified to note that as well as her actual eyes having changed colour, her skin seemed to have done the same. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't rub the shimmering substance from her face.
She turned back to Foaly who was chuckling into his hand. "What in Frond's name is going on?" she demanded, handing back the mirror. The centaur pulled himself together.
"It's an, ah, side-effect of the curse. Each day it will visually express itself in some way, in this case on your face. I only found that bit out after you left or I'd have warned you…"
Holly spread her hands helplessly. "What am I meant to do? I can't get this stuff off and people are going to notice."
Foaly pursed his lips. "Just give me a second, Captain, I was getting to that." He pulled a pair of vials from a small storage unit on the workbench. "I made these specially. Coloured contact lenses to cover your irises. It's not a perfect match to your actual eye, but I did the best I could with the database picture and surveillance footage. No-one should spot the difference as long as they don't look too closely." He handed them to her. "Now, your skin…" He pulled a tube of what looked suspiciously like lipstick from a drawer. Holly was already shaking her head, but he continued anyway. "We can't use a blocker, Holly. You're just going to have to put up with it. The gold should balance out the red to a certain extent but some people will notice you're wearing it."
"And what do I tell them, I'm hoping to be nominated for the Miss Haven beauty pageant? That Lili Frond savagely cornered me, knocked me out and when I woke up I looked like this?"
Commander Root had refrained from shouting for long enough. "Captain Short!" he roared. "This is getting us nowhere! Stop moaning and just accept it!"
Holly blinked. Foaly took the opportunity to launch himself back into full flow.
"Now, for your cheeks and eye area, we can use a blocker." He selected a tube of memory latex from the shelf. "Hold still."
He squeezed a blob of the thick liquid onto her skin and began spreading it over her face, creating a thin coating of the material that almost instantly adapted to match Holly's colouring. When he was finished Captain Short succumbed to the need to screw up her face. The latex, which had latched firmly into her pores, moved with her like a second skin. Foaly nodded, apparently satisfied with his work. Holly resisted the urge to glare at him, instead slipping a contact lens into each eye. After blinking rapidly, she looked back at them.
"Well?"
Foaly sighed. "You'll pass. Commander?"
Root took over the briefing. "Obviously you don't have clearance to go above ground until all this is over so I'm suspending you from active duty and putting you on desk work. Anyone asks, tell them you're low on magic. From what Foaly tells me you have quite a collection of unwritten mission reports."
Holly nodded slowly and suddenly caught sight of the tri-acorned insignia on Root's chest gleaming invitingly in the light. She couldn't help staring at it. It was so… shiny and it bespoke of power and high status. She realised all of a sudden that she wanted it. Really wanted it. Hypnotised by the yellow glow it cast, she began to reach forwards…
"Holly!"
Foaly's voice broke through to her and shattered the trance. Captain Short jerked back to reality to find her fingers bare millimetres from her superior's chest and both fairies staring at her. She snatched her hand back, looking slightly horrified.
"Did I just – "
"Yes." they said in unison.
"D'Arvit, this thing is strong." she muttered.
Foaly dumped a large pile of paperwork in her arms before she could try to steal anything else. "Let this lot satisfy it. Whenever you want more, just tell me." He winked smugly at her and Holly shot him a look of pure venom before sweeping with as much dignity as she could from the room.
*
With a grunt of exasperation Captain Short headed for the coffee machine. After two hours she had only managed to write three paragraphs (and had plotted to steal half of Foaly's gadgets, rob a bank and hold the council hostage until they let her run the city) and she needed caffeine. Ingesting too much of the stuff had to be more fun than writing reports.
As the black liquid dribbled sluggishly into her cup, Holly found herself daydreaming wistfully of Active Duty. She longed to reclaim the joys of risking death at every turn, meeting danger around every corner and the intoxicating feeling of the adrenaline pumping through her veins…
She snapped out of her reverie as her coffee started to overflow onto her hand. With a yelp of surprise and mild pain (LEP coffee could never be described as 'scalding' but it could pack quite a punch), she hit the button to stop the stream and started moodily cleaning herself up. Great. Now she'd smell like a caffeine junkie all day.
She trudged back towards her office, wandering if it was possible to drown oneself in a hot beverage. As she walked, she passed Captain Kelp's cubicle (Recon and Retrieval had to share the drinks machine). The door was slightly ajar and before she knew what was happening, she had slipped through and closed it softly behind her. The room was blessedly empty, but Holly was not interested in any potential occupants. Her eyes had been caught by the line of shining medals displayed proudly on the wall. There had to be at least twenty. She drifted closer, fascinated by the light that played over them. They were beautiful. Why didn't she have any? Would Kelp mind if she borrowed a few, just to keep her company while she worked? No, the curse whispered, he wouldn't mind at all. He'd be selfish to mind.
Before her true self could stop them, her fingers had grasped the first one and a happy shudder passed through her. She reached for another, less timid this time, then another, then another. She wanted them all. The gold beneath her contact lenses glinted triumphantly, knowing it had achieved its goal.
Suddenly, the door burst open and Captain Kelp entered to find Recon's best hissing in anger, his service medals scattered at her feet. He struggled to find words.
"Er, Captain… Uh… What are you doing?"
The curse promptly deserted Holly and left her to make her own excuses.
"Er…" she stuttered. "Well, your door was open and I, um, well, I saw your medals… that your medals weren't, erm, where they should have been…" Holly's tongue finally caught up with what was happening. "So I was going to put them back, because, well, to tell the truth, I've got nothing better to do today, and then they all, er, fell off." She finished the statement with the most dazzling smile she could muster. Trouble nodded vaguely, either believing her story or too confused to argue. It was impossible to tell which.
Captain Kelp stepped aside to let her out, then as an after thought, turned back to face her.
"Are you…" he began, squinting into her face. "Are you wearing lipstick, Holly?"
She paled, mentally called Foaly by as many names as she could think of in the nanosecond she had and cleared her throat.
"What? Oh, that. It's, um, one of Foaly's gizmos… a new form of tracking device. He blackmailed me into testing it, then got Root to order me to do it." She paused. "Bastard."
With effort, Trouble didn't laugh, but if she had looked up into his face, Holly would have seen the mirth in his eyes. He grunted in commiseration, and Captain Short took the opportunity to beat a hasty retreat. Safely out of the room, the door closed behind her, she spared a moment to lean against the wall and collect her thoughts. That gremlin was going to pay. Big time.
Taking no chances, Holly locked the door of her cubicle as she stepped into the room and stuck the lockcard, with a small note, to the underside of her desk. She couldn't stop herself leaving the office but she could slow herself down. She sat down at her desk again, gloomily re-opening the file.
*****
The sound of alarms going off jerked Holly from her cat-like stance, the shrill sound magnified by the vault's smooth metal walls. Dropping the bar of gold she had been about to stuff down her jumpsuit, she drew her gun (stolen from the vault guard) and scanned the area, looking for a quick way out. Predictably, there was none other than the open (and slightly smoking) metre-thick steel door. Of course the LEP wouldn't include an air vent in their high-security ransom vault. There had to be at least half a tonne of gold in here. Not to mention the hardcopy of the database that held, among other things, major international security secrets and information on Haven's Most Wanted.
Holly, however, had no interest in the heavy-duty filing cabinet that seemed to lurk resentfully in the corner. She had eyes only for the gold. Cooped up in her office, it hadn't taken her mind long to stray to the precious metal. Banks were out, as they involved leaving the building and Foaly was sure to be monitoring the exits. She'd briefly toyed with the idea of looting the centaur's technology store, but had immediately discarded it when she'd remembered the vault. The vault… The words had been like a drug, immediately snaring all sense of reason. Of course, it only contained a fraction of the ransom fund, but even a fraction was more than she could dare to dream about…
For a trained Recon officer, bypassing the security guards had been child's play. The vault door had been more tricky, but a couple of slugs in the mechanism and four concussor eggs jammed in the corners had done their jobs. And the fact that she'd used her security clearance to disable the alarms hadn't hurt either. No one could ever accuse Holly Short of not using the resources available to her.
But removing the first bar of gold from its snug foam nest had tripped the secondary system, and now she was in really hot water. The running footsteps of the guards were already audible over the shrill wailing, and there was nowhere to hide, no bolt hole to get away. She was trapped. She scanned the room again, hoping she'd missed something. She hadn't. There was no option but to stand and fight.
Flicking the gauge on her stolen neutrino up to the third setting (enough to knock your average elf immediately unconscious) Holly tucked herself into the small niche between two containers, cursing herself for forgetting to wear a helmet in her haste. She flicked the weapon's safety catch off and making sure she was out of the visual range of the cameras, cocked her gun and waited.
She didn't have to wait long. The footsteps slowed as they reached the door and Holly could almost see them peering through the smoky gloom. She held her breath.
"Throw out your weapons and come out with your hands up. If you do not comply within thirty seconds we will come in and take you by force if necessary."
Holly rolled her eyes. Military clichés. How sick of them she was. Without bothering to answer, she pulled the trigger, loosing blasts over her shoulder. She heard a thump, closely followed by yells of surprise. Then the pandemonium started.
It was over in seconds. After receiving hostile fire, it was policy to storm the vault, wasting no time with firefights. Captain Short was outnumbered twenty to one, and however many she took out, there were always more to replace them. She didn't stand a chance.
When she tried to make a run for it she was met by a solid barrier of uniform and before she knew what was happening, was lying on her stomach, cheek pressed to the ground, her arms roughly pulled behind her back. As she felt the cuffs close around her fists, she knew she'd had it. But she kept fighting anyway.
As they dragged her down the corridors, towards the holding cells she did everything in her power to resist. She cursed, she screamed, she struggled, she kicked out at anyone who got within range of her feet, she even tried biting, but to no avail. Within five minutes of the alarm sounding the steel door of the cell had clanged shut behind her.
Picking herself up from the floor, the captain slammed herself against the door, hands gripping the bars on the small window.
"Let me out!" she yelled to the retreating officers. "Come back here! As a captain of this force, you have to do as I say! Release me!" She rattled the bars. "LET ME OUT!"
The metal shutter was slammed across the opening, cutting her off mid-rant. With a scream of frustration, Holly slammed the door again with her fists. With a sigh she sank to the floor, back resting against the surface. "D'Arvit." she muttered. Could her day get any worse?
"So, baby, what turns you on, 'cos you're sure doin' it for me!"
Holly turned her head slowly towards the noise, and noticed for the first time that she was not alone. She had a cellmate. Unfortunately, that cellmate appeared to be leering at her, green skin stretched in a sleazy smile, his wings folded neatly behind him. Holly started banging on the door again. Yes, apparently it could get worse.
*****
Captain Short had the sprite in a headlock when the door of the cell finally opened an hour later. Commander Root surveyed the scene with a weary eye and was vaguely surprised to find one of his senior officers attempting to beat up her cellmate, much to the aforementioned fairy's protest.
The guard standing behind him seemed at a loss of what to do.
"She's been at it for the last ten minutes. We tell her to stop, but she just pauses for breath and starts again."
Root contained his smile, barely. "Oh, it's nothing to worry about. Captain Short's just highly strung, that's all. We had to make this operation as authentic as possible. You never know how the perp will react." He turned a reprimanding eye on the unfortunate jailer. "You should have put her in isolation until you had established her mental state and therefore if she was safe to come into contact with other prisoners. You're lucky this was only a drill." The gnome nodded dumbly, well aware of the commander's legendary temper.
They turned back to the elf and the sprite. The captain was now proceeding to continuously slam the other fairy's head into the wall, screaming something about male egos, the stupidity of star signs and vidphone numbers. Root's mouth twitched.
"That's enough, Captain. Put him down."
Holly's head whipped round, her fists raised. On recognition of her superior officer, she pushed a stray strand of hair out of her eyes, delivered a finally knee to the sprite's stomach and let him fall to the floor behind her in a sweaty, shaking heap.
"He'll be fine." she growled to the guard, who was looking more than a little shocked "He has enough magic." She turned to Root. "Did you come to spring me?"
"Actually, I just came to watch you beat this criminal up. Of course I did. The operation was a success." He gave her a meaningful look that told her to play along. "It exposed the numerous areas of weakness in the security system. Well done, Captain." He clapped her on the shoulder, and gripping her forearm, steered her forcefullly from the cell.
"Hey, baby, you kick arse! I like that!" murmured the sprite as she disappeared out the door.
Holly braced herself for the onslaught she knew was coming. Sure enough, it did.
"What in Frond's name where you thinking of?" hissed the commander, fingers digging mercilessly into her skin. Holly winced. This wasn't going to be pretty.
"Sir, with all due respect, I had no control over my behaviour, and the prospect of go – "
"Oh, stop giving me excuses, Short. You weren't careful enough! You got sloppy, and you're damn lucky Foaly came up with a cover story, and that the council bought it. As far as anyone else knows, this was a covert technical operation to show up all the holes in the system and you were therefore ordered to stay in role until I came to give you the all clear. You blow the cover story as well, and I swear Short, you will not see the morning. Did your training have no impact? Did your experience in the field teach you nothing? For heaven's sake, Holly! All you had to do was stay in your office!"
He pushed her through the door of the Operations Booth, slamming it behind him. Foaly looked up from one of his screens, possibly to pass comment over the abuse to the booth's entrance, but thought better of it after catching the look on Root's face.
The commander took a couple of deep, calming breaths, pulling a cigar from his breast pocket. He inhaled several lungfulls of smoke before he spoke again.
"I will take no more chances with Captain Short. She stays here with you from now on, Foaly. She is not to leave this room, make contact with anyone outside this room nor touch anything in this room until the seven-hour curse effects have worn off." He glared at Holly. "She will then go home and try to plan a more effective strategy for resisting this damn thing tomorrow. A class from the Academy will be visiting and she's expected to talk to them about 'what's its like to be in Recon'." He strode from the room in a way that allowed no questions. None were asked.
Once the door was safely closed again, Foaly whinnied in annoyance. "So what, now I'm a babysitter?" he muttered. Holly gave him a look. He sighed. "Well, as you're stuck here, you can make yourself useful. See those disks over there?" He pointed to a pile of computer disks in a jumbled stack in the corner. "They should be in date order. And don't think of stealing them. All they have are mission reports."
The last few hours passed uneventfully. At last, Holly staggered gratefully down the steps from Police Plaza, back and neck aching from sitting on the floor and bending over piles of storage medium. She needed a bath. A nice, long, hot one. Oh yeah…
*****
Atrocious? Insultingly crap? Yeah, I no. *wink* And before you say it, I know it was slightly OOC in places, but this is (meant to be) humour. And just as a quick note about Holly beating up the sprite… Now, in real life she would have done a lot of damage. So suspend your disbelief, it you will, and imagine she wasn't hitting him that hard, or was healing him between punches, or he was healing himself… *waves hand vaguely* yada yada…
Anyway. Please review. Please. I will love you forever. Next chapter will hopefully be up soon, but I need another brainstorming session with my Joint-Empress of the Mushrooms and Green and Yellow Paint to fine-tune plot ideas… I'll try to be better at updating this time. Honest.
Luv slime xxx
Oh yeah, one last thing. There was an extra scene in the middle of that that got deleted cos it was dragging a bit. It's basically what happens between when Holly gets the paperwork and when she goes for coffee. If you want it, say in a review/email it to me and I'll email it to you!