In Secret
By diddly day
Disclaimer: They're not mine. Deal with it!
A/N: Dude, you guys freaking rock. Thanks for all of the reviews. The first two chapters where Quistis's and Squall's background. I'm going to start getting into the story. I really hope you guys enjoy. I hope I can keep your attention for at least a few seconds. This is NOT a Rinoa/Squall fic. It's a Quall all the way, and I don't write dirty or tasteful love scenes. If I did, I'd blush for the rest of my life.
PS: I was re-reading this chapter, and I noticed that the questionmarks I had put in were. . .gone. I don't know why that happened. Sorry about that. I swear they were in there when I wrote it.
Chapter three:
(Please, just keep your mouth shut.)
(Grow up.)
(Rinoa, I want to hear your voice.)
(Whatever.)
(Go talk to a wall.)
It still hurt. Whenever she thought about it, the stinging in her heart would become overwhelming. She had tried to pretend that she hadn't heard those things he muttered to himself. But she had. Did he really love her? He had said so a hundred times since they had fallen in love. At first he had been horrible at it. Expressing his feelings was not an area that he would get an A in.
"You. . .you look very, uh. . ." he stuttered in the library. The day he had kissed her for the second time.
"Squall?" She stared up at him from her book. It had been the first few words he had said to her since that night outside the tent when he kissed her until her lungs almost exploded. "What is it?"
"You're a very," he stopped. His eyes glazed over. She could tell he was trying to find the right words.
"Wow, you're not very articulate, are you?" She sat the book down. Squall winced.
"Beautiful." he muttered.
"What?" she whispered sharply. He frowned again. By the look on his face, that must've been the hardest thing he'd ever said in his life.
"You look very beautiful today." He mumbled again. Quistis blinked. A few nights ago, he had poured his heart out to her. Kissed her lips like the end of the world was near. Didn't talk to her the next day. And now he struggled to tell her she was beautiful? What was going on between them?
"Thank you." She exhaled.
Eyeing him to see if he wanted to say anything else before turning back to her book. It appeared that he was finished. She picked the book back up, forgetting what it was about, and started to read. Just as her eyes found their way to the word 'GF,' she felt raw hands pull her wrists down. Squall was staring at her with an expression mixed with timidness and determination. Her lips parted to question him. Before a hum could escape her throat, Squall placed his mouth upon hers. If he had not of been so nervous, Quistis would've smiled.
That was months ago. Since then, his communication skills had improved a great deal. Though, sometimes she could still tell that it was a struggle of him to say the words "I love you." But was it just his personality? Or was that a bad sign? He didn't seem to have a problem with telling Rinoa that he loved her.
Rinoa.
She liked Rinoa, very much. However, she couldn't deny that slight pang of jealously that entered her heart. He had talked to her briefly last night. She had seen that. They had chatted fleetingly, even so, you could say a thousand words without ever moving your mouth. She had brushed those feelings off, but when she asked him to dance with her, he got a sudden look of fear that flashed through his sharp features.
Playing the part of the jealous wife? That's pathetic.
Small things like that sometimes opened wounds. Old emotions of rejection would often cloud her soul. He had hated her. She knew that much. Why did he fall in love with her so suddenly? She had never asked him that question in fear that she would spark some hidden doubt that perhaps he didn't love her. It was stupid, although she was afraid that his sudden burst of amour was just a way to mend his scars of being refused by Rinoa.
Yet, when he kissed her, it felt like she were the only person in the world. Virtually the emotions she sensed that he didn't feel anything negative towards her anymore. But did he love her?
No. That was a no brainier. She was just a poor mans Rinoa. He cared deeply for her, and that was the next best thing. Quistis could settle for being second best, right? After feeling that way for first year and a half that Squall and Rinoa were together, this would be a breeze.
Wouldn't it?
She closed her eyes and found her mind drifting through her memories.
I I I
"Hello Squall." Quistis offered him a small smile. He, anyhow, didn't even look at her. Instead, he slouched past her and out of the cafeteria. Stalking by, he declined to attempt the slightest grunt in acknowledgment. Quistis swallowed and sat down next to Selphie and Zell.
"What's wrong with him?" Quistis questioned. She hadn't seen him this bad since before he had met Rinoa.
"You didn't hear?" Selphie's eyes bugged out of her head. The Gossip Queen's lips quivered in excitement. Quistis shook her head.
"What happened?" her eyes darted from Selphie to Zell.
"Squall and Rinoa are no longer together." Selphie hushed.
Hell had frozen over. She glanced at Zell to verify. He nodded solemnly, continuing to chew the last of his hotdog. Quistis closed her eyes. This had to be a lie. It just couldn't be true. This was Rinoa and Squall. They were meant to be. It was true love. Why had they split?
"What to you mean by 'no longer together?'" she had absolutely forgotten about her food. "Do you mean working together?"
"No, I mean relationship together. There is no more romance between them. The magic is gone." Selphie sighed. "Sad, if those two can't make it, no one can."
"There had to be a good reason." Quistis whispered. Love like that didn't just end. Without uttering another word, she stood and left. She had to find Rinoa.
Looking everywhere, she was just about to give up, when she went with her instincts and looked in the Parking Lot. As she had guessed, Rinoa sat on the hood of a parked car. Her eyes appeared to be misty and bloodshot.
"Are you alright?" Quistis asked. Rinoa nodded her head. Reaching into the front pocket of her uniform, Quistis grabbed a handkerchief and handed it to the despairing young woman.
"Thank you." Rinoa sniffed. She brushed her dim eyes.
"I heard about what happened. It must've been hard when he broke it off." At her words, Rinoa bit her bottom lip to keep from sobbing.
"No . . . It was me. I ended it." Quistis stared at her in shock.
"Why?" They had been so happy. Why had she abandoned that joy? Rinoa turned her eyes down.
"I . . . I think I'm in love with someone else." she breathed. Quistis ran her tongue over her lips.
"This is serious." Rinoa nodded. "You broke up with him because you think you fell in love? What happens if it's not love? What if it's lust?"
"I know it seems like I'm giving up a great guy, but what if it is love?" Rinoa handed back Quistis her handkerchief.
"And if it's not?"
Rinoa fell silent. Her stormy hair fell around her face. Rubbing her hands together, she looked as if she wanted to express something. Whatever it was, she was holding it back. She obviously didn't want to say what she was thinking. Was it that bad?
"Squall . . . He'll take me back."
Quistis hated to admit it. But it was true. Squall would've moved heaven and hell if it meant Rinoa would return to him. That was one of the things that drove Quistis crazy. No matter how hard she tried, she never seemed to spark that kind of fervor in him.
He's married to you now Quistis. Why are you worried? You got the guy. He's yours.
And if Rinoa decided to come back? Would she lose him? Sometimes he made her feel like he truly loved her. When he kissed her, when he touched her. They way he whispered her name when they made love. Save, did he really want to hush Rinoa's name? The thought made her insides come alive.
Deciding that she would greedily love him until the day that Rinoa came back, or the dormant feelings of love for his ex would surface and he would leave her. If that day never came, then Quistis could breathe again. But if it did, then she was willing to accept the heartbreak she knew that would consume her. She prayed she wouldn't lose him.
Her throat suddenly began to hurt. A pain burst in her stomach. Breaking out in fits of coughing as they erupted from her throat. She could taste a coppery flavor in her the back of her mouth. Was she getting sick? Or was she dying of grief?
I I I
Squall jerked upward, breaking his doze. She was coughing. It sounded horrible. He could feel her stomach muscles wrenching under his fingers. Turning over, he gazed at her. She lay on her side, next the bed. Sheets wrapped around their bodies, her head resting on his pillow. They had moved down to the floor when he realized there was not enough room for them on his bed.
He scooted himself closer to her. Placing his other hand on Quistis's hip, he leaned over her. Her hand covered her mouth, muffling her cough. The sharpness of it made him wince. He brushed his lips on her shoulder. The remembrance of the passion they had shared a few hours before made him blush. Her hacking ceased until it calmed to a dull whimper. Putting his mouth close to her ear, he whispered,
"Quistis? Are you okay?" Rustling of their sheets as she turned on her back to face him.
The rain hitting the window shadowed across her skin. Her eyes wide in the dark. Placing a soft hand on her throat, she hummed. She stared up at him with clear eyes. It struck him that she was very well awake. Lowering himself, he kissed her as softly as he could. Her hand left her neck and slid to the back of his head. The slightest hint of copper savored his lips. An alarm went off in he back of his mind. He pulled away gently.
"There's blood on your lips." he sighed. She placed her fingers on her mouth. Faintly touching them, she drew her fingers away and stared at them, then rubbed them together.
"I must've coughed a little too hard." she looked at him and smiled lovingly. "I'm okay. It's no big deal." He could feel the corners of his mouth tugged down in a grimace.
"I want you to go see the Doctor." Her hand rested on his neck. He could feel her tracing her long fingers along his jaw.
"You don't need to worry. I probably inhaled some dust." He spread his body along side her. Roaming his hand over her navel, he plunged his face into the curve of her neck.
"Please, just comfort a worried husband." He placed his soft lips on her skin. She fell silent. He could tell she didn't want to go. They lay in stillness for a while. Listening to the rain outside.
"You're not going to leave me, are you?" she asked suddenly. Squall sighed.
"Quistis, I'm a commander. I run the risk of dying like every SeeD member."
"No! No, no." Quistis shook her head. "That's not what I was talking about." She closed her eyes and frowned while continuing to shake her head. "I don't even want to think about that."
"What are you talking about? You mean for another woman?" She stayed quite. Squall propped himself up on his elbows. Shock and astonishment washed like waves through his body. Did she really think that?
"Never mind." she let out an uncomfortable chuckle. "It was a rhetorical question." That was a lie. He knew she didn't want to make him feel uneasy. She had came right out and asked him what was on her mind. Now fear seemed to be the only thing on her mind.
"Quistis." He leaned over and wrapped his arms around the slender curves of her body. She stiffened at first, but then relaxed. "Are you afraid I'm going to leave you"
"I wonder sometimes." Her quick answer jolted him.
"I love you. You know that, right?" This time she didn't answer. Her silence made him nervous. Her gripped her and turned her toward him, their bodies pressed against each other. He noticed her eyes were still closed. "I love you. Please tell me you believe that." She took a deep breath.
"I just wonder how much of it is real." Bitting her lip, she fluttered her eyelids. "You were so in love with Rinoa. Even I thought you two could stand anything. As far as I know, you would've never left her. If she comes back, if she takes you away, I don't know what I would do."
Squall stared at his wife. He wanted to tell her so many things. He wanted to express how happy he was that Rinoa had broken it off with him. To utter that she was the only thing in his life now worth living for. How he thanked Hyne every day that she had stayed with him through all of his troubles. When he woke in the morning alone, he craved her kisses for the rest of the day. But would those words be enough to express how much he loved her? No, he would never be able to show her or tell her exactly what he felt.
It then accord to him just why she was thinking these thoughts. His mind drifted off to a couple of years ago, when he had muttered things under his breath that he would regret for the rest of his life. Had she heard? He had been so frustrated. So many things going on at one time. A blossoming romance with Rinoa. A handful of new friends. He was learning how to depend on people. Being exposed to change was not something Squall liked, and he took all of his anger, frustration, sorrow, and loneliness out on the one woman who had ever stayed by his side. He felt like a major jackass.
"I love yo--" he started, but she put her long fingers on his lips.
"I know. It was a ridiculous question for me to ask." But her eyes held differently. "Don't tell me you love me." She tipped in and gave him a devilishly diabolical kiss. "Show me."
A soft clap of thunder echoed outside. He smiled and seized her lips with his own. Her soft breathing drove him insane with excitement. She resumed to run her fingers down his spine. Chills and shudders wracked his body. It had been six weeks. Six weeks and now they were togther again. It had been a dry season, and Squall was still thirsty.
I I I
"What's wrong with the lights?"Zell pulled with switches up and down in the hall.
"What do you think? Selphie stated. "The storm blew the power out."
"Don't we have a backup generator? he tried the lights again as if they would magically burst with light.
"I wish, but apparently when the Garden smashed into that mountain last month, the generator clashed in and we are still trying to repair it." Rinoa explained. Turning over, she gazed out the window. " The rain is still coming down hard."
"So what are we going to do if all the power is out? Asked Seifer as she sat down next to Rinoa. Zell shrugged.
"I guess we could practice on our skills. You know, battle each other and kick some major butt!"
Just then, there was a struggle outside of the automatic door. Someone swore, and the other one seemed to shout out in pain.
"Stop it Irvine! I can do it myself!" Quistis's voice cried irritably. The doors suddenly were pried open, and there stood Irvine and Quistis. Quistis with a crowbar in her hand.
"How did you get out Quistis?" asked Selphie. "We've all been trapped in the dorm hall since the power went out."
"I used the window in my room. It was kinda hard, I'm sort of tall and I when I landed, I fell into a big pile of mud." She turned around where a huge brown stain streaked up the back of her pants. Everyone laughed.
"Where's Squall?" Zell asked. Selphie looked at Quistis as if to say 'she knows.' Quistis shot her a deadly stare.
"Probably in his dorm." Rinoa nodded over to his door.
"Go wake him up, will you?" Seifer said as he got up and left the door that Quistis and Irvine and yanked open so well. Zell could still tell that Seifer felt bad about stealing Squall's girl. He knew he hadn't meant to do it. What can you do when you fall in love?
The rest all left the room. With the exception of Zell and Selphie. Both of them walked over to Squall's door and knocked. The door opened slowly, revealing a half naked Squall. He stood with a sheet wrapped around his waist.
"Yes?" Squall asked, his eyes looked weary.
"We just wanted to see if you were awake." Zell stated. Squall nodded.
"I am now."
"Didn't sleep too well last night, did you?" Selphie asked slyly. Squall smirked at her.
"Uh, dude, why are you, uh. ." Zell stammered, trying not to look at Squall.
"I was hot last night." He explained. Both Zell and Selphie entered his room. Selphie's eyes spotted to two pillows on the floor.
"You slept on the floor?" She raised her eyebrow at him. Squall bent over and picked them up.
"Yeah, that's why I didn't sleep well last night. My bed was killing my back." Squall smiled again. Selphie rolled her eyes.
"I don't get it." Zell blurted out. "I'm gonna go see if there are any hotdogs the kitchen's giving away." he turned and sprinted out of the room. As soon as he was out of ear shot, Selphie crossed her arms and smiled.
"What?" Squall asked when he read the expression on her face.
"You slept on the floor because your back hurt?"
"It was too small for the both of us." He picked up his shirt. "How's Quistis"
"Normal. To look at her you wouldn't have knownthat she was in L-O-V-E." Squall ran a hand through his hair. "Is something bothering you?" Squall scratched the back of his head.
"Quistis. . . she asked me this really weird question last night. She-she wanted to know if I would ever leave her for another woman."
"Would you?" Squall's head snapped in Selphie's direction.
"No! Of course not! I love her. But when I told her, she didn't seem to believe me." Selphie stared at him and shook her head.
"Can you really blame her? After the way you treated her? And what about those horrible things you would sometimes mutter under your breath."
"You heard?" Squall frowned. It was as if his worst fear ran through him. Selphie nodded.
"We all did." She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "Hey, just so I know, does anyone else know about the two of you?"
"Yeah, Irvine does." Squall muttered absentmindedly. The guilt of how he made Quistis feel was still fogging his brain.
"WHAT?" She shrieked. "HE KNOWS?"
"Y-yeah. He was a witness at our wedding." Squall stared at the enraged girl in front of him, he had completely forgotten that Irvine was her boyfriend.
"And he didn't tell me? I'm going to kill him. I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!" She ran out of the room almost knocking Rinoa to the ground as she entered the dorm hall.
A/N: This chapter had been done for a while, but I had to update my other story, so I have and now I'll post this. Then, I have to post Darkest Hour. But I don't think you guys know what that is. Anyway. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. It's a little insight to how Quistis feels. That will play a big part in later chapters. I'm glad you liked.
I know that some of you reviewed several times. But I'm only gonna thank you once for this chapter. There is no way I could write 50 thank you's.
Kitian: Thank you for the review. I know, my spelling sucks. But you have to understand that I don't proof read it or anything. I just post it how it is. But thank you for the wonderful things you wrote. I blushed when I read them.
Broken: Well, thank you so much for the nice review. Those always make me smile. You are awesome!
Genjy0-Sanz0: He he, lets see if she can keep her mouth shut. Thank you so much for the cool review. I love reading them.
Jada: Wow! You really hate Rinoa don't you? LOL. I'm not a big fan of her either. She was my weakest player (but that was because I never used her) Thanks for the review!
Shadowed-Moon2525: I've noticed that Quall is very rare. It was so hard for me to find them. So I'd thought I'd write one. But thank you for your kind review. I loved reading them.
Seifer's Incarnate: I know, I have to review you story. You seem like a wonderful person. I'll be sure to read your story very soon. I know you won't let me down. Haha. Thanks.
Femke: You're just too nice. Thank you so much!
Zorin Thyme: Dude! You rock! I love reading your stuff and I get a kick out of your reviews. I hope you update . . . Like. . TODAY! But it means a lot to me that you took time out to read and review my story. Hey, that's what friends are for right? You can barrow the game from me sometime. Thank you!
sailorjr5: You are just the sweetest! I love reading your reviews. You've read both chapters and still reviewed! That means the world to me. Thank you so much for all of your wonderful comments. I seriously was amazed that you liked it. I felt very flattered. I thank you a million times over.
Quallfantilldeath: I like your pen name. I'm not sure I'll kill them, but perhaps I'll make one of them get hurt. Oh, well. Lets see what happens. But thank you for the awesome review. I felt very pleased.
Dark Phoenix: Awww! You are just too cool! I'm so happy that I could melt you. Haha. You have such sweet words and I felt so proud when you left your review. I'm getting a warm and fuzzy feeling when you leave such wonderful reviews. You rock! Thank you so much!
PrincessMercury: I couldn't believe how few of Quall were out there. But thank you for the cool review. I was happy when I read what you had to say. It makes me want to write even more knowing there are people out there who do take out time to read. Thanks a bunch!
Eclipse0468: I know, that annoys me too when you read a great fic that's about 100 chapters long, then you get to the last chapter and it's a "To be continued" that make me mad. But thank you for your kind words. They made my bloody day!
Blaze The Fire Mistress: I'll be sure to call you if something comes up. Thank you. You were right, I did get many more reviews than I thought. I really didn't know how many Quall fans where out there. It's nice
aerischan: You're just too nice. Thank you for telling me I'm a great writer. That's the best compliment I could ever have. Thanks for the review.
Kriger Hey, you're awesome. Thank for the review!
Lucentia: Thank you so much for the wonderful things you said. The fact that you thought I had talent is enough to keep me on cloud 9 for about a year. Thank you thank you! You are awesome!
chococat2: Thank you for your cool review. I love what you said. It made me feel all warm inside.
Integra-Hellsing: You are so wonderful, I'm glad you liked that scene. It was really fun to write. Thanks!
JJMP: You just write the kindest things. I like to write long chapters. I hate to read short ones. Thank you so much for all of your reviews.
IntegraHelsing: Thank you for a nice and cool review.
east: Wow, you're just so cool. Thank you a bunch for the review.
Ifrit: Thank you for the review. I will keep writing. PLEASE DON'T USE HELL FIRE!
trinity-fire: He he. Thank you so much. I'm really happy you enjoyed. I was touched by the wonderful things you said.
Petha: Hey, you are so nice. I was very affected by what you said. I know that Qualls sometime have a hard time. So thank you for what you said. I felt wonderful. Thank you.
Seraphim Angel: I felt so happy when I found out that you liked reading Squall/Rinoa fics. And yet, you read a Quall . . . My quall! I felt so honored. Thank you a billion times. A million, trillion times. I love reading what you wrote.
wInD chIme beLLs: Wow, Thanks for the kind review. You rule!
falvo: Thank you million times. I loved what you wrote. Thank you!
bb: Awe, don't tear up. Thank you for the wonderful, beautiful, awesome review! You are awesome!
fan: Thank you!
: I'm glad you liked the intro. I hope you hear from you again..Thank you so much! I love what you said.
PrincessMercury: Hey! Thank you so much for such a nice review. I loved what you had to say!
SexyNinja: Awww! Thank you. I know, Qualls rock. Thank thank thank you!
Shabaman: Thanks for rooting me on. I'm very happy there are reviewers like you to keep me on my feet. Thank a lot!
Kitian: Yeah, I did underestimate how many of us were out there. I'm so happy you went out and read my fic. I felt so happy that I got a review like yours. I was so kind and honest. I hope you hear from you again. Thanks
little: Wow! Thanks! I love that you like it!
Jay : Thanks, I will continue.
Wings of Lead: Thank you a million times for such a cool review. I love it when people write what a they feel and are straight forward. I'm glad you read it. Thanks!
Cheery Wolf: Thanks for the review!
Cailin Skylark: Hey! My first reviewer. I gotta tell you. When I read what you wrote. I felt so happy that someone read it and liked it. I was an awesome feeling and I'm soooo happy that you decided to read a long and boring fic like this. You rule all. Thank you.