Chapter 2 Erik is forced to leave home

I regret to inform you that the adults in Erik's life were every bit as terrible as they appeared to be in the first chapter. Erik's mother was a mean woman, who cared for nothing but exterior beauty. Of course, she believed herself to be the most beautiful thing on God's green Earth. This was a gross exaggeration. She really was quite a pointed and sour-looking woman all together. The thought that she was not the greatest thing since rose water had never occurred to her, however, and she didn't take kindly to her ugly new addition to her family.

Erik's brother and sisters were no better. His older brother was named Pierre. He was big, fat and smelt like cheese. Normally cheese is a wonderful smell, bit Pierre smelt like old cheese. Pierre was as mean as he was smelly. He hated his siblings, especially Erik. He also found that it is very easy to pick on a helpless person whom everyone hates. So that was what he did.

Erik's sisters were just as bad. Gigi was thirteen and had a mouth large enough to fit a watermelon into. She loved to talk and poke fun at people, and Erik was an easy and defenseless subject. Fifi was four, and had a sour, squashed face. She was terribly spoilt and had everything her own way. She immediately decided that Erik would be her slave, and since everyone hated Erik, no one argued the matter.

Erik was also unfortunate to have the last name of Edlik. This is not the world's worst last name, (Barebones and Crapper are worse,) but when your name is Erik Edlik it is horrible. Erik Edlik just isn't well accepted.

The Edlik family was very big, and lived in a big house. There were ten members of the Edlik family. Mr. Edlik was a crabby man who worked all day as a mason (some said a Free Mason, but there was no proof.) Mrs. Edlik was the vain mother. Her children are listed above. Then there was Granny Edlik, who hated children and puppies and kittens and anything that reminded her that she was no longer young. Uncle Walter was a drunken sailor. Aunty Penpen was his American wife, (she couldn't speak French and had no wish to.) Lastly there was cousin Lili. She was eighteen and liked to bite people. Needless to say, they weren't pleasant people.

One day Uncle Walter was so drunk that he shot all the neighbors' horses. This made the neighbors angry. The neighbors ran to the big house and began to break the windows.

"Come out or we'll frazz you to a frizzle! We'll frizz you to a frazzle! We'll goosh you to a glop! We'll glop you to a goosh!" the neighbors chanted.

"What in the name of great gripes are those bumpkins about?" Mr. Edlik bellowed.

Uncle Walter was frightened. "They're mad at Erik!" he quickly lied.

"Erik!" all the Edliks yelled.

"Y, yes?" The now two-year-old Erik asked. He was worried by the tone of everyone's voices.

"You are a disgrace!" Mrs. Edlik shouted.

"You're a freak!" Mr. Edlik bellowed.

"You're, uh, not very, uh, good." Pierre said stupidly.

"You're embarrassing!" Gigi screamed.

"You're stupid!" Fifi screeched.

"You're dirty!" Granny squawked.

"You do bad things!" Aunty Penpen said, (in English.)

"You're dotty as a doughnut!" Lili sniffed.

"You do naughty things!" Uncle Walter spat.

"And we don't like you!" they all said together.

"And?" Erik asked timidly.

"You must be punished!" Uncle Walter said.

"Severely!" Mrs. Edlik added.

"Grounded from the piano for a month?" Erik asked.

"No."

"Spanked with a horse whip?"

"No."

"Locked in a the wardrobe?"

"No."

"Have my mouth washed out with soap?"

"No."

"Have to sleep with Fido in the dog house?"

"No."

"Then, then you don't mean..."

"You must go away. We don't want you any more." Mrs. Edlik said.

Erik sniffled and went away to pack as his family congratulated themselves on getting rid of him. He packed his shabby shoes, his nappies, his blanket, his chewing gum, and Carl the stuffed pig. He didn't have very many things, and what he did have wasn't very nice. His shoes were hand-me-downs of hand-me-downs of hand-me-downs. His nappies were those on sale kind that itch. His blanket had come from an old bag. His chewing gum was borrowed from a hobo. Even Carl was in bad condition, and had been found in a trash receptacle. He didn't have any clothes other than the ones he was wearing.

"Out! Out! Out!" the family called.

Erik obediently left his home to seek his fortune in the wide, wide world.