Author's Note: Flashback sequence written in Italics
Have no idea who originally wrote "When The Stars Go Blue" (Ryan Adams? maybe) but I know I didn't so...
As always, all reviews are welcome, read, and appreciated. Special thanks for the awesomely kind words to: Nathan's Raven, BrennaBing, Ange, Rosie4299, Stefanie and Danielle! You guys are the fabulous ones, not me!
Haley took a seat on the stool staring out into an empty venue that would soon be filled with excited fans. She sighed as she adjusted the guitar strap and began to strum and sing. She kept stopping and starting all over again. Something wasn't right. Either she was seriously out of tune or the guitar was. Whatever the case, her heart just wasn't in it.
"That sounds like crap. You keep playing and singing like that, then we're gonna have a bunch of pissed off fans demanding their money back."
She didn't even have to look up. It was Chris of course.
"I'm really not in the mood…"
He took one look at her face and saw that was true. Her eyes were clouded with worry and there was a heavy shadow of what could only be described as emptiness that seemed to loom over her.
"You look like you lost your best friend. What's the matter?"
She laughed sadly. Little did he know she had lost her best friend…six and a half years ago.
"Nothing. I'm fine."
"Don't lie to me, Haley", Chris said, gently touching her arm. "You don't look fine. You look like crap."
"Gee, thanks…"
"I didn't mean it like that", he sighed. "You just look sad. Want to talk about it?"
"No", she said honestly.
"Is this about Nathan?"
"And what if it is?" Haley cut him off.
"Haley…"
"You've already said your peace. I've been hearing it for six years now, Chris. I know how you feel about him."
"Yeah but I know how you feel about him, too."
"Doesn't matter anymore", Haley said, tiredly running her fingers through her hair. "You were right."
"I was?"
"Yeah. I know that now. I have to let go and it's the end. So that is that. That's the way it is so I'm gonna deal with it because I have no other choice. I'll be fine."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. I Just need to get ready for tonight. Music has always been my therapy. You're right, Chris…this is my life. And once I get out on this stage tonight, I know I'm gonna be fine."
He nodded quietly and decided not to press further even though it was clear she was trying to convince herself more than she was trying to convince him. Instead, he put on his guitar and rehearsed with her.
"You want to practice the duet real quick?" he asked.
She nodded and set her guitar aside as she stood and reached for the mike. Chris began to play and she closed her eyes as the melodic words just seemed to tumble out.
Dancin' where the stars go blue
Dancin' where the evening fell
Dancin' in your wooden shoes
In a wedding gown
Chris just looked at her. She always did this sexy little dance thing when she sang that song. He wasn't even sure that she was aware of it but he had been watching her for six and a half years and he loved it. He loved the way her eyes closed and how she felt the music. It was a part of her soul.
Dancin' out on 7th street
Dancin' through the underground
Dancin' little marionette
Are you happy now?
Haley knew the words. Oh how she knew them. She had been singing them for years. She and Chris had been doing the duet for what seemed like forever. It was a part of her. It was a part of home. Whenever she sang it she would just close her eyes and it would take her back to Tree Hill and the first time she ever sang that song.
Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go when you're blue
Where do you go when you're lonely
I'll follow you
When the stars go blue
They finished going over the set and then it was on to the pre show rituals. Chris went off to talk to his band and have a cigarette. He wasn't a heavy smoker but it never failed…after every rehearsal before every live show, he would always smoke one cigarette.
Haley went to her dressing room to be alone. She didn't like a whole lot of chatter and fuss before the show. That was her time to be calm and focus on getting into her musical groove. Like always, she lit scented candles and put on a CD. She felt like hearing Sheryl Crow and she smiled as she heard the soft lyrics of "The First Cut Is The Deepest". She sang along with the words, their parallel to her own life never went unnoticed. As she relaxed, she almost didn't hear the knock on her door.
"Come in."
"This was left for you, Ms. James", one of the staff members told her as he handed her a large brown, business envelope.
"What is it?" Haley took it.
"I have no idea but they said your sister dropped it off before she left."
"Um, thanks."
Taylor? Haley sighed as she rushed to open it. With Taylor, there was no telling what was inside. Once the envelope was torn, Haley could make out a picture. Actually, there were two. Both were old and faded, the unprotected paper showing its wear over the years. The larger photo Haley recognized instantly. It was taken at Wrightsville Beach on the day she and Nathan had gotten married. It was an enlarged wedding photo that showed two very young and very happy people head over heels in love. Nathan looked handsome in his dark suit and his bride beamed in the white sundress and sandals.
The smaller picture was a Polaroid. Haley instantly recognized it from the Wedding Wall. Taylor must have stolen it that night she left for the tour. It must have been one of the few pictures to be rescued before Nathan destroyed them in his jealous and heartbroken frenzy. It was Haley in her burgundy tank top and Nathan in his blue collared shirt, arm in arm, grins of their faces the night of the reception Lucas had thrown for them.
She held them in her hand. It brought back a flood of memories. It made her want to laugh and cry all at the same time. She studied their expressions and it felt like just yesterday, she had taken them. She could be Tutor Wife again in a world where they were once happy.
"What's all this? Fan mail?" Chris quipped as he appeared behind her.
His presence startled her and she dropped the envelope. He cringed as he saw the pictures and the look on her face as she ogled them.
"Taking a trip down Memory Lane, huh?" he rolled his eyes as he bent down to retrieve the fallen envelope.
As he picked it up, they both discovered there was another piece of paper inside. It was filled with tiny cut outs of various Nathan and Haley pictures and they had been pasted to the paper. So was a tiny salvaged piece from the wedding wall. In between the photographs were various quotes headlined under "Naley Forever".
"Love is never lost. If not reciprocated it will flow back and soften and purify the heart."
"If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back it is yours.
If it doesn't, it never was."
"If nobody loves you, be sure it is your own fault."
"The love in your heart wasn't put there to stay.
Love isn't love till you give it away."
"War is like love; it always finds a way."
"Tay…um, Taylor left this for me", Haley struggled to find her voice.
"She's just messing with you, Haley. She's just being Taylor."
"I know, I…"
Haley's mind froze as she thought back to a time years before. In the Scott home sitting Indian style on Nathan's bed while they were having a tutoring session. She was supposed to be there helping him with an English assignment but her real motive was his DSL computer and the chance of the speedier, better connection helping them score tickets to the Sheryl Crow concert that was coming up.
"I hate these, little fuckers", Haley pouted. "Watch. They're gonna wait until like the last second of the auction, then bid and steal my tickets."
Nathan laughed.
"Hales…"
"What? This isn't funny."
"I know but like you never curse. I just think it's cute."
"Well, it's definitely not going to be cute if I don't get these tickets. I swear I'm going to seriously kill somebody!"
"Well, since you're in such a feisty mood, why don't you come on up here?" he teased, grinning as he pulled her on top of him for a kiss.
"Nathan, your mom is home", she laughed.
"So…"
"So we're supposed to be doing homework", she pouted in between kisses.
"Homework can wait. Besides, the assignment was dumb anyway. Mrs. Carter has us doing some crap about Shakespeare and its enough we have to read his dumb stories but we have to come up with a love quote that could relate to some of his characters and stuff."
"That's not dumb. It's actually pretty easy. What do you have so far?"
"I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is."
Haley laughed as she rolled her eyes.
"Nathan! That's Forrest Gump!
"So? Mrs. Carter didn't say who the quote had to be from."
"How about this? 'Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up save in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket -- safe, dark, motionless, airless… it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.' That's from C.S. Lewis. It's not Forrest Gump but hey…" she joked.
Nathan's eyes lit up as he watched her. It wasn't something she read from a textbook but rather words imbedded in her memory. And she recited them with elegance and innocence and a sweetness that made his heart race and his eyes tear.
"That was beautiful", he whispered.
Beautiful. Yes, Nathan Scott had used such a word.
"Nathan", she said shyly and quietly.
It always embarrassed her, giving her butterflies when he stared at her like that. He leaned in and kissed her as they fell back on the pillows. He moved away and brushed a stray strand of hair from her face as he stared in her chocolate eyes. God, he could stay there looking in those eyes forever.
"I think you missed the end of the auction", he whispered huskily.
"I don't care", she said quickly.
He kissed her again.
"Doubt thou the stars are fire!
Doubt that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar;
But never doubt I love."
"What?" she smiled.
"William Shakespeare."
"I know."
They kissed again and at that moment, if she didn't already know it before, she knew she was with the man she was going to love for a long time.
"Oh my God…"
"Haley? You okay?"
She backed up and stumbled, still disoriented as she reached for her purse.
"haley, what are you doing?"
"Chris, I have to go…"
"Go where?"
"North Carolina."
"Are you on drugs?" he laughed. "It's Nathan's wedding today. What are you going to do, crash it?"
"No but if I leave right now, I won't have to. I can catch him right before."
Chris' smile faded.
"You're serious, aren't you?"
"Yes. Yes, I am."
"We have a show to do tonight. A sold out crowd that came to see Chris Keller and Haley James."
"I know and I'm sorry. I hate to do this to you and I hate to disappoint the fans. Just cover for me. Please, Chris. I don't ask a lot from you. Just them I'm sick or that I had a family emergency and if you lose money or you get shit from the promoters, then I'll pay for everything out of pocket. I am really sorry and I hate to do this but I have to go."
"Haley! That's nuts!"
"No. Not following my heart is nuts."
"You honestly think your showing up is going to change things?"
"I don't know", she shrugged. "But there's only one way to find out."