A/N: This chapter really centers on the relationship between Erik and Bella. I love Bella. She sweet but tougher than Christine was, and full of passion and energy like her father. (By the way, she is named after my grandmother, Annabel Christine. Although in the story her middle name obviously comes from her mother.) Erik starts to slow down a little bit in this chapter. Unfortunately, he is mortal. I imagine Erik would not be one to suffer old age gracefully, and that shows up a bit in this chapter.
Hanakomoon: Thank you! Welcome to the story.
erikfan: Yay! I made someone else cry! Thanks for letting me know. By my count, that makes five of us, including myself that have confessed. I am glad you are still with us.
romancebookworm4ever: Frederick is yours. (Please don't decapitate him.) I promise, as soon as I finish posting this whole thing, I will read your story and review for your unfailing loyalty. And I don't really commit too many character murders in this story, just Erik (kind of in the beginning 'cause everyone thinks he's dead), Raoul, Elsa, and Christine...okay yeah I do. But in my defense, people didn't live very long back in those days and this story has covered a span of about 50 years. Somebody had to die along the way!
Ch. 45 – A Weakness That Cannot Be Overcome
One winter morning, Erik made his way slowly into the conservatory, silently cursing old age. Every bone in his body ached and his legs did not seem to want to obey him. Having been accustomed to good health and a strong body all of his life, the frustrations of aging never failed to annoy him. He had so far succeeded in hiding his recent bouts of frailty from Bella, but he knew it was only a matter of time before they would be too obvious to hide.
Inside, Bella was waiting impatiently for him. Seventeen now, she was blossoming into a stunning beauty. The combination of her shining dark curls, creamy skin, and stunning gray-blue eyes had captured the attention of nearly every available suitor for miles around, though as of yet she had firmly refused them all. Her smile, ever-present was soft and gentle and her eyes blazed with an inner fire, a passion like that of her father. She had his boundless energy as well, and the same impatience for imperfection, which of course included tardiness.
As her father opened the door of the conservatory, she rushed toward him with the impulsiveness of a little girl, "Really father, nine-thirty? How you would have scolded me if I had shown up at such a scandalous hour of the morning for our lessons." The teasing smile faded, as she sensed his weakness. He had been finding it more and more difficult to navigate the large staircase and she suspected that had been the cause of his late arrival. Instantly she regretted her gentle scolding and moved to help him. Her eyes were full of concern as she took in the pale color of his skin and the labored appearance of his movements. He had never seemed to change at all in her eyes, always strong and beautiful, but lately she had begun to notice that he was looking more and more like his age. "Papa, I apologize for my inappropriate jest. It is clear that you are not feeling well this morning. Here, take my arm." Leaning on Bella heavily for support, Erik let her guide him to the piano bench.
Sitting stiffly, he stretched his hands, rubbing his knuckles as if they pained him. Bella took her usual place beside him. She had been unsettled by her father's momentary display of weakness, but was comforted by the thought of the familiar lessons they had always been able to share. "I've already finished my warm-up, Papa." Erik nodded, "From the beginning of the third aria then, dear Bella?" She nodded and cleared her throat as he began the accompaniment. However, her brow wrinkled in confusion as she heard from the piano something she had never heard from her father in all her seventeen years – a string of incorrect notes. Looking down at his long musician's fingers which had always been so graceful and precise, she noticed for the first time how painfully gnarled they had suddenly become, and as they stumbled brokenly through the first bar she noticed that his left hand shook slightly, causing him to clumsily bump keys that were not meant to be played.
Erik stopped playing, staring at his hands as if they had betrayed him. Bella dropped to his side; tears welling as she lovingly kissed his failing hands. Erik looked up at her, his eyes almost frightened as he whispered, "I cannot play." Bella's heart broke at the sight of her strong, powerful Papa finally being confronted by a weakness that he could not overcome. She sat down next to him on the bench, laying her head on his shoulder. "It does not matter, Papa. I know it by heart. Shall I sing it for you?" He nodded, and she softly sang just for him.
Later that night, Bella stopped by her father's study door to say good night. She paused in the doorway when she heard his voice speaking to someone else. Curiously, she peeped inside. She saw him in his chair by the fire but upon surveying the room, saw no one else. Without making a sound she crept into the room and listened to the strange conversation in confusion and growing horror. She clearly heard her Papa's voice speaking as if to the air in front of him, "Yes, my dear, I know she is ready. I have no doubt of it. Her voice is perfection and she has a mind for music unlike anyone I have ever known." At this, he paused as if waiting for someone else to speak, and then replied to his silent partner in conversation, "Darling, I only wish now that I knew that she would be cared for, that she would find love like you and I did. Then I could leave her. I fear that she hangs on to me too tightly, and I cannot stay with her forever. I am so weary, so very, very weary..." At this, his voice trailed off.
Bella tiptoed forward, her eyes filled with tears. Kneeling down on the floor before him, she took his hands in her own and looked up at the face she loved so much. In the light of the fire, she could see the familiar faded scars, some long and some short on the right side of the face. It was strange. Although she always knew they were there, she never saw them when she looked at him.
Having dozed off, Erik awoke at the touch of her hands. He smiled wearily, "Hello, my dear, what brings you here at this late hour?" Bella lowered her eyes, "I came to say goodnight and I...I heard you speaking with someone, Papa." She lifted her face and gave him a searching look. "But when I looked in the room, there was no one else here." The worry on her sweet face touched him, but he chuckled softly. "And you immediately assumed your Papa was losing his wits, did you not?" Bella relaxed slightly at his amused reply.
Erik released her hand and reached out to brush a curl back from her face. "My dear, it should come as no great surprise to you to know that I often talk to your mother. You might think me mad, but I tell you that a bond such as the one your mother and I were so fortunate to share cannot be broken by mere death. She is so much a part of me that I can see every curve of her face and I know every thought she would have and every word she would speak for any situation I might describe to her." He leaned his head back in the chair closing his eyes. "Perhaps it is all in my mind. Or perhaps her spirit truly does visit me. I do not know. Either way it is of great comfort to me."
Bella understood. Although she adored her Papa and had never wanted for love or comfort, she had always wished she had known the woman whom her father and brothers had loved so much. A guilty thought, one that had haunted her since the day she had learned how her mother had died, crept into her mind. Suddenly, it seemed important to her to confess it. "Papa?" she spoke hesitantly. Erik opened his eyes and gazed down at her, "Yes, my dear?" She whispered brokenly, "I am so sorry that I took her away from you. I know how much you loved her. I am so sorry, Papa..." She began to sob, years of secret guilt coming to the surface and spilling forth in her tears.
Despite his frailty, Erik leaned down and took her into his arms, stroking her hair and soothing her as if she were a small child at his knee once more. When her sobs began to subside, he spoke softly, his voice once more the rich warm sound that she remembered. "My dear, how could I blame you or be angry with you for something that was God's will?" Lifting her chin so that her eyes met his own, he smiled, "And how can I be angry at God when he merely exchanged one angel for another. I tell you, Bella, I am a very fortunate man. For God saw fit to bless me with two angels - you and your mother. And in His wisdom, he made certain I would never be without one of you to guide and comfort me." Bella smiled tremulously, the guilt that she had held for so long swept away once and for all by his sincere words.
She laid her head in his lap, just as she had done as a little girl. He stroked her head and they sat like that for many moments, both lost in their thoughts. After a time, Bella whispered, "Papa, I don't know what I would do without you." Erik's hand paused in her hair for a moment, and he answered quietly, "When your mother and I knew that she was dying, I said the very same thing to her. I told her that I didn't want to live without her, that I couldn't survive the pain. In her wisdom, she told me the same thing that I will tell you now. You are needed here. Your brothers and your nieces and nephews, they need you. This family will go on long after I am gone. You have a responsibility to them and to your mother and to me to carry it on. Your mother told me that to abandon you all when my own pain became too great would be a sin against God and against my family. I have never forgotten that."
At this, he paused, and his hand began to stroke her head once again. "Little Bella, the greatest honor you can do for me is to live, to be happy and safe, and to always cherish and protect your family." Lifting her head gently, he met her eyes, "Can you promise me that, ma chère? If you can, then when the time comes I will be able to depart from you in peace." Tears formed once again in Bella's eyes at the finality of his words, but she nodded solemnly, "Yes, Papa. I promise."
Satisfied, Erik nodded and spoke once more. "Bella, there are two more things that I must ask you." Bella sat up at once, "Anything, Papa." Erik smiled. "The first has to do with your music. I have told you before that your voice is a gift and it should be shared with the world. Do you want that?" His eyes searched hers, but she did not waver, "Yes, Papa, more than anything in the world." He nodded. "Then it shall be done."
His smile was tender, his eyes gentle as he continued, "The second question is a bit more difficult. I fear for too long you have only had room in your heart for me and for your brothers. While I thank you for your devotion and will treasure your love always, you have more than enough in your heart for another. Will you promise me that you will be open to such a love when the right one comes along?" Bella looked down, averting her eyes. "I fear there will never be anyone that could live up to the greatness of the men that I already love in this family, but if it pleases you, Papa, I will promise to try."
Erik chuckled. "My dear, you make it sound as if it is a terrible chore to fall in love. Let me assure you, that when it is right, it is most effortless. I only want to know that you will not refuse it should it come to you one day." Bella lifted her face, smiling once more at his teasing tone, "Yes, yes Papa. Really! You sound like an old matchmaker. One would think you were trying to marry me off so as to be rid of your elderly spinster daughter at last!" At her mock indignation, Erik laughed heartily. "Indeed! So be off elderly spinster daughter, and let your elderly widower father have his much needed rest." With that he shooed her out the door, and she ran out giggling down the hall to her room.