Hi everybody. DON'T KILL ME! I can explain! I haven't updated in awhile. …A Long while. Well, it seems that I was on a depressed and frustrated streak. I tried pot. It didn't help… I realized that It was the REVIEWS! I WASN'T GETTING ANY! It was then that I realized my profile was being a snob. For some retarded reason, my profile wasn't accepting anonymous reviews. So that fit of frustrated rage was pointless. Don't you hate it when your profile acquires self-awareness?

I told him I said, Freddy, you can't keep doin this… Those anonymous reviewers are your friends. So anyway, I fixed the problem, and am anxious to continue, so, without further adieu, I present:

EXCEL SAGA: Quack Experimental Anime

Chapter 2

The Full Metal High school.

"Nii-san?"

"What?"

"Can we get a cat?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Al?" Said a very frustrated Ed, as the two brothers trudged on. "BECAUSE WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT!"

This exclamation caused Alphonse Elric to cower in fear behind a mound of sand. "Ok Nii-san. Don't be so… hey, what's that?"

"It's not a cat Al. You're not fooling me 8 times in a row."

"No, there behind you. It looks like something… sharp." He approached wearily. Ed however, was utterly unfazed. He stood there and huffed, his arms crossed firmly over his chest. "You think you're sooo smart. Al, That's not going to work again. I told you a thousand times. We can't get a cat. We can't feed it, we can't take care of- OOOMF!"

That OOOMF! Was non other than Edward Elric being squashed by a large, incredibly smooth and hard object. He clapped his hands and the sand around him turned to steel, and rose up to suspend what appeared to be a large red boulder. Steam escaped from Ed's ears and escaped through gaps in his automale. "ALPHONSE! What gave you the urge to smash me beneath 300 pounds of rock?"

Al simply pointed to a sticky note on its mirror-like surface that said, "The Philosopher's Stone," with a crude arrow pointing down. Al and Ed shared what we in the anime business like to call, a "Sweat-Drop."

"Is this really it? 3 years? This? I- I can't believe it Al! FINALLY! Our search is over!" He patted the stone in admiration. The stone did not like this. It arched its back and mewed lowly.

"It… It's a-"

"A CAT!" screamed Al, rubbing the top of the strange gem like rock.

"That is bizarre. What the?" Ed went wide-eyed as the stone shifted into a black cat and walked of.

"Oh DAMMIT! It was just envy's cat again Al," Sighed Ed. Then, shaking his fist, rattling the metal, he yelled, "THAT'S THE FIFTH TIME THIS MORNING!"

"Meow"

"WHAT? WHO DID YOU SAY WAS TO SHORT TO SEE YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT IN A MAGNAFYING GLASS!"

Al sweat-dropped. "She was just meowing Nii-san."

"Yeah well," Ed began, "she was thinkin' it!"

And so our story picks up again a few hours later. Ed and Al trudged pointlessly onward through the desert. Why is this you ask? Because I'm the writer and I say so. They are only in their world for a little part of this story, and I'm to lazy to think of a more clever setting. I'm not dumb, I just feel lazy today. It's Easter, so you all can kiss my shiny metal ass. (A.N. I don't own Futurama either.)

"I don't get it Al. We keep trying and yet we always seem to fail."

"Nii-san?"

"I mean, I've tried so hard for the past three years."

"Nii-san?"

"We've been through it all. Serial killers, loss of friends, deaths of comrades…"

"Nii-san?"

"and still we haven't even come close to our goal…"

"Nii-san?"

"After all of our suffering, and all of our commitment, we-"

"NII-SAN!" Screamed a muffled Al.

"What?" Said an agitated Edward, looking down. He simply sighed. "Sunk again…"

"You've gotta stop this Al!" Said Ed, straining.

"Nii-san, look!" cried Al. He heaved out another hunk of rock about the size of a besket-ball labeled, The real philosopher's stone. Note from the philosopher down below.

Ed and Al's eyes trailed down to the other sticky note, eager to see what deep meaning was behind the philosopher's note.

Dear Alchemist,

Well, here you go.

Love,

The Philosopher

Ed and Al experienced another sweat drop.

"Is that supposed to be deep?" asked Al, scratching his head, the screeching of metal nearly deafening Ed.

P.S. The following note has no deep meaning whatsoever. And on a further note, Eat your veggies, you'll grow taller.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SMALL INSIGNIFICANT INSECT?" screamed Ed, furiously bashing the stone with his automail.

"Hang on Nii-san, there is another sticky."

Ages 7 and up. Excessive clanging of metal will result in massive random transmutation. From Preskool Toys

"Uh-oh," said Al, the stone already beginning to glow.

"Oops" Said Ed, his mouth agape.

The stone shot a beam of red light. The beam stopped, and erupted into a massive red portal, a spinning vortex to another world.

The Elric brothers screamed, powerless to resist the spinning vortex of doom. They were mercilessly swallowed up, their hope resting in the hands of the philosopher's stone.

"Ok, this time, you're going down!"

"Um, what's Osaka doing?" Whispered a very confused Yumi.

"Aint' it obvious?" Said Osaka, deep in concentration. "I'm havin' a starin contest with this here rice ball."

"Um, Osaka, Rice Balls don't have-" she began, but was nudged in the shoulder.

"Don't say anything." Said Tomo. "You wouldn't want to ruin her fun would ya' now?"

"I really don't care either way," Yumi replied, helping herself to the Double Fire Ball Super Intense Crazily Insane Super Nova Death-

"Sorry," said Yomi, looking up at me. "The name fell of the bottle." She picked up the remaining letters and put them on the bottem.

Defying Wish You Were Dead Hot Sauce.

"Thanks Yomi. I Owe you a juice," I said.

"But, you're the writer, can't you just make juice appear?"

"Look down"

"Hey thanks!" She exclaimed.

"No prob; although, I have to cut back on interaction with the narrator jokes. They are WAY to over-used. And I want this story to be as IC as humanly possible.

"But, OOCness is fun!" Exclaimed a disappointed Tomo.

"Oh well, see you guys. I've gotta go be all Omniscient and introduce Excel Saga back into the plot. Cya."

"Bye," they all said in unison. All except Osaka, who's eyes were watering.

The bell rang loudly as all of the students poured into their classrooms, the gloomy rain doing nothing to improve the dismal atmosphere of school.

"Attention faculty and staff. Ms. Yukari has un-expectantly died- I mean caught a cold. Your to new substitutes will be… Ms. Excel Excel and Ms. Hyatt. Please welcome them students. That is all." There was a crackle, and then silence from the intercom.

"Ilpalazzo could have been a little more sparing Excel's back hurts and I don't like school!" Yelled a very loud Excel, as she entered the room.

"Yes I see what you mean senior." Squeaked a timid Hyatt.

They walked over to the front board. "Hello class, Excel's name is Excel." She picked up a piece of chalk and put it up to the board. "Excel LIKES CHALK!" She yelled, doodling all over the front board, talking nonsense all the while.

"Umm, I do believe we are supposed to teaching senior."

Excel stopped. "Oh, right. I'll open the table for any questions."

A dozen hands shot up. Excel checked her seating chart. "Uuuuh, I don't know. How about Mr. Koji?"

"But I didn't ask a question."

"JUST ASK IT!"

After combing his hair back down, he said, "Ok… Uh… were are you guys from?"

Excel smiled. "WE ARE FROM THE IDEOLAGICAL AGENCY OF ACROSS! WE SERVE LORD ILPALAZZO! From our day to day missions, and our emergency food supply, MENCHI…!"

"You have a cat?" said Ms. Sakaki, as everyone turned to glare at her.

"Well, actually She's a dog, see?" Said Excel, holding up a picture.

Looks a lot like a cat to me, Sakaki thought, sitting back down.

So the introductions took place. Meanwhile, Another two curious characters showed up on the outskirts of the school grounds. "Nii-san, look!" said Al, pointing to the school.

"Shelter," Said Edward, "Good, I'm freezing out here."

The two brothers then began walking into what would become the most twisted adventure of their entire lives…

Today's Expiriment……………………………………Failed.

So? No that I set it to accept anonymous reviews, I hope to see a lot more up there. NO FLAMES. And by flames I mean, "You're story sucks, go away." I am not limiting negative criticism. By all means, criticize my work the world over, But constructively. How was everyone's P.O.V? I tried to make it as IC as possible. Did I?

Well, thanks for the reviews. Chapt. 3 up soon!