NOTE: There are several references made in this chapter to Patrick Levis' personal career moves. I love Patrick, but some things you can't help poking fun at… Sorry, I know these jokes are old, but I couldn't resist. :)
Chapter Eight
Just as I was nodding off into blissful sleep, a loud noise awoke me.
"Oops."
"Jack, is that you?" I mumbled. I hoped this wouldn't be another episode like last night's.
"Yeah, sorry, um, I just wanted to return your calculator."
"You couldn't wait until the morning for that?" I sighed. There was a long silence.
"Okay, okay, you got me. Just, I was thinking." Another long pause. I sighed again, supposing that he expected me to actually be interested when all I wanted was to sleep.
"Uh huh…"
"I think maybe I'm adopted!" Jack blurted.
"What!" I exclaimed. "Jack, you can't go around saying things like that! You'll offend someone! You say things like that and you're doomed for life, doomed!"
"Oh. Oops. I mean, maybe it's me."
"That's better." I wondered if he was going to leave now, but no such luck. "Well, what brought you to this conclusion?"
"I was just thinking that I'm the only one with no musical talent in this family. I mean, you and mom can sing, and Carey can play guitar, and Dad was just the musical genius. I mean, even Fi has a little bit of musician in her. I remember one time a couple years ago when she started playing this little melody of Dad's, all on her own. She didn't know I was listening to her from my bedroom doorway. I was so jealous, I cried!"
"Jack, you do realize that Carey and I aren't members of your family, right?"
"So?"
"And also, didn't you sing a lullaby to that evil baby one time?"
"So? I wasn't any good." He began to sniffle.
Lovely. I had to think of a way to end this fast and get him out of my room. "Hey, you know what was on VH1 today?"
He sniffled some more. "No."
"Behind the Music with Donny and Marie! And you know what I thought when I saw it?"
"'Wow, their jumpsuits were really ugly?'" he guessed.
"No! I was thinking that you bear a very strong resemblance to Donny Osmond."
The sniffling stopped abruptly. "Annie, of all the stupid things you've ever said, that has to be the stupidest one yet," he replied crossly.
If I were actually Annie, I'd probably care. Instead I ignored his comment and desperately tried to think of something else to say. Before I could, he interrupted my thoughts with another comment.
"The truth is…" he began.
"Yes?" I urged him.
"The truth is, what I really want to do…" he continued slowly.
"Yes, what?"
"What I really want to do is… what I really want…"
"FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, SPIT IT OUT ALREADY!" I screamed.
Jack stopped, startled. Then he took a sharp breath and almost yelled, "I WANT TO PLAY THE GUITAR AND SING SONGS PRAISING JESUS! IS THAT SO WRONG?!"
I was dumbfounded. Oh God, I was turning into Annie.
"Jack, I am going to say this in the nicest way possible." I really wasn't. I was trying to kick him out, after all, and go back to my dreams about Molly. "That is the worst idea I have ever heard. If you do that, you will be flushing your entire life down the toilet. People may like it at first, but they'll get tired after a few episodes… I mean songs. And the worst part is that you'll be scarred for life. You'll never have another opportunity for stardom again. Just trust me on this."
There was a long silence. I almost thought I had dozed off and he left the room. I decided to roll over and go back to sleep, and then…
"It's over, Annie."
"Hmmmm?" I asked, a bit dazed.
"Us. It's over."
"Okay," I replied. There, I had already ruined Annie's life in one way. I was gaining on her.
"I'm going to sing my praises to the Lord just to spite you," Jack threatened.
"Whatever."
"And I'm going to be successful," he added.
"Good for you."
There was another long silence. Jesus Christ. Was he gone yet?!
"Ohhhh, Annie!" he suddenly cried. "I didn't mean what I said. Can we start over?"
Okay, maybe now was the time for a more straightforward approach. "Jack, I have a really big day tomorrow, do you think you could let me get some sleep?" I asked sweetly.
"Sure, pumpkin," he replied, kissing me lightly on the lips. Ugh. "Do you forgive me?"
"Um… yeah. I guess."
"Good." With that, he walked to the door. Finally. He almost closed it behind him before adding, "I'm going to sing my praises to you instead." And then the door closed all the way.
Save me. Now.