Author's Note: As always, this is for my husband, Terry. Thank you,
HunnyBun, for believing in me and my writing. And a heartfelt thanks to my
beta readers, Ash and Anne. Thanks you two. Geek love rules.
Chapter 3
Sara sat on the bench in front of the grey, cold steel lockers, just starring into space. This was the first night since finding out about Grissom's feelings. She was bone tired. She hadn't slept again last night, tossing and turning. It wasn't the nightmares that had kept sleep from her door but the words that she had heard. Words that she had thought about and thought about.
"I couldn't do it."
What did it mean? She had been trained to question everything, to look beyond the surface and see the underlying substance. So, what did his statement mean? Did it mean that he couldn't do it now, but give him some time, five or ten years, and he may be able to do it then? Did it mean that he couldn't do it now and he would never be able to do it? God, this was frustrating.
Frustrating to the point of tears, but Sara Sidle had no more tears left. Not that she had many to begin with. She just wasn't one to boo-hoo through life, even is she was alone in all of this. Alone to face the months of nightmares after the explosion, alone to face the looks from Nick after pulling her gun on that suspect, alone to face the fear of dying after seeing her twin, Debbie Marlin, on a stainless steel slab. And she was alone to face the heartache of loving Grissom. Not that anyone but her knew of it. She hadn't told anyone and she doubted that he had said anything.
She had been alone in dealing with so many feelings and emotions for so long that eventually, she couldn't help but cry.
And that was how Nick and Warrick found her when they were walking in that evening.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~GnS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick and Warrick walked shoulder to shoulder, discussing last week's basketball game. They weren't really paying any attention to their surrounding, they saw this hallway everyday.
"Hey, I've got tickets to tomorrow's UNLV game. You interested?" Nick asked.
"Wish I could, Nick, but can't. Unlike you, some of us have to work for a living. How did you manage to get the evening off, anyway?"
"Perk of the promotion. Extra evening off every month."
"Sweet. I forgot about that. Sorry Nick, but you enjoy. Why don't you ask Sara to go?"
"Man, I would, but she hasn't talked to me in awhile. Not since the explosion, anyway. She's kind of withdrawn, lately. I guess I haven't been much of a friend, though. She scared me after she pulled on that suspect. It was almost like she was on autopilot. Like it wasn't even Sara in that room. That's not her, War. I started to worry about her after but she just pulled away. Didn't call me and every time I tried to talk to her, she changed the subject. Not that I tried very hard. I always found something else to do. I just don't know what to do."
"She has to want our help, Nick. If we try to get her to open up, she could just pull further and further away. Know what you mean about her pushing us away. She hasn't gone out to breakfast with us in awhile. But I guess you and I are partly to blame for that one. We just haven't been asking her. We've been dealing with the explosion and everything in our own way." Warrick shrugged his shoulders, not really knowing what else to say. He knew that Nick felt guilty for not being there for their friend and he had to admit, he felt it too. "Maybe, if we both talk to her, maybe we can start to mend some to the distance between us."
Nick couldn't help but smile at Warrick. He sounded like one of those afternoon talk shows that his mother enjoyed watching. "You been watching Oprah again?"
"Naw, Dr. Phil," Warrick deadpanned, "either way, we still need to be better friends. How about breakfast, after shift? Sara's been looking like she could use some food in her. And then we take her home and put her to bed. It's not like I haven't noticed how tired and pale she's been looking."
"You're on, now let's go find our girl," Nick said as they walked further into the corridor. And the further they walked down the hall, the closer they go to Sara. And the closer they got to Sara, the more they were able to see her crying.
"Oh man, it's worse than I thought," Nick went to sit beside Sara and Warrick went to the other side. Between them, the woman they cared about cried.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~GnS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick placed his arm around Sara, "What's wrong, Sar?" He hated seeing her like this, but this was new. Sara Sidle didn't cry. Did she?
Sara resisted the urge to shrug it off. She really didn't feel like dealing with anyone today. Or any day for that matter. Not anymore. They had had their chance. But snubbing Nick and Warrick would be cruel and she couldn't do that. Sara Sidle might be a lot of things, but cruel was not one of them. She wiped her eyes and plastered a smile on her face and looked at the man beside her. "Nothing" "This isn't nothing. Sara, something has been bothering you for awhile. Talk to us."
"I said nothing is wrong, okay. I'm fine."
Nick and Warrick looked at each other, not knowing what to do or what to say. Nick wanted to press the subject, wanted to get her to talk, to open up. Warrick just shook his head, not letting Sara see but letting Nick know not to push her.
"Okay, but Warrick and I need to talk to you."
"What's up?" Sara was again the composed girl they knew. She was good at hiding her feelings; she had been doing it long enough.
"You know."
That was cryptic. "I know what?"
"You know, Sar, we want to apologize."
She hadn't been expecting that one. "Apologize for what?"
Nick looked everywhere but at Sara, "For being butts. I should have realized that the explosion was rough on you. I should have been a better friend. Guess everyone around here takes for granted the notion that you're tough as nails and nothing can affect you. Me included and that's not right. I'm sorry and I know that Warrick is too. Forgive us?" He gave her the goofiest look he could manage, one that she couldn't help but laugh at. A little levity was called for.
She turned to look at Warrick.
"Me too. I guess I haven't been the best of friends lately, huh? We've been worried about you, but we just didn't know what to say. And you haven't been making it all that easy, you know."
"Me?" Sara just looked at both of them, not knowing what had brought this on. Not that she really wanted to know. Right now it was enough that the two guys she cared about almost as much as she cared about Grissom were talking to her again. Not that she particularly cared to talk to them. She just wanted to be left alone for awhile. "Look, you two, I appreciate the apology and everything but I'm okay. I'm fine. Really. I'll be out in a minute; I just need a little time."
"Are you sure?" Nick questioned.
"Don't push it, Nicky. I love you guys but I just need some time."
"I just wanted to . . . "Nick started, but Warrick interrupted him before he could finish.
"You know, I seem to recall that you and I had a rematch pending on baseball, didn't we, Nick?" He gave Nick one of those looks that said don't argue with me on this. "Sar, girl, we'll see you in the break room, okay?"
Nick caught on quickly, "Yeah, right, I owe you a whipping. We'll see you when you're ready."
And with that, the two men left her, allowing her the opportunity to think and reflect.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~GnS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sara was sure that if she sat and analyzed what had just happened, she would understand it.
Five minutes later, as she left the break room, she decided that she was okay with Nicky and Warrick. She didn't know what had prompted the apology, but she was glad that it had. It wasn't as if she were just up and forgiving them across the board. She still needed time for that, but as least someone was reaching out to her. It was a start. Time would be needed to heal all of the wounds. Now there was only Catherine and Grissom. And Sara thought, "I'll probably be worm food before that ever happens. Hey, maybe then Grissom would be interested, strictly from an entomological standpoint, of course."
Work turned out to be anything but challenging that evening. Sara would have preferred to throw herself into her work and use it to help her with the tumbling emotions she was dealing with. The only problem with that plan was that the city of Las Vegas wasn't co-operating very much. Nothing was waiting for them when they arrived in the break room for assignments, including Grissom. Nick and Warrick went in search of evidence to process and Sara proceeded to catch up on paperwork that she had been avoiding. That was one aspect of the job she hated, paperwork. Made her like Grissom in that aspect. Not that she thought much about it.
Five hours into the shift and still no Grissom. Sara had finished her paperwork and was sitting on the couch in the break room, reading this month's issue of Forensics Journal America when Nick and Warrick walked in.
"Hey Sar, care to ref the semi-monthly championship game of paper ball?"
"No thanks, Nick. Just wanted to finish this journal."
"Kay, you ready to go down, War?"
"Man, you are on."
An hour later, Warrick and Nick were still at it when Catherine walked into the break room.
"Hey, who's winning?" she asked Sara.
"Right now, Nicky is ahead, but Warrick has been pulling out some nasty three pointers."
That's my boy. "Anyone seen Grissom tonight?"
"Not since beginning of shift, why?"
"Oh, I don't know," Catherine states, sounding cryptic. "Told me earlier that there was something that he wanted to talk to someone about, but he didn't say who or what."
"Well, I haven't seen him since he told us that nothing new had come in. Not that he wants to see me anyway."
"Oh, I wouldn't say that."
Sara just sat there, not knowing what to say to Catherine. Why was everyone, excluding Grissom, suddenly apologizing and acting nice? Not that Catherine had actually apologized. Catherine Willows was the type of person that could be at your throat one minute and your best friend the next, an apology naturally inferred. But Sara really didn't care why War and Nicky were back to being her friend, just that they were.
Being alone sucked.
The sounds of the paper ball game across the room were becoming loud.
"Hey, that was a foul, man."
"I didn't foul you; you just can't shoot worth a damn." Nick gave Warrick a mischievous grin.
"Can too."
"Can not."
"Oh, you're going down now."
Both Catherine and Sara looked at Warrick and Nick and started to laugh. "Boys, boys," Catherine stood up, holding her arms out, "no foul, okay." Always the mediator, always the mother.
Sara glanced at them, smiled, looked at the clock, "only three more hours of this stuff to go," and turned away to see Grissom walking down the hall towards the break room. Her heart skipped a beat or two, just as it always did when she saw the man who held her heart. As much as she fought it, her body would inevitably give her away.
And she didn't want to talk to him, didn't want him to talk to her. She wouldn't know what to say and she was sure that he wouldn't have anything to say to her. Best to leave things as they were and just avoid it. Besides, she had decided that she would leave the next move up to him. She turned her attention back to her journal.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~GnS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grissom stopped in the doorway and took in the scene before him. Warrick and Nick seemed to be in the midst of a debate over the exact position of the free-throw line in their semi-monthly paper ball championship. Catherine was in her position as referee, as always. And Sara, well, Sara was busy with her head in a book, reading and not paying any attention to what was going on around her, let alone looking in his direction.
He didn't blame her. He knew that she knew. And he had done nothing about it all night. He had been meaning to tell her, to talk to her, all evening but one thing or another had come up and he had been pulled in one direction after another. Paperwork and supervision didn't make finding time to talk about your feelings easy.
"Sorry to break up the party, but we have a case. Early sunrise hiker found at least one dead body in the desert." he read off of the paper he held in his hand, looking at the group over the top of his glasses.
"Must have been a real early sunrise hiker. Sun doesn't come up for another half hour." Catherine looked at her watch.
"Seems that she and her boyfriend like to get out and hike before the sun gets too high. You know, beat the heat."
"Okay, War, you and Nicky are with me. I'm driving." Catherine gave Grissom a nod and stood up. Here was his chance. She was giving him the opportunity and he had damn well better take it. "We'll meet you there." She grabbed the paper out of his hand and left the break room, pulling Warrick and Nick with her.
"Um, you're with me, I guess, Sara." He looked positively uncomfortable, standing there, waiting for Sara.
Great, stuck in a car for who knows how long with someone who so obviously doesn't want to be around you. "I'll go get my kit," Sara stated as she put the journal on the table and stood up. She had to get out the room before he said anything. As much as she wanted some sort of resolution to this thing between them, she wasn't about to force the issue.
"Um, okay, I'll wait for you," he replied, wanting to prolong the time they were alone. Thank you, Catherine. He might be uncomfortable, not knowing what to say or how to act, but they were alone and he could at least bask in her presence, if nothing else. God, she made him feel 16 all over again, so unsure of himself.
"That's okay, I'll meet you in the car," she said as she approached the doorway. She angled her body so that she could slip past him.
He knew that he should have been a gentleman and step back out into the corridor and let her by. But he didn't. She squeezed past him, her arms brushing his as she passed.
Just a whisper of a touch, but powerful enough so that they were both left breathless by it.
She stopped and looked at him, a mixture of sadness and longing in her eyes. He wanted to say something, but couldn't seem to form any coherent words. His mouth opened and closed with a sigh. Sara looked away and hurried towards the locker room.
He watched her as she walked down the hallway, away from him and hoped that the action wasn't a precursor of things to come.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~GnS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grissom stood by the open driver's side door to the dark Denali that stood in the parking lot, waiting for Sara to appear. He didn't have to wait long.
She opened the door to headquarters and started to walk down the walkway, carrying her field kit. God she's beautiful, Grissom thought to himself, as he watched her in the eerie half-light of the morning.
"She walks in beauty, like the night, of cloudless climes and starry skies; And all that's best of dark and bright, meet in her aspect and her eyes." Nobody said it better than Lord Byron. If he couldn't find the words himself, he would use someone else's.
"You ready?" Sara asked as she opened the door to the back seat of the SUV and stowed her field kit. Closing the door, she looked at Grissom, who was just standing there and repeated herself, "you ready?"
"Wha, huh, oh, yeah," Grissom stuttered. God, he was acting like a love sick teenager. Not that he wasn't, a teenager that was and he wasn't lovesick for that matter either, but Sara Sidle had that effect on him. Either way, his inability to form coherent words around her lately was one of the reasons he had been avoiding her. That and he was running scared. Well, no more running.
Grissom climbed into the driver's seat and started the engine. Mind numbing thoughts raced through his mind as he pulled the Denali out into traffic. Alone with Sara for awhile. What to talk about? He could just blurt it out. Sara, I love you. I've loved you for so long and have just been running. That would be great. Profess his undying love to her and then tell her that he had been running. Sara, I hope I'm not too late. I love you. That sounded better. Where was Shakespeare when you needed him?
Sara just starred at the road, not wanting to look over at the man driving. Alone with Gil Grissom for awhile. What to talk about? I know about the confession. I know that you have feelings. Too early for that. Or rather, too late. It was up to him.
"I wanted to talk to you about something. I, uh, I need to know if," he couldn't get out the words. "I wanted to know if you wanted," he just let the words hang there.
"What, Grissom? If I wanted what?" Did she dare hope?
"If you wanted to, to, listen to the radio." He groaned inside. His chance and he couldn't take it. Catherine would kill him if she knew. He just wouldn't tell her.
He didn't even have the nerve to talk to her when they were alone. Fine. Let him stew for awhile "No. I just want to enjoy the silence, if you don't mind. So you don't have to worry about trying to make small talk. Concentrate on the road." Was she that gruesome and unattractive that he couldn't even find the stomach to talk to her? She would beg and plead to ride back with Catherine and the guys. Anything to be away from him.
If that wasn't a blow off, he didn't know what was. He had screwed up, royally. "I'm sorry. I just don't know what to say to you, you know. What happened to us, Sara?"
"Nothing happened to us. Whatever it was, happened to you. I really don't feel like talking about this just now. The sun's coming up, just let me enjoy the sunrise, okay."
The first rays of the approaching sun were filtering over the horizon, throwing the rolling desert hills into a warm pink glow. The sky was filled with rich pinks and oranges and even a hint of deep purple. But the most brilliant of all of the colors was the reds. Grissom looked out the windshield and marveled at the dawn of a new day.
"Red at night, sailor's delight. Red in morn, sailor be warned."
"What? Some obscure Shakespeare quote?"
"Huh? Oh, no, just an old wives tale. Sorry to interrupt your enjoyment."
Little did Grissom know how prophetic his words would be.
TBC
Chapter 3
Sara sat on the bench in front of the grey, cold steel lockers, just starring into space. This was the first night since finding out about Grissom's feelings. She was bone tired. She hadn't slept again last night, tossing and turning. It wasn't the nightmares that had kept sleep from her door but the words that she had heard. Words that she had thought about and thought about.
"I couldn't do it."
What did it mean? She had been trained to question everything, to look beyond the surface and see the underlying substance. So, what did his statement mean? Did it mean that he couldn't do it now, but give him some time, five or ten years, and he may be able to do it then? Did it mean that he couldn't do it now and he would never be able to do it? God, this was frustrating.
Frustrating to the point of tears, but Sara Sidle had no more tears left. Not that she had many to begin with. She just wasn't one to boo-hoo through life, even is she was alone in all of this. Alone to face the months of nightmares after the explosion, alone to face the looks from Nick after pulling her gun on that suspect, alone to face the fear of dying after seeing her twin, Debbie Marlin, on a stainless steel slab. And she was alone to face the heartache of loving Grissom. Not that anyone but her knew of it. She hadn't told anyone and she doubted that he had said anything.
She had been alone in dealing with so many feelings and emotions for so long that eventually, she couldn't help but cry.
And that was how Nick and Warrick found her when they were walking in that evening.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~GnS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick and Warrick walked shoulder to shoulder, discussing last week's basketball game. They weren't really paying any attention to their surrounding, they saw this hallway everyday.
"Hey, I've got tickets to tomorrow's UNLV game. You interested?" Nick asked.
"Wish I could, Nick, but can't. Unlike you, some of us have to work for a living. How did you manage to get the evening off, anyway?"
"Perk of the promotion. Extra evening off every month."
"Sweet. I forgot about that. Sorry Nick, but you enjoy. Why don't you ask Sara to go?"
"Man, I would, but she hasn't talked to me in awhile. Not since the explosion, anyway. She's kind of withdrawn, lately. I guess I haven't been much of a friend, though. She scared me after she pulled on that suspect. It was almost like she was on autopilot. Like it wasn't even Sara in that room. That's not her, War. I started to worry about her after but she just pulled away. Didn't call me and every time I tried to talk to her, she changed the subject. Not that I tried very hard. I always found something else to do. I just don't know what to do."
"She has to want our help, Nick. If we try to get her to open up, she could just pull further and further away. Know what you mean about her pushing us away. She hasn't gone out to breakfast with us in awhile. But I guess you and I are partly to blame for that one. We just haven't been asking her. We've been dealing with the explosion and everything in our own way." Warrick shrugged his shoulders, not really knowing what else to say. He knew that Nick felt guilty for not being there for their friend and he had to admit, he felt it too. "Maybe, if we both talk to her, maybe we can start to mend some to the distance between us."
Nick couldn't help but smile at Warrick. He sounded like one of those afternoon talk shows that his mother enjoyed watching. "You been watching Oprah again?"
"Naw, Dr. Phil," Warrick deadpanned, "either way, we still need to be better friends. How about breakfast, after shift? Sara's been looking like she could use some food in her. And then we take her home and put her to bed. It's not like I haven't noticed how tired and pale she's been looking."
"You're on, now let's go find our girl," Nick said as they walked further into the corridor. And the further they walked down the hall, the closer they go to Sara. And the closer they got to Sara, the more they were able to see her crying.
"Oh man, it's worse than I thought," Nick went to sit beside Sara and Warrick went to the other side. Between them, the woman they cared about cried.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~GnS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick placed his arm around Sara, "What's wrong, Sar?" He hated seeing her like this, but this was new. Sara Sidle didn't cry. Did she?
Sara resisted the urge to shrug it off. She really didn't feel like dealing with anyone today. Or any day for that matter. Not anymore. They had had their chance. But snubbing Nick and Warrick would be cruel and she couldn't do that. Sara Sidle might be a lot of things, but cruel was not one of them. She wiped her eyes and plastered a smile on her face and looked at the man beside her. "Nothing" "This isn't nothing. Sara, something has been bothering you for awhile. Talk to us."
"I said nothing is wrong, okay. I'm fine."
Nick and Warrick looked at each other, not knowing what to do or what to say. Nick wanted to press the subject, wanted to get her to talk, to open up. Warrick just shook his head, not letting Sara see but letting Nick know not to push her.
"Okay, but Warrick and I need to talk to you."
"What's up?" Sara was again the composed girl they knew. She was good at hiding her feelings; she had been doing it long enough.
"You know."
That was cryptic. "I know what?"
"You know, Sar, we want to apologize."
She hadn't been expecting that one. "Apologize for what?"
Nick looked everywhere but at Sara, "For being butts. I should have realized that the explosion was rough on you. I should have been a better friend. Guess everyone around here takes for granted the notion that you're tough as nails and nothing can affect you. Me included and that's not right. I'm sorry and I know that Warrick is too. Forgive us?" He gave her the goofiest look he could manage, one that she couldn't help but laugh at. A little levity was called for.
She turned to look at Warrick.
"Me too. I guess I haven't been the best of friends lately, huh? We've been worried about you, but we just didn't know what to say. And you haven't been making it all that easy, you know."
"Me?" Sara just looked at both of them, not knowing what had brought this on. Not that she really wanted to know. Right now it was enough that the two guys she cared about almost as much as she cared about Grissom were talking to her again. Not that she particularly cared to talk to them. She just wanted to be left alone for awhile. "Look, you two, I appreciate the apology and everything but I'm okay. I'm fine. Really. I'll be out in a minute; I just need a little time."
"Are you sure?" Nick questioned.
"Don't push it, Nicky. I love you guys but I just need some time."
"I just wanted to . . . "Nick started, but Warrick interrupted him before he could finish.
"You know, I seem to recall that you and I had a rematch pending on baseball, didn't we, Nick?" He gave Nick one of those looks that said don't argue with me on this. "Sar, girl, we'll see you in the break room, okay?"
Nick caught on quickly, "Yeah, right, I owe you a whipping. We'll see you when you're ready."
And with that, the two men left her, allowing her the opportunity to think and reflect.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~GnS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sara was sure that if she sat and analyzed what had just happened, she would understand it.
Five minutes later, as she left the break room, she decided that she was okay with Nicky and Warrick. She didn't know what had prompted the apology, but she was glad that it had. It wasn't as if she were just up and forgiving them across the board. She still needed time for that, but as least someone was reaching out to her. It was a start. Time would be needed to heal all of the wounds. Now there was only Catherine and Grissom. And Sara thought, "I'll probably be worm food before that ever happens. Hey, maybe then Grissom would be interested, strictly from an entomological standpoint, of course."
Work turned out to be anything but challenging that evening. Sara would have preferred to throw herself into her work and use it to help her with the tumbling emotions she was dealing with. The only problem with that plan was that the city of Las Vegas wasn't co-operating very much. Nothing was waiting for them when they arrived in the break room for assignments, including Grissom. Nick and Warrick went in search of evidence to process and Sara proceeded to catch up on paperwork that she had been avoiding. That was one aspect of the job she hated, paperwork. Made her like Grissom in that aspect. Not that she thought much about it.
Five hours into the shift and still no Grissom. Sara had finished her paperwork and was sitting on the couch in the break room, reading this month's issue of Forensics Journal America when Nick and Warrick walked in.
"Hey Sar, care to ref the semi-monthly championship game of paper ball?"
"No thanks, Nick. Just wanted to finish this journal."
"Kay, you ready to go down, War?"
"Man, you are on."
An hour later, Warrick and Nick were still at it when Catherine walked into the break room.
"Hey, who's winning?" she asked Sara.
"Right now, Nicky is ahead, but Warrick has been pulling out some nasty three pointers."
That's my boy. "Anyone seen Grissom tonight?"
"Not since beginning of shift, why?"
"Oh, I don't know," Catherine states, sounding cryptic. "Told me earlier that there was something that he wanted to talk to someone about, but he didn't say who or what."
"Well, I haven't seen him since he told us that nothing new had come in. Not that he wants to see me anyway."
"Oh, I wouldn't say that."
Sara just sat there, not knowing what to say to Catherine. Why was everyone, excluding Grissom, suddenly apologizing and acting nice? Not that Catherine had actually apologized. Catherine Willows was the type of person that could be at your throat one minute and your best friend the next, an apology naturally inferred. But Sara really didn't care why War and Nicky were back to being her friend, just that they were.
Being alone sucked.
The sounds of the paper ball game across the room were becoming loud.
"Hey, that was a foul, man."
"I didn't foul you; you just can't shoot worth a damn." Nick gave Warrick a mischievous grin.
"Can too."
"Can not."
"Oh, you're going down now."
Both Catherine and Sara looked at Warrick and Nick and started to laugh. "Boys, boys," Catherine stood up, holding her arms out, "no foul, okay." Always the mediator, always the mother.
Sara glanced at them, smiled, looked at the clock, "only three more hours of this stuff to go," and turned away to see Grissom walking down the hall towards the break room. Her heart skipped a beat or two, just as it always did when she saw the man who held her heart. As much as she fought it, her body would inevitably give her away.
And she didn't want to talk to him, didn't want him to talk to her. She wouldn't know what to say and she was sure that he wouldn't have anything to say to her. Best to leave things as they were and just avoid it. Besides, she had decided that she would leave the next move up to him. She turned her attention back to her journal.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~GnS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grissom stopped in the doorway and took in the scene before him. Warrick and Nick seemed to be in the midst of a debate over the exact position of the free-throw line in their semi-monthly paper ball championship. Catherine was in her position as referee, as always. And Sara, well, Sara was busy with her head in a book, reading and not paying any attention to what was going on around her, let alone looking in his direction.
He didn't blame her. He knew that she knew. And he had done nothing about it all night. He had been meaning to tell her, to talk to her, all evening but one thing or another had come up and he had been pulled in one direction after another. Paperwork and supervision didn't make finding time to talk about your feelings easy.
"Sorry to break up the party, but we have a case. Early sunrise hiker found at least one dead body in the desert." he read off of the paper he held in his hand, looking at the group over the top of his glasses.
"Must have been a real early sunrise hiker. Sun doesn't come up for another half hour." Catherine looked at her watch.
"Seems that she and her boyfriend like to get out and hike before the sun gets too high. You know, beat the heat."
"Okay, War, you and Nicky are with me. I'm driving." Catherine gave Grissom a nod and stood up. Here was his chance. She was giving him the opportunity and he had damn well better take it. "We'll meet you there." She grabbed the paper out of his hand and left the break room, pulling Warrick and Nick with her.
"Um, you're with me, I guess, Sara." He looked positively uncomfortable, standing there, waiting for Sara.
Great, stuck in a car for who knows how long with someone who so obviously doesn't want to be around you. "I'll go get my kit," Sara stated as she put the journal on the table and stood up. She had to get out the room before he said anything. As much as she wanted some sort of resolution to this thing between them, she wasn't about to force the issue.
"Um, okay, I'll wait for you," he replied, wanting to prolong the time they were alone. Thank you, Catherine. He might be uncomfortable, not knowing what to say or how to act, but they were alone and he could at least bask in her presence, if nothing else. God, she made him feel 16 all over again, so unsure of himself.
"That's okay, I'll meet you in the car," she said as she approached the doorway. She angled her body so that she could slip past him.
He knew that he should have been a gentleman and step back out into the corridor and let her by. But he didn't. She squeezed past him, her arms brushing his as she passed.
Just a whisper of a touch, but powerful enough so that they were both left breathless by it.
She stopped and looked at him, a mixture of sadness and longing in her eyes. He wanted to say something, but couldn't seem to form any coherent words. His mouth opened and closed with a sigh. Sara looked away and hurried towards the locker room.
He watched her as she walked down the hallway, away from him and hoped that the action wasn't a precursor of things to come.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~GnS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grissom stood by the open driver's side door to the dark Denali that stood in the parking lot, waiting for Sara to appear. He didn't have to wait long.
She opened the door to headquarters and started to walk down the walkway, carrying her field kit. God she's beautiful, Grissom thought to himself, as he watched her in the eerie half-light of the morning.
"She walks in beauty, like the night, of cloudless climes and starry skies; And all that's best of dark and bright, meet in her aspect and her eyes." Nobody said it better than Lord Byron. If he couldn't find the words himself, he would use someone else's.
"You ready?" Sara asked as she opened the door to the back seat of the SUV and stowed her field kit. Closing the door, she looked at Grissom, who was just standing there and repeated herself, "you ready?"
"Wha, huh, oh, yeah," Grissom stuttered. God, he was acting like a love sick teenager. Not that he wasn't, a teenager that was and he wasn't lovesick for that matter either, but Sara Sidle had that effect on him. Either way, his inability to form coherent words around her lately was one of the reasons he had been avoiding her. That and he was running scared. Well, no more running.
Grissom climbed into the driver's seat and started the engine. Mind numbing thoughts raced through his mind as he pulled the Denali out into traffic. Alone with Sara for awhile. What to talk about? He could just blurt it out. Sara, I love you. I've loved you for so long and have just been running. That would be great. Profess his undying love to her and then tell her that he had been running. Sara, I hope I'm not too late. I love you. That sounded better. Where was Shakespeare when you needed him?
Sara just starred at the road, not wanting to look over at the man driving. Alone with Gil Grissom for awhile. What to talk about? I know about the confession. I know that you have feelings. Too early for that. Or rather, too late. It was up to him.
"I wanted to talk to you about something. I, uh, I need to know if," he couldn't get out the words. "I wanted to know if you wanted," he just let the words hang there.
"What, Grissom? If I wanted what?" Did she dare hope?
"If you wanted to, to, listen to the radio." He groaned inside. His chance and he couldn't take it. Catherine would kill him if she knew. He just wouldn't tell her.
He didn't even have the nerve to talk to her when they were alone. Fine. Let him stew for awhile "No. I just want to enjoy the silence, if you don't mind. So you don't have to worry about trying to make small talk. Concentrate on the road." Was she that gruesome and unattractive that he couldn't even find the stomach to talk to her? She would beg and plead to ride back with Catherine and the guys. Anything to be away from him.
If that wasn't a blow off, he didn't know what was. He had screwed up, royally. "I'm sorry. I just don't know what to say to you, you know. What happened to us, Sara?"
"Nothing happened to us. Whatever it was, happened to you. I really don't feel like talking about this just now. The sun's coming up, just let me enjoy the sunrise, okay."
The first rays of the approaching sun were filtering over the horizon, throwing the rolling desert hills into a warm pink glow. The sky was filled with rich pinks and oranges and even a hint of deep purple. But the most brilliant of all of the colors was the reds. Grissom looked out the windshield and marveled at the dawn of a new day.
"Red at night, sailor's delight. Red in morn, sailor be warned."
"What? Some obscure Shakespeare quote?"
"Huh? Oh, no, just an old wives tale. Sorry to interrupt your enjoyment."
Little did Grissom know how prophetic his words would be.
TBC