Title: "When I Look in Your Eyes" - Chapter Three (3/6)
Characters: Toby / Ginger (alternates character POV)
Author: Nancy D.
Rating: PG-13ish for some language
Disclaimer: No money made here...
Archive: Just tell me where - nancyd92101...
Feedback: Constructive is always welcome. I'm new to this, please be kind.
Author's Notes: It's my first. For some reason I never finished loading the remaining chapters…here they are.

Ginger
Mid-December

There is always this deafening moment of silence that comes after Toby Ziegler finishes arguing on the phone. I wait for the bellow:

"Ginger!"

I appear in his office, cool and efficient, although I doubt Toby even notices; he's making notes in a file.

"Get rid of that stuff on my couch. I'm done with it."

"Didn't Josh want that information for the next...?"

Toby interrupts me. "I don't care if Moses wants it; get it out of my office!"

"Yes, sir." As I turn to the piles and begin sorting, I can feel Toby's eyes on me. A shiver runs down my spine. It's almost at though he was touching me. I sighed. How long has it been? Three months and how
many days since I opened my heart and he proceeded to break it?

Anger floods me and a file slips out of my hand and papers scatter across the carpet. So much for appearing calm and efficient

Ginger, you're an idiot! He's made his choice and it's not you, I tell myself as I gather up the papers. Despite my anger, I want to weep right there on the floor.

One Saturday night, the guy I just started dating, ditched me after I chose to go to work instead of staying with him. All I had to show for that night was the dinner bill and a bruised cheek. When I
showed up at work, Toby forced me to tell him why I look like I'd been in a brawl. I was surprised and amused that he was so sweet that night, taking me home and making sure the idiot wasn't lurking in the corners of my apartment. He kissed me and held me, and murmured words of comfort until my bruised body and mind was calmed. I asked him to stay. But like the night of Cathy's party, he declined, and this time
he had a reason: His ex-wife, Congresswoman Andrea Wyatt decided just a few days earlier that she would finally take up Toby's repeated invitations for reconciliation.

"You do understand, don't you Ginger? It was out of the blue," Toby said, straightening his tie that I loosened in our passionate embrace just minutes before. "I don't know what will happen with Andy and me. We need to see what's there."

I remained perfectly calm. "Of course, I understand." My heart broke.

To be truthful, I wasn't surprised that Toby would want to go back to her. How could I expect him to give up everything he wanted based on a few stolen moments of incredible passion? I tried to feel guilty
for hoping that it wouldn't work out between them. Fortunately there was enough of the mess from Toby's office to occupy my mind for the next hour or more. Of late, I had forgotten my promise of looking forward and had been thinking too much of what had been. But
how could I put the thought of his touch and taste of his skin out of my mind when we spend most of our waking hours next to each other? I keep trying to tell myself that I need to move on, get a new job. I
even went down to personnel to inquire. It seems to be the only way to get him out of my life and mind.

To save myself from any further emotional attachment, I adopted a very professional, yet cold demeanor with Toby. He became "Mr. Ziegler" or "Sir". I know it irritated him, but I wanted him to know that if he
could drop me in an instant, I could do the same. And yet, I stay, needing to be near him almost every waking moment.

In the midst of my project, Sam Seaborn stops by my desk. "Doing anything for lunch?"

"You're looking at it," I said, gesturing at the piles on my desk.

"Even to the mess for a sandwich?"

I sighed. "I wish!" and glanced around Sam, into Toby's office. I could have sworn Toby was watching us.

Sam leaned forward and whispered, "Come on! The man can't keep you tied to a desk all day! We can run away when he's not looking. Would an actual meal not served in a box or on a tray tempt you enough to leave
all this behind?"

"Sam, you do know how to lead a girl astray. Maybe another time?" I look at my desk. "Now, I really need to get back to work."

"Sam, leave Ginger alone!" Toby was at his door.

"We were only talking," I said, irritated.

"Don't you have work to do?" I'm not sure if Toby meant the question for Sam or me.

"Of course. This being the White House, I would suspect that there's something on my desk. See Ginger, I'm not the only one that knows how to shuffle papers." Sam gives me a quick wink and goes into his office.

Toby glares at Sam's retreating back and then at me. Except that I'm already focused on the files, should Moses, or anyone else for that matter, need them.

"Don't encourage the man." Toby tosses a sheet on my desk. "The Senator's name is incorrect. The ending is w-i-c-z. It's Ukrainian."

"Actually, sir, the senator's family is named after a city of Poland, and it's Boleslawiec, w-i-e-c." I hate it that he's such a know-it-all.

"I've known the man for two years. W-i-c-z. Don't argue with me on this."

"Then you've been spelling his name wrong for two years, Mr. Ziegler," I retort sharply.

"Fix it!" He glares at me and disappears down the hall.

I seethe at my desk for a moment and then pick up the phone. A few minutes later a fax comes for me. I leave the sheets for him on his desk and rush down to Sam's office.

"Is that lunch still available?" I ask.

"Did Toby get into the holiday spirit and let you go to lunch?"

"No, I just proved him wrong on something and don't want to be here when he finds out," I admitted.

Sam smiled. "Let's go."

Toby
The same day - a while later

I feel like hell. The holidays always do that to me. Being Jewish, Christmas was, of course, not my time of year and after a while, the holiday fluff of cards and mistletoe suffocated me.

So I was in a fine mood when I discovered that Ginger wasn't at her desk. "Where's Ginger?" I asked Bonnie.

She doesn't bother to look up from her filing. "I saw her leave with Sam, so I can only assume they went to lunch." I could have sworn she smiled as she said it.

I go to my office, muttering under my breath. My muttering turns to cursing when I find a fax on my chair. Damn! Why does she have to be right about these things?

My head starts to throb at the thought of Ginger. How could this be? I desperately wanted to be with my ex-wife. But those kisses, that body, those wonderful, awful, passionate moments with Ginger, almost changed my mind. To prevent me from making another mistake, I knew I needed to banish Ginger from my sphere. In my best moment, I inquired about other
positions in the White House. At my worst, I thought of firing her. But nothing ever came of it. Instead, I became angry that she stayed with me, even purposely treated her poorly to force her to quit. But at the
same time, lived in fear that she would leave, that she would forget me. But maybe she has. There is this wall between us, formal and business-like, and cold. She's taken to calling me 'sir' or 'Mr.'
Ziegler', something that she hasn't called me since early in the campaign. I told, no, yelled at her to stop. She, of course, didn't. Wanting to clear my mind, I called Andy.

Of late we had been talking more and arguing less. We were, of course, ideologically opposed and emotionally similar, which meant we had lively discussions. But some of the rancor that would normally remain
dissipated and we managed to be quite civil to one another.

"Hello Pokey," Andy's voice said on the other end. "Sorry, but I have to rush to the Hill. Dinner tonight?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Ginger has returned. She was talking to Bonnie at her desk, showing her the contents of a pink shopping bag from a certain lingerie store. My pulse races.

"Toby, are you even listening to me?" Andy suddenly snaps me back to our conversation.

"Um, yes. Sorry." I wipe my brow. I'm sweating.

"Was there a reason that you called me? I have to go." She was upset.

"Just wondering you'd go with me to the staff holiday party." Shit. Where did that come from?

"Oh." Andy is just as surprised as I am. "I'll have to let you know. I really have to run."

We say good-bye. I know she's still pissed at me, but I didn't care. I wanted to know why Ginger has new lingerie.

I walk out to the bullpen just in time to hear Bonnie say, "So, with Sam taking you to the party, I guess Margaret and I will have to find our own ride home."

Before I can think, I'm in Sam's office, slamming the door.

"What's going on?" I'm trying to keep my temper in check.

"What?" Sam is just taking off his suit jacket.

"What's going on with you and Ginger?"

Sam looks at me blankly. "We went to lunch."

"You're taking Ginger to the party." I stated.

"Why does this matter to you?"

"I don't want her hurt."

Sam is looking at me like I'm nuts. "Toby, Ginger and I are friends. I would never hurt her."

I shake my head. God, he's a good actor. "Sam you have a reputation with women that wouldn't make her look good."

There is a discreet cough and suddenly I'm aware of other people in the room. I look over to see Josh and CJ staring at me.

I leave. Quickly.

There was a knock on my door.

"Go away!" I shout. I can't face anyone after that alarming display of jealousy. I'm concentrating on the feel of my wedding band on my finger.

The door opens and CJ enters, wearing a Christmas blouse.

"CJ, that looks terrible on you."

"Why thank you Toby for those kind words," CJ snapped. "And I must say that brown suit really brings out the ass in you."

"What do you want?"

"What the hell just happened in Sam's office?"

I didn't say anything; I just keep fiddling with my ring.

"Toby I asked you a question!" CJ exclaimed, leaning over my desk. "Why is it such a big deal that Ginger goes out with Sam?"

I look up suddenly. "How long have they been going out?" By the look on CJ's face, I realize that I've revealed my hand.

"Is there something you'd like to tell me?" CJ's tone softens. "Toby, we've been friends for a long time and I would hope you could come to me if you needed to talk."

I wanted to tell her. Tell anyone. But I was afraid of what CJ would think of me, the boss who took advantage of his subordinate. How could I explain to her what was going on inside of me if I didn't understand?

"It's none of your business."

Finally she said, "Maybe it's good that we're talking. I needed to speak to you about Ginger anyway."

A shock ran through me. I focus on my desk and tried to remain calm despite the fact my heart felt like it was going to burst through my chest.

"What about her?" I said nonchalantly.

CJ hesitated. She glanced out to the bullpen and back to me. "I've just heard a rumor, that's all. I know how you feel about gossip, but I thought you should know."

Oh my god.

"I think Ginger is looking for another job."

"What?" It's not what I expected, but I'm not sure if I'm relieved or not.

"She's already been down to personnel to ask about a transfer," CJ said ruthlessly. "Ginger has every reason to ditch you, Toby and as you've created quite the reputation for yourself, there aren't too many in
line to take her place. So wouldn't this be the perfect time to make sure she didn't abandon ship?"

CJ sighed at my puzzled look. "Don't tell me you forgot to get gifts for your staff for the party? If I may make a suggestion, for Ginger, something from Tiffany's would be appropriate. As for the rest, try
to think of something interesting."

I scowl at her as she leaves, but have mixed feelings all the same. I should be relieved that Ginger would consider moving to another position. Then I wouldn't make such an ass out of myself.

I could forget how she moves and the way she smiles. I could forget the way I know the subtle changes in her moods. I would forget the way I feel when she walks into my office, the slight sway of her hips and
the scent she wears...

"Sir?" Ginger appears at my desk, all business. "Could I get the statistics for the..." She stops to look at me. "You have some fuzz on your left cheek."

I try brushing it off with my hand.

She gives me a smile, a rare occurrence these days. My heart flutters a little. "Here," she says, "Let me get it." Ginger reaches over and ever so gently brushes my beard with her fingertips.

We look at each other and feel it there. Lust, passion, love, whatever it is, it's still there. Ginger quickly moves away and I focus on my desk.

Months of denial and anger have done nothing. How do we get out of this mess?

/End 3