Title: "When I Look in Your Eyes" - Chapter Four (4/6)
Ginger
The White House Holiday Party
I make my escape from the throngs of White House staffers to the ladies room, so I can powder my nose and think.
I lock myself in a bathroom stall and take several deep breaths to try to settle the butterflies in my stomach. I try to convince myself that it's the champagne and crab cakes, but I know otherwise.
Bonnie and Cathy took me out for drinks last night. "Our treat," they said. We went to a place in Cathy's neighborhood, a place where other staffers wouldn't see, or hear us.
Talk was naturally about the upcoming formal event. We compared dresses and shoes, debated hairstyles and nail color. Eventually the topic of Sam came up.
"Sam just asked you if he could take you to the holiday party?" Cathy asked, "He's had weeks, months even and he decides yesterday at lunch?"
I nodded. "He was so cute about it too. He was actually kind of nervous, like he was asking me to the prom, or something. I don't know why, considering we work together and all."
Cathy and Bonnie looked at each other and then at me.
It was Cathy who spoke first. "You didn't happen to hear about an argument Toby had with Sam yesterday?"
"They're always arguing about something," I said with shrug. "What's new about that?"
Cathy looked uncomfortable. "Since I sit so close I can hear almost anything that's said in Sam's office. When you came back from lunch with Sam, Toby lit into Sam about taking you to the party."
"What!"
"He said that he didn't want to see you hurt and that he wanted to protect you from Sam and his reputation," Cathy said, staring into her drink. "I'm sorry, but I felt that I needed to tell you this."
Chills run through me and I'm suddenly flushed with embarrassment and anger. I looked at Bonnie. "You don't seem surprised by any of this. What do you know?"
"I don't know anything other than what I've seen," Bonnie admitted. "I know that Toby has had some sort of thing - a crush - something for you since the campaign. He has an obsessive need to know where you
are and positively snarls when Sam or any man pays you any attention. He's hated anyone you've dated and scared away more than one staffer who thought he could get close to you."
"Except for Sam."
"He's not afraid of Toby," Cathy nodded. "I've seen it too. It's in the way Toby looks at you. There's some serious lust there." She looked me in the eye. "Ginger, have you ever considered Toby in any other
way than your boss?"
I smiled and blushed.
"Ginger!" Cathy and Bonnie squealed at the same time.
I blurted out. "What would you say to the news that Toby Ziegler is a fantastic kisser?" It must have been the Tom Collins speaking for me because everything came out, from Election Night to Cathy's party to the night Toby told me about Andy and everything in between. Although their reactions ranged from consternation to amusement, they remained
outraged and sympathetic to my humiliation.
"I bet it doesn't last," Cathy said of Toby's decision to pursue reconciliation.
"Well, we'll see tomorrow," Bonnie said, with a gulp of her martini. "I overheard him telling her what time he would pick her up."
"All the more reason you should be going with Sam," Cathy smiled, devilishly. "He wanted to teach you a few things, if I remember correctly."
I blushed. "None of that. We're friends."
"Enough with this friends business!" Bonnie laughed.
"Sam wants to hold more than the door for you Ginger."
"And he would be the answer to my problems?"
"If he gets Toby out of your system, why not?" Cathy made it sound so reasonable. "At least Sam doesn't wear a wedding ring."
What the hell am I doing? Here I am at a White House party with one of the most eligible bachelors in the country and I'm hiding in a bathroom stall? I get out and look at myself in the full-length mirror. We look
great together, he in his black tux and I in this slinky black beaded dress cut low in the front and back. Sure there were nudges and whispers when we entered the ballroom, but it was all worth getting
Toby Ziegler out of my system.
My butterflies calmed, I go back to the party. Grabbing another glass of champagne from a passing waiter and allowed myself to get caught up in the Seaborn charm and became so entranced that I failed to notice Toby enter the ballroom with Congresswoman Andrea Wyatt on his arm.
Toby
The White House
The moment I stepped into the ballroom, I knew I made the right decision. With her incredible beauty, wit and intelligence, she could cause a stir. There could be no other woman for me than Andrea Wyatt. I took great pride in introducing her to old acquaintances and new. As we made the rounds in the ballroom, I tried to not look for Sam and Ginger. I knew they would be there, but wondered if they would try to
hide.
"Where's Sam?" I asked Josh, at one point. Usually those two stuck together like glue. But tonight, it was Josh and CJ and I knew why.
"Mm, around," Josh said vaguely, handing me another drink.
It wasn't until dinner was announced that I discovered that Andy and I were sitting at the table with President and Mrs. Bartlet, CJ, Josh, Donna and Leo. CJ had to have had her hand in this but I would have
to wait until Monday to yell at her.
Dinner was a painful affair. Eating at the same table as the President demanded your full attention and tonight my thoughts were on a couple several tables away. I kept seeing Sam's hand on Ginger's bare back.
Then I saw Ginger's hand on Sam's arm. And how she looked at him with adoring eyes! This evening needed to end. I wanted to take Andy home and make love to her until I forget the lust/passion/obsession that
coursed through my veins whenever I looked at Ginger.
But there was more to the evening. After dinner there were speeches to be made by the President and then the First Lady and other members of the White House Staff. I counted the minutes until I thought it would be would be prudent for us to make our departure. But hadn't counted on Andy.
She wanted to dance and not just one dance and not with just me. But with everyone: President Bartlet, Leo, even Josh. Much to my irritation, she kept asking me where Sam was all evening.
She finally got her wish. "Oh, there he is!" and she beckoned him over to us. "Isn't that your assistant? What's her name? Georgette?"
"Ginger."
"Whatever. Isn't that a little risqué to be wearing to the White House?" Andy said with a hint of a sneer.
I couldn't help myself. "I happen to think she looks wonderful."
Andy gave me a close look, but Sam and Ginger appeared in front of us.
"Congresswoman Wyatt, Toby. I hope you're having a nice evening," Sam said pleasantly, but looked only at Andy.
"Hello Sam," Andy said, ignoring Ginger. "Come dance with me." She grabbed his arm and pulled him out to the dance floor leaving Ginger and I alone.
The band started a new song.
"Would you like to dance?" I was angry with Andy for being rude to Ginger. Besides, I wanted to hold her in my arms again, even if to dance.
"Sure." She sounds surprised but held out her hand.
The singer croons Gershwin:
'Oh, do it again, I must say no, no, no, but do it again.'
We drift out to the dance floor.
'My lips just ache to have you take the kiss that's waiting for you. You know if you do, you won't regret it, come and get it.'
Ginger stares at my bow tie. I would do anything to have her look at me. But I don't know what to say to her.
'Oh no one is near
I may cry oh, oh, oh, but no one can hear
Mama may scold me cause she told me it was naughty
But then, please do it again, just do it again.'
I feel her relax and I pull her a little closer.
'Come and get it, oooh
Turn out the light and hold me close
Close in your arms all through the night
Mama may scold me cause she told me it was naughty
But then, please do it again, just do it again'
Just as the song ends, Sam and Andy are at our side. Without looking at me, Sam takes Ginger back out to the dance floor, pulling her close, his fingers caressing the small of her back.
Before I can react, CJ and Josh have pulled Andy into a conversation and we drift away from the dance floor. A little while later I see Sam leading Ginger to a quiet corner of the ballroom. Without even excusing
myself from my conversation, I make my way over to them.
Ginger sees me first. Her eyes grow wide with surprise and she looks at Sam, who looks over at me.
"Toby," Sam says, his face stiff.
I come closer. "Sam, can I see you for a moment?" But I'm looking at Ginger.
"Couldn't this wait, Toby?"
"Now, Sam!" And I march to a door that leads outside. The December air is brisk and a few snowflakes are falling. But I don't notice. I know Sam and I have had this discussion, but we need to have it again.
We face each other.
"I warned you," I began.
"Toby, this doesn't concern you!" Sam said angrily.
"I told you to stay away from her."
"What don't you understand about this? Ginger and I are friends."
"Your interest in Ginger is beyond being just 'friends'," I seethed.
"That's none of your business!"
"I'm making it my business."
"You're interfering with your assistant's personal life. Her life outside the office doesn't concern you."
"I'm protecting her," I said. "From you and your reputation."
"Are you Toby? Because right now you're acting like a jealous lover." Sam was pissed. "Aren't you here with Andy? The one that you wear your ring for, even after she left you? Shouldn't you be at her side, playing the doting husband? Well, you're not. Toby, I think you need to ask yourself why you're out here and not in there!" Sam turned and stormed away.
I'm stunned and for a moment I can't breath. Without thinking I go wander back into the ballroom, avoiding eye contact with anyone. I go straight for the bar and bourbon.
"Toby, you know what that stuff does to you." A familiar voice says to me.
I look over to see the Ellen Farrell, ex-wife of a former New York Congressman and longtime family friend. "Ellen!" I said, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "I'm surprised to see you here."
"I'm now an advisor to the First Lady, so it's my duty to show up at these affairs," Ellen said with a smile. "It's been a long time Toby. Come and sit down. I need to give these old bones a rest. My time for long social gatherings has passed."
For the first time this evening I had to laugh. "You can laugh young man, but at sixty-five, you'll appreciate a good chair." Ellen steered me away from the crowd to a spot hidden by a window, but with a good view of the room.
"How is your brother?" Ellen said, "Are you talking to each other? And how is your mother? I've been meaning to call these ages." We talked of family and mutual acquaintances, of things far away from Washington and Ginger. I relaxed a little.
Ellen cocked her head at me. "You need to smile more. You would be a much handsomer man if you just smiled."
"There's not a lot to smile about these days." I said without thinking.
"Not even Andy?" Ellen gave me a look. I looked over to see Andy surrounded by a group of admiring male staffers. "I heard that the two of you were getting back together."
"Yes, we're making progress."
"Progress!" Ellen snorted. "There's no progress in love. It's either there or it's not." She looked at me closely. "You're not sure are you?"
"Ellen, I've wanted this since we signed the divorce papers." I really didn't want to have this conversation with this shrewd of a woman.
Ellen was quiet for a moment. "I understand Andy is running for reelection."
"Yes, her numbers look good."
"But only if you're with her," Ellen said matter-of-factly.
"I don't like what you're implying."
"Come on Toby. We both understand the hypocrisy of the American public!" She said. "You know that's why my ex lost his last campaign. When we divorced a year prior to his re-election, the public never forgot it. People want their politicians only one-way: married!"
"I don't believe this." I try to digest the meaning of what Ellen has just said. "Andy wouldn't use me like that. She wanted this reconciliation as much as I did."
"Andrea Wyatt is smart enough to know that her constituents want to see that she can be a loving wife in addition to an ambitious congresswoman." Ellen said. "For many politicians, having a doting spouse by your side is just as important as the campaign fund."
I was silent, refusing to believe what I just heard. Understanding my need to end this part of our conversation, Ellen steered us to other topics and soon after, she decided to go home, citing fatigue. Her last words to me were, "I've had my share of heartache and if I can spare you any by being honest about Andrea, please don't hate me for it. You're a good man and you deserve better than what you've been
getting from her."
After Ellen left me, I was left with my thoughts, hoping, praying that what she said wasn't true. Having Ginger and Andy in the same room at the same time was too much. I need to hide, so I disappear into the West Wing.
Ginger
In the Communications bullpen
For the second time that night I have to get away from everyone. I think I'm safe in the communications bullpen, knowing everyone is at the party. I searched my desk for aspirin, feeling a headache coming on. If only they made these things for heartache, I thought as I fight with the bottle.
A quiet voice behind me says, "Would you like some help?" It was Toby.
"No thank you," I said without looking at him and continue to struggle with the cap.
He just stands there.
"What do you want? Are you here to lecture me too?" I said.
"Ginger, please look at me." There was this tone to his voice. The anger that I saw earlier was gone. He looked different. Defeated?
"I didn't get a chance tell you how beautiful you are tonight," Toby said, his dark eyes burning. "Actually, you're always beautiful."
"Thank you," is the only thing I can think of to say.
"I have a gift for you, in my office," he said, turning away from me, his shoulders slightly slumped. It was a bad sign of his state of mind. Without thinking, I followed.
Out of his desk came a recognizable turquoise box with a white ribbon. He handed it to me. "I wasn't entirely sure of your style so I guessed."
I want to hate him right now. Needed to hate him. Give the box back and tell him to go to hell. But I can't. He has this look on his face and I'm afraid I would crush him with my rejection. My hands open the
Tiffany box and nestled inside is a simple round jade pendant on a gold chain.
"Oh, Toby, it's so beautiful!" I whispered, taking it out of the box.
"I thought it would match your eyes," Toby said, "Let me help you put it on."
As he puts the necklace around my neck, I can feel his breath and shiver. Toby lightly kisses my shoulder, whispering, "I've missed you." His fingers caress my bare back, and a slight sigh of desire escapes from me. "I dream about you everyday." His mouth begins a trail of kisses down my neck, then to my shoulder. "Tell me you miss me."
"I miss you," I can barely say.
His mouth moves to my other shoulder. "Tell me you need me."
My reply is incoherent as my mind focused on Toby's hands on my body, one of which was on my thigh, inching its way up my dress, the other pressing my hips into his erection.
"Toby, we can't." Rational thought returns to me.
"Why not?" Toby nibbled on one of my ears.
"The door is open!" I said, disentangling myself from his arms. I moved away from him. "I should go. Sam is probably wondering where I am."
I heard Toby behind me. "Why Sam? You know how he is with women. You were there on the campaign trail."
"I saw that he enjoyed the company of women," I knew what Toby meant but would never admit that to him. "So you think the only reason he would go out with me would be to sleep with me? To further his sexual
adventures with the female staff?"
"I don't want to see you hurt." Despite the words, Toby's eyes hardened.
"What do you care about the pain I feel? Why do you even care about this? You didn't want me." I choked on the searing pain in my heart.
"I never said that."
"But you did!" I lashed out at him. "You stood in my living room, where you had just kissed me moments before and told me that your ex wife wanted you back."
"She did," Toby said quietly, like it hurt him to admit to it. "I had to see if things would work out between us."
"Then why aren't you with her now?" I demanded. "Or do you want it the both ways, at home and at the office?"
"Ginger, you know that's not true!"
I shook my head and walked out the door. "You made your decision and I've made mine. I think under the circumstances I need to quit. Immediately." Before Toby can react, I run to the exit, towards the
ballroom and Sam.
/End 4