Title: "When I Look in Your Eyes" - Chapter Six (6/6)

Toby
Mid-December - early the next morning

Thump. Thump. Thump.

I groaned. The pounding in my head wouldn't stop.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

It took me a moment to realize the noise wasn't in my head.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

It was at my front door.

"Go 'way!" I shouted, instantly regretting it.

"Toby!" A voice penetrated though my alcohol-hazed mind. "Toby, open up!"

Oh, god. I peeled my eyes open to look at my watch. 7:04 in the morning. Or was it the evening?

I struggled off the couch I must have passed out on. It wasn't that I wanted to answer the door; I just wanted that infernal racket to stop. I threw the door open to find Sam, still dressed in his tuxedo.

"I need to talk to you." Sam was first to speak. I hate that.

I opened my mouth to argue but the look in Sam's eye told me that I had no choice in the matter. I opened the door a little further to let him into the foyer.

After a long pause, Sam said. "It's about Ginger."

"Where is she?" I have to know.

"I took her home," Sam said, without embarrassment. "Ginger doesn't know I'm here."

Did you sleep with her? I want to ask. I looked him over for any signs of a sexual encounter, anything to prove to me that they were together. It would make hating both of them much easier.

"Then why are you bothering me?" My lips curled.

Sam couldn't look at me. He said, "You're the one she wants, Toby."

"How do you know?"

"She didn't tell me. It was in her eyes when she talked about you. And it's in yours, even now, as we speak."

Ginger
Her apartment- That same day

No sooner had I said to good-bye to Sam and reassured him I would be okay, than I called Cathy and poured my soul out to her. Like a good friend, she listened and didn't remind me it was two o'clock in the morning. She allowed me to weep and berate myself and Toby and the fates that brought us together.

Later that morning, she showed up at my apartment with breakfast and a box of tissues, offering her other shoulder to cry on.

We poured over every kiss, every look, and every nuance of my relationship with Toby. I wanted to reassure myself that I could hate him for the rest of my life and not regret it.

"He's not worth it," I said. "Even if he managed to peel himself away from her, I would always be second to his ex."

"I thought they looked pretty solid last night," Cathy admitted. "Until I saw Toby and Sam outside on the terrace."

"Did it look like they were arguing?"

"They looked as if they were disagreeing about something, which is how they always look," Cathy said. "Then again Toby kept staring at the two of you all night."

"I know." I couldn't help but feel a tiny glow of satisfaction at this. "I tried ignoring him and losing myself in Sam."

"There's still time to do that," Cathy said, with arched eyebrow.

I interrupt her train of thought. "I want to keep Sam as a friend."

"So what your telling me is that you'd rather have the attention of a divorced, grumpy, disillusioned man than one of the most eligible bachelors in Washington, if not the country?" Cathy was impatient with my excuses.

"It would never work and besides, it would be for all the wrong reasons!"

"Not even for make-me-feel-better sex?" Cathy asked, "Oh, come on! Sam didn't get that reputation for nothing."

"No." I was firm.

"But you thought about it, didn't you? Last night in the car, when he held you in his arms, you wondered about it, didn't you?" Cathy stared me down, reading my every thought.

I blushed and nodded.

"I knew it!"

"But only for a moment! And only because I as such a wreck last night."

"Sam would be so good to you."

"That's not a good enough reason. I couldn't think of him any other way than as a friend."

"But Ginger, Toby has never been your 'friend'. He's never even been friendly towards you. Besides you're not even sure if you're in love with him. The only thing you two are in is lust."

Which was entirely true. I had no idea what was between us, if anything other than physical attraction. But I would never know, now would I? And this thought left me with a deep sense of disappointment.

Toby
His apartment

I want to ask Sam if he's slept with Ginger, but I know it's not the question to ask right now.

I had to believe what he's telling me. Sam was too much of an innocent to try and lie about something like this.

"I want Ginger to be happy and if it meant trying to put you two together, then I would do that. For her." Sam looked completely miserable, something I couldn't help but have a grim sense of satisfaction about. "She's at home. Go to her. If you don't I will."

Ginger
Her Apartment

"So what's it all about?"

"What?"

"This thing that's going on between the two of you."

"Thing?"

"Yeah. Just what is it that you see in him, 'cause the only I can see is a depressed guy with a beard and a bad attitude. So what is it with him?"

"I don't know, I just think he's sexy," I said, blushing, "It's mostly his eyes. There's always this deep intensity when he looks at me."

"Lust?"

"More than that. I can't find the words to express it. It's just there."

"And the beard? You like the beard?"

I smiled. "It's soft."

"He's bald."

"Not completely."

Cathy rolled her eyes. "You are so lost."

"What do you mean?"

"You're not ready to hate Toby."

I sputtered denials but Cathy only grinned and went back to watching TV.

Toby
In his kitchen

I tried putting the sickening feeling in my stomach down to my hangover and concentrated on my "cure-all breakfast" of eggs over easy, with hash browns and toast. My mouth twisted into a bitter smile as I read
a small blurb in on my ex wife, buried in a Washington newspaper gossip column: "Congresswoman Andrea Wyatt has confirmed rumors that she and former husband Communications Director Toby Ziegler have reconciled."
I almost choked on my eggs at the next line: "A private ceremony has been planned for next month." I fumed a little but then smiled grimly at our argument last night.

I found Andy dancing with one of her admirers. I didn't have to ask if I could cut in. The young aide merely stammered something and scurried away.

"Was that really necessary?" Andy demanded.

"You'll have plenty of time for your dalliances after tonight," I murmured in her ear, pulling Andy closer with a firm grip.

"What are you talking about?" Andy asked, her eyes narrowed, searching my face. But I gave away nothing and merely smiled.

As soon as the song ended, I moved her to the corner where Ellen Farrell shared her revelation with me.

"Tell me Andrea, why do you want this reconciliation?" I asked.

"What is this about?" Andy's guard went up immediately.

I cleared my throat. "I just want us to be perfectly clear as to why we are doing this."

"Oh, Pokey," Andy purred, stroking my knee. Normally this subtle touch would have filled me with overpowering lust, but not now. "You know we belong together."

"For your re-election polls, maybe," I said harshly.

Andy's eyes grew wide. "What are you talking about? I would never..."

"Cut the crap Andy. I know about the polls you did concerning divorced versus married politicians. You and I both know that a married Andrea Wyatt has a better chance at re-election than a divorced Andrea Wyatt. That's why you wanted to reconcile, isn't it?"

"Toby, it was more than that!"

"Really? I wasn't going to just be your trophy husband?"

"No! Toby, you have to believe me. We need each other!" Andy turned those magnificent brown eyes to me, silently pleading to believe her.

I wanted to believe her but I knew it was over. I shook my head and started to walk away. "We're done."

"There must be someone else; otherwise you would never leave me?" Andrea's words stopped me in my tracks.

"It's that Amazon, CJ Cregg. I bet that under that cool demeanor, she's a slut in bed."

"Andy," I growled.

"Or is it one of the other staffers? Have you been dipping your pen in the White House ink?" Andy said in a mocking tone. "Getting a little action from one of the aides? Maybe your assistant?"

"That's enough!"

"It's that red headed bitch, isn't it? And don't think I didn't notice you and Sam competing for her tonight," Andy hissed. "So I was right. I guess I'm not surprised you would seduce a pretty young thing."

"Shut up!" In an instant I was looming over her. "I didn't seduce her!"

"So, how long have you been screwing her? I bet you're using that couch in your office for more than dictation." She smiled smugly. "You know what they do to men like you who fuck their underlings."

"Since you are so interested, I never slept with Ginger."

"Then why would you want someone like that?" Andy sneered.

"I need her," I said simply, "More than I ever needed you." And I turned and walked away.

A wave of bitterness washed over me when I thought of all those years of hoping and waiting for Andy to come back to me. And now all that I had to show for it was a hangover and a broken heart. Before I could change my mind and hide in my office, I set off for Ginger's apartment.

Ginger
Her Apartment

Cathy and I declared a non-Toby hour to think and talk about other subjects. But didn't work. It must have been the "Dear Abby" column about a woman who regretted leaving a man behind on an impulsive moment.

"Cathy?"

"Hm?" She was reading the newspaper.

"I'm going see him."

"What?" Cathy looked up, her eyes wide.

"I want to see Toby. The two of us need to talk about what happened." I got up from the couch.

"But I thought that you said you never wanted see him again."

"I know I said that. But I need to talk to him."

"You need a night with Sam."

"I need Toby."

Cathy made a slight grimace and went back to her paper. "Are you sure that's what you want to do?

"Yes." I was very determined.

"Oh no," Cathy muttered under breath, "Maybe you should rethink that decision."

"What do you mean?"

She pointed to tiny column tucked away in a corner. "You'd better sit down."

I read the four lines and sat down with a thump. The room spun around me. "I hate him."

"I'm sorry you had to find out this way."

"Cathy, I was ready to go to Toby, to tell him that I never wanted Sam, that nothing's ever happened between us and that, that..." I burst into tears.

At that moment, as if on cue, my door buzzed.

Cathy stood.

"Don't answer it," I gulped, "I don't want to talk to anyone."

"Don't you even want me to see who it is?" Cathy asked, over the incessant buzzing.

I shook my head.

The buzzing stopped abruptly. Then there was a shout. "Ginger!"

Before I could react, Cathy was off the couch and opening the door. It was Toby.

"Come on in Toby, it's about time you showed up," Cathy said, pulling him into the room, "And about time for me to go."

"Please don't!" I exclaimed, suddenly nervous of Toby's presence in my apartment.

"Now I want the two of you to kiss and make up and stop making the rest of so miserable!" And before I knew it, Cathy was out the door.

Toby
Ginger's Apartment

I didn't know what to say. But she did.

"You have a lot of nerve coming here after what happened last night!" Ginger started in on me.

"Ginger, please listen to me," I begged.

"Why? Are you going to read me your wedding announcement?" She waved the newspaper in her hand at me. "Or are you here to make sure Sam isn't lurking in my bedroom. Go on, have a look!"

"That's not why I'm here!"

"What other reason could you possibly have to show up at my doorstep? Or do you think I'm weak enough to give into one of your sexual escapades when your wife isn't looking?"

"Andy and I are through!" I could see the surprise in Ginger's eyes. Clearly this wasn't what Ginger had expected. But that didn't stop her.

"So you've come running back to me? Andy dumps you again and you think I'm desperate enough to take you back?"

"Ginger, please hear me out. This was all Sam's idea, coming to see you. He showed up at my apartment this morning and said-" here I hesitated. How was I going to explain this? "He said it was apparent that we have a connection and that I should come and see you."

Ginger looked confused. "What does that mean?"

"Sam wants you to be happy and if that meant putting us together, then he would do that," I said, quietly. "He told me that if I didn't come to you, now, and rectify this misunderstanding, then he would."

"Misunderstanding?" Ginger exclaimed. "You call trying to interfere with my personal life a misunderstanding? Toby, you tried to stop Sam from seeing me. You accused him of being a bad person and trying to take advantage of me. This man is supposed to be your friend, not some chump off the street."

"I was afraid of what I saw."

"Which was?" Ginger glared at me.

"Sam's in love with you," I said quietly. "I didn't want him to take you away from me."

"But Toby, I'm not his to take nor yours to keep."

"I realize that now and I'm sorry."

Ginger
Her Apartment

I was stunned. Toby never apologized for anything.

Walking further into the room, he said, "Ignore the wedding announcement. I had nothing to do with it. It was all Andy's doing. She leaked that crap to the press to force the issue."

"I didn't think you had to be forced into this."

"I wasn't so much forced than tricked," Toby said. "Andy polled her constituents for their attitudes on divorced politicians versus married politicians. And guess what?"

"The majority of people prefer their politicians married? Who didn't see those results from a mile away?" I could feel my anger slipping away. Damn! All he had to do was come near me and I melted.

"I knew I should have smelled a rat when Andy came back so suddenly. She was never that biddable nor so eager to please me," Toby said, obviously embarrassed by his naivety in this whole matter. "She was thinking reelection and I was thinking she wanted a marriage."

"So what is it that you want?" I asked quietly.

"You." He continued, carefully. "It's always been you. I don't know what I can do prove this after what we've been through. But ever since I met you, I needed to have you near me."

A thought came to me. "Is that why you hired me?"

Toby looked self-conscience. "I nearly convinced myself that if you worked for me that you could learn to hate me and I wouldn't have to think of you any way other than as an employee. I didn't expect you to be loyal, willing to put up with my shit, no matter what I did or said to you." He shook his head and smiled ruefully. "But the truth of the matter was that I was afraid of what would happen if I was free to pursue you."

"This is why you held onto your wedding ring and Andy." I suddenly felt a little breathless.

Toby nodded and held out his left hand to me. The circle of gold was gone. "I'll understand if you tell me to never come near you again, but I wanted to show you that I'm ready."

In that moment I knew his heart and soul was mine for the taking. But was I ready? All of this time I thought that this is what I wanted, unconditional surrender of his past. Suddenly, this man and the
overwhelming power of his personality and the passion in his eyes frightened me. Could I plunge into the great unknown with a man that I really knew nothing about? I studied his face, lined with exhaustion and rejection. But there was something else: hope.

"Toby," was all I had to say. In an instant I was in his arms.

Toby
Ginger's Bedroom

We spent the rest of the day making love and talking about what was next. There was Sam. There was the issue of Ginger's resignation. The inevitable roar of gossip. And, of course, telling Leo of our new
relationship.

"Do you think we'll give the poor man a heart attack?" Ginger asked from the crook of my arm.

"I don't think so. But just to make sure, I'll have CJ come with me. She'll make sure he sees our side of things; although there really isn't a whole lot he can do or say. The President has made it clear that as long as his staff is discreet, our private lives are
our own." As I said this, I realized that I should have taken the same advice to heart. Well, never mind, I thought as I gently cupped Ginger's breast in my hand. It worked out despite my meddling.

"Can I be there too? It might help smooth things over if Leo sees us together, to see that this is real," Ginger said.

I kissed her forehead. "Of course, my love. I think he's always had a soft spot for you. But under the circumstances, he may want you to move to another area and I happen to agree. It will help keep the gossips at bay."

Ginger nodded in agreement. "It would only create bad feelings with the other assistants."

A bad feeling came over me. "Leo isn't the one we should be worried about. Andy may try to cause trouble for us."

"How?"

"She may try to leak to the press that you broke up our engagement," I said, barely suppressing my anger. "I might be portrayed as a lecherous boss preying on my assistant."

I could tell that Ginger hadn't thought about any of this. "Everything was consensual," she argued.

"That may be," I thought of my discussion with CJ. "But I am, was your boss and I'm far older than you."

"Age doesn't matter," Ginger said, matter-of-factly. "I'm 25, hardly a child."

I felt a twinge in my heart as I did the math. "Eighteen years is hardly a moot point."

She turned my face to hers. "Don't think about it. All that should matter is that we found each other."

Ginger sat up and stretched. "I'm hungry, let's go eat."

"Eat?" Food was the last thing on my mind, as my eyes slid down Ginger's body. An idea came to me. "Only if you wear that black dress."

She gave me a wicked grin. "And only if you help me take it off later."

Somewhere between ordering dinner and telling a childhood anecdote, did I remember my fear of this relationship. And as I watched the display of emotions flutter across Ginger's face, I realized it didn't matter. Ginger would replace those fears with the warmth of her soul and that was more than I could have ever hoped for.

/End