Disclaimer: I am not Clarice Starling, or Dr. Hannibal lector, and neither
are you for that matter. If you believe me to be lying then, I would
suggest a good Psychiatrist. (No pun intended). No seriously, the usual
declaimer (I don't own them, I am no one), still applies.
Chapter 2
At that very second she knew that she had sealed her fate. She had uttered her last words. She was soon to be demised, and shuffled of this mortal coil. Dr Lecter would never forgive her for such blunt disrespect. The saddest part was that she wasn't sorry; in fact she wouldn't take back a word of it even if she could. She hated her life, and wasn't a bit upset to find that it might soon be ending.
True, she would never have committed suicide as that would show weakness. But dieing at the hands of a mad man and hanging on till the last breath, now that would show greatness and strength. Oh, who was she kidding, no one would ever see her the way she wished they would. Except possibly for him.
Either way though, she wasn't sorry. For years she had been among the living dead, burning in her own mind made hell.What was hard though was waiting to die. Waiting for something, anything to happen. Not a word had been uttered since she had made what could very well be the last mistake of her life. The silence was almost maddening. No change that, the silence
was maddening. She was prepared for almost anything.
What she wasn't prepared for though, was what happened next. She heard him take a breath and she knew he had been holding it. Then he simply said "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Clarice was in shock, and unable to speak. Where she had expected anger she instead got pure honesty. She didn't have much time to think about it as he soon spook.
"Yes I do". Had he repeated himself, she was confused and unable to think. "And to prove it, I have not gotten personal and you have." That was true, she couldn't deny it. He had simply asked polite friendly questions regarding her current position. She was the one who had uttered those unnecessary and cruel words.
"What now?" The question was out before she even realized she could speak again. There was a long pause, as if he was considering how to respond. No that was preposterous; he always knew what to say.
Again he spoke. "That is entirely up to you agent starling." Suddenly she felt comfortable and relaxed as though she was in a dream. As if realizing this Dr lecter suddenly responded. "This is no dream, Clarice". She began to wonder if her could read her mind, but soon realized that she didn't really care.
He had been awfully quiet threw out this conversation as if he was giving her time to sort out her thoughts. When she felt her voice return she decided to throw out the words that had been lingering in her mind, before she lost all her nerve. "Dr. Lecter, I'm sorry."
'No". He seemed angry. "Do not apologize for being yourself Clarice".
Suddenly she felt rather defensive. "I'm not; I'm apologizing for not being myself. I'm apologizing for becoming the type of person they wanted me to be." Had she said that out loud? It suddenly felt as though the room was spinning.
"They, being the FBI". He didn't sound at all surprised at her admittance.
"Tell me Clarice, Do you ever entertain thoughts of leaving them?" "I..." was all she managed to utter. She didn't want to answer that. She stared at the floor below her.
"I don't believe the answer lies on that rather despicable rug, Clarice." He could see her; she suddenly began scanning the whole room with her eyes searching for some kind of clue as to his whereabouts. She knew that he couldn't be in the room or she would have known. At least that was what she was telling herself. Still he had to be somewhere close by, but where?
"Clarice, I do believe you would have to be rather ignorant to ignore me given the circumstances." Well that did it. Now she was officially confused. What circumstances? She didn't even where he was. "Where are you Dr. Lecter?"
She heard him laugh on the other end." Now that really would be telling, wouldn't it?" "Still you haven't even answered my original question."
"What question was that?" She was trying to by herself time. Afraid that answering that question would put her in an extreme disadvantage.
"Clarice, you really would be wasting my time by forcing me to repeat myself. Especially when you are fully aware of what I asked."
Darn it she thought. Why does he always have to know everything? Still she supposed that he finding out was inevitable, so she might as well tell him now. "I'll be turning in my resignation in a few weeks." "There is no hope for my career".
"Unless you turned me in." "Then do you think they would have you back, Clarice?"
Clearly confused at why he had turned the conversation in this direction. Still she decided to play along, as he did enjoy his games. "Yes, I suppose they would, I haven't really thought much about it." That was a lie. She would often sit for hours and contemplate how easy it would be to get back on the FBI's side if she were to arrest Dr. Lecter. "Tsk, tsk. I thought you knew better then to lie to me."
Now she was starting to get apprehensive as he really seemed really angry. Of course his anger was warranted given the current situation. She had lied to him yet again. Suddenly she became very grateful that this was just a simple phone conversation, and that she wasn't being forced look into those maroon eyes. Those eyes could see right into the darker side of her. The side she hid from the rest of the world, and sometimes even from herself. Lying to him was definitely pointless as he would ultimately find out the truth anyway. If he didn't already know. It was herself she was worried about.
If she honestly answered that question she was sure he'd see how much she really did care for him. And she didn't want him to know ,afraid of what he might do or say. Afraid she might actually love him. She didn't want to know the truth. Wasn't ready to understand why she would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and scream out his name as though she was searching for him. True she knew she found him attractive, she had stopped denying that. But love was an entirely different matter. Could she love a monster? Is he a monster? No she was defiantly not ready to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Clarice's mind was spinning; her thoughts were all becoming blurry. What should
she say to him? I love you. No she couldn't jut simply say that, even if it was true.
Besides he probably already knew. As he knows everything. Suddenly the words he
musical Evita started to play in her head. "Deep in my heart I'm concealing things that
I'm longing to say. Scared to confess what I'm feeling. Frightened you'll slip away."
So that was what was wrong, I'm afraid he won't want me. It was as if a cloud
that had been hanging over her head, was now being lifted. Although, that soon became a
bad thing. As she suddenly began to wonder if he would in fact reject her. Once again she
had been so lost in thought that she had forgotten she was on the phone with him, and
forgetting about Dr. Lecter is not a good idea..
Chapter 2
At that very second she knew that she had sealed her fate. She had uttered her last words. She was soon to be demised, and shuffled of this mortal coil. Dr Lecter would never forgive her for such blunt disrespect. The saddest part was that she wasn't sorry; in fact she wouldn't take back a word of it even if she could. She hated her life, and wasn't a bit upset to find that it might soon be ending.
True, she would never have committed suicide as that would show weakness. But dieing at the hands of a mad man and hanging on till the last breath, now that would show greatness and strength. Oh, who was she kidding, no one would ever see her the way she wished they would. Except possibly for him.
Either way though, she wasn't sorry. For years she had been among the living dead, burning in her own mind made hell.What was hard though was waiting to die. Waiting for something, anything to happen. Not a word had been uttered since she had made what could very well be the last mistake of her life. The silence was almost maddening. No change that, the silence
was maddening. She was prepared for almost anything.
What she wasn't prepared for though, was what happened next. She heard him take a breath and she knew he had been holding it. Then he simply said "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Clarice was in shock, and unable to speak. Where she had expected anger she instead got pure honesty. She didn't have much time to think about it as he soon spook.
"Yes I do". Had he repeated himself, she was confused and unable to think. "And to prove it, I have not gotten personal and you have." That was true, she couldn't deny it. He had simply asked polite friendly questions regarding her current position. She was the one who had uttered those unnecessary and cruel words.
"What now?" The question was out before she even realized she could speak again. There was a long pause, as if he was considering how to respond. No that was preposterous; he always knew what to say.
Again he spoke. "That is entirely up to you agent starling." Suddenly she felt comfortable and relaxed as though she was in a dream. As if realizing this Dr lecter suddenly responded. "This is no dream, Clarice". She began to wonder if her could read her mind, but soon realized that she didn't really care.
He had been awfully quiet threw out this conversation as if he was giving her time to sort out her thoughts. When she felt her voice return she decided to throw out the words that had been lingering in her mind, before she lost all her nerve. "Dr. Lecter, I'm sorry."
'No". He seemed angry. "Do not apologize for being yourself Clarice".
Suddenly she felt rather defensive. "I'm not; I'm apologizing for not being myself. I'm apologizing for becoming the type of person they wanted me to be." Had she said that out loud? It suddenly felt as though the room was spinning.
"They, being the FBI". He didn't sound at all surprised at her admittance.
"Tell me Clarice, Do you ever entertain thoughts of leaving them?" "I..." was all she managed to utter. She didn't want to answer that. She stared at the floor below her.
"I don't believe the answer lies on that rather despicable rug, Clarice." He could see her; she suddenly began scanning the whole room with her eyes searching for some kind of clue as to his whereabouts. She knew that he couldn't be in the room or she would have known. At least that was what she was telling herself. Still he had to be somewhere close by, but where?
"Clarice, I do believe you would have to be rather ignorant to ignore me given the circumstances." Well that did it. Now she was officially confused. What circumstances? She didn't even where he was. "Where are you Dr. Lecter?"
She heard him laugh on the other end." Now that really would be telling, wouldn't it?" "Still you haven't even answered my original question."
"What question was that?" She was trying to by herself time. Afraid that answering that question would put her in an extreme disadvantage.
"Clarice, you really would be wasting my time by forcing me to repeat myself. Especially when you are fully aware of what I asked."
Darn it she thought. Why does he always have to know everything? Still she supposed that he finding out was inevitable, so she might as well tell him now. "I'll be turning in my resignation in a few weeks." "There is no hope for my career".
"Unless you turned me in." "Then do you think they would have you back, Clarice?"
Clearly confused at why he had turned the conversation in this direction. Still she decided to play along, as he did enjoy his games. "Yes, I suppose they would, I haven't really thought much about it." That was a lie. She would often sit for hours and contemplate how easy it would be to get back on the FBI's side if she were to arrest Dr. Lecter. "Tsk, tsk. I thought you knew better then to lie to me."
Now she was starting to get apprehensive as he really seemed really angry. Of course his anger was warranted given the current situation. She had lied to him yet again. Suddenly she became very grateful that this was just a simple phone conversation, and that she wasn't being forced look into those maroon eyes. Those eyes could see right into the darker side of her. The side she hid from the rest of the world, and sometimes even from herself. Lying to him was definitely pointless as he would ultimately find out the truth anyway. If he didn't already know. It was herself she was worried about.
If she honestly answered that question she was sure he'd see how much she really did care for him. And she didn't want him to know ,afraid of what he might do or say. Afraid she might actually love him. She didn't want to know the truth. Wasn't ready to understand why she would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and scream out his name as though she was searching for him. True she knew she found him attractive, she had stopped denying that. But love was an entirely different matter. Could she love a monster? Is he a monster? No she was defiantly not ready to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Clarice's mind was spinning; her thoughts were all becoming blurry. What should
she say to him? I love you. No she couldn't jut simply say that, even if it was true.
Besides he probably already knew. As he knows everything. Suddenly the words he
musical Evita started to play in her head. "Deep in my heart I'm concealing things that
I'm longing to say. Scared to confess what I'm feeling. Frightened you'll slip away."
So that was what was wrong, I'm afraid he won't want me. It was as if a cloud
that had been hanging over her head, was now being lifted. Although, that soon became a
bad thing. As she suddenly began to wonder if he would in fact reject her. Once again she
had been so lost in thought that she had forgotten she was on the phone with him, and
forgetting about Dr. Lecter is not a good idea..