Chapter 11
Fatherless
Harry went back to Gryffindor Tower in a daze. The next class had already started, so he didn't meet any students on his way – thankfully. He went up to the dormitory. He was exhausted after the day's events and didn't want to think about what he had found out, he just wanted to go to sleep and wake up in the morning, realising that this had all been a dream.
Outside the window he could see some Gryffindor third years who were clearly skiving off whatever lesson they were supposed to have, sitting under that same beech tree where his father – or rather, James Potter – had sat with his friends after their OWL exams. The thought of James made him shiver. The memory of his father had always been such a comfort to him, but now he didn't know what to make of it.
He lay down on the bed, but jumped up again almost immediately, walking over to the mirror. He stared at his own image, so like Snape. His pale, thin face was framed by curtains of greasy black hair. He raised his hand to brush it aside and started at the sight of his long, thin fingers.
There was no denying it: Dumbledore and Snape had been telling the truth. Why was this happening to him? Didn't he have enough trouble in his life, with the Dursleys, Malfoy and Voldemort? Not to mention what was coming; the fact that he was the one who would have to defeat the Dark Lord was weighing heavily upon him indeed. Unless ... Harry froze. Did the Prophecy really apply to him now?
Harry tried to think. This altered everything. Suddenly, Harry was feeling completely different. Even a remote possibility that he wouldn't have to face Voldemort again, at least not with the main responsibility, was a relief to him. Of course, this still didn't mean that he was happy about Snape being his father ... but there was no black cloud without a silver lining. He would have to talk to Dumbledore about this, to make sure it was really true, but it had to be. If Snape was his father, Harry couldn't be the boy in the prophecy ...Yes, he would go and ask Dumbledore – although, the way he felt now, he would really prefer never to see him again ...
When Hermione returned from her last lesson, Harry had calmed down sufficiently to be able to pretend to her that nothing had happened, that Dumbledore had merely wanted to discuss some triviality. Hermione, afraid of another emotional outburst, didn't pursue the matter further, and even accepted Harry's claim that he had been wrong about the Polyjuice Potion. That night, at Quidditch practice, Harry was able to concentrate properly for the first time since Hallowe'en, but later, when he was about to sleep, the fact that Snape was his father hit him again with a vengeance.
After a sleepless night, Harry decided to go and look up Dumbledore after all. He was still furious with him, but he was the only person with whom he could discuss the Prophecy, and he desperately needed to do that. Once again, Harry met Dumbledore at the stone Gargoyle, where he had gone straight after breakfast, only this time he didn't leave Harry but went back up to the office with him.
'I thought you might want to see me, Harry,' Dumbledore said gravely, 'in fact I was just on my way out to look for you. How are you feeling?'
'Fine,' Harry lied. 'I just wanted to ask you about something.'
Dumbledore nodded. 'Is this about the Prophecy?'
Harry stared at him in disbelief. 'Yes,' he said quietly. How had Dumbledore known? 'It can't be me now, can it?' Harry went on. 'It must mean Neville now. That's the only option, isn't it? I mean, the Prophecy said "born to those who have thrice defied him" ... Snape didn't defy Voldemort three times, did he?'
Dumbledore sighed. 'Well, Harry,' he said slowly, 'it just so happens that Professor Snape had also defied Voldemort three times at the time the Prophecy was made.' He looked at Harry, his face full of compassion. 'I am sorry.'
Harry's heart sank, but was soon filled with rage again.
'So not only do I have to face Voldemort, but I have to face Snape as my father as well ...' he said bitterly.
'I know that you and Professor Snape have not always been on the best of terms, Harry, but I assure you he has qualities other than those he shows his students. If you will only give him a chance, you will see that he has a different side too. As you know, his days as a student at Hogwarts weren't always easy ...'
Harry felt a pang of guilt, thinking about the time he had violated Snape's Pensieve, but he quickly suppressed the feeling. Snape was not to be pitied, certainly not after what he had done to Harry's mother. 'If you think so much of him, how come you've never given him the Defence Against the Dark Arts job?' Harry snapped. 'He's applied for it every year since he got here, hasn't he?'
'I have my reasons, Harry,' Dumbledore said calmly. 'But that doesn't mean–'
He was interrupted by a sharp knock on the door.
'Excuse me, Harry,' Dumbledore said, and then, in a louder voice, 'Enter!'
The door opened, and none other than Snape walked into the room.
'Good morning, Headmaster,' he said, and then stopped at the sight of Harry. 'Oh, er ... Potter ...'
'That's not correct, is it, Professor Snape?' Harry said silkily.
Snape looked slightly taken aback. 'Perhaps you would like me to come back later, Headmaster?'
'On the contrary, Severus,' Dumbledore said firmly. 'Please sit down.'
Harry caught sight of Phineas Nigellus, dressed in the Slytherin colours. Did he imagine it, or did Phineas smile approvingly at hearing Dumbledore's words? Or ... sarcastically, perhaps? Snape sat down in the chair next to Harry, looking somewhat uncomfortable. Harry rose swiftly.
'I'm leaving now!' he said, turning on his heel.
'Please wait, Harry,' Dumbledore said.
Harry turned around again. 'Why? We have NOTHING more to discuss! I've never had a father, and I don't need one now ... certainly not him!' He threw a quick glance in Snape's direction. 'As far as I'm concerned, James Potter is still my father, and we can all just pretend that this never happened.'
Dumbledore and Snape looked at him for a few moments, Dumbledore's face solemn, and Snape's as inscrutable as ever. Before either of them had time to say anything, Harry left the office, slamming the heavy door shut behind him. Snape turned his gaze towards Dumbledore.
'So, that certainly went well, Headmaster,' he sneered.
Dumbledore looked at him sadly. 'I wish you two could put your differences behind you, Severus,' he said.
'I'm perfectly willing to do so,' Snape snapped. 'You have no idea how lenient I have been towards the boy this term, Headmaster.'
'I'm afraid one term of ... leniency does not make up for five years of ... well, shall we say, lack of empathy.'
Snape looked annoyed, but didn't say anything. Dumbledore clearly didn't realise what an effort it took to be kind to Harry, or, come to think of it, any student. But then, of course, Harry wasn't just any student, he had to admit that.
'If you could only make more of an effort, Severus,' Dumbledore said imploringly. 'You are the parent after all. Harry is still young enough not to be able to handle this kind of trauma, especially with the background he has. You do know about how his muggle relatives treat him, don't you?'
'Well ... yes, I do. I saw some of his memories during our Occlumency lessons.'
'Then you must realise that it is up to you to take the first step.'
Snape sighed heavily. 'Yes, Headmaster. I shall do my best.'
During dinner that night, Snape watched Harry, looking at him as he never had before. Preoccupied as he had been by his own feelings towards Harry, he had not expected that Harry's reaction to all of this would affect him so much.
The previous day, when Dumbledore had come into his classroom, Snape had thought that he had come there to tell him that he had already told Harry everything. When he realised that this was not the case, and that Dumbledore wanted to tell Harry right there and then, his first reaction had been to leave the room, but Dumbledore, of course, had not let him. And Harry had already known. Snape wondered whether Dumbledore had left his Pensieve out on purpose ...
He had expected Harry to be furious, to shout at him, but he hadn't thought about the possibility that Harry might ask about Lily. He had expected Harry to blame him for deceiving James, perhaps, but not Lily. That had been the most difficult thing to face – Harry's accusations involving the woman he had once loved. That was probably the reason why he had told him what he had never told anyone before – that he had, indeed, loved her.
It had almost been a relief to him today, when Harry had talked about James instead of Lily. At the same time he realised that, deep down, he felt hurt by his rejection. By now, he had got used to the idea of having a son – of having Harry as a son. And he had come to like the idea, shocking as it might seem.
Yes ... he had to admit it; he had almost begun to like Harry.
*** H
Author's Note: I am aware that this chapter resembles the last one, but I felt that poor Harry had to talk this over once more with Dumbledore and Snape. In the coming chapters, some of Harry's friends will find out about Snape – so read and enjoy!
Time has come to thank my reviewers and answer some questions/give comments ... Only for the reviews on chapter 10 though, as it would take me all night otherwise.
Usakura & Hakkai – Gojyo – Goku – Sanzo: Billowing is in the Snape genes, yes! And don't we love it!!!
risi: Thanks! Can't answer your questions, though!
Someone & Adenara Yatman & Mela & Anonymous & Yami'sLittleGirl: Thanks a lot! Glad you liked it!
texasjeanette: Well, a Severitus challenge fic will have to be predictable so far as the plot is concerned – if you want to keep it slightly plausible ... which I am trying to do. Thanks for reviewing!
barbarataku: Yes, that's how I see him too ... *single tear trickling down my cheek*
idril.tinuviel: Thank you! Yes, once he's calmed down a bit, I think he will.
aihjah: I am really glad to hear it! You seem to have caught the essence of this story. *chuckles*
Fatherless
Harry went back to Gryffindor Tower in a daze. The next class had already started, so he didn't meet any students on his way – thankfully. He went up to the dormitory. He was exhausted after the day's events and didn't want to think about what he had found out, he just wanted to go to sleep and wake up in the morning, realising that this had all been a dream.
Outside the window he could see some Gryffindor third years who were clearly skiving off whatever lesson they were supposed to have, sitting under that same beech tree where his father – or rather, James Potter – had sat with his friends after their OWL exams. The thought of James made him shiver. The memory of his father had always been such a comfort to him, but now he didn't know what to make of it.
He lay down on the bed, but jumped up again almost immediately, walking over to the mirror. He stared at his own image, so like Snape. His pale, thin face was framed by curtains of greasy black hair. He raised his hand to brush it aside and started at the sight of his long, thin fingers.
There was no denying it: Dumbledore and Snape had been telling the truth. Why was this happening to him? Didn't he have enough trouble in his life, with the Dursleys, Malfoy and Voldemort? Not to mention what was coming; the fact that he was the one who would have to defeat the Dark Lord was weighing heavily upon him indeed. Unless ... Harry froze. Did the Prophecy really apply to him now?
Harry tried to think. This altered everything. Suddenly, Harry was feeling completely different. Even a remote possibility that he wouldn't have to face Voldemort again, at least not with the main responsibility, was a relief to him. Of course, this still didn't mean that he was happy about Snape being his father ... but there was no black cloud without a silver lining. He would have to talk to Dumbledore about this, to make sure it was really true, but it had to be. If Snape was his father, Harry couldn't be the boy in the prophecy ...Yes, he would go and ask Dumbledore – although, the way he felt now, he would really prefer never to see him again ...
When Hermione returned from her last lesson, Harry had calmed down sufficiently to be able to pretend to her that nothing had happened, that Dumbledore had merely wanted to discuss some triviality. Hermione, afraid of another emotional outburst, didn't pursue the matter further, and even accepted Harry's claim that he had been wrong about the Polyjuice Potion. That night, at Quidditch practice, Harry was able to concentrate properly for the first time since Hallowe'en, but later, when he was about to sleep, the fact that Snape was his father hit him again with a vengeance.
After a sleepless night, Harry decided to go and look up Dumbledore after all. He was still furious with him, but he was the only person with whom he could discuss the Prophecy, and he desperately needed to do that. Once again, Harry met Dumbledore at the stone Gargoyle, where he had gone straight after breakfast, only this time he didn't leave Harry but went back up to the office with him.
'I thought you might want to see me, Harry,' Dumbledore said gravely, 'in fact I was just on my way out to look for you. How are you feeling?'
'Fine,' Harry lied. 'I just wanted to ask you about something.'
Dumbledore nodded. 'Is this about the Prophecy?'
Harry stared at him in disbelief. 'Yes,' he said quietly. How had Dumbledore known? 'It can't be me now, can it?' Harry went on. 'It must mean Neville now. That's the only option, isn't it? I mean, the Prophecy said "born to those who have thrice defied him" ... Snape didn't defy Voldemort three times, did he?'
Dumbledore sighed. 'Well, Harry,' he said slowly, 'it just so happens that Professor Snape had also defied Voldemort three times at the time the Prophecy was made.' He looked at Harry, his face full of compassion. 'I am sorry.'
Harry's heart sank, but was soon filled with rage again.
'So not only do I have to face Voldemort, but I have to face Snape as my father as well ...' he said bitterly.
'I know that you and Professor Snape have not always been on the best of terms, Harry, but I assure you he has qualities other than those he shows his students. If you will only give him a chance, you will see that he has a different side too. As you know, his days as a student at Hogwarts weren't always easy ...'
Harry felt a pang of guilt, thinking about the time he had violated Snape's Pensieve, but he quickly suppressed the feeling. Snape was not to be pitied, certainly not after what he had done to Harry's mother. 'If you think so much of him, how come you've never given him the Defence Against the Dark Arts job?' Harry snapped. 'He's applied for it every year since he got here, hasn't he?'
'I have my reasons, Harry,' Dumbledore said calmly. 'But that doesn't mean–'
He was interrupted by a sharp knock on the door.
'Excuse me, Harry,' Dumbledore said, and then, in a louder voice, 'Enter!'
The door opened, and none other than Snape walked into the room.
'Good morning, Headmaster,' he said, and then stopped at the sight of Harry. 'Oh, er ... Potter ...'
'That's not correct, is it, Professor Snape?' Harry said silkily.
Snape looked slightly taken aback. 'Perhaps you would like me to come back later, Headmaster?'
'On the contrary, Severus,' Dumbledore said firmly. 'Please sit down.'
Harry caught sight of Phineas Nigellus, dressed in the Slytherin colours. Did he imagine it, or did Phineas smile approvingly at hearing Dumbledore's words? Or ... sarcastically, perhaps? Snape sat down in the chair next to Harry, looking somewhat uncomfortable. Harry rose swiftly.
'I'm leaving now!' he said, turning on his heel.
'Please wait, Harry,' Dumbledore said.
Harry turned around again. 'Why? We have NOTHING more to discuss! I've never had a father, and I don't need one now ... certainly not him!' He threw a quick glance in Snape's direction. 'As far as I'm concerned, James Potter is still my father, and we can all just pretend that this never happened.'
Dumbledore and Snape looked at him for a few moments, Dumbledore's face solemn, and Snape's as inscrutable as ever. Before either of them had time to say anything, Harry left the office, slamming the heavy door shut behind him. Snape turned his gaze towards Dumbledore.
'So, that certainly went well, Headmaster,' he sneered.
Dumbledore looked at him sadly. 'I wish you two could put your differences behind you, Severus,' he said.
'I'm perfectly willing to do so,' Snape snapped. 'You have no idea how lenient I have been towards the boy this term, Headmaster.'
'I'm afraid one term of ... leniency does not make up for five years of ... well, shall we say, lack of empathy.'
Snape looked annoyed, but didn't say anything. Dumbledore clearly didn't realise what an effort it took to be kind to Harry, or, come to think of it, any student. But then, of course, Harry wasn't just any student, he had to admit that.
'If you could only make more of an effort, Severus,' Dumbledore said imploringly. 'You are the parent after all. Harry is still young enough not to be able to handle this kind of trauma, especially with the background he has. You do know about how his muggle relatives treat him, don't you?'
'Well ... yes, I do. I saw some of his memories during our Occlumency lessons.'
'Then you must realise that it is up to you to take the first step.'
Snape sighed heavily. 'Yes, Headmaster. I shall do my best.'
During dinner that night, Snape watched Harry, looking at him as he never had before. Preoccupied as he had been by his own feelings towards Harry, he had not expected that Harry's reaction to all of this would affect him so much.
The previous day, when Dumbledore had come into his classroom, Snape had thought that he had come there to tell him that he had already told Harry everything. When he realised that this was not the case, and that Dumbledore wanted to tell Harry right there and then, his first reaction had been to leave the room, but Dumbledore, of course, had not let him. And Harry had already known. Snape wondered whether Dumbledore had left his Pensieve out on purpose ...
He had expected Harry to be furious, to shout at him, but he hadn't thought about the possibility that Harry might ask about Lily. He had expected Harry to blame him for deceiving James, perhaps, but not Lily. That had been the most difficult thing to face – Harry's accusations involving the woman he had once loved. That was probably the reason why he had told him what he had never told anyone before – that he had, indeed, loved her.
It had almost been a relief to him today, when Harry had talked about James instead of Lily. At the same time he realised that, deep down, he felt hurt by his rejection. By now, he had got used to the idea of having a son – of having Harry as a son. And he had come to like the idea, shocking as it might seem.
Yes ... he had to admit it; he had almost begun to like Harry.
*** H
Author's Note: I am aware that this chapter resembles the last one, but I felt that poor Harry had to talk this over once more with Dumbledore and Snape. In the coming chapters, some of Harry's friends will find out about Snape – so read and enjoy!
Time has come to thank my reviewers and answer some questions/give comments ... Only for the reviews on chapter 10 though, as it would take me all night otherwise.
Usakura & Hakkai – Gojyo – Goku – Sanzo: Billowing is in the Snape genes, yes! And don't we love it!!!
risi: Thanks! Can't answer your questions, though!
Someone & Adenara Yatman & Mela & Anonymous & Yami'sLittleGirl: Thanks a lot! Glad you liked it!
texasjeanette: Well, a Severitus challenge fic will have to be predictable so far as the plot is concerned – if you want to keep it slightly plausible ... which I am trying to do. Thanks for reviewing!
barbarataku: Yes, that's how I see him too ... *single tear trickling down my cheek*
idril.tinuviel: Thank you! Yes, once he's calmed down a bit, I think he will.
aihjah: I am really glad to hear it! You seem to have caught the essence of this story. *chuckles*