The baby in her dream laughed at her. He was about a year old, clear green eyes like hers, black hair like James's sticking up on his head. She laughed back, covering her eyes. "Peek-a-boo," she exclaimed, peering between her hands. He greeted her with gales of giggles. "Peek-a-boo," she tried to say again, but her words made no sound. She tried to pull her hands away from her face, but they were frozen there. Somehow, though, she could see the baby's face as it faded from joy to puzzlement, then crumpled into fearful wails. "Mama," he called forlornly between his sobs. "Mama…."
She woke with a start, sitting up in bed, the child's cry still ringing in her mind. Memory of the previous day's discovery flooded back to her. She lay back down, breathing deeply, trying to calm herself. Eventually she got up and dressed, and made her way to the kitchen.
James had risen before her, as he usually did. But instead of the cold cereal and milk he customarily set out for her, today he had prepared blueberry pancakes, her favorite. She sat down at the table, as with a flick of his wand he sent a stack of pancakes through the air from the stove to her plate. "Morning, sleepyhead," he said, grinning.
"Yeah, somebody kept me up late last night." She grinned back at him.
"Really? That was very inconsiderate of them." He winked at her, then dug into his pancakes. After a few bites, he looked up, still smiling, but more serious. "After breakfast, we need to finish up going over the equations."
She swallowed with difficulty, the pancakes suddenly dry in her mouth. "Yes. And I thought I'd pop back over to Hogwarts for a while, and find anything else I can about conception charms. And the house is a mess; it's got to be cleaned before Frank and Alice get here. And I don't have anything to fix them for dinner; somebody will have to go by the store and pick something up."
"That sounds like enough to keep us busy all day." He looked at her, staring unseeing at her plate. Leaning over, he cupped her chin in his hand and tilted her head up until she was looking in his eyes. With his other hand, he clasped hers. "Lil," he said seriously. "It will be all right. No matter what. We're together, and nothing can change that. I know you're afraid; I am too. But it will be all right."
Gazing into his intense hazel eyes, she believed him. A sense of peace settled over her. "I know. What is it Dumbledore says? 'To the well organized mind, death…" Her mouth froze on the word.
"…is only the next great adventure." He didn't hide his fear from her. "I don't think my mind is very well organized."
She laughed shakily. "No, nor mine." She took a deep breath. "But I know you're right. It will be all right, somehow." She found she was able to resume eating.
They finished breakfast in companionable silence, cleaned up, and then again spread her books and papers across the table. After a couple hours more of studying them without finding anything to change Lily's conclusions, they called a halt, ate lunch, then set about cleaning the house. Lily still felt the need to do her work by hand instead of magic. James put up with her sweeping all the floors with a broom, and washing the lunch dishes in the sink, but when he found her on her knees scrubbing out the toilet, he shooed her away, brandishing his wand at her. "Out! If you'd served as many detentions as I did, with Filch making me do that by hand, you'd never want to skip the magic again."
She surrendered with only a token show of resistance. "I never served detention until seventh year, after we started dating, and McGonagall caught us kissing during Transfiguration class."
"Well, obviously I was a good influence on you, then. Now, get. Weren't you going to go by Hogwarts, and to the market?"
She gathered her things and Apparated to Hogwarts, spending an hour scouring the restricted section for anything remotely related to sex and conception magic. She brought an armful of books home and dumped them on the table, then switched from robes to Muggle skirt and blouse to walk down the street to the village market. Loaded down with purchases, she returned home to find James finished cleaning, and the two of them worked together to prepare dinner. By six, when twin cracks outside the front door were followed by the ringing doorbell, all was ready.
Lily opened the door, trying to conceal her faint nervousness. She was still new at this business of entertaining guest. Since the war had intensified there had been few occasions to invite their friends to dinner. Well, Sirius, Remus and Peter were over all the time, but the three of them lounging about the living room with James, drinking butterbeer, munching on fish and chips and discussing the latest Quidditch scores hardly counted as entertaining. Frank and Alice were several years older, and had left Hogwarts well before she and James had. Quite apart from the evening's topic of discussion, she was shy to admit them to her modest home and her inexperienced attempts at hospitality.
But her nervousness faded as they entered and greetings were made all around. She hugged Alice, and shook hands with Frank. He looked worried, and started to speak, but Alice laid her hand on his arm. "Let's wait until after dinner, please. Don't you think we should, Lily?"
Relieved, Lily agreed, so dinner proceeded uneventfully, only a slightly strained atmosphere testifying to the subject they were all avoiding. The food had turned out well, and they were able to relax, mostly. After dessert, a treacle tart Lily had worked hard on and was very pleased at how nicely it had turned out, there was a brief flurry of activity as James and Lily cleared the table, Alice and Frank insisting on helping, then they all settled back into their seats with cups of tea. A hush fell over the table, and the other three looked at Lily, waiting for her to break the silence.
She licked her lips, wishing anyone else would take the lead. But it was her responsibility, so she plunged in. "Frank, has Alice told you about what she and I discovered yesterday?"
"Yes, but I'm not sure I understand. And I know I don't like the idea of dealing with Life Debt spells – they're too close to the Dark Arts.
Alice rolled her eyes at Lily. "I told him it was the only way we could have enough power…"
"And I'm not eager to buy power at the cost of our lives!" Frank turned to Lily. "What exactly are you proposing? Alice said something about giving a child power, but what power, precisely, and how can a baby help us fight You-Know-Who, no matter how powerful? And what is this about conception charms and sex magic? I've never heard of such a thing."
James jumped in. "I don't really think it's necessary for you two to be involved at all. Lily and I are prepared to take responsibility for it, so as long as you are willing to keep it secret…
"Oh, no." Alice was vehement. "Like I already told Lily, we're all in this together."
"And that reminds me," Frank added, "why hasn't Dumbledore been told? We can't do anything this big without his approval."
Lily sighed. "Can I just explain about the charm, so we all understand what we're talking about? Then we can argue about everything else."
She looked around at the others, who all nodded, Alice eager, Frank reluctant, James resigned. She opened the two books and read the passages aloud, explaining to Frank how she had made the leap of insight that connected the two spells. Again she spread out her notes and demonstrated the mathematics of the power requirements. When she had finished, Frank settled back in his chair, thoughtful.
"Well," he said, drumming his fingers on the table, "I agree that the theoretical basis seems sound. You say you've gone over it thoroughly and found no errors?" James and Lily nodded. "I'll want to do that for myself, too. But assuming that proves out, it should work, and such a child, once grown, would be a formidable threat to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. But I'm still not convinced that we should take this step, or that we should keep it a secret from Dumbledore."
"But we can't tell Dumbledore!" Lily was adamant. "He'd forbid us to try it. You know how he is about free choice – he'd never approve of manipulating a child this way, a child with no choice whether to participate or not. And he would never allow us to throw away our own lives."
Frank leaned forward, hands gripping the edge of the table, eyes glittering. "And I think he'd be right. Why do you think, despite all that, that we should do it? And if you are so sure, why don't you think you could convince Dumbledore to agree with you?"
"Maybe I could." Lily wondered herself why her feeling that Dumbledore must not know was so strong. She would be able to persuade him, surely. But then he would have to allow them to knowingly spend their lives. She shied away from the thought. The idea that Dumbledore could allow her to do that was too terrible to contemplate. "But why? There's nothing he could do, except give us permission. And the fewer people who know, the better." That was a basic principle the Order operated under. Always they must be aware of Voldemort's power to extract information from any of them he might capture. "Even if everything works as planned, it will be years before the children are old enough to take an active role against You-Know-Who. Years that he can target them, if he ever finds out." She shuddered at the thought. "Better if no one else ever knows. Let the knowledge die with us."
"But that doesn't make sense," Alice objected. "Once we're… gone, the children themselves won't know. They might never even get involved in the fight against You-Know-Who."
"They'll be our children," said James. "So how could they not?" He looked pensively into the distance. "They'll grow up under the shadow. They'll never know a world without him."
"A terrible burden to place on a child," Frank agreed. "That's why we've chosen not to have any, up to now." He pushed back his chair and rose, and began pacing the small room. "It is tempting, I admit. If it's really the only way… You haven't found anything else?"
Alice shook her head. "We've been searching for weeks, now, without finding anything. You-Know-Who just keeps getting stronger. We all know how badly overmatched the Order is. We can keep fighting, and hold him back for a while, but I don't see any real hope of actually defeating him."
They all fell silent at that, knowing the truth of her words.
Eventually, James spoke. "But does it really need to be both of us? No, hear me out," he said, as Alice started to interrupt. "We need to talk about this. It seems to me the Order losing two members is more than it can afford, let alone four. If the powers are truly as great as promised, one child should be enough. It wouldn't even have to be Lily and me, although you and Frank are more valuable to the Order than we are."
Alice snorted. "Enough with the false modesty! You two have done just as much against him as we have. No, you always have had a thing about saving the world, haven't you? I suppose it seems terribly romantic to you, you and Lily single handedly defeating You-Know-Who, tragically perishing in the process."
Lily jumped up, hot denial on her lips at the insult to James. He too started to stand up, then sank back into his chair, waving Lily quiet.
"You may have a point," he said quietly to Alice. His expression was focused inward. "I must admit, the thought does have appeal. But this is more important than my ego."
"They'll need each other," Alice said earnestly. "We have no way of knowing if one of them would be strong enough, alone."
"And two would provide insurance, in case something happened to one of them," Frank added unexpectedly.
James nodded acknowledgement of the point. Again a hush fell.
Finally, James rose. He went into the kitchen and brought out a pot with a lid, and placed it in the middle of the table. "I think we have discussed this enough," he said. "It's time for each of us to decide. Vote gold to go ahead with it, red not. If there's even one red vote, we'll call it off. Lily will take the information to Dumbledore, and we will go with whatever he says. No hard feelings, no regrets. But if we all vote gold, we are bound to secrecy, and we go forward with the plan as soon as possible." He drew out his wand, lifted the lid of the pot just enough to insert the tip in while it remained hidden from the others, then withdrew it.
Lily watched while Frank inserted his wand, frowning at the pot for a long moment before removing it and seating himself. Alice placed her vote with a look of grim determination on her face. Then it was her turn. Sliding her wand into the pot, she closed her eyes. This was her last chance to back out, her last chance to retreat from the terrible fate she had thrust on them all. Her last chance to live.
She cast her vote and withdrew her wand, breathing deeply. They all looked for a long moment at the pot resting quietly in the middle of the table. Then James stepped forward and removed the lid.
Four golden spheres rested in the bottom of the pot, glowing gently. As they watched, the spheres began to rotate around each other, faster and faster, until they blurred together into one glittering ball of light, which rose out of the pot, growing larger and brighter until Lily's eyes hurt to look at it. Then it burst into a wash of golden light, which swept out, bathing each of them in its glow, then died away.
After a long silence, Frank spoke. "That's it, then." He turned to Lily. "How soon can we perform the charm?"
Lily blushed. "It has to be done at the right time of month…" She was still only just getting accustomed to sharing the intimate details of her body with James, let alone any one else. She turned to Alice. "We can work out the details, but for me I think it will be around three weeks. That would put it right about Halloween, which is a good night for working powerful spells. Can you adjust your cycle for then?"
Alice nodded. "I can do that. Will that be enough time for you to get all the details worked out?"
"It's a very complicated charm, but I think I should be able to. We'll have to practice before hand. Everything has to be just right. But three weeks should be enough time."
James stood up. "Halloween, then. Meanwhile, we all go about our business as usual, so no one suspects. Frank, Alice, is next week soon enough soon enough to meet again?"
"Yes." Alice spoke for both of them. "You two must come to our house next time."
"We'd love to," Lily said. "I'll have all the particulars of the charm worked out by then, ready for us to start rehearsal."
They all stood, and Frank and Alice gathered their things. They moved toward the door, exchanging farewells. The four of them lingered there a while, discussing inconsequentialities, reluctant to part. But eventually the Longbottoms stepped out into the space in front of the door, carefully screened from the street by neatly trimmed bushes, and with final good-byes vanished.