"James, we've put this off long enough. We have to talk about it." Lily stroked the roundness of her belly, rubbing the bulge where a round rump – or was it a head? – protruded to one side. She caught her breath as the baby rolled around within her, and suddenly the bulge was located on the opposite side. "The baby could be here in less than a month. We have to pick out a guardian and get all the paperwork done by then."
James set his book aside. He got up from the armchair where he had been sprawled, and came to sit beside her on the couch in their cozy living room. He sighed and took her hand. "I know." He stared out the window in silence for a moment. "We don't have much choice, do we?"
"No." Lily felt as reluctant as he did, but it must be done. All their affairs must be in order for the day that approached more rapidly than Lily could have believed possible.
James got up and began to pace the room. "It's just that there's nobody obvious, really. Frank and Alice are out, of course. They've arranged for his mother to take their child. But neither of us has any family left, except your sister…"
"Petunia?" Lily shivered, and stared blindly at her clenched hands. "She blames me, you know. For Mum and Dad."
James sat down across from her and grabbed her hands. "It wasn't your fault, Lil. You know that. Any more than it was my fault You-Know-Who killed my parents, too."
"But if I hadn't had magic, and come to Hogwarts, they never would have crossed his path. Petunia never was happy about my magic, but ever since that night – she hates it, and she's never forgiven me."
"Still, she's your sister, and the only blood kin either of us has left. We ought to consider her."
Lily forced herself to think about it. "She'd raise the baby as a Muggle, of course. Not that growing up a Muggle is necessarily that bad, but still I'd rather stick with someone in the wizarding world if we can. But still, she's pregnant too, so the baby would have a cousin to play with."
"Would she be willing?"
"She wouldn't like it, but I think she would. I hope she still cares enough about me to do that." She turned her face away so James wouldn't see how distressed she was. Her estrangement from her sister was an old hurt, but still sharp. "Not my first choice, but I won't rule her out, either."
"So that leaves our friends." James rose to pace again. "I think Sirius would be the best choice there."
Lily cocked her head. "I love Sirius to death, but is he responsible enough? You know how reckless he can be."
James nodded. "I know, but he's matured a lot these past few months, since we joined the Order. You haven't spent as much time with him lately as I have. He's starting to take life more… seriously." They grinned at each other. "Now I admit, he's got a long way to go, but we could have him over often, make sure he got to know the baby well, and I think he'd rise to the occasion. And you know he'd do it for us, no questions asked." Lily murmured her agreement. "And I just don't see Peter being any good with a child…"
"No…"
"…and much as in most ways Remus would be perfect, with the werewolf thing, there's just no way."
Lily shook her head.
"And who else is there?" James sat beside Lily. "We can put Dumbledore in charge of the money. We've been careful with my inheritance; it should be plenty to last the baby until it's grown. But between his age and his responsibilities, he can't be the one to actually care for the child."
"No. But we could make him joint guardian with whoever else we choose."
"That's a good idea."
A hush fell, and stretched uncomfortably long. Lily stared blankly out the window. She wasn't fully happy with the choices they'd discussed so far, but who else was there? Her own friends from Hogwarts were scattered, pursuing further education or new careers. Since her membership in the Order had become a barrier between them, she'd barely talked to any of them, just exchanging a few owls now and then. She and James had not had time to make friends as a couple, the few brief months of their marriage consumed by the struggle against Voldemort.
James laid his hand on her belly, and she rested her head against his shoulder. For a while they didn't speak, content to each take comfort from the other. Then James grinned at her. "There's always Hagrid."
Lily laughed at the thought of a baby toddling around Hagrid's hut. Suddenly the baby kicked wildly, as if in protest, and James too laughed, feeling the vigorous motion. Lily grinned slyly back. "Only if it comes out breathing fire!"
They laughed together, but soon stillness descended again. Finally Lily spoke. "I guess we're decided then. Sirius as first choice, with Petunia second in case… in case something happens to him."
James nodded. "We can name him as godfather, too."
Lily liked the idea. "That's settled, then. I'll take care of writing up the papers." She sighed, and leaned against James for a few more moments. Then she sat up.
"While we're making decisions, have you thought anymore about names?"
"Well, I still like what we talked about last time. Martha Rose, for my mother and yours, if it's a girl…"
"… and Harry James, after my father and yours, if it's a boy. I think so too."
James patted the wiggling bulge in her belly. "Well, little Harry or Martha, you can be born any time now. You've got a name, and a guardian, everything is all set."
Lily closed her eyes and spread her hands wide across her belly. We're ready for you, but there's no rush. Inside her, her child was safe, and she could forget the turmoil her choice had ensured her child must face. No rush at all, take your time….