Chapter 20
Harry's Worst Fear
Harry knelt down beside Snape. How could this be? Why? Why did this have to happen now when they were finally beginning to get to know each other, when he was beginning to ... feel relaxed in his father's company – to like him? Hadn't he been through enough? He'd already lost his parents once, and now he'd lost his father all over again. Was this never going to stop? Was he going to lose everyone who was important to him?
Harry remained on the floor next to Snape, staring at him in shock, not knowing what to do. After a while he heard steps in the classroom next door, and Lupin's voice calling 'Harry,' but he didn't answer. He couldn't answer. Then he heard the steps coming into Snape's study, heard Lupin's gasp as he caught sight of Harry and Snape on the floor and rushed over to them.
Then, suddenly, Snape's body turned into a shiny, silvery orb, which hovered a few feet over the ground, right in front of Lupin. Harry sat paralysed on the floor, staring at the spot where his father's body had been only a second before. Dimly, as though from very far away, he heard Lupin say 'Ridikkulus!' in rather a shaky voice, and then the orb vanished.
'Harry!' said Lupin, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him slightly. 'Harry! It was a Boggart – that's all. It was a Boggart. I was going to bring it to my next Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson to show the third-years. It must have broken out of its case somehow.'
Harry looked up at Lupin and said, with some difficulty, 'It was a Boggart?'
Lupin nodded and looked straight into Harry's eyes. 'Yes, Harry, yes.'
'But I saw him – he was dead!' Harry was shaking.
'Harry, I swear, it was only a Boggart!'
Harry looked at him in disbelief. 'But my Boggart's always a Dementor!'
'Your Boggart always reflects your greatest fear, Harry,' Lupin said gently. 'And your greatest fear has changed now.' He paused, eyeing Harry with concern. 'We still don't know anything about why Professor Snape hasn't returned. I went to speak to the Headmaster before coming back here to meet you, Harry, but he believes there is no reason to be worried – yet. We'll just have to wait. You will be told as soon as there is any news.'
Harry was panting as though he had been running a great distance. It hadn't been Snape's body after all – only a Boggart ... only a Boggart. Only now did it sink in fully. But then, where was Snape? Why wasn't he back?
'But where was he going, Professor?' said Harry hoarsely. 'What could have happened to him?'
'I'm afraid I am not at liberty to tell you anything about Professor Snape's mission,' said Lupin. 'But I assure you that he is perfectly capable of taking care of himself. He has been on several dangerous missions before, and he has always returned safely.'
'But has he ever been late before?' Harry asked. 'He told me that if everything went well he'd be back for our class.'
Lupin hesitated. 'No, Harry ... So far, he has never been late.'
Harry went straight back to the Gryffindor common room after his conversation with Lupin. He certainly wasn't going to the Great Hall, nor did he want to eat anything. He really didn't feel like facing anybody right now, but he didn't want to leave the building in case Lupin would look for him.
Harry had never been so shaken in his entire life. He had faced Voldemort on several occasions, he had seen Cedric and Sirius die, but nothing – nothing – could compare to this. He would never have imagined that his Boggart had changed, but now he realised just how worried he had been about Snape ever since the detention when he had shown him his will.
And it still felt like he had a huge weight at the pit of his stomach at the thought of what might have happened – what might still happen – to Snape. Lupin had said that he could take care of himself, and Harry didn't doubt that, but the fact that he was late seemed more and more ominous to Harry. And he had seen in Lupin's eyes that Lupin had been thinking along the same lines.
Harry couldn't stand the thought of once again losing someone who was important to him. His parents and Sirius dying was more than enough, he wasn't going to lose Snape too, not now when he had finally come to terms with the fact that he was his father. Snape had to be all right. It would be too cruel if he weren't.
Harry shook his head, trying to get the image of Snape, dead on the floor, out of his head. It had seemed so real. He remembered how Mrs Weasley's Boggart had turned into different members of the Weasley family last Christmas, and only now did he understand what she must have felt at the time. So this was what it was like to have a family ...
If only Snape was all right, Harry would do anything ... Never again would he behave so childishly as he had only a few days ago, when he had considered returning the chess set because of a mere triviality. If Snape was all right, Harry would never get mad at him again, no matter what he did. If only he was all right ...
The Fat Lady gave him an odd look as he gave her the password to Gryffindor Tower – did she know everything too? Harry wouldn't be surprised if Phineas Nigellus had told her all about Snape being his father. But no, the Fat Lady and her friend Violet were the school's biggest gossips. If they knew, all of Hogwarts would know by now.
When Harry got into the common room, he found Hermione, Neville and Ron standing in the middle of the room, immersed in a heated discussion.
'He was really upset,' Hermione said anxiously. 'I think we should go look for him.'
'He could be anywhere, Hermione,' Ron said exasperatedly. 'We can't search the whole castle and the grounds. He'll probably turn up sooner or later – let's just wait here.'
Hermione opened her mouth to retort, just as Harry stepped forward.
'I'm here,' he said glumly.
'Harry, are you all right?' said Hermione with a look of relief on her face.
'No,' said Harry. 'No, I'm not. Something's happened to ... to my father.'
Hermione and Neville gave each other a glance that told Harry they had already suspected something like this.
'What is it, Harry?' said Neville quietly.
'I don't know.' Harry sighed heavily. 'When I had detention with him he told me that he was going on a mission, but that he'd be back in time for our lesson today.'
'Well, maybe he was just delayed,' said Ron. 'He's only a few hours late – that's not so bad, is it?'
'Did you talk to Professor Lupin about it?' said Hermione.
'Yes.'
'And what did he say?'
'He said that they don't know where he is yet, but that there's nothing to worry about.'
'Well, there you go then. Everything's probably all right,' said Ron, trying to sound cheerful.
'No, you don't get it!' Harry said impatiently. 'Lupin was only saying that to calm me down; he was really worried too, I could tell.'
'But Snape always goes on missions, doesn't he?' said Ron 'He can take care of himself.'
'No, I'm telling you: you don't get it!' Harry hissed, then lowered his voice even further. 'He knew something was going to happen – back in detention, he even showed me his will, and the keys to his bank vault and flat in Knockturn Alley. So I'd know in case something happened to him. He must have known, already then, that something would happen.'
'Hang on ...' Ron stared at Harry. 'Snape has a flat in Knockturn Alley?'
'Really, Ron!' Hermione snapped angrily, then turned to Harry. 'He showed you his will?'
Harry nodded. 'He's leaving everything to ... to me.'
'Oh, well, then he would have had to show it to you some day,' Hermione went on, 'I'm sure he didn't think ... I mean, he didn't just show it because ...' She stopped, not knowing what to say.
'Look, Harry, I'm sure it will be all right,' said Neville.
'I don't think so,' said Harry fretfully. 'He said that if everything went well he'd be back this morning. Something's gone wrong, I know it has.'
'Perhaps ...' Hermione hesitated. 'Perhaps you should talk to Dumbledore, Harry.'
At that moment the portrait of the Fat Lady swung open and Professor McGonagall stepped in. She looked unusually grave.
'Potter ...' she said. 'The Headmaster wants to speak to you ... immediately.'
Harry stared at her. 'What's wrong?'
'Professor Dumbledore will tell you everything,' McGonagall said, giving him a look of sympathy. 'Now hurry. The password is liquorice wand.'
Harry hesitated for two seconds, and then he ran. Snape must be dead, or gravely injured, or held prisoner by Voldemort, or ... whatever it was, he had to find out as soon as possible. He gave the password to the stone gargoyle, and waited impatiently for the revolving spiral staircase to reach the top. He knocked on the door, and entered.
Dumbledore was standing in front of his desk, talking to one of the paintings. He turned to Harry and gave him a grave look.
'Harry, Professor Snape has been injured,' he said.
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Author's Note: Thanks to all those who reviewed Chapter 19: aikidobrat, GoddessMoonLady, Rhysel Ash, Hakkai – Gojyo – Goku – Sanzo, Lady Lily 3, HecateDeMort, uten, volleypickle 16, ironic-humour, Ebony Potter, sumthynspecial, George's Brother Fred, villette1, leggylover03, Anna Taure, silent as a shadow, Chibidaima, ..., Climhazzard, Connie Eressea, Padawan Jan-AQ, Sierra, risi, Darkness' Creation, diamond004 and SammyBlack80!
Sorry about the cliffy in Chapter 19, I agree, that was very mean of me. But I suppose you all realised, deep down, that I wouldn't kill off dear old Snape ... not at this point anyway ;)
I was a bit surprised that no one got upset with Ginny's behaviour, by the way. But I suppose you had enough on your minds with Snape supposedly dying and all.
Climhazzard: As you can see, this wasn't the chapter where Harry matured, at least not very much. But he may well do so in the future. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, it's so inspiring to get reviews like that!
Padawan Jan-AQ: I was rather fond of the bit with Harry polishing his Chess Set, too!
risi: As you've read, Lupin is back, but it is too early to tell whether Voldemort knows anything or not ...
sumthynspecial: It is my aim to write Snape as much in character as possible, so I'm glad you think he is.
Lady Lily 3: It's OK, no need to scream! :)
Harry's Worst Fear
Harry knelt down beside Snape. How could this be? Why? Why did this have to happen now when they were finally beginning to get to know each other, when he was beginning to ... feel relaxed in his father's company – to like him? Hadn't he been through enough? He'd already lost his parents once, and now he'd lost his father all over again. Was this never going to stop? Was he going to lose everyone who was important to him?
Harry remained on the floor next to Snape, staring at him in shock, not knowing what to do. After a while he heard steps in the classroom next door, and Lupin's voice calling 'Harry,' but he didn't answer. He couldn't answer. Then he heard the steps coming into Snape's study, heard Lupin's gasp as he caught sight of Harry and Snape on the floor and rushed over to them.
Then, suddenly, Snape's body turned into a shiny, silvery orb, which hovered a few feet over the ground, right in front of Lupin. Harry sat paralysed on the floor, staring at the spot where his father's body had been only a second before. Dimly, as though from very far away, he heard Lupin say 'Ridikkulus!' in rather a shaky voice, and then the orb vanished.
'Harry!' said Lupin, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him slightly. 'Harry! It was a Boggart – that's all. It was a Boggart. I was going to bring it to my next Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson to show the third-years. It must have broken out of its case somehow.'
Harry looked up at Lupin and said, with some difficulty, 'It was a Boggart?'
Lupin nodded and looked straight into Harry's eyes. 'Yes, Harry, yes.'
'But I saw him – he was dead!' Harry was shaking.
'Harry, I swear, it was only a Boggart!'
Harry looked at him in disbelief. 'But my Boggart's always a Dementor!'
'Your Boggart always reflects your greatest fear, Harry,' Lupin said gently. 'And your greatest fear has changed now.' He paused, eyeing Harry with concern. 'We still don't know anything about why Professor Snape hasn't returned. I went to speak to the Headmaster before coming back here to meet you, Harry, but he believes there is no reason to be worried – yet. We'll just have to wait. You will be told as soon as there is any news.'
Harry was panting as though he had been running a great distance. It hadn't been Snape's body after all – only a Boggart ... only a Boggart. Only now did it sink in fully. But then, where was Snape? Why wasn't he back?
'But where was he going, Professor?' said Harry hoarsely. 'What could have happened to him?'
'I'm afraid I am not at liberty to tell you anything about Professor Snape's mission,' said Lupin. 'But I assure you that he is perfectly capable of taking care of himself. He has been on several dangerous missions before, and he has always returned safely.'
'But has he ever been late before?' Harry asked. 'He told me that if everything went well he'd be back for our class.'
Lupin hesitated. 'No, Harry ... So far, he has never been late.'
Harry went straight back to the Gryffindor common room after his conversation with Lupin. He certainly wasn't going to the Great Hall, nor did he want to eat anything. He really didn't feel like facing anybody right now, but he didn't want to leave the building in case Lupin would look for him.
Harry had never been so shaken in his entire life. He had faced Voldemort on several occasions, he had seen Cedric and Sirius die, but nothing – nothing – could compare to this. He would never have imagined that his Boggart had changed, but now he realised just how worried he had been about Snape ever since the detention when he had shown him his will.
And it still felt like he had a huge weight at the pit of his stomach at the thought of what might have happened – what might still happen – to Snape. Lupin had said that he could take care of himself, and Harry didn't doubt that, but the fact that he was late seemed more and more ominous to Harry. And he had seen in Lupin's eyes that Lupin had been thinking along the same lines.
Harry couldn't stand the thought of once again losing someone who was important to him. His parents and Sirius dying was more than enough, he wasn't going to lose Snape too, not now when he had finally come to terms with the fact that he was his father. Snape had to be all right. It would be too cruel if he weren't.
Harry shook his head, trying to get the image of Snape, dead on the floor, out of his head. It had seemed so real. He remembered how Mrs Weasley's Boggart had turned into different members of the Weasley family last Christmas, and only now did he understand what she must have felt at the time. So this was what it was like to have a family ...
If only Snape was all right, Harry would do anything ... Never again would he behave so childishly as he had only a few days ago, when he had considered returning the chess set because of a mere triviality. If Snape was all right, Harry would never get mad at him again, no matter what he did. If only he was all right ...
The Fat Lady gave him an odd look as he gave her the password to Gryffindor Tower – did she know everything too? Harry wouldn't be surprised if Phineas Nigellus had told her all about Snape being his father. But no, the Fat Lady and her friend Violet were the school's biggest gossips. If they knew, all of Hogwarts would know by now.
When Harry got into the common room, he found Hermione, Neville and Ron standing in the middle of the room, immersed in a heated discussion.
'He was really upset,' Hermione said anxiously. 'I think we should go look for him.'
'He could be anywhere, Hermione,' Ron said exasperatedly. 'We can't search the whole castle and the grounds. He'll probably turn up sooner or later – let's just wait here.'
Hermione opened her mouth to retort, just as Harry stepped forward.
'I'm here,' he said glumly.
'Harry, are you all right?' said Hermione with a look of relief on her face.
'No,' said Harry. 'No, I'm not. Something's happened to ... to my father.'
Hermione and Neville gave each other a glance that told Harry they had already suspected something like this.
'What is it, Harry?' said Neville quietly.
'I don't know.' Harry sighed heavily. 'When I had detention with him he told me that he was going on a mission, but that he'd be back in time for our lesson today.'
'Well, maybe he was just delayed,' said Ron. 'He's only a few hours late – that's not so bad, is it?'
'Did you talk to Professor Lupin about it?' said Hermione.
'Yes.'
'And what did he say?'
'He said that they don't know where he is yet, but that there's nothing to worry about.'
'Well, there you go then. Everything's probably all right,' said Ron, trying to sound cheerful.
'No, you don't get it!' Harry said impatiently. 'Lupin was only saying that to calm me down; he was really worried too, I could tell.'
'But Snape always goes on missions, doesn't he?' said Ron 'He can take care of himself.'
'No, I'm telling you: you don't get it!' Harry hissed, then lowered his voice even further. 'He knew something was going to happen – back in detention, he even showed me his will, and the keys to his bank vault and flat in Knockturn Alley. So I'd know in case something happened to him. He must have known, already then, that something would happen.'
'Hang on ...' Ron stared at Harry. 'Snape has a flat in Knockturn Alley?'
'Really, Ron!' Hermione snapped angrily, then turned to Harry. 'He showed you his will?'
Harry nodded. 'He's leaving everything to ... to me.'
'Oh, well, then he would have had to show it to you some day,' Hermione went on, 'I'm sure he didn't think ... I mean, he didn't just show it because ...' She stopped, not knowing what to say.
'Look, Harry, I'm sure it will be all right,' said Neville.
'I don't think so,' said Harry fretfully. 'He said that if everything went well he'd be back this morning. Something's gone wrong, I know it has.'
'Perhaps ...' Hermione hesitated. 'Perhaps you should talk to Dumbledore, Harry.'
At that moment the portrait of the Fat Lady swung open and Professor McGonagall stepped in. She looked unusually grave.
'Potter ...' she said. 'The Headmaster wants to speak to you ... immediately.'
Harry stared at her. 'What's wrong?'
'Professor Dumbledore will tell you everything,' McGonagall said, giving him a look of sympathy. 'Now hurry. The password is liquorice wand.'
Harry hesitated for two seconds, and then he ran. Snape must be dead, or gravely injured, or held prisoner by Voldemort, or ... whatever it was, he had to find out as soon as possible. He gave the password to the stone gargoyle, and waited impatiently for the revolving spiral staircase to reach the top. He knocked on the door, and entered.
Dumbledore was standing in front of his desk, talking to one of the paintings. He turned to Harry and gave him a grave look.
'Harry, Professor Snape has been injured,' he said.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Author's Note: Thanks to all those who reviewed Chapter 19: aikidobrat, GoddessMoonLady, Rhysel Ash, Hakkai – Gojyo – Goku – Sanzo, Lady Lily 3, HecateDeMort, uten, volleypickle 16, ironic-humour, Ebony Potter, sumthynspecial, George's Brother Fred, villette1, leggylover03, Anna Taure, silent as a shadow, Chibidaima, ..., Climhazzard, Connie Eressea, Padawan Jan-AQ, Sierra, risi, Darkness' Creation, diamond004 and SammyBlack80!
Sorry about the cliffy in Chapter 19, I agree, that was very mean of me. But I suppose you all realised, deep down, that I wouldn't kill off dear old Snape ... not at this point anyway ;)
I was a bit surprised that no one got upset with Ginny's behaviour, by the way. But I suppose you had enough on your minds with Snape supposedly dying and all.
Climhazzard: As you can see, this wasn't the chapter where Harry matured, at least not very much. But he may well do so in the future. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, it's so inspiring to get reviews like that!
Padawan Jan-AQ: I was rather fond of the bit with Harry polishing his Chess Set, too!
risi: As you've read, Lupin is back, but it is too early to tell whether Voldemort knows anything or not ...
sumthynspecial: It is my aim to write Snape as much in character as possible, so I'm glad you think he is.
Lady Lily 3: It's OK, no need to scream! :)