Thoughtless Words
(A/n- Written in Katie Bell's P.O.V. during her sixth year (I guess, because I never really specified)I cut a verse of the lyrics out because they didn't work with the story, so its a little short. I don't own any characters nor do I own the song 'Foolish Games'. Sadly I am just not cool enough to own them... darn...)
You took your coat off and stood in the rain
You were always crazy like that
He always was slightly bizarre and I suppose that most of the time it didn't bother me. I actually liked it.
I sat on windowsill in the common room of Gryffindor tower. It was raining and the windowpane was blurred with fast falling raindrops, but I knew he was out there. I saw his figure, walking back from the quidditch pitch. He always went to practice during his little free time. So determined. I never quite understood why it was so important. It was just a game to me... but sometimes it seemed to be all he thought about. It hurt me when he thought about quidditch instead of me, but he had his own priorities. I couldn't choose them for him and I would just have to accept it.
I watched from my window
Always felt I was outside looking in on you
He was spontaneous in a sense. Mysterious, like everything he said meant more than what it sounded, however pointless the statement might have been. Though sometimes I read him so well, he was never predictable.
I was waiting for him to come inside, waiting for him to come talk to me, to talk about how I was... for once, maybe talk about me. Instead of coming inside he sat on the big rock under a tree beside the wall of the castle. He sat there often. The rock was closer to the window so I could see him well. Sitting there under the tree, his dark eyes glazed as he stared into the cloudy sky. His hair was flattened to his head by the downpour of rain that even the thick tree he was under couldn't hold back. I wondered what he was thinking about... maybe it was me... I hoped that even if only for a moment, he could be thinking of me.
You were always the mysterious one
With dark eyes and careless hair
I just stared out the window right at him, waiting for the moment that he would come inside. The more that I sat there the more I reminisced on how everything started with us, and dwelled on how empty things were like with us now. I leaned my forehead against the cold windowpane, and went back to the day that he first kissed me. He poured out his heart and soul to me, everything he felt for me. It felt amazing to finally hear that he cared. We kissed for the first time and it was amazing. After that day though, he never truly told me how he felt. It was as if it were a one time thing. He would add in cute remarks every once and a while, maybe a shallow "I love you" but just enough to make him seem debonair to everyone else. I saw past it... most of the time.
You were fashionably sensitive
But too cool to care
All of a sudden I was snapped out of my reverie. He was no longer outside. My eyes searched through the blurred window pane but he wasn't there.
"Hello Darling."
I gasped at the smooth sound of his voice and turned around quick to see him leaning on the doorframe.
"What were you looking at?"
"Oh, Um... nothing," I said passively an started to space out again. And then I caught the end of what he was saying.. And I heard "look beautiful today."
"What were you saying?" I turned my face toward him eagerly.
"I said, doesn't the rain look beautiful today," he repeated and my heart dropped. It was stupid of me to think that he would be complimenting me. And then he said, "You should try to listen to what I say. I don't really like repeating myself."
Then you stood in my doorway
With nothing to say
Besides some comment on the weather
"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I was just thinking about something," I said, it makes me upset when he isn't pleased with me.
He sort of just shrugged it off and sat on a couch near the window. My eyes started to fill with tears. I was beggining to think that there was something wrong with me. Was I not exciting enough, pretty enough... did I not care about him enough to receive some love in return? Was I wrong to think that when you are in a relationship it should be a give and take situation. Give love and be loved back? Then I realized that I had never felt this inadequate before. It couldn't be all my fault. As a matter of fact I though I was being a very good girlfriend for the almighty Quidditch King. But he still acts as if he is only my captain!
"What is wrong with you!" I shouted out loud in frustration because of the overwhelming thoughts in my head.
"Excuse me?" He said with indignation.
Tears were running down my cheeks and I was getting out of breath. "Can't you even see what you are doing to me?... And to us?"
Well in case you failed to notice
In case you failed to see
"I'm failing to see what the problem is here, Kate," Oliver said.
"THAT!" I pointed at him, "You never notice anything that has to do with our relationship! I have been going out of my mind trying to impress you lately, or if anything just trying to catch your eye once in a while. You've had me going crazy, trying to figure out if I was doing something wrong. I cry pretty much everyday, beating myself up for not being good enough for you to care about me!" I cried loudly, attracting the attention all of the other people in Gryffindor tower. I collapsed on my knees and cried into my hands. I looked up at him with tears streaming down my face. He was silent. "Is that it? Am I not good enough for you?"
This is my heart bleeding before you
This is me down on my knees
These foolish games are tearing me apart
Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
I put my head down again and cried in the silence of the common room. I was half waiting for him to say something, and half dreading was he was going to say.
You're breaking my heart
"You don't really mean any of that, Katie," He said in a self convincing tone. "You know that I love you, so don't try to yell out some sob story to make me look like a insensitive jerk to this whole crowd you attracted." he motioned to the other Gryffindors around the room who where now pretending like they weren't watching them.
I looked at him with complete disbelief. I spilled my heart out to him right there on my knees and he still only cared about himself and what people thought of him.
Well Excuse me!
Think I've mistaken you for somebody else
"That's it! I've had it with you!" I screamed in his face.
"Don't over re-act..." he said with a scared tone as he reached for my hand.
"Don't touch me!" I ripped my hand out of his grip and glared at him with teary eyes. "Don't touch me..." I said more softly this time. "I don't know what happened to you... But you aren't the same person that I fell in love with."
He started to speak but I told him to let me finish. "I don't know if it is your ego getting out of hand, or you just stopped caring about me all together."
Somebody who gives a damn
Somebody more like myself
"So unless you change and go back to the way you used to be, I'm going to force myself to stop loving you..." I had to stop for a second to be able to speak through my cries, "... as hard as that will be, I will."
These foolish games are tearing me apart
Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
His face was filled with guilt as I stared at him for a moment. His eyes started to look glassy and Oliver put his head down in his hands. Then I did something that I'm not exactly proud of. I stood up and spoke to the nosey crowd.
"What do you all think of your big quidditch hero now? Not so noble and proud anymore is he..."And with that said I ran for the portrait hole and strait out of the castle, crying the whole way there. And I know exactly where I was going to go. I went right to the big rock under the tree, apparently it was the best place to think.
You're breaking my heart
And as I sat out on his rock in the pouring rain, sobs shook my body. Learning to accept his ways would kill me, I had to let it go. Maybe he would change someday... highly unlikely. But, if he did, I would know that I helped it along. But one thing is for certain, however worthless our love might have been, I was a puzzle missing a piece without it.
And, for some odd reason I decided to look up at the window at that moment and saw Oliver's face at my windowsill. The place that I sat and watched him whenever he sat in the rain. Apparently I looked just as crazy and he didn't seem to mind. I guess we had more in common than I thought at the time. And I knew it was worth all the pain when only moments later I found that he came to sit with me on the rock. He took off his coat, put it around my shoulders and asked softly and sincerely, "How are you, Love?"
You took your coat off
And stood in the rain
I looked at him with wide eyes and which filled with tears of (what felt like) happiness, sadness, and relief all the same time. I buried my face into his chest and sobbed softly. He put him arms around me and kissed the top of my head. "I'm so sorry, Kate." he said to me soothingly. "I love you."
You were always crazy like that
End
A/n- Wow, I haven't written a story in a while. I'm gonna try to get back into the habit of things. Check out some of my older stuff if you want more! ) Thanks so much for reading and please leave a review! I will be forever grateful! Heheh
Jenna