It was a cold and snowy January day. Lucas pulled into the small Tree Hill church parking lot, dismayed that reporters and photographers had the gall to show up. When did those vultures ever stop? Did they have any shame at all? He stared angrily, his ghost white knuckles clutching at the steering wheel.
"Come on, babe", Brooke prodded. "We have to go inside. Don't even worry about those jerks."
They exited the vehicle and made their way inside. The paparazzi dared not speak a word. The only noise came from the click of their cameras. Luke's jaw tightened as Brooke strengthened the grip on his hand.
"Have some respect", he muttered as they entered the church.
The pews were already filled with the intimate number of family and close friends who had gathered. In the front row sat Nathan and Megan, dressed in black, saddened faces, holding onto each other. All eyes were on the tiny pink casket at the head of the church, two pictures on either side. One, a photo Karen had taken of little Yoanna, and the other the framed sketch Peyton had drawn.
"We have gathered here today to honor the memory of little Yoanna Isabella Scott", the preacher began. " Although she is no longer with us and was only with us for a short amount of time, this precious loan from Heaven will live on in our thoughts and in our hearts forever. Each of us, whether a member of her family or a friend of the Scott and Powell families, has been deeply touched by the short presence of this beautiful child and each of us has come today to honor those special moments and bring comfort to her parents. Though we won't get to see her grow from a child to a young woman and the physical presence is gone, the relationship does not end. Yoanna's death ends her physical presence among us, but not our relationship with her. And so, today, we have come together to celebrate the life of an angel. When the beloved is no longer present, the work we do upon the image of her is not to cease. In this spirit, the family and friends wish to share their thoughts."
Lucas made his way to the front of the congregation.
"William Butler Yeats once said, 'For death does not end life but is part of it, one of nature's transformations as we work our way through its cycles. Death informs life. It is not simply the mother of beauty, it is the mother of life itself, for how could we conceive of life if there were no death? And it is only because we conceive of life that we know we must taste it lingeringly, try every flavor and nuance, drink in experience while we can. Death and life are dependent upon each other, like order and chaos, neither concept being possible without the other. So there should be no fear of death, which is omnipresent, part of life. Welcome it into your arms, for it is but rest; for you lie in nature like a heartbeat.' I know these words do little to bring comfort to the ache in all of our hearts for Yoanna but the passage has special meaning for me today. Although I would love to be selfish and have Yoanna here on earth with us, I can smile knowing she is in Heaven where she belongs with God. And because of that, each and everyone of us now has a guardian angel watching over and protecting us. On behalf of my brother, Nathan, and my sister in law, Megan, our entire family and I appreciate you being here today to honor Yoanna, whose memory will live on through each and every one of us every single day. Thank you."
Deb was next. Her legs felt like jello as she walked to address the mourners in her simple, black dress.
"Good afternoon", she nodded as her voice cracked with heavy emotion already. "I thank you all so much for coming. Your thoughts and prayers, words of comfort, generous donations of flowers and kind gestures such as bringing food over to our home has not gone unnoticed. The Scott and Powell families thank each and every one of you for your concern and thoughtfulness during our time of need. You, our wonderful and strong friends, have been such a source of comfort, I'd like to say. And to my son, Nathan, and to Megan…there are no words right now to ease the pain and sorrow in your hearts. Just know that I'm here for you in any way I can be. I love you, I love Yoanna, and I love our family. I was blessed for the brief time she was with us, to hold my sweet little granddaughter in my arms. Holding that precious little life and seeing that beautiful little face is the closest I have ever been and probably ever will be to Heaven. And though it's hard to let go and I'll never understand quite why she was taken from us too soon, I am forever grateful for the two days we had her in our lives. Last night, I wasn't quite sure what I would say to you all and I stayed up very late thinking long and hard about it and after hours of just sitting there, suddenly I found a pen in my hand and I was writing words furiously onto this paper. The words flowed as freely as the tears and both come from my heart. I am not a writer or a poet but this came to me from Yoanna, as if she had written the words herself so I would like to share it with you…
Mama and Daddy, I feel your pain and I hear your cries,
But this is the truth told from your baby's precious eyes.
I didn't expect a brass band, with welcome mat unfurled,
To be on hand when I arrived, in this confusing world.
I knew awaiting for me would be a family and with it so much love,
But don't worry about me, now I just feel it from here high above.
I just wasn't prepared for that enormous place,
Yet I wanted to see you all for a short time, face to face.
So Mama, Daddy, granparents, uncles, aunts and friends, please don't be sad for me anymore,
It is okay for now I am safe living with Jesus on His golden shore
And I know you all will miss me forever,
But one day soon, we'll again all be together."
She barely made it and her soft voice often choke with sobs, but Deb finished her moving tribute to her dead grandchild. Next Peyton stepped up to the microphone. She opened her mouth to speak but the words wouldn't come. She knew she wanted to say something, she just didn't know what. Then she thought back to her own mother's funeral 14 years before. She opened her mouth and a beautiful song flowed. Usually only Jake and Jenny Jagielski were treated to her strong but soothing singing voice but for the first time Peyton Sawyer was ready to share it with the world.
Make me a channel of your peace
Where there is hatred let me bring love
Where there is injury, your pardon Lord
And where there is doubt through faith in You
Make me a channel of your peace
Where there is despair in life let me bring hope
Where there is darkness or only light
And where there's sadness ever joy
Oh, Master grant that I may never seek
So much to be consult as to console
To be understood as to understand
Or to be loved as to love with all my soul
She finished the hymn to see Megan dabbing her eyes with a tissue. Jenny stood from her sear and walked over to Nathan and Meg, handing them the picture of a baby guardian angel she had drawn. Both of them hugged the little girl tight.
"From the Old Testament, book Ecclesiastes, chapter 3, verses one and two", the preacher read from the Bible. '…There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens. A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant.' And from the new testament, the book of Revelations, chapter 22, verse 13, '…I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end' and verse 21 '…The grace of the Lord be with all'. We know that our little Yoanna is finally Home."
And just like that, the funeral for the child was over. Tim, Mouth, Skills, Fergie, Andy and Keith carried the coffin outside to the rear entrance where a car waited. At the cemetery in the Scott family plot, little Yoanna Isabella was laid to rest.
One by one, the family members and friends placed single pink and white roses on top of the casket. Nathan kneeled down, bowing his head and closing his eyes as he placed a final kiss on it. The minutes turned to hours and everyone began to leave, everyone except for Deb and Lucas who waited in the car. They were silent and sometimes tearful as they watched the parents standing by the casket even as the sun went down.
"You alright, man?" Lucas asked as Nathan made his way over to him.
His blue eyes were tired and void of emotion, worry lines creasing his tanned and handsome face.
"I'll be alright, dude", he hugged him. "Look, thanks for everything."
Lucas nodded.
"Is she going to be okay?"
They all looked at Megan. She was no longer crying but her arms were folded and she appeared to almost be keeping vigil over their departed infant.
"I don't know, bro", Nathan sighed. "I don't know."
"It's late. It's getting cold", Deb observed. "We should be going, honey. We should get, Meg."
"She won't leave. She can't…"
Deb closed her eyes as Lucas slowly walked over to her. He gently wrapped his arms around his sister in law, tenderly guiding her away.
"Come on, Meg", he whispered. "It's time to go."
She opened her mouth and whimpered. It was like her feet were permanently planted there.
"It's okay", he said. "It's going to be okay."
She didn't speak, she just cried softly, finally relaxing her muscles enough to let Lucas lead her away. He walked her back to the waiting car. Just as night was beginning to fall and the setting sun had cast a beautiful pink and purple, almost orange tinted sky, Megan turned around and had one last look at the casket.
"It's okay", Lucas kept repeating.
Deb wiped a tear from her daughter in law's face and the women embraced. It was time to go.
Lucas opened the car door and as Megan went to get in, Nathan extended his hand. One soundless gesture that spoke a thousand words. Looking down, at the coffin and back at her husband again, she took a deep breath. And without any further ado, accepted his helping hand.