Author's Note: Thank you all again for the exceptional reviews. And to those who have been touched by the last chapters in the most personal way, then God bless you!

For those of you that e-mailed me personally or left me your e-mail, please forgive the fact that today I am too tired to repsond. I promise to get back to everyone tomorrow! Thanks again, guys...

Nathan sighed as he watched yet another wave crash in onto the damp sand. It was a nice day for the beginning of February but chilly nonetheless. He had wrapped up in jeans, sneakers, and his favorite red hooded sweatshirt. It didn't matter though as he could barely feel the cold in the air. His body sat on the beach but his mind was elsewhere. It had been weeks since the death of his child. The pain still weighed heavily yet he remained unable to express his emotions. He hadn't had time to deal with him or talk to his wife or even figure out his next move. They had remained tucked away in Tree Hill, in the guarded sanctuary of the beach house constantly surrounded by well meaning family and friends. Nathan appreciated the kindness and concern, but sometimes he just needed to get away. If he didn't, he felt like he might combust.

"Nathan, sweetie…"

He looked up and saw his mother clutching her thin jacket.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked.

"I was worried about you."

"I'm fine."

"I…I know. But I worry just the same. Listen, I know you probably came out here to be alone. I'm sorry if I'm bothering you. I just wanted to make sure you're alright, honey but I'll go back inside and…"

"Don't go", he almost whispered.

"What?"

"I said, don't go."

He looked at her with the pleading eyes of a lost little boy and he was her little boy so how could she refuse? Deb took a seat beside him.

"You want to talk?"

Nathan took a deep breath.

"I've been a real ass lately, Mom. Practically the last seven or eight years but especially lately. I'm sorry for that."

"It's okay…"

"It's not okay."

"You're hurt, Nathan. And you've been hurting for a long time. Seven years is a very long time. When we don't deal with our pain it just manifests itself into something worse. We bury it deep inside and it turns into this ugly, uncontrollable beast."

"Like Dad?" he half smirked.

Deb shrugged.

"Yeah…like your father."

"I've still been a real dick to you and to everybody."

"Maybe I haven't been the best person either, Nate. A small part of me can't help but think this is all my fault. It started with Haley."

"Mom…"

"Sweetie, let me finish. Please don't be angry with me for saying this but I know all your problems started when she left. You really loved her. I know that. I knew it then, I was just afraid."

"Afraid of what?'

"Afraid of losing you. Afraid that you were repeating my same mistakes. Afraid that you would somehow turn into your father."

"What do you mean?"

"Dan and I were so young when we got married. We were 18 then, 19 when you were born. One day I was a carefree college freshman, the next I was a wife and a mother."

"You regret it, don't you?" he asked her outright.

Deb shook her head.

"You? Never, my boy. I love you so much, Nathan. You are the most important person in my life and the best thing that's ever happened to me. I never regret having you."

"But you regret Dad?"

"Sometimes. Don't you? Your father isn't the easiest man to love or live with or get along with. It took a while for me to discover that side of him. As much as I loved him, as much as I still love him, I didn't really get to know the real him before we got married and that I do regret Nathan. And that was my biggest fear for you and Haley. You were still in high school for God's sake. I didn't doubt that your love was real but no matter how much you might be in love, there are always going to be obstacles when you're that young. You both had so much ahead of you. You and ball, Haley and singing."

"Well, she sure didn't let anything stand in the way of her dreams", he muttered sarcastically.

"And she shouldn't have. She was young and talented and she hopped on opportunity. There's nothing wrong with that, Nathan. The harm is, she was married and she made a lot of choices and did things that you just can't up and do when you're married like it is when you're single. That's my whole point. You guys should have lived before the marriage. You should have concentrated on basketball and she should have pursued her music career before you decided to exchange wedding bands."

"We didn't have to. I mean, who says we were destined to be the hot shot NBA star and the Grammy winning rocker? Huh? Why couldn't we have concentrated on each other instead of sports and music? Mom, what's so bad about being normal? What would have been so wrong with me working with Keith and Haley teaching school or going into business with you and Karen?"

"Nothing is wrong with it but it wasn't your destiny. You both had dreams, dreams bigger than Tree Hill for sure. It was destiny for you to pursue them. Look what happens when you don't. Look at your father, the relentless bully living vicariously through his sons because he gave everything up. And look at me."

"What about you? What was your dream?"

Deb shrugged and gave a faint smile.

"Oh, I don't know, honey. There's more I wish I could have done. Like I said, I never regretted having you for an instant but sometimes I do wish I had waited. Lived a little more, maybe settled down at 25 or 30 instead of 19."

"Is that why you had that affair that time you ran off when I went to camp?"

She closed her eyes.

"Yes. It's no excuse, really. I was being selfish because I couldn't deal with my life. But it was wrong to cheat on your father and it was wrong to leave you. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry how you had to find out. I wish I could have been more truthful with you sooner but I was ashamed of what I had done."

"I hated you then. I hated you for not being there. I hated you for leaving me with him. God, Dad was such a nightmare that summer."

"I know, sweetie. I'm so sorry. When I finally wised up, I ended the affair. I came home and tried to make it up to you but it was too late. You had turned into…"

"Him…" Nathan's voice trailed off.

"No. No, Nathan. You will never be him. You will never be your father."

"When you came back I was just like him. Arrogant, cocky, rude, selfish…the only thing that saved me junior year was Lucas and…"

"Haley."

"Yeah", he repeated softly. "Haley."

"I'm sorry I turned my back on you two. I was just so angry and so scared for you. I treated her badly and I shouldn't have. I realized that only after she left and I tried to be there for you but…"

"I was an asshole."

"I can't blame you, son. You were in such a dark place. Then you went off to school and I prayed every night that something would deliver you and that prayer was answered in the form of Megan. She was a godsend."

"Yeah…she was pretty great."

"She saved you. A pretty, intelligent, caring, compassionate, vibrant, beautiful young girl. She was just like Haley and I think subconsciously that's why you chose her. That's definitely why I embraced her. Because that's exactly what you needed at the time and I didn't want her to go away like…"

"Like Haley did."

"That's right."

"But she came back."

"It was fate. Karma. Something written in the stars. Totally unavoidable and inevitable because that's what happens when we don't exorcise our demons from the past. They just come back."

Nathan nodded.

"I messed up, Mom. I messed up real bad."

"You still love Haley?"

"I never stopped."

"What about Meg?"

"Yeah, I do. I love her because she's a great person. I love her because she was the mother of my child. But I was never really in love with her. You're right. She was Haley's replacement. They were so much alike but I knew Meg would never leave me. She was the safe version of Haley, the one that would never hurt me. So all that time I thought I was in love with Meg, I was really loving Haley."

"What are you going to do now?"

"I don't know. I have no idea. I swear to God I never planned my life to be this way. I didn't mean to screw up my career or hurt Michael Sanchez or get in this mess with either Haley or Megan. Things have just gotten so bad, I don't know how to fix it."

"Are you going to go back to Charlotte when Megan goes?"

"If she goes, yeah. Mom, I owe her that. I don't know if we have a marriage left but there's no way I'm leaving her now. We've been through so much. When she's up to it, we'll talk and I'll let her decide what she wants."

"And what about Haley?"

"What about her? It's done, Mom. Over. Haley has her life and I have mine."

"Remember what I said about the demons? They will come back, Nate."

"What am I supposed to do then? I have enough on my plate without having to deal with Haley James right now. I can't, Mom. I just can't."

"I know right now the most important thing is taking care of Megan."

"She's having the hardest time with this."

"She lost her baby. She's grieving, honey. It's supposed to hurt. There is nothing wrong with screaming or crying or breaking things."

"She's done a lot of that."

"What about you?"

"Huh?"

"Nathan, I know how much you love Yoanna. I know this is tearing you up inside. It's okay to let it all out."

"I can't", he shook his head. "I just can't, Mom. I've tried but I can't even cry. Not one stinking tear since all this has happened."

"Nathan…"

"This is all my fault. You're right…I'm not Dad but I'm something a whole lot worse. I'm a monster, too. I screwed up my life. I hurt Haley. I made my wife go into early labor and I killed my daughter. How's that for a resume? I think I've one upped Dad on that one."

"Honey, don't do this to yourself. It's not your fault."

"I know I was a bad husband. I know I messed my career up. I know I haven't been the best son or brother. I've made so many mistakes Mom but I was ready for this one. I was ready to be a father and not screw it up."

"You would have been a wonderful father, Nathan."

"I loved my little girl. I needed Yoanna."

"I know."

Just saying the words aloud brought him tremendous relief. His voice choked heavily and a lump formed in his throat. Then the tears clouded his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Mom", he cried.

"Nathan, you don't have to be sorry."

"I'm sorry for everything. For hurting everybody…and I'm sorry for hurting you. I've blamed you for so much because I was too much of a chicken to turn around and look in the mirror. I hurt you and I drove you to the pills and…"

"No, honey…"

"I'm sorry, Mom. I'm sorry for the accident. I almost killed you."

"It's okay…"

"It's not okay!"

"Yes, it is", she hugged him. "Come here. It's okay, Nathan. All of it is going to be okay. Mommy's here. You can let it all out."

And he did. He cried harder than he ever had. He cried for having to put up with Dan Scott's crap all his life. He cried for the pompous young man he had been. He cried for Haley. He cried for Megan. He cried for his mother. He cried for his career. And most of all, he cried for his daughter.

"All this time I know you were just trying to be a good mother", he sobbed. "I didn't mean to shut you out. And I didn't mean to let you down. I'm so sorry I hurt you."

"I know", she cradled him.

Then he said the words she had been longing to hear for years.

"I…I love you, Mom."

Deb held him tighter than ever before.

"I love you, too, Nathan."