Title: Pieces (Chapter Titles are from 'Pieces' by Sum 41)
Disclaimer: I own zip zero nadda (nothing)
A/N: This is my first fan fic. Feedback and reviews are greatly appreciated. Enjoy...
They fight often. Mostly about obscure subjects, like whether or not she can memorize all of his social acquaintance's names. She doesn't love him, deep down she knows this. But Derek's comfortable, he's safe. She likes structure, this is how she works. He's charming and handsome, good at small talk and easy to like. And of course rich and cut right from Yale's fields. Her grandparents wouldn't have it any other way.
Often times she'll come to visit. At least twice a week. He lives in a small apartment on the outskirts of New Haven. She thinks it's an odd place for him to live and she can not help but think she had something to do with it. He thinks she's right. He works at the bookstore not more than 5 blocks away. It doesn't pay as much as he'd like, but sometimes he reminds himself, he must make personal sacrifices for happiness. He likes books, and he likes being by her.
When she visits, he's calm and happy. He even cleans up for her, she notices and comments on it. He doesn't care, he'd do anything to have her smile like that. He bets that not even Derek can make her smile like that. On some nights they'll walk to the park and sit on a bench. He'll tell her stories of snobby rich kids looking for books and she'll giggle. She'll tell him about her uptight roommates and he'll smirk. They'll watch the stars. Actually, she watches the stars and he watches her. He thinks she's the most beautiful creature he's ever laid eyes on. Her hair is shoulder length, and curves around her soft, pink cheeks. Her eyes sparkle every time she laughs, and her lips (don't get him started on her lips) make him wonder what's it's like to be able to kiss her everyday.
They people watch in comfortable silence, as an elderly couple, still in love after all these years, walks past them. Sometimes he imagines her with him twenty years down the road. They live in the suburbs, with two kids, a boy and a girl. She writes editorials in the newspaper, while he's a book critic. They spend their days leisurely at home. He's happy and she's always smiling in his dream. Oh, anything to have her smile. But then a balloon pops or a dog barks and he snaps back to reality. Where she's not more than an inch away yet he can't even touch her. He can't even hold her and tell her how he really feels. Because he's not that kind of guy. He has to be mysterious and hide everything. Otherwise he wouldn't technically be Jess Mariano.
He walks her to her car, which is parked, promptly outside his apartment. He wants to ask her to stay. He swears he's changed. She can count on him now. Doesn't she know this is all for her? But he can't ask her, it would never happen. He knows it; she thinks it. All it is, is wasted air. She smiles at him.
"Thank you," she says.
"For what?" he asks.
She smiles (god that smile) and reply, "For everything."
Two words two thousand meanings. He nods, slightly understanding. She's not happy where she is, he's her only escape. In her world he can do no wrong. He likes it this way.
"No problem," he says to her.
He doesn't want her to leave. And she's still just standing in front of him. But then she turns to open her door. And just as suddenly turns back towards him. She's fidgeting with her keys again.
"Jess….I…" she starts, but he hardly lets her. He places his index finger over her lips. He reaches for her waist and pulls her towards him, expecting her to pull away. But she doesn't and he's thankful. He leans down to kiss her and she meets him halfway. She tastes sweet and perfect. She feels wonderful, she fits perfectly into his body and he doesn't want to let her go. She pulls away. Their bodies are electrified.
She follows him up to the apartment. She's almost like a giggly fourteen year old girl. He fumbles for his keys. He's almost like a goofy fourteen year old boy. He pushes open the door and leads her through the doorway. She slams the door and pours herself into him. She drapes her body into his, her hands on the nape of his neck and his hands on the small of her back. She falls into him. He's been waiting forever for this. She leads him towards the bedroom and suddenly the thought of leaving totally escapes her mind.
She can not but help talk of Jess to him. He is not half the man Jess is and probably never will be. He will have money, that's a fact, but he will never have true heart. The lust and love faded long ago, back in their freshman year. They're meeting was an arrangement, almost like her life. Her grandmother, always up to no good, set them up. She had giggled and blushed at him. He had been impeccably charming and for goodness sakes it had only been the first date and already her grandparents were sending out the invitations. They shared a deep passion of literature, she enjoyed reading it, and he enjoyed trashing it. He had grown up in a childhood bathed in money. He threw diamonds and gold at her. Thousand dollar designer dresses and handbags. Yes, they were all very nice indeed, but when asked what she wanted for her birthday she replied a hand made poem. He had laughed at her, tears streaming from his eyes. She was hurt and he didn't catch on. It was inconsiderate times like these when she would quietly excuse herself from the dinner table and head to the bathroom. From there she would sit in the bathtub and call Jess. He would answer his phone expecting some jackass from work or at least hope for a wrong number. Then he would hear her voice, and the tears behind it and it would take ever fiber in his body to not run all the way to Hartford and beat the shit out of him.
Lately their relationship had reached a standstill. Derek interns at the local law offices. He will of course, at graduation time, receive a full-time job there. It's inevitable and he wouldn't have it any other way. He works long hours. Busy most of the time with legal documents and such. He hardly thinks about her, but when he does, he aches for her badly. He does love her. But he doesn't need her. This is all part of the process. It is expected. He is to marry a socialite like himself, and she has the perfect mix of charm, intelligence and class. In his eyes her dreams that she sometimes lets escape to him, are just that: dreams. To him, she will never travel to Europe reporting overseas events. In his world she would stay at home, preparing for the parties his law firm would throw on behalf of a new client. And she would wait at home for him, exhausted from a long days work, and shower him with affection, love and bedroom time.
He often wonders about some of her friends. She's never let him into her world. He's never visited the fairy tale City of Stars Hollow, he's only met her mother twice, in their 3 and a half years of dating. And then there is Jess. She talks about him constantly, often times these monologues of hers are accompanied by a smile. He's not stupid. He knows that smile, he used to be able to make her smile like that. But he knows she's comfortable with him now. Jess would become a distant memory after graduation. He would make sure of it.