He's playful with her. She lies in his bed, fully clothed underneath the sheets. He has everything but a shirt on and he's rolled onto his side staring at her. Her eyes are closed and it's evident she wants some sleep. But he's not willing to give it to her. God, she's beautiful he thinks to himself. He reaches up to a stray strand of hair and gently puts it back into place. She opens her eyes slowly and then she flutters back to sleep. He smiles and falls back onto the bed onto his back. But she cuts in:
"Jess," she says.
He mumbles something. She knows him well enough to know that this is the type of answer to expect.
"I'm hungry," she says.
He smirks to himself, not letting her see how cute he thinks she really is.
"That's nice," he says to her.
He sees her arm come out from under the covers and hit him playfully.
"Whoa, there killer," he says.
She sits up, cross-legged, facing him. She pouts at him. Oh she's good, very good. He almost falls for it.
"Do you have any food?" she asks him.
He shakes his head, "No," he replies.
She smiles and hits him again. This time it really hurts but he's not about to let her know it.
"Grilled Cheese Sandwich?" she asks him, giving him an innocent look.
"Sure thanks, that sounds great," he says.
She grabs the pillow and flings it at his head. She does it again and again until he finally gives in.
"Alright, alright," he says throwing his arms up in defeat. "You're so spoiled."
She smiles coyly at him. "I know," she says.
"Two grilled cheese sandwiches coming up," he says as he lifts himself out of bed and makes his way out the door to the kitchen.
"Oh?" she says. "So what are you going to eat then?" she calls after him.
He reappears in the doorway. This time armed with couch pillows. He begins the warfare and she forgets all together ever being hungry.
x.x.x
They go out hardly, kiss rarely and are intimate never. When she does kiss him all she tastes is guilt. The taste feels bitter in her mouth. She wants to leave him. She really does. But she knows she can't'. There are too many things standing in their way. She should have gotten out when she had the chance, now there's really no turning back. Every time she thinks about breaking it off, pictures of grandparents and dinner parties pop into her head. She would be disappointing too many people. Not that Derek isn't a good boyfriend. He is. But when he touches her, her pulse doesn't jump and her heart never skips. He comes to her dorm constantly after interning, to find her gone. He never knows exactly where she goes and when she comes back, she fidgets and makes horrible excuses. She apologizes for her behavior. He always forgives her. Their conversation is forced. They often sit in awkward silence.
She tells him about her day (usually the edited version). And he goes on about the other lawyers and his new client. She finds him boring (they're so young, it's not supposed to get boring yet). She realizes this is the rest of her life.
x.x.x
When they fight, it's usually dramatic. She has an amazing way of throwing everything completely out of proportion and he has an astounding way of taking it personally. They yell and scream at each other (she wouldn't have it any other way) and she slams the bathroom door right in his face. She doesn't cry though, she can't. He makes her too happy, usually. Then she'll slowly creep out from her hiding place.
"Jess," she says to him. "I'm sorry."
He wraps his arms around her and she breathes into him. He smells wonderful. Fight is over and making up is oh so nice.
x.x.x
She likes watching TV at his apartment, there's something about static in the middle of her news that she enjoys. Maybe it's because it reminds her of home. The real home, Stars Hollow. Derek has thousands of channels but nine times out of ten she opts for Jess's version of cable. Sometimes when they're both sitting there watching the news, she thinks to herself, she can do it. She can tell him, that she's breaking it off with Derek. I want to be with you, she'll say. They never say those three little words. Never out loud, not since they dated in high school. She doesn't like bringing up the past because he doesn't like to talk about it. That's when their fights begin and often they last for days. But after a while she chickens out, knowing it's all a dream.
He loves holding her. She fits perfectly with him. He wishes he could hold her forever. And if she lets him, he will. They don't talk about the future. It's too painful for him. He knows that what they have is temporary. As much as she tries to fight it, she will always be drawn into Derek's world. He knows the drill. Graduation then a long summer in Europe with Derek, then when they come back Derek will propose. It's inevitable. She doesn't realize it and one night in the midst of a fight he let it slip and she called him crazy and insecure. But he knows it, hating himself, wishing that it was only him being insecure but still knowing he can't stop the inevitable.