She decides to say it out loud one day. She doesn't know why she picks today. Or why she even feels compelled to say it but she wants to. It's a warm June afternoon and her graduation ceremony is weeks past. Maybe it's the thoughts of future that sparks her curiosity or perhaps it's just the heat.

"I'm breaking up with Derek," she says nonchalant as if it's meaningless to him and for all she knows it could be.

He pauses to look at her. He thinks she might be fucking with him and if she is he doesn't think it's very funny. But the look on her face is genuine.

"Oh," he says.

He doesn't mean to say it and immediately he regrets his words.

"I didn't mean that," he says, as he hears sniffles from her direction.

"What I mean," he says, "Is why?"

She ponders his question thoughtfully. She knows the answer, but she's afraid to say it. He knows the answer and he wants to hear it.

"…You," she stammers.

At this point she's too vulnerable and he's flooded with emotion. The pain that he had endured ever since she showed up into his life released from his body. His heart beats faster and he almost gets choked up. He grabs her from her sitting position on the couch and lifts her into his arms. He carries her, like a newlywed couple, threw the threshold of the bedroom door. She places kisses all over him. And he places her down gently onto the bed. She pulls him down playfully beneath her.

"I just want this," she says.

He gives her a questioning look.

"I want us, you and me, this crummy old bed, this small cramped up apartment, that static box we call a television. This is what I want, this is what I need," she says.

He almost crumples underneath her in happiness. His brooding bad boy "I don't give a fuck" image is about to take a turn for the good.

x.x.x

"…and then he shouted 'that's not chicken it's duck!"

Rory's smile hardens into a crisp laugh. The gentleman laughs himself, pleased he has told such a pleasant joke. Of course she has no idea what the punch line means. Her mouth is aching though from all the smiling. So she takes a sip of her drink. To her, these things are unbearable. Death trips high on Champagne. The old man sensing no new stories coming from her mouth, jumps right back in with another of his.

"So did you ever hear about the one with the priest and…"

But he can't finish it because Derek slips his arm around her waist. Pleasantly smiling at the old man. The man recognizing Derek stops and puts out his hand.

"My dear boy, Derek Humphrey, how are you?" he asks.

Derek reaches back to shake his hand.

"I'm terrific," he replies. "How are you, Mr. Smithes?"

The old man chuckles, "Oh my you don't have enough time to hear about my poor old heart condition."

Derek laughs and so does Rory, both fakes.

"Well I'm sorry to hear that Mr. Smithes, but if you will excuse me I think Ms. Gilmore's grandparents are searching for her," Derek says.

Rory and the old man exchange pleasantries and as soon as Derek spins her around heading towards the doors, she unclenches her smile and let's her jaw hang. Derek smiles at this, she's being dramatic of course, but it's cute.

"Thank you," she says as he leads her outside.

He nods to her, and then he sighs.

"I'm sorry," he says.

His confession startles her and she is speechless, unsure of where he is heading.

"I haven't been exactly the best boyfriend these past couple weeks. I've been under constant pressure and while that's no excuse, I think we've become distant," he says.

She nods, of course they have, she thinks.

"So I just wanted to say that I hope things will be able to get back to normal very soon," he says to her cupping her chin in his hands.

She nods because that's all she can do. She wants to tell him Hey Derek I'm breaking up with you; it's not going to work out Ok? Bye. But she can't bring herself to speak those words. He sighs again and removes his hands from her face. He paces in front of her, making her nervous. Then he stands in front of her again. She thinks it's time to say it. The words are slowly forming in her mouth and she's finally gaining some confidence.

"Rory, I have something to ask you," he says. "Rory, I love you so very much. From the moment I met you I knew that I wanted to be with you the rest of my life. Please do me the honor of being my bride?"

And finally the words and confidence are shot to hell. Her head is spinning, she thinks it's a joke. No, she hopes it's a joke. But she knows it's not. Just say No, she tells herself. It's your life, your decision.

"I've already asked your grandfather and grandmother's permission. I also phoned your father and he gave his consent. He said that he's very happy for us," he tells her.

And then any last glimpse of hope she had, that she could back, out was gone.

"Of course Derek," she tells him, not really believing her words.

He smiles and pulls the ring out of his pocket. He slips it onto her finger and frowns when he finds it's much too big for her. It's a sign of course. One, that she doesn't fit into his life and two, that he doesn't care enough to even see if the ring fits her.

He pulls her into a kiss. She no longer tastes guilt, now it's just resentment.