Missing

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll look up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"

Seventeen-year-old Harry Potter stares into the fire of his private rooms at Hogwarts. He clenches his hand around the hilt of a silver dagger and stands quickly. Flashes of the night and the fight with his lover torment his mind and he starts pacing restlessly. His thoughts are rapid and out of control. What did he do wrong? When did he say the wrong thing? Nothing ever seems to go right.

You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?


Harry slams his hand against the wall and looks at the dagger a reckless grin coming over his face. He grabs a cloak and starts out of the room, heading towards the tallest tower of the castle, unguarded by spells. As he walks the halls the upcoming fight with Voldemort comes to his mind. He shrugs it off and starts running. Surely they can fight for themselves. Couldn't they? He's only seventeen.

Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?


Harry starts up the stairs thinking of the wizarding world. How they don't care if he dies when he fights Voldemort. He might as well save them the problem and leave the world early. Who cares if Voldemort takes over? Flashes of his lover's smiling face send him into a feeling of such sadness that he nearly falls to his knees. His lover would care. What would happen to his one time friends? His godfather… gone… nothing left but his lover. Even he's left him to fend for himself.

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
I breathe deep and cry out,
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"


The dagger slips and cuts his hand. He watches with morbid fasination as droplets of blood drip to the floor, staining the grey stone. Feeling weak he continues onward and reaches the top, pushing the heavy door open. He steps from the safety of the doorway into torrents of rain that soak him in an instant. Teeth chattering slightly he raises his face to the sky letting the water rush over him. He can't feel his tears mingling with the rain, trailing down his cheeks.

Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

Anger at the wizarding world builds up in him. They turn away from him and still expect him to save them from Voldemort. Only one had stayed with him and now even that was taken away. He turns his head away from the rushing rain and stares down at the dagger resting lightly in his hand. Could he do it? Would it be worth it? His mother and father awaited him, so did his godfather. Would they accept him? He'd done so much and received so little. That's all a sacrifice deserves… nothing, no peace, no sort of happiness.

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I'll wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...

Taking the dagger he makes a thin line across his wrist letting the blood flow. Images of sixth year after his house turned on him cascaded over him. He falls to his knees as the face of his blonde lover surfaces and smiles at him sadly. His tears flow harder as he remembers the first time he's found covered in blood. So much blood, it covers the floor, the walls. He's nearly gone, but one saves him. One steps up and takes his life into his hands and saves him. The worthless sacrifice, the Boy-Who-Lived, and for what? To leave again.

Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

He stands dropping the dagger and heads for the edge of the wall, blood still running in a thin ribbon down his arm. Pulling himself up onto the ledge thunder roars, and a flash of lightning illuminates everything in an eerie glow, his tearful, deep emerald green eyes, his pale, shallow skin. The door of the tower crashes open and in the next instant Draco's arms are around Harry pulling him back down onto the safety of the floor.

"I'm sorry, Harry, I love you." And for once, Harry's safe, in the arms of the one he truly belongs with.

Isn't something missing?

Isn't someone missing me?

FIN