"Jess?"
He turns around at the sound of his own name.
"Jess, it's Derek."
Damn it, why did he have to turn around?
"Hey," he says.
He thinks of all the places to be the most safe, he can't even go to the bookstore without running into someone he hates.
"Listen Jess, I wanted to ask you something," he says.
God I hope he's not going to propose to me, Jess thinks to himself.
"I know that we haven't exactly gotten to know each other how we might have liked to and I know we're not the best of friends. But I know that you're one of Rory's best friends so I wanted to know if you would be one of my groomsmen?"
His mind went into a short lapse and for a moment he couldn't think. Hopefully his ears were playing tricks on him and he didn't hear what he really said. But Jess guessed he had heard him right. How could this asshole even think for a second that he would want to be one of his groomsmen? Shit he didn't even want to be at the wedding, let alone in the wedding.
"I know it would mean a lot to Rory."
He wants to hit him. Give him a great big fucking black eye right before the wedding, just because. He had to bring her into it. He could have just said no before and just pissed Derek off but now he'd be hurting Rory, the one thing he really didn't want to do.
"Ya, sure."
Derek smiles at him and Jess would have done anything at that point to rip that stupid smirk off of his face. But instead he walks off and without so much as a good bye and leaves Derek all alone.
x.x.x
Sometimes he's so suffocating, she feels like dying is the only solution. Other times she wishes he would just touch her, but he doesn't. She knows that this is right for her. Everyday she reminds herself, this is what you want, it's what you need. Derek's a good guy, he'll treat you right, and he won't up and leave you like some people.
When she hears that Derek has asked Jess to be one of his groomsmen she's torn. She doesn't know how she feels yet about being close to him, she doesn't know if Derek is just being nice for once or a prick. Her mother tells her it's out of kindness. Lorelai hasn't realized yet, if she needs to like Jess or hate him. She hasn't even decided that about Derek.
x.x.x
Four nights before the wedding she drives by his apartment. She stops in front and parks. She walks out and she wants to go up so badly. Just to tell him everything. If she calls he'll be sure to hang up and if she writes him he most likely won't open it, because he's just too stubborn. She has to do this face to face there's no other way. It takes all the will power she has not to run right back out of the building into her car and drive home. She knocks on the door lightly. She hears a grumble from inside. He opens the door and they're standing barely six inches apart.
"Hi," she says.
"Hey," he mumbles back.
Silence.
"Did you know that on the Got Milk? Ads that's not really milk it's paint-"
"Rory…"
"Can you imagine having to smile for like an hour while someone takes picture of white paint on your upper lip-"
"Rory!"
She stops rambling.
"You wanna come in?" he asks her.
She nods suddenly feeling very shy and stupid. He shuts the door behind her as she leads her way into his living area. It's bigger, she never really remembered it being this big. She thinks that maybe she's gotten smaller. He stands next to her, hands shoved deep into his pockets, hair as unruly as ever. The sight of him makes her heart jump; it hasn't jumped like that since…
"So…" he says.
She turns around to look at him again.
"Oh yea, I almost forgot," she says.
She takes a step towards him and wraps her arms around his neck. She hugs him, a little too tightly for friends and then let's go. Jess's hands don't leave his pockets. There's an awkward silence that goes around the room. It almost makes her shiver. It reminds her of Derek.
"Rory," he stops her thoughts. "Why are you here?"
She pauses for a moment.
"Do I really need a reason?" she asks him.
She doesn't know if she asked for a true meaning or whether she just wants to get a rise out of him.
"Rory, in like less than a week you're going to be married," he says, as if it answered the question quite clearly.
She's fumbling with her keys again. And he realizes she's nervous. And then she chickens out. Again.
"I just wanted to make sure that you knew what time the rehearsal dinner was," she says to him, not meeting his eyes.
"You could have called me instead of driving all the way out here to tell me."
"It's not that far."
He just nods.
"Well, it's at 6 at Andamo's Restaurant. All the bridesmaids and groomsmen have to be there…It's formal," she says.
"I know, Rory. Is there anything else you need to tell me? Anything else you came here for?"
She can do it. I miss you, she thinks. She can tell him. Do it. Do it. Do it. Tell him! Tell him! And then words slip from her lips.
"You have my Hemingway."
"Oh, OK."
He turns to go inside his room, normally she would follow him. But she doesn't think it's proper for her to be in there with him anymore. He comes out with a book in his hands and gives it to her. She doesn't even check to see what the title is. She didn't come here for the stupid book. She thanks him and turns to leave. She figures a hug would be unwelcome and a kiss would be out of the question.
"Oh, by the way," she says as she turns back towards him, "Derek wanted to know if you'll be able to make it to his bachelor party."
"Tell him I'll be there."
She smiles faintly and leaves. The world looking a whole lot bigger.