The Logic of a Child
Chapter 6: Corporal Punishment
By: IMBSA
IMBSA: Once again, stupid thunderstorms have ravaged my computer….Which is why this update wasn't on time….It's like clock work, I tell you! One day of glorious Internet, three hellish ones without. Broadband my ass.
Disclaimer: "Misery doesn't love company….Nowadays, it insists on it."
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"Ow!" Breda rubbed his cheek, wondering just who had given the girls rubber bands and paperclips. He suspected Fury, judging by the way the bespectacled man kept glaring at him and was clutching Black Hayate protectively. With that observation came the resurrection of the suspicion that it was Fury himself who had accidentally fed the dog the gruel. Breda snorted barely audible. The glob of vomit (that Breda had to cleanup) was solely the young Sergeant's fault. "OW!" This time, Breda rubbed the back of his neck, glaring daggers at the two giggling girls hiding behind a corner of "Uncle Fury"'s desk. Most of Winry's shots missed (though she had got him good once in the nose), but Riza….She was one to watch. Almost ten times in a row, she had managed to land hits that, if she were using bullets, would have been instant kill shots. He supposed that he should have expected that from her. After all, she was the Lieutenant, albeit a young, loud, immature, hell-raising, four year old version of her.
Breda glowered. If just one more projectile even came close to him…someone was going to get hurt.
Thwack!
"ARGH! THAT'S IT, YOU LITTLE SHITS!" He yelled, quickly grabbing the two assailants' wrists and dragging the two youngsters quite literally kicking and screaming into the air and walking to Roy's desk as they struggled to get out of his grasp.
"No!" Riza whined, squirming.
"We didn't do anyting!" Winry concurred, also trying to wiggle from his hand.
"Didn't do anything, my…foot…." Breda retorted, not willing to say another curse word and get in even more trouble.
"We didn't, we didn't!" Winry chanted tearfully.
"At least we didn't try to poison the dog!" Riza accused.
"No, that was Fury's fault." Breda answered.
"So, you tried to poison us! Uncle Roo—"
"Shuddup!" Breda cut her off, hissing. By then, they were at Roy's desk. The Colonel looked up, eyebrows raised. "Sir, permission to spank!" Breda knew that his face was covered in red marks from the girls' attacks and figured that even Roy would be able to draw the right conclusion.
Roy's eyebrows went further up. "Permission denied." He told Breda in a voice that said "What a stupid question; how could you think to ask me that?"
"But, sir, they need to be disciplined!" Breda cast around for a different punishment. Kinda. "Permission to paddle, then!"
Pause. "Permission denied! We can't do that. And I'm not their legal guardian, so I can't authorize it anyway. That's corporal punishment."
Breda scratched his head, suddenly and thoroughly confused. "We don't have any Corporals around here."
Roy sighed disbelieving Breda's stupidity. "Breda, just get back to your work; Fury, take over for him."
Cain looked at him. "But sir, it's your—" He was stopped by the look Roy gave him. "Yes, sir."
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The rest of the day passed without incident, meaning Riza and Winry were still four years old. How long would this condition last? All day and all night? Roy didn't think his office of men could handle another day with the two blondes. He even wondered about the tension this was causing him. How long would he last? It worried him to think that this condition could go on any longer. What if they didn't change back? He didn't even want to entertain those thoughts. Everyone except Roy, Ed, and the two girls had left, leaving the four alone in his office. Luckily enough, Roy had actually finished all of his paperwork so he could pay attention to the girls. Unfortunately, this meant that he and Ed had no excuse not to play any game they came up with.
"Tea party! " Riza enthusiastically suggested. Both Ed and Roy shuddered at the thought of this game, eyes widened in terror.
"Yeah, that'll be fun!" Winry agreed. Both girls reveled at the idea and began planning where to hold the gathering as they slowly sketched out their vision surveying the room. Roy thought it was some internal gift that all females were given at birth, this knack for planning parties. He begrudgingly thought of the idea and was thankful that his men were not there to see what embarrassment the girls subjected on him. All of a sudden they seemed too silent. The mayhem the two caused after their quiet discussions together was a huge red flag that Roy now realized he must watch or listen for. He had wistfully hoped that he would not get roped into playing with them. But history painted a different picture: nonparticipation on his part, meant instilling certain chaos on theirs. They were perfectly capable of generating that. He looked up at them and felt the intense gaze of a burning question.
"Can you play with us, Uncle Roy?" Riza asked. Those eyes again. So penetratingly beautiful, yet held an innocence that was so difficult to surmise. "Please?" she continued, biting her bottom lip, in a hopeful, yet apprehensive expression. It must have been the same one Armstrong saw on Winry when she asked for the tools.
Abandoning his need to stay in charge, Roy grinned and said, "Sure, of course I will."
"You too, Tall, tall Ed, you can be the baby!" Winry suggested with a smile.
Ed's shoulders sank in masked fury.
"Why do I have to be the baby?" Ed asked, trying hard to control his temper.
"Well, because you can't walk yet, silly," Riza explained. Ed was just glad they didn't say anything about height.
"Okay, so if I'm the baby, who are you?" Ed asked Winry, who paused in thought.
She said. "I guess I'll be the sistew…And-and Wiza will be the mommy," she appeared finished with all the role playing assignments, save for one
"That means Uncle Roy will be the daddy," Riza piped in.
"Do I have to be his son?" Ed asked, again having some difficulty in withholding his need to vent. Roy wasn't sure if he wanted Ed playing the role of his son, either. Scary---scary thought. But he did relinquish control to the two four year olds.
"Can't I be like a neighbor or something?" Ed strongly suggested. The girls thought for a moment and then shook their heads decisively.
"No," Winry replied.
"We want it to be one family." Winry went to the other desks and collected any coffee cups she could find. Riza found a cup on Uncle Roy's desk, and on the desk close to his. Winry came back with a coffee cup and what looked like a high ball liquor glass. They continued to search for various items that could be used in their play.
"I found a cup!" Winry said running excitedly to the coffee table where their gathering was held. She handed Roy the short glass. "This was on Uncle Jean's desk!" She reported. He raised a brow after noticing the tell-tell signs of bourbon emanating the glass.
As it were the four of them were seated around the coffee table. Riza pretended to pour tea in the cups and then stopped herself when she got around to Ed's cup.
"Oops!" she made a devastating realization," I can't give you tea. You're a baby," she commented.
"Why can't I drink tea?" Ed asked, feeling a little ostracized.
"Because...babies don't dwink tea, babies dwink milk," Winry stated emphatically. Roy could not resist.
"Yeah, and I want my son to grow up to be big and strong," Roy jibed,
unbeknownst to the girls. Riza took the mug away and placed a small paper cup as a representation of Ed's bottle of milk. Ed's shoulders once again slumped down along with his attitude.
"There you go, baby….Here's your bottle," Riza said nurturingly.
"Why can't I be the kind of baby that drinks tea? Tea tastes a whole lot better than nasty old milk!" Ed argued, getting a little more tense.
"No, you're a baby. Babies drink milk," Riza said getting a little annoyed.
"I want to drink some tea!" Ed's voice raised, as did his fists that he banged on the table.
"You can't. You're too small to drink tea" Roy explained with a smirk.
"Who are you calling so small he could be used as bait for minnows?" Ed screamed in a tirade. There was silence. The girls just stared at Ed.
"I never said anything like that," Roy remarked calmly.
"He's being a bad baby!" Riza said in displeasure.
"You're right. Go your room, Ed," Roy commanded. Ed looked at him incredulously. "Oops! Sorry, you're a baby and you don't have a room. Go to your cradle….Oops! Check that again, you're a baby and you can't walk yet," Roy commented, preparing to see the rise of anger this caused Ed.
"Look horse daddy, if I'm a baby, wouldn't be able to—"
"Reach the cradle either, that's right!" Roy cut in as if having an epiphany. Ed's eye began to twitch.
"I'm outta here!" Ed ranted.
"Stop fighting!" Winry whined.
They were cut off when, for the fourth time that day, the door was flung open with such force that it bounced off the wall. However, it was not Armstrong standing behind the wood; it was a beaming and smiling (maniacally so) Lt. Col. Maes Hughes.
"Didya miss me? Tell me you missed me." He asked, striding into the room. "I was documenting my beautiful daughter's first flu. But even a red nose and flushed cheeks did nothing to hinder her photogenic qualities!"
"Maes!" Roy said, relief apparent in his voice. "Thank God, you're here."
Maes froze. "Why?" He asked mock-scaredly. His eyes took in the group and began to glow with the warmth only a father's face could. "Well, who do we have here?" He crouched on one knee, trying to get to the girls' eyelevel.
"My mommy and daddy said never to talk to strangers," Riza gave him the well-practiced line.
Maes acted shocked. "You don't know who I am?" The girls shook their heads. "I'm Mister Hughes."
"Is that true Uncle Roy?" Riza asked, turning to look at the Colonel.
"Yes." Roy answered, glaring at Maes's stifled laughter as he mouthed 'Uncle Roy?' and held his stomach in a mock belly laugh.
"So let me see…." Maes began. "What's—" He stopped as something in his mind clicked. This time, he really did belly-laugh. "Oh no, no, don't tell me that….Oh god, this is good. This is really good. Where's my camera, why don't I have my camera? You have to tell me this one! What happened to the Lieutenant and…Winry! Level with me….Uncle Roy!"
"I'll tell you another time." Roy answered through gritted teeth.
"Do you want to play too, Mister Huge?" Riza asked innocently.
Maes raised his eyebrows slightly. "Didya hear that Roy, she called me Mister Huge." He could not help but tease the Colonel when he was in such a predicament. Roy thought silently, 'Bet that was the only time you were ever called Mr. Huge.' Maes turned to Riza. "It's 'Hughes', honey, Hughes."
Riza bit her lip. "Mr. Hughess?"
"Close enough. But of course I want to play…tea party! My girl loves to play tea party!" Roy winced slightly in anticipation of the world-famous question. "Would you like to see some pictures?"
"No, we just wanna play tea pawty wight now." Winry answered. Maes looked a little dejected as he slipped the photos back into his pocket.
"Allrighty then." He folded his long legs up as he sat beside Ed (who was alternating between quietly sulking on the couch and laughing at Maes's crafty remarks). "So who should I be?"
"Well, I'm the mommy and he's the daddy—" Riza paused as Maes gave Roy a sly look.
"I'm sure he is," the Lt. Colonel commented, light reflecting off his glasses, which must have shielded him from the glare his friend tossed his way.
"I'm the sistew." Winry took up the introductions. She glowered at Ed momentarily. "He was supposed to be the baby, but he quit."
"Quit!" Maes sounded scandalized.
"He was being a bad baby." Riza confided.
"He was whining too much, wasn't he?" Maes asked in a knowing manner.
"Hey…." Ed began, but could not finish.
"Yeah, he wouldn't dwink his milk." Winry nodded solemnly.
"So I guess that means you're the new baby." Riza proclaimed.
Maes could not resist another jibe. "A bit freaky being your son, Roy, but I guess you guys gotta start somewhere." Roy rolled his eyes. He didn't know who was worse playing his son: Ed, or Maes.
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As Riza "poured" out the "tea", she began singing the words to "I'm a Little Tea Pot". She was quickly joined by Winry and Maes (who was soon shushed under the excuse that babies couldn't sing yet). He apologized but continued to hum along, swaying from side to side. Then he noticed Roy's obvious silence.
"Come on, daddy, sing!" Maes said, almost laughing at the alarmed look on the Colonel's face.
"Yeah!" The two girls chirped. Roy's eyes narrowed and he slipped his glove on his right hand.
"Winry, how would you like being an only child?" He asked, murderous glint in his eye.
"What Uncle Woy?" The girl asked, confused.
Roy sighed. "Never mind."
"Sing with us, Uncle Roy," Riza invited. Roy stared back at her through wide-eyes. "Pleeeeeeease?" Those eyes again….
Roy didn't want to let her down. Softly he began in a reluctant baritone. "I'm…a little tea pot…short…and stout….Here is my handle….Here is my spout…." Then his solo was over to Ed's obvious dismay. That still didn't mean that FullMetal stopped laughing though. "Shut up, Ed. You know this song's about you."
That made him stop as he thought about the words. "Hey! I'm not stout!"
"But you sure are short." Maes interjected.
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT HE USES A CENTIPEDE FOR MASS TRANSPORTATION!" He yelled.
"He's still being a bad baby," Riza remarked, sighing and shaking her head in a manner so like the older version of herself.
"You know, girls, there is a little dance that goes to that song." Maes gave Roy a pointed look.
The Colonel responded with a pointed index finger and the words, "You're pushing it, Maes."
"Hey, Ed, could you be a good neighbor and entertain the ladies while I have a father and son talk with daddy?" Maes asked, to change the subject.
"Yeah, go 'head." The teenager replied with flippant wave of his hand. Maes grabbed Roy's arm and pulled him away from the girls.
"What happened to them?" He asked the moment they were out of earshot.
"Not much to tell. Full Metal and I were experimenting with age regression alchemy using plants and it somehow got into their systems. When we found them…." He waved a hand at the two girls. "Well….We're not sure how long it lasts, we're hoping only for a night, since that's what happened to the head of lettuce, but we're not sure exactly."
"Hm. And you're still here with them because…?"
"We were hoping they would have recovered by now."
"So where are they going to stay tonight…? Don't tell me—"
"Don't even go there, that's out of the question. You bring it up and I'm going to hurt you."
"What?" Maes asked mock-innocently. "I was just gonna say they could have a sleep over at my place."
"NO WAY!" Ed yelled, as he had been eavesdropping on the conversation.
"You're welcome to join them Ed. The more the merrier."
Ed thought about the home movies and scrapbooks Maes probably had and would most assuredly force him to watch. "Never mind." The thought of Maes's gushing commentary was enough to give him shivers.
"Take them." Roy decided. "Please."
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IMBSA: EHEHEHEHEHEHEH! You know Maes ownz your ass::giggles maniacally: I can't help it, tonight's the night they're showing eppy 25 and…I'm getting teary just thinking about it….:sniff, sniff: Sorry folks who wanted Riza to stay at Roy's house. She can stay over there as long and as much as she wants when she's normal, not when she's four years old. Well, R&R!
Crazyanimefreak15: It just didn't occur to him that he could do it. Besides, it's funny, isn't it? All for the sake of humor, eh?
C.A.M.E.O.1 and Only: So, would you prefer your brothers Medium, Medium Rare, or Well Done? How about extra crispy, I can do extra crispy. I figured out that EdWin thing a little later as I was writing it in the beginning of one of the chapters. But it's funny, isn't it? I was going to name my first son Hector Nathanael (after the greatest prince of Troy and the US Continental Army's Major General Nathanael Greene, respectively) but Edwin sounds interesting….I don't necessarily believe that Roy does, but I'm inclined to believe that there's a good chance that he may. Then again, boys talk, so he might just be exaggerating. I don't have an opinion either way. I've been exposed to an FMA fandom where he does sleep around, so I've gotten used to thinking in terms of that, and that has sort of influenced my outlook on him. However, he seems a bit too noble for that. Or maybe it's just wishful thinking.
Butterfly-grl4: To quote Winry, "I don't know…." Besides, I would never do anything that could potentially get my precious Fury killed!
Winry the Alchemist: Good to see you enjoying it! At least you only almost broke out instead of really doing it. Just goes to show you. Once, I was cosplaying as Wendy Earhart from "Read of Die" and I kept stumbling over everything and generally being more klutzy than usual. And that scared me 'cause Wendy's the biggest klutz in, like, ever.
DarkFairyWarrior: Thanks for the review. If you notice, it's poor everyone at one point or another.
Runa: I loved this one too.
Heart of Flame: It's gruel! What the hell do they expect!
Kyia Star: The mistakes everyone makes would be a very long list. Well, Riza's a child and allowances must be made….
Tsunade-chan: Hugheses around the world UNITE! Teddy-sama….Woo! Lovableness!
aNiMe-AzN-aNgEl: We'll try. It won't anything blatant, they'll keep their hands to themselves (and, really, any other part of the body), so don't get your hopes up. It'll probably continue in this (slightly) innocent tone. And don't worry. You'll find out soon enough how the girls react the next day.
Lone Metal Alchemist/Full Metal Wolf: :blink blink: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH::runs away screaming. Suddenly stops and peers at LMA's profile. Gasp: You like Lacuna Coil and The Rasmus too? AH! I love you! What about Nightwish? Where is the Nightwish? Oh, we'll probably have one more chapter, and that'll be the end. I'm not exactly sure yet.
Candidus-lupus-full Moon: Thanks for the review!
Invisible johnny: Hey, every body loves a good Royai and EdWin moment, right? That's our attempt at one. .
Mikari-chan: Glad you like it!
The Celestial Tiger: No problem! My readers mean a lot to me, and even more so my reviewers. I'm glad the chapter was cute. We didn't know exactly how to describe the chapter, but I'll take that. Little kids do have that effect….Well, most of them do anyway. Some of 'em ya just wanna kick 'em in the…I mean, uh, hug them, yeah.
WWJDxLGLP: I am?
Apparition7: Armstrong is just too cuddly for his own good, isn't he? Tucker and Hiei had the same voice actor? When was this? Why wasn't I informed of it? OMG, that's effing weird! I love Hiei, why'd he have to play a bastard like Shou? That's freaky….
Presea Combatir: Thanks for the compliments. If you notice, a LOT of four-year-olds are like that, and I do mean a LOT! Oh don't worry, they won't be chibis forever. Oh, the thunder storms ain't the end of it. We got a friggin' TROPICAL STORM coming our way. It's just gonna suck when we don't have ANYthing. About the movies….I said they scared me pantless….They're the reason I jump at my own shadow nowadays! I don't like them that much, but they're OK.