Nathan yawned as he returned to the hotel. His father was resting comfortably in the recovery room after his portion of the transplant so that eliminated the dreadful notion of the two running into each other on the elevator at The Waldorf.

He was exhausted and needed hours of uninterrupted sleep but that would not come. At best he had time for a hot shower, change of clothes and maybe a 20 minute catnap if he was lucky. He knew Megan would be waiting for him. She had been by his side as promised. She had been his rock and had never wavered. He loved her for it but couldn't help but feel guilty. It was unfair to ask her to do what she was doing yet he couldn't make it without her. She deserved at least a little attention as a sign of his gratitude but as usual, he wouldn't be able to stay long. And like always, Megan would understand…at least he hoped she would.

"Megan! You here? I brought Chinese food!" he called out.

There was no answer in the large suite and it was dark. He could still smell the remnants of her sweet perfume and the pajamas she had worn the night before were neatly folded on the bed.

Sighing, Nathan made a place for two on the table. He had brought her takeout favorite, Sweet and Sour Beef with Wonton soup and a Diet Pepsi. After a few quick bites and idle chatter, he'd have to get back but a part of him had wanted to get back and see her all day.

"Meg!" he called out again.

That was odd. Her purse was gone but there was no note saying she had stepped out. After tearing into his own food, something told Nathan to look in the closet. His heart pounded. He knew what he would find before he even opened it. It took a few seconds to regroup but finally he did. And when his sweaty palms opened the door, he found exactly what he knew he would…emptiness.

She was gone.

Nathan swallowed hard. He stumbled over to the phone on the desk by the bed. Somehow he managed to press a single digit.

"Front desk, may I help you?"

"Um, yeah…this, this is Nathan Scott. I was checking to see if there were any messages left for me."

"One minute sir…uh, yes. There is a letter here waiting for you. Shall I send someone up to deliver it?"

"Please", he managed to squeak.

It was only minutes but it felt like an eternity until he heard that knock on the door. He opened it, took the letter, tipped and thanked the bellhop before closing it and falling back on the bed. His name was written in her neat, cursive handwriting on a plain, white envelope. His hands trembled so fiercely, it was hard to open it.

Dear Nathan,

Sounds much like "Dear John", huh? But just like the song, by the time you read these lines I'll be long gone. I couldn't bring myself to hang around and say good bye to your face but it wouldn't be right to not do it at all so I decided to express my feelings in this letter. I hope it brings you comfort and understanding…and most of all, peace.

Making this decision to leave is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. I have given it much thought and believe me, it is for the best…for both of us and it's something I wish I'd had the courage to do a long time ago. Maybe if I had, it would have saved you, me and so many other people a lot of unneeded heartache.

Please know that first and foremost, I do love you. Despite everything that has happened, good and bad, that is the one thing that will never change, even though at times I wish it weren't true. Maybe if it wasn't this wouldn't hurt so bad. They say if you love something then let it go and if it comes back then you know it was meant for you to have all along. So that's what I'm doing. I'm letting you go, Nathan. I know in my heart of hearts you won't be back and that fact, as sad as it is, is one I have come to accept.

I do want you to know that it was me who intercepted Dan's custody papers to Haley. He let me know of his ridiculous and disgusting plan. I know I should have told you but I didn't know how. And maybe for a minute, in the back of my mind I shamelessly contemplated what he wanted. Crazy, huh? It is but for a few seconds, a life of normalcy and happiness with you and a chance to hold and raise a child together seemed like a piece of Heaven. Thank God, I came to my senses in a short time to realize there would have been hell to pay later.

I know you do love me. I believe you when you say it but at the same time I know you're in love with Haley. What a difference! I saw that in your eyes every day we were together, I just chose to foolishly ignore it. But today, earlier, when I saw you two together…when you thought no one was watching, just the simple and silent, loving gesture of brushing a lock of hair from someone's eyes spoke a million words. You might not know it now, you might not want to face it, you might not be ready for it but you and Haley James are meant to be together. That's just the way it is and always will be.

So many times your father and sometimes with my parents, schemed to keep us together. I knew what was going on. Forgive me for praying that their harebrained plans would work. But what kind of marriage is a marriage if it takes plotting just to make it work? That's not what I signed up for and neither did you. We both deserve to be happy, even if it isn't with each other. Your father is quite the character and as dastardly and reprehensible as he can be, a part of me can understand and even sympathize as to why he does what he does. It may be wrong or crazy but I'd like to think it comes from some place good. As much as he can or knows how, he does in his own twisted way love you. Love can make people do crazy things…don't I know that? Maybe I never got his need to control and dominate but his fear of being alone and his fear of losing your love driving him to sometimes appalling acts…well, believe it or not, I do get that. I was once in the same boat.

For now I will remember and cherish the good times and we did have them. Making out under the blanket while we watched the football games, summers at the beach, skinny dipping in your parents' pool, late nights spent drinking beer and playing your video games and finally what I will treasure most…the times we talked. I mean the quality time. When we laughed and cried and just got to know each other. When you gave me the privilege of getting to know the real you. Thank you for that, Nathan. It was my honor.

I won't ever regret you and I pray you never regret me. Regret is such a sad word. I do regret the way things turned out. I know you never planned it this way and neither did I. Sometimes things just happen and no matter how unfair they may be, we have no control over our destiny. I used to think my future was with you and our family but now your future is with Haley and Jamarah Lillian. Call it fate or destiny or kismet or providence…I don't know. I don't think I believe in that anymore. There is no fate. If you remember nothing else, remember that fate is what we make.

Even though the time has come that we go our separate ways, we will be bonded forever. You were the father of my precious angel of a little girl. As much as it hurt to lose her, I am just grateful for the brief time that we had her. She was truly a gift from God, too good for us or for this cruel world so He took her back. We will see her again, Nathan. I was raised to so desperately believe in a Heaven and if in fact it does exist, I know our beautiful Yoanna Isabella is there. I thank you for giving her to me. She was the best part of both of us and we will think about and love her for the rest of both our lives.

I caused you a fair share of pain and if my actions did hurt you, then I apologize. I never meant to. And on my darkest days when I was at my worst, I am so sorry you had to see me that way. For a while I lost myself, who I truly am, and it's time for me to get that person back. I don't want to be that wounded, hurting, fractured shell of a human being anymore and I don't want that for you either. That is why we both must move on and do it apart.

Don't look back and feel too guilty or blame yourself. We're all human, we all make mistakes. I am doing my best to learn from mine. The only way to redeem yourself is to sort through the wreckage and carnage and try to turn it into something positive. You can do it, Nate. I believe in you! I always have. You can do anything you set your mind and heart to do.

The human side of me hates Haley James and blames for everything in my life falling apart. But another side of me, the spiritual side says she is just as much of a victim as I am. We all were in this game. There were no winners here…just survivors. If she still holds your heart, which I know she does, don't run from it anymore. Don't let anger, fear or pride get in the way. That's what happened last time and look at the aftermath. Love her, love yourself and love your daughter. You owe it to yourself, Nathan. You owe it to Yoanna.

My greatest hope is that you get your life together somehow. It will take time and a whole lot of soul searching but being free in the end will all be worth it. You have tremendous talent, commanding presence and handsome looks…anyone can see that but it's what is on the inside that counts the most. You have a beautiful heart, a sharp mind and a caring soul. Don't dwell so much on the past but you do have to quit running from it. You are not, nor will you ever be Dan Scott. It's time to move on from that fear and the only way to go ahead is to start by taking a step back.

Just as I hope (and know) you will be alright, so will I. I promise you that, Nathan. I know you will anyway, but try not to worry about me too much. And please don't try to find me. It's just better that way. Where I am going is safe and it's somewhere I need to be. Your beautiful, smiling face and your neverending love will remain in my heart forever. I value our friendship but we both know we no longer have a marriage. I am done fighting for something that simply cannot be saved. When the time is right, I will forward you the legal documentation for separation and divorce. We have grounds for an annulment but I can't bring myself to do it. That would mean the marriage never existed at all. And if that didn't exist, neither would we or our love or Yoanna for that matter. With the sunshine comes the storm and I have to accept both.

There isn't much more left to say. I think (and hope) I've said it all. I hope you understand why it had to end this way because one of us had to end it. Letting go is in fact the hardest part. I will miss you more than words can say, I will think of you often, I will pray for you always and I will love you forever.

Megan

He read and reread the words but it was hard because of all the tears dripping onto the paper. Eloquently, gracefully and truthfully, Megan had said it all and bowed out with dignity. It destroyed him that he had hurt her and so many others and that he had allowed his life to spiral out of control. But she was right…it was up to him and only him to fix it.

Stepping out of his clothes, Nathan climbed into the shower. The steaming hot water felt so good as it washed away all of his heartache, even if it was only a temporary fix, it was a start. As much as it had hurt, he would be forever grateful to Megan for setting him free. It was time to spread his wings and fly again. It was time to start over. It was time to attempt to pick up the broken pieces.

When Megan had first told him she was pregnant, he was thrilled to become a father. It gave him a life purpose and someone to be good for. When Yoanna died, he thought that dream died with her. But it hadn't. God had given him a second chance. He had himself and Lucas and his mother and now his other daughter. He had to straighten his life up for himself but also for those who loved him. He owed them that much.