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Chapter Five

'Breathing's a burden we all have to bear,

and trust is one thing we're taught never to share,

somehow you just seem to shine,

when lovin' means breaking and sayin' goodbye,'

'Wonder' - Megan McCauley

"Ah, Anakin, come in, come in my friend!"

Anakin had debated whether or not to see the Chancellor before he left, but ultimately decided that he could not leave without saying goodbye to his old friend. Entering his chambers felt like coming home in a way. As one of his earliest memories of Coruscant, the room and its aged occupant made him feel safe, loved.

"Chancellor," he greeted warmly, "I apologize for coming unannounced." Palpatine waved his hand dismissively.

"Nonsense, my boy, you are always welcome." He pulled up the chair behind his desk and motioned for Anakin to do the same. "So tell me, what brings you to my door? I feel…a great change around you."

"Yes, Your Excellency," Anakin could not hide the smile his next words brought to his face. "I have left the Order. Padmé and I are moving away to start our life together." Palpatine's face dropped, seemed almost to age as he watched.

"Leaving?" His voice dropped an octave, eyes growing almost cold. Anakin thought he'd hurt him somehow with the admission. "Wh-where would you go? I need you here!"

"Please, sir," Anakin tried to calm the man who seemed positively shaken by this new development. "We need some time away – from all of this, the politics, the war…"

"But you must understand that you are needed, Anakin," his mentor entreated. "How am I to deal with the Jedi if you aren't among them? How are they to be controlled?"

"Controlled?" Puzzled, Anakin could not understand what the other man could mean.

"The Jedi are out of control, Anakin," Palpatine rose to stand in front of the panoramic window behind his desk. "I had decided to appoint you to the Council to keep an eye on them, but now that you are leaving…" Anakin stood, a little shaky.

"The Council? Me?" Palpatine turned with the look of a father whose son just asked a silly question.

"Anakin," his voice returned to kind and fatherly. "Surely you of all people must have sensed the ever growing corruption within the Council as of late. Why else would you have felt it necessary to leave them?" Anakin was about to speak, to stand up for his friends, but the Chancellor raised a hand. "You may think that it is for you and Padmé, to raise your baby in peace," he rounded his desk to stand before the boy, sympathy on his old and tired features. "But we both know that is not the only reason." Anakin stepped back a pace, thinking over all his recent encounters with Jedi, judging them, weighing their actions against his own morals. He couldn't find the voice to answer.

"Anakin," the Chancellor went on, brushing past the boy as if he weren't engaged in a fierce inner struggle against what he knew and what he felt. "If you were to stay here, on Coruscant, I could put you in a position of such power," he stopped to look over his shoulder at him, "that the Jedi Council would take their orders from you."

Fear. That was it – it was fear he felt. Fear and discomfort. Since when were the lights in the room so bright?

"Chancellor, I-"

"Anakin, stay here with me, please," the old man came to stand before him, practically begging Anakin not to leave him. "I don't know what I would do without you. You are my most trusted friend." Anakin bowed his head. He could feel the desperation radiating from the man before him like a choking cloud, threatening to engulf him, drag him down. He had to step back.

"I am sorry, Chancellor," he croaked. "My wife and I are leaving, and we aren't coming back." He turned to walk out the door, and so did not see the slight sneer that dirtied the face of the man he had loved for over twelve years.

"Did you tell them about Dooku?" his smooth diplomatic voice caressed his ears like a cold, infectious breeze, seeping into him and anchoring him in place. He turned, fighting with all he was to keep from shaking. "With you gone, I might feel compelled to come forth with new information. The council must know what kind of person they are letting go free."

The numbness started really, in the pit of his stomach. Then slowly, yet at the same time as swift as the rush of his own blood in his veins, it spread. Making its way down his legs to buckle his knees, and up through his abdomen to constrict his breathing and make his head spin. Somehow, through all of this, he remained standing.

"What did you say?" he wanted to demand this of the other man standing across the room from him, but it came out rather as a choked whisper. "You, whom I've trusted most of all…how could you-"

"I do not wish to betray a confidence, Anakin," the Chancellor's smooth, silky voice floated like a balm to sooth his fear and confusion. "I am simply letting you know what may happen in the event of your absence. You must understand that I only want what's best for the Republic." He began to slowly pace. "If you were to stay, however," he went on reasonably, "I would have no need for such measures. It is because you are here that this information can stay between us, but," he paused and leaned in closer to the former Jedi, as if to tell a secret, "If you were to leave now, those still loyal to Dooku could hunt you down for their own revenge. It is for your own protection that the Council be made aware, at least of where you are going.

"You must also think of what your wife would think if she heard what you've done - you told me of her reaction to your outburst on Tattouine, how much worse would this be to her? To your child? Could you put them in that kind of danger? Could you live with yourself if you did?"

Anakin shook his head in disbelief, all his dreams of freedom and solitude with his family crumbling before him and falling through his fingers like so much sand.

"If you would at least tell me where you are going, then perhaps informing the Council would be unnecessary. As long as you are protected – I can rest easy."

Before he knew what he was doing, Anakin nodded. "I –" he hesitated, "I would have to discuss all of this with Padmé first. No one was supposed to know."

"You're right, of course. You should discuss this with her, but do not take long, we don't know who might be watching." Anakin nodded again, mutely, heading for the door away from this office and its stifling air and too-bright lights. He wanted nothing more than to get out into the fresh air and just breathe.

Palpatine followed him to the door, patting the young man reassuringly on the back, quietly and unnoticed by Anakin, placing a homing beacon in between the weave of his shirt. "Don't worry, my boy," he said, "soon all will be set right."