Disclaimer: I don't own HP or the song Nobody Knows. And the lyrics at the end are not mine they belong to From Autumn to Ashes …Autumn's Monologue
A/N: I decided to write another once chapter fic with Sarah and Sirius but when they are younger and in school still. Thanks for the reviews with my last one Memories. I picture Sirius as Johnny Depp and when he is younger he is just a younger Depp! Lol I love him!
Thank you
Madderthanyou: Thank you, thank you! For your review on Memories! Meant a lot!
graceypoo: Thanks a lot for the review. I thought since you wanted another story, why not. Lol thanks for the review again!
Sarah Burns slammed the door shut. She cursed herself for ever falling in love with the infamous Sirius Black. He had a reputation of breaking girls hearts. Sarah didn't know what possessed her to ever hook up with him in the first place. It was sixth year and she had been with him for over a year. They always fought but made up soon after. But now, she was really tired of finding him in these little situations with girls. She sighed and sat down on her bed.
Lilly Evans her best friend was still awake in her bed reading one of her romance novels. Mercy Daniels her other best friend looked over at Sarah.
"What's the matter?" Mercy asked.
"Black" Lily stated not even looking up from her book.
"Maybe" Sarah said, hating Lily for knowing.
"Did you dump him again or did he dump you?" Mercy asked.
"She dumped him" Lily said flipping the page.
"Cheating?" Mercy asked Lily this time.
"Probably, why you asking me?" Lily asked looking over at Mercy who just shrugged in response.
"That man is the most ughh, I don't know what I saw in him in the first place."
"Great smile, nice ass, mesmerizing eyes, long hair, he's smart, sexy and fun" Mercy put a finger on her chin as if thinking.
Sarah threw a pillow at her. "Shut up!"
"You asked, and I complied. So exactly what happened."
Sarah sat back on the wall getting comfortable. "He had Scarlet in his arms and she was kissing his neck."
"Are you serious?" Mercy asked. Lily had put down the book.
"Yeah I walked into the library and there they were, he was sitting in one of the cushion chairs in the corner and she was sitting there and he had his arms around her waist."
"I'd kill him if that was Remus" Mercy said. Mercy had been going out with Remus for four months.
"Same if it was James" Lily agreed. "What did you say."
"I walked up to him and tapped Scarlet on the shoulder, she looked up at me with these big eyes and she was trying to sputter out excuses. I just told Sirius that it was over and told them to just go back to there studies and walked away."
"You didn't pull that bitch up by the hair and smack her around a bit mate?" Lily looked at Sarah shocked.
"No."
"Or take her outside and beat the shit out of her, cause that sounds most like you. You didn't even kill Sirius. Punch him or kick him or anything?" Mercy sounded shocked too.
"No! For crying out loud. I was tempted to kick her ass but I'm tired of kicking a girls ass when it really isn't the girl, it's the guy."
"True." Mercy and Lily said in unison.
Sirius slammed the door to his room behind him. He leaned against it and sighed. James, Remus and Pettigrew looked over at him. Sirius brushed a strand of his dark brown hair behind his ear.
"Sarah?" James asked.
"Yup, yet again she has caught me with another girl. And it isn't what you think" he added quickly to the rolling of the eyes and their sighs.
"Then please enlighten us on how its different this time then the rest of all the other freaking what thirty four times?" Remus spoke.
"You know I think it was more like fifty four" James said.
"Nah it was like a hundred and thirty four" Pettigrew added.
"Shut up!" Sirius barked and went to his bed and laid down to look at the ceiling from the top bunk.
"So which girl was it? Georgina, Samantha, Tammy, Jamie, Ashley, Tiffany, Jocelyn or the one with the really small boobs?" Remus listed.
"Who?" Sirius asked. "Trish?"
"Yeah that one."
Sirius made a gagging noise. They all laughed.
"You're the one who made out with her!" Pettigrew declared.
Sirius groaned, "I was drunk okay? I thought we already discussed this topic."
"Still funny" Pettigrew mumbled.
"I was in the library doing my work when all of a sudden Scarlet" Sirius began but was interrupted.
"Whoa whoa whoa, whoa whoa. What a gosh darn fucking minute. The Scarlet?" James asked.
"Yeah that one."
"The queen of all slutty girls in Hogwarts? The one everyone has done and she still looks damn good?" Remus asked.
"One and fucking only okay?" Sirius was getting annoyed.
"Yeah okay go on" Remus said with a huge smile on his face. "Lucky bastard."
"Any fucking way" Sirius started again. "She sat on my lap and well I was tired and didn't really know what I was doing, she started to kiss my neck. It wasn't that very long until Sarah came and saw. She broke up with me."
"She broke up with you? Okay so what's the big deal? She always breaks up with your sorry ass. You guys are going to be hooked back up by lunch" Pettigrew said from the desk.
"I don't think so. This is different. She didn't curse at me, pull my hair, slap me. She didn't even beat the shit out of Scarlet. And you know as much as I do Sarah hates Scarlet more than she hates Potions."
"You got to be kidding me! She didn't touch you? Are you sure? I thought you looked kind of okay when you walked in." James looked up at Sirius.
"Its over" Sirius mumbled.
"And your okay with it?" James asked.
"Yeah I guess" he muttered and rolled over on his side so they couldn't see his face. The truth was he was torn up about it inside but he wasn't going to let anybody know it especially Sarah.
Wish I'd told her how I felt,
Then maybe she'd be here right now,
Sirius couldn't stop staring at her from the corner of his eye. She wasn't looking at him, she was looking down at her Potion's work. He heard her as she whispered to Lily for an answer he smiled and had to suppress back from telling her the answer he had. He looked back at his paper and sighed as he noticed the little drawings he had. A couple were of Sarah's face, her favorite flower, a heart with her name in it. And a little doodle that had Sirius n Sarah forever. He looked over at her once more. She didn't even look at him once.
"Black!"
Sirius looked up at Professor Simmons. "Yeah?"
"Bring your paper up here" he called to him from the front. Sirius cursed at himself for getting nothing done.
Sirius stood up and walked to the front. Some students snickered and watched him as he got in trouble. He handed the paper to the Professor. He looked down at it then back at Sirius.
"I hope you don't mean to spend my whole class period doodling about Miss Burns" Professor Simmons said really loud and the class laughed. Sirius rolled his eyes and took the paper back.
Sirius went back to his chair, he saw Sarah on the way back. She was looking down in her lap, he could see she was crying and Lily had her arm wrapped around her shoulders.
They were let out and Sarah was one of the first ones out. Sirius walked slowly to lunch not feeling much up to eating right then. James, Remus and Pettigrew were already there when he got there. Sarah wasn't at lunch but Lily and Mercy were. He sat down with them.
"Where is Sarah?" James asked.
"Bathroom" Lily said.
"Crying" Mercy spat glaring at Sirius.
"Fuck off Mercy really" he said. Sirius stood up and walked away from the table.
But instead...
Sarah stared in the mirror at herself. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying. She hated when she cried, her makeup would run down her face. The door opened and closed she didn't look to see who it was. She ran the water and put her hands under the facet to gather water in her palms. She wiped at her face and tried to reach for a paper towel. She grabbed a hold of it and felt a hand, she quickly wiped her face to see the one person she really didn't want to see.
"Why the hell are you in here?" She asked angrily.
"Because it's a girls bathroom" came the answer of Sirius Black.
"Yeah you happen to like girls right?" She said and moved past him to get her purse off the floor.
She started to apply the makeup back on.
"You were crying" he said to her.
"No I wasn't" she lied.
Sirius walked up behind her. She stared at him in the mirror. He was staring at her and she couldn't take his dark eyes scanning her dark blue gray eyes.
"You don't mean us being really over do you?" he asked her.
I pretended I'm glad you went away
These four walls closing more everyday
She put the mascara back in the tube and turned to look at him. He was so close to her, his eyes looked down at her. She couldn't help but get lost in his eyes, she forgot for a second why she was mad at him as he put his arms around her waist. She wrapped her hands around his neck. It was too much for her when his lips gently were put to hers. She closed her eyes briefly to enjoy his warmth. He kept the kiss from going to crazy. It was sweet, deep, loving even. She broke away, her eyes on verge of tears.
"I can't do this anymore with you Sirius. God only knows how much I loved you but now its just to much to have to see you with these girls. Do I keep pretending I don't see it. When everyone in this school sees it, I don't understand why I'm not enough for you."
"Is that it? I'm not enough for you. Do you not care about us anymore? Well I cared to much for us. I thought I was what you wanted now I feel like you didn't even want me."
"No, Sarah, it wasn't like that at all. I love you Sarah. I would never do anything to hurt you."
She pulled away from him. "You did Sirius. You hurt me, now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go get over you."
She moved away from him and walked out of the girls restroom. Sirius watched her leave then he went to the mirror and stared at himself in the mirror.
And I'm dyin' inside
And nobody knows it but me
'Well if she is going to get over me, then I'm going to get over her. Now for some girls.'
He straightened his shoulders. Turned around and saw Scarlet in the door way of the bathroom. A smile crept upon her face as she walked in and closed the door behind her and locking it.
Sarah sat down with Lily under a tree by the lake. Severus Snape walked over to them looked down at Sarah.
"Can I sit with you guys?" He asked.
Sarah wasn't really paying attention she was watching the commotion over by another tree. Girls were surrounding a guy. She squinted her eyes to see a long haired dark eyed boy sitting with girls surrounding him and giggling.
"Uh no, you can'…"
"Can" Sarah said and patted the ground. Lily glared over at Sarah.
Snape sat down next to her and started to help her with her Potions. That was his favorite class she came to learn but she loathed it. She didn't really know why all the other kids didn't really like Snape, well at least the kids she hung out with.
Sarah kept glancing up at Sirius and the girls. He was so cool and handsome, quick on the jokes making the girls laugh.
Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
The next day was dark and cold, Sarah was finished with her classes. Most of the students stayed inside but she wanted to ride her broom. She went outside and started to do laps around the Quidditch Pitch. Rain started to pelt down hard on her face but she didn't stop her hands where getting red from the rain. Her hair s now soaked and her cloak was sticking to her, she landed her broom and noticed someone watching her in the Gryfindor seats. She narrowed her eyes to try to see but all she saw was a figure through the rain.
The person stood up and walked down the stairs. She hurried across the field to see if the person was waiting for her. The person was gone by the time she got there. She sighed and wanted it to be Sirius, she just wanted to see him she didn't care if it was only for a second. Just so that she could see his face, she missed him, but she wouldn't tell anyone.
She walked back to her room to change into some dry clothes. She grabbed one of Lily's books off the shelves. She already read all hers. She went down to sit by a fire when she saw Sirius sitting by the fire, his eyes staring at it. She watched him from a distance. He wasn't doing anything just sitting there and he was wet. He was the one outside watching her.
She sat in a chair in the corner, he didn't look to her and she was grateful. She just wanted to watch him for a few moments without him knowing she was there. Footsteps came from the girls stairs, Naomi came out in a simple black dress her straight her now in curls, make up on her pale face. She looked at Sirius who looked at Naomi.
And I'm cryin' inside
And nobody knows it but me
Sirius stood up and grabbed her hand. "You look beautiful."
He kissed her cheek and she smiled. He didn't even look back at Sarah. He walked out of the room with Naomi. Sarah sat back in the chair her head pounded hard as she thought about what just happened. Had he gotten over her?
Sirius had been going out with different girls every night but none of them compared to Sarah. He grabbed the pillow and covered his face with it and screamed into it.
Why didn't I say, the things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away
"Umm" James walked in the room. "You okay mate?"
"Bloody fucking hell" Sirius grumbled.
"Hey did you see Sarah with Snape?" Remus asked.
Sirius sat up quickly his eyes burning with fury. "You have to be fucking around with me right?"
"Nope, she's been holding his hand and kissing his cheek here and there. They've been seen everywhere together."
"Fucking hell, shit on a fucking stick, mother fucking trucker. I'm going to kill him. He touched my girl! She is mine, he better fucking regret this shit!" Sirius roared. He got off the bed.
He started for the door but James put a hand on his chest and pushed him back.
"Forgetting something here?" James asked.
"Oh yeah, where's my wand. No wait I have it. Nope I'm not missing anything."
James sighed, "Sarah isn't your lass anymore mate remember. You gave her up. You cant just go beating up on every guy who looks at her. She is single you know. And if you go and beat people up might as well beat up Peter too."
"I'll get him after Snape." Sirius tried to get past James but he wouldn't let him.
"And don't forget Thomas Firmin, Jack Canbarry, oh and that one guy with the good looking smile that a lot of girls are fainting over. Yeah he's been flirting with her too."
"What the fuck don't they know she is mine?" Sirius growled.
"No, that's the point she isn't yours anymore!" Remus said from his bed. He threw a pillow at the back of Sirius's head.
Sirius fell on James's bed. "She isn't mine is she?"
Now my world is just a tumblin' down
I can say it so clearly, but you're nowhere around
Lily put makeup on Sarah and combed her dyed red hair. She put on a black necklace that Sirius had given her when Sarah had been going out with her. She hadn't noticed, she was so use to wearing it she didn't bother in taking it off.
"Alright Snape is waiting for you in the room of Requirements" Lily told her.
Sarah smiled and looked down at the black dress she wore that was bought for her by Sirius when she turned sixteen. She couldn't even wear a dress without thinking of him.
"You know I kinda miss Sirius" Sarah confessed to Lily.
"Really?" Lily asked pretending she didn't know.
"Yeah, I know I've been hiding it really well and all but I really miss him."
The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had
Lily sat down with Sarah. "You remember when I thought James cheated on my with The Scarlet? I thought he had sex with her because he was with a bunch of guys and I heard that all of them got laid by her in the same night."
"Yeah but he didn't. He passed out on the couch" Sarah said. "Sirius was there too maybe he had sex with her then and they have been seeing each other behind my back and now he is really with her."
"No Sarah. He didn't have sex with her. James talked to him and Sirius told him that he had the chance to but he didn't. He'd rather be with you than to be laid by her."
Sarah looked down at her hands. "Still doesn't change the fact he has cheated on me with everyone!"
Lily nodded, "But he changed a lot over the period of time he's been with you."
"Go, your keeping Snape waiting" Lily pushed Sarah out the door.
Sarah walked down to the room, she opened the door and walked in. The candle were lit on a table in the middle of the room, music played and two chair were pulled out. Her favorite flower was in the middle on the table in a vase.
And I'm missin' you
And nobody knows it but me
Sarah looked around the room and saw someone and it wasn't Snape. Sirius was in a pair of black pants and a white buttoned up shirt. The buttons at the top were undone showing off his tan chest. His hair was still wet from the shower he'd taken before coming to see her. She walked to him her hands in front of her clutching her little purse. His hand reached up and lifted her chin to look into his eyes. She watched his lips lower to hers and she couldn't help but melt into his touch. Her body pressed to his and he wrapped his arms around her waist. She ran her hands under his shirt trying to feel him. He ran his hands in her hair and grabbed it in his hand to pull her head back. He deepened the kiss making her moan, his tongue traced her lips and she opened her mouth for him to steal her breath from her.
He let her get her breathing back. He smiled down at her swollen lips. He wrapped his arms around her waist and she placed her hands on his shoulders he let her put her head on his chest while he moved with the music. She couldn't help but miss him and his touch.
I carry a smile when I'm broken in two
And I'm nobody without someone like you
Sarah looked back up at Sirius to find it really was Snape.
"Wha-" she looked around for Sirius.
"Where's Sirius?"
Snape laughed. "Darling its been years since you last seen Sirius. You're my wife now. No more talk of that man. Come here and give your husband a kiss."
Sarah screamed.
I lie awake it's a quarter past three
I'm screamin' at night if I thought you'd hear me
Sarah sat up quickly in her bed and she cursed at the dream. Why did it have to play cruel jokes on her. She wiped her face from the tears that had fallen. She got out of bed and put on her slippers and walked down stairs to the common room.
She sat down in a chair next to Sirius. They didn't look at each other instead just looked into the fire. What could she say to him.
"How are you" he asked her not looking over.
"I'm fine" she said. How could she be if it was three fifteen in the morning and she wasn't asleep.
"You?"
"Same."
He got up and so did she.
"Goodnight" they said in unison.
The next few weeks was hell for Sirius. He had to ignore or try to ignore Sarah. She had started to wear revealing clothes and hung out with more Slythrin boys. Why oh why Slythrin boys. Sirius gritted his teeth when one of the boys grabbed her ass.
"What's the matter Sirius?" Sirius looked over at the blonde attached to his hip. She was hugging him so tight he could scarcely breath.
"Not a damn thing" he muttered. She just smiled and cuddled into his side.
Sarah's eyes met Sirius's and she smiled but looked away quickly. 'She's taunting me. Teasing me.'
Yeah, my heart is callin' you
And nobody knows it but me
He knew if he ever had to get over her it was going to be hard. She was a devil girl with the will to be loved by him. He wanted her no other girl, now more than ever did he know how much he actually cared for her and how much he actually never really appreciated the little things she did for him.
He would sometimes show up drunk to some of their dates, she would take him back to his room or to the bathroom which ever was closest at the time. She would even stay with him in the stall and hold his hair back while he vomited the liquor. She would sleep in his bed with him and rub his back, she would stay with him in the morning while he cursed at her to just go away and leave him alone to die while the worst hangover took over him. She would just make him lay down and sleep.
How blue can I get, you could ask my heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart
Only she could love him that much. He looked back over at her, she was on the grass with the Slythrin boy Jonathan on top of her. Her hands ran all over his back and he was groping her while they kissed passionately. Sirius growled and grabbed a hold of the blonde girl roughly kissing her lips. She gasped at first but soon gave into his want. She giggled as he kissed her neck. He thought of Sarah while he sucked on the girls neck. Sarah's pale skin was in his mind, her face moaning as he made sweet love, tortured her by slowly kissing her and not letting her get to her fulfillment. He growled thinking of her sexy legs wrapped around him, he closed his eyes and laid his head on the girls shoulder. He's breathing rushed, he glanced over at Sarah, she wasn't there anymore. He watched as she walked away with the guy. She jumped onto his back and laughed as he ran around with her.
A million words couldn't say just how I feel
A million years from now you know I'll be lovin' you still
Sirius got up and walked away from the girl. He went to the library where it was quiet and he didn't need to have a real reason to be there. He sat in a cushion chair in the corner.
Sarah giggled as Johnny picked her up into his arms and carried her to his room. He put her down on his bed and closed the door. He laid down next to her and started to kiss her neck. She ran her hands down his short blonde hair. She wished it was long like Sirius's. He started to kiss down her neck and to the place where her shirt came to a low cut that showed off cleavage. He licked a trail back up, she threw her head back and sighed. Sirius wasn't like this, he was better, he lingered, excited her. Johnny was fumbling, muttering apologizes when he bumped her nose when he tried to move around. He wasn't at all a ladies man. She straightened her shirt and stood up.
"I'll talk to you later okay?" She said and left. She needed to get back to her room. She wanted to take a bath and wash the boys saliva off her. He didn't even know how to kiss right.
The bath was relaxing as she soaked in it. Pure relaxation. She slide down and let the water cover her head. She opened her eyes and saw someone standing over her. It looked like Sirius. He smiled down at her and she couldn't help but feel cruelly joked by her eyes when she came up from the water to find out that it wasn't him. No one was there.
The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had
"Why can't I be what you need" she whispered to no one as she sat on her bed. Her towel wrapped around her.
Lily walked in with James at her side. Mercy followed by Remus who was then followed by Peter and then came a lagging Sirius. Sarah stood up to go change in the bathroom. Sirius sat on her bed he looked over at the stuffed bear with no eye that he had given her that was his when he was younger. She loved it and would refuse to sleep without it.
And I'm missin' you
And nobody knows it but me
They all left before Sarah came out of the bathroom. When she walked out she only saw Sirius sitting on her bed. She looked around but no one else was there.
Tomorrow morning I'm hittin' the dusty road
Gonna find you where ever, ever you might go
Sarah started for the door but Sirius stepped in between her and the door. She was so close to him she could feel the warmth radiating between them. Her eyes traveled up his white buttoned shirt that was opened at the top. He was staring down at her intently.
He took her hand off the knob. "Your not going anywhere."
She raised an eyebrow at him. "I have a date with Johnny. Let me out."
She of course lied, his eyes burned into hers.
(different lyrics. Autumns Monologue)
I break in two over you
I break in two
"Your not Johnny's girl" he growled.
She shook her head. "But I'm not yours either."
He smiled and shook his head. "In fact Sarah just the opposite."
"Excuse me!" She pushed him against the door. She pointed a finger in his face.
"I broke up with you remember?"
He nodded. "Sarah I love you, and nothing will change that."
He pulled her close to him and lowered his lips gently to hers. She pulled away and smacked him.
Here I'm pinned between darkness and light
Bleached and blinded by these nights where
I'm tossing and tortured 'til dawn by you,
visions of you then you're gone.
"No!"
He watched as she backed away from him. "I'm not going to hurt again Black."
"Sarah I promise you you'll never get hurt with me again. I swear it love please don't do this. I'm tortured without you. I get these dreams of you and then your gone and I cant sleep at night without knowing your mine."
"It hurts me to know that someone else could take my place. You don't understand what you mean to me!"
The shock bleeds the red from my face when
I hear someone's taken my place.
How could love be so thoughtless, so cruel?
When all, all that I did was for you
She looked shocked. Sirius never said anything so deep to her. She romantic. Never really expressed how he felt. He usually mumbled I love you to her only after she said it to him. Sirius walked closer to her.
"That whole Scarlet thing, she just sat on my lap. I didn't do anything, you walked up to us right after she did it. I didn't have a chance to push her off until I saw you."
"But its always little things like that" she said looking away from him when the tears started to well up.
"Sarah your all I need. I cant stop thinking about us. And neither can you. I see it" he said. He moved her chin so she could look into his eyes.
"You love me too" he said. "Tell me."
I break in two over you
I break in two and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life
But you don't see me, you don't
She nodded, "I do love you Sirius with all my heart. But I cant do this anymore. I'm sorry."
"No" he whispered and pulled her to him. She cried in his chest. "No."
"Please don't do this to me anymore" she cried. "I cant handle it."
I break in two over you
I break in two
And each piece of me dies
And only you can give the breath of life
"All I ask is that you love me" she said to him. He smiled and kissed her gently.
"I promise" he whispered. He kissed the top of her head. "I promise."
I would break in two for you
Now you see me
Now you don't
Now you need me