I was just going to leave this one as a oneshot and then the dreaded exams came. So to distract myself from stressing about them I wrote a second chapter. I hope that you like it. I still haven't decided who the mystery him is so just run with your favourite pairing,

It's from the POV of him so enjoy

Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblades

Oh God. I didn't just do what I think I did, did I?

I didn't just leave Kai, did I?

I couldn't have, it's just not possible. I wouldn't do that. I couldn't.

Wouldn't, Couldn't, Can't, Won't

I did.

Oh God. I did! Why would I do something like that? No! I can't live without him. I can't live without his love.

But did he love me?

He never confided in me or even trusted me. Is it possible to have love without trust?

I never thought it was possible because to love is to completely trust. To love is to give yourself completely to one person. Or maybe my definition of love is not the correct one.

Is there a correct definition of love? Can it even be defined? If it can't then how do I know I was in love with Kai? Still am in love with Kai, for that matter.

How do I know?

Maybe it's a different emotion that I'm feeling for him. I've never felt love before so maybe I'm just mistaking this feeling for it.

Besides, if I truly loved Kai I wouldn't have left. I would have put up with his nature. I would have understood how hard it is for him to open up to people.

Maybe I'm the one in the wrong for not understanding him. Is there anyone truly in the wrong here?

Is Kai in the wrong for being himself? Am I in the wrong for being myself? Maybe we weren't meant to be together. If we were, why would we be here?

Why would I feel like this?

Surely love can't feel like this? I feel like I'm being torn in two. Why did I do that to him?

Maybe I didn't do that to him and it'll all be fine. Maybe I just imagined all of that. I imagined exploding at him when he wouldn't talk to me yet again. I imagined telling him that I couldn't handle being with him. I imagined him leaving here.

Yes, I did imagine it. When I go into the lounge room Kai will be there. None of that happened. It was all a dream and I'm going to go in there and tell him about how horrible it was. He'll then comfort me by giving me a hug or similar.

That's definitely what's happened and what will happen. I could never have said those things about Kai. I don't think that about him. I love him and if I have to reach out to him instead of him reaching out to me so be it. That is who Kai is and I accept that.

What am I saying? Of course it all happened. I'm just working myself into a nice fairyland of denial. Denial never helped anyone.

But if I did do all of that why am I still here? Why aren't I following him? I can't go through this pain alone. He's the only person I trust enough to share it with. He's the only one who would listen to me and try to fix my pain.

But he causes my pain. So going to him to fix it is ridiculous.

Can't stay away, Can't go

What a predicament I've gotten myself into. I can't go to him because of the pain he causes me but I can't stay away because I love him.

Is this what love is meant to be like? Is love meant to be painful? If it is why isn't that ever mentioned anywhere? Whatever happened to soul mates and living happily ever after?

Is none of that true? If it's not true then why are there so many stories written about them. Why do people write about something that is untrue? Or is it true and I just haven't experienced it yet. Maybe Kai isn't my soul mate.

But I love him. Is it possible to love someone without them being your soul mate? I mean truly love, not superficial, but true love. I am so in love with him that I would die for him. I fear losing my life but I fear losing him even more.

Losing, Lose, Lost

But haven't I already lost him? I did just tell him that I couldn't be with him. Did he believe me? It's bad either way.

If he did he is gone forever. If he didn't then he never takes anything I say seriously and how can I love someone like that? Even if he doesn't trust me I hope that he at least respects me.

How do I even know that? I never had the chance to ask him questions like that. Questions about whether he respected me or if he trusted me even a little bit. I never got to ask him whether he loved me.

I might never get another chance. What if I never see him again?

I can't live with that thought. I can't live without him. I have to go out and find him.

Kai! I'm coming.

Now wouldn't it just suck if I ended it there? Thankfully I'm not that cruel but you may have to wait a bit until I'm feeling suitably reflecty to write the third (and hopefully final) chapter

Please tell me if you like it and feel free to criticise