Silence! It is time to direct your eyes to chapter five. The song that appears in this is called No Ocean Deep Enough, it's by Paul Alan.

Seventeen times. I had reread Carey's letter seventeen times since I came in here. I am pretty sure I could recite every single word right out loud not having to take one peak for confidence to know I am not making a mistake. My brain is a total jumble of disconnected wires and misfiring circuits. I don't know what had come over me I was just standing there feeling his eyes upon me instead of becoming uncomfortable I found myself being washed with joy. I had to see him. I had to touch him in anyway I could. I was the moth and he the fame burning drawing me into its delight. I had to sacrifice my soda to brush the fire and even now I am not sure if it was worth it.

Feeling as if a tiger trapped in a cage that's too small to compliment its size I am trapped in this room, in this bus. A refueling it's likely to be in order within the next ten minutes. A full take of gas on this monster lasts just around two and half hours. Where a light snack or perhaps a breakfast will be purchased at the closets fast food joint to satisfy our hungry. Though the cupboards are full of snacks one quickly tires of the same chips and fruit snacks in the shapes of cartoon characters. The food will be brought aboard so not to forfeit any more time than necessary from the journey. Always go go go!

I walk towards the shelf where Fiona's cd player walkman sits. She had forgot to pack it with her belongings when leaving for Melinda's. I had offered to ship it out for her but by that point her aunt had already brought a new one, a better one. I turn it on and press play as I pushed the earpieces gently into my ears.

Have you any idea how beautiful you are…

That in a million years I could not love you more

Like the sun can only shine so bright in the auburn sky

And you will never leave you stranded

I would die to find a way to reach you…

I feel the tears escape from the corner of my eyes, my lip and chin both start to tremble I don't try to hold it in. The stress from the past thirteen years is attacking me again just when I think I am able to see the light of a gorgeous sunrise it's whipped away and replaced by a stormy gray sunset. Than there is Carey offering me… I don't know what he's offering me. But the gift is loved and cherished just the same.

There is no ocean deep enough

No mountain high or steep enough

To keep me away- keep me away from you

There is no highway long enough

No river wide or strong enough

To keep me away- keep me away from you

The question that I should be asking myself is do I accept the gift and unopen it or do I return it to him? He means more to me than anyone else has in a long time. I don't know if I felt this way before he opened his soul to my eyes or if it was there all this time and I turned my attention away from the signs.

When are you going to believe like I believe in you?

If love is a lie then there is no truth

So I'll hang it all on the wire and follow you anywhere

And you don't have to be lonely

Or look very hard to find me

What is the worse that could happen? Carey discovers that this was more enjoyable in his head than playing out in real life, and I quickly become replaced with a fake blond with larger breasts after a gig? Our family and friends are outraged by the concept and drive a hundred mile wedge between us, causing us to be afraid to lose it all for something that might not never be? Or is it because I might actually fall in love with someone that isn't Rick?

I'll be walking on your stormy sea

I know your feeling lost sometimes

I know you're losing sleep at night

And faith is hard to find

And prayers are crashing to the floor

And you wonder what you're praying for

In love? I had to be jumping the gun. I didn't even fall in love with Rick truly, fully, and deeply until after we had dated for two months. A person just can't fall in and out of love as if it were a new hairstyle easily changed with a twenty-dollar bill. It's the stress. It has to be stress I am under that is sparking these conflicting emotions. Because else whys I am completely nuts. I feel the bus come to a complete stop; looking up out of the window I see the pumps and tanker trucks. Pulling out a Kleenex I brush the evidence of the tears away, hoping my eyes are not red shot, and make my way towards some fresh air.