Disclaimer: Disclaimer: Same as before…. Having watched the film (again!) I'm assuming that the Saxons did not arrive the same evening that the caravan arrived back at the wall. So it'll give our guys and gals at least a day to sort a few things out before the big battle.
Ailis-70: Yes I did, I have to admit…and the more I watch the film the more I notice it! As to Dag and Devon, I think she will end up needing him more than he her….but it will be fluffy soon I promise!
Evenstar-mor2004: well, I think someone had to! She has a very dry sense of humour which I like and I think it fits the personality. She has not been around people much so would have no tact, so even something she might think more an observation to others might seem amusing! Dag has got it bad already I admit….but it won't be plain sailing for the poor man, not yet anyway. She is one damaged little lady. I have to agree, whilst it might be nice for us to read about her, I think it must be immensely frustrating for them….especially Arthur. I think she is too argumentative for him! LOL
Marblez: Umm….here? Hope you like it:O)
Lunawolf: If I killed him where would I take the story! LOL Though other reviewers will agree that has not stopped me killing main characters off before:O) As to Lancelot and Tristan, I will try! ;O Galahad is a bit of a baby in all ways!
Babaksmiles: You are absolutely right, and I think that's why she will prefer him over someone like Lancelot. Yeah, she moans at Galahad for being a baby, and then sticks her tongue out! LOL There is no love lost between those two that's for sure….though I think most of the animosity is on Devon's side… Saxon man, will learn – there will be more with the other knights soon. Promise..
Lucillaq: Bors is a real sweetie and I want him and Van in this story as much as possible. I think Devon sees Guinevere as divisive and with a hidden agenda (which she has really) and I think that as she herself is so brutally honest she cannot stand that kind of duplicity in others.
History2: I think you nailed it there…..she is finding a home, but doesn't realise it. I think she is too afraid to care too much in case she loses those people again as she has before; her relationship with Van is clarified this chapter and she lets something slip in an argument with Guinevere. She is strong…very muchly (! LOL) but she is also incredibly vulnerable in other ways (at least I hope I am putting that across sufficiently). I am sure the loss of Pelagius will upset her, but also help her see that Arthur is a good man. She is being very judgemental with him, but I wanted to show she is no Mary-Sue….she is very angry and has preconceived notions about things that need to be challenged. I think they will be friends eventually. More Bors and Van….and also Arthur (which I am as guilty of in my other stories, trying to make up for a little in this one – plus I will be doing an Arthur story at some point – though it will be quite dark). Major row between Devon and Guinevere in this chapter….
Calliann: She and Tristan will become solid friends for life. I am so glad you thought I did the ice scene justice, I admit I was a little worried. She will be extremely upset when she learns of Pelagius, which may end up reinforcing her belief that those she loves, and who care about her, die. You will also find out that Pelagius was very good to her, which in a way helps Arthur with his loss. I knew if a third hit he'd be dead…..I watched his death about four times, not pleasant, and figured they had to be wounds that would not necessarily hit vital areas or that could lead to serious infections. Had to let Bors figure it out, albeit slowly, as he would have bumped into Devon at some point…. Major cow bashing this chapter! I am glad and am loving it so far…..so keep it coming! No you weren't…of all of them I found his the most insulting….
Twilight Falcon: Not to worry, the reading is the most important…just glad you like it!
SpectralLady: Actually I am cruel and vindictive and have indeed killed off main characters in other stories! LOL But no, Dagonet deserves his own story with a happy ending, and I couldn't kill off the gentle knight in all good conscience. :O) A little more will be told in this chapter….but it is more about their developing 'friendship'.
June BirdieGlad you liked it….and hope you like this one. She is strong…but you see more of her vulnerable side this chapter too.
Aelia O'HessionGood, I'm glad you liked it – as Dag's biggest fan this bloody story is being written with you in mind most of all….. so I am pleased, and relieved, you liked the ice scene….I was more than a little worried I would not do it right…I watched it four times (not nice…poor, poor Dag!) Bors and Van will be around a lot, and of course there has to be baby Gal bashing! I know she did, I laughed! It does make you feel somewhat powerful doesn't it! LOL I think it's because he's such a forceful character!
WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL.
All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.
'—' signifies thoughts.
"—" signifies speech.
Anyway…chapter five!
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Heart & Soul
Chapter Five – Before the Final Conflict
Dagonet limped over to the stables…he smiled as he knew she'd be there, she never strayed too far from that bloody horse of hers, it was just a case of where. It was sad that she felt the horse was the only one who cared about her; he wondered if she knew now that that wasn't the case, that others cared - that he…..cared.
Devon was once again on the roof; knowing the pain he'd be in – she was in the same – she called down to him as he started his circuit of the building, deciding to save him the trouble.
"Dagonet!" she called quietly.
He looked to the side and then spun round thinking she was behind him. She stifled a giggle "Dag…up here…look up!"
He looked up then and saw her sitting on the roof. "How in the name of Hades did you get up there!" He exclaimed with a smile.
"Um….I climbed! How else?" She grinned.
"Can I join you?" he smiled hesitantly, unsure as to whether she'd prefer to be alone.
"Are you sure? I can come down…." she looked doubtful about him climbing; he was, after all, a large injured man.
But he was already on his way into the stables and up the hayloft ladder "Right…so I'll take that as you're sure then…." She muttered with a smile.
She heard him in the loft below her "Ummm….how do I get the rest of the way?"
She leant down through the hole "Put your feet there and there and then haul yourself through this hole in the thatch…" she directed quickly.
He did so, albeit painfully, and finally sat precariously on the roof beams with her. He looked around gingerly "You like it up here then?"
"Aye, you can see the stars….." she leant back and looked at the dark sky.
Dagonet looked down at her "Why are you like this?" he asked quietly.
"Like what?"
"Quiet, kind - and yet so angry too….."
She sighed and took one of his large hands in her own; she turned it over and looked at it as he watched her quietly "Do you know the last time I touched someone like this, not the children or anything….but like this?"
He shook his head "four summers ago….four Dag. Sometimes I could go weeks, even months without saying a single word to another human soul. I had Gypsy, but she can't talk back." She sighed again and let go of his hand "no matter if I was angry, sad or happy…it made no difference; there was no one to tell, no one to care.
I used to squash down those feelings….especially the anger; I was angry at the way my life had gone. Sometimes…." She stopped and shook her head "it doesn't matter…."
"It does……" he spoke softly, his gentle eyes on her still "it matters to me Devon. I can't explain it…but you matter to me…"
She wouldn't look at him, couldn't trust herself to, but she started speaking again "Sometimes the loneliness would get so bad it was as if it were suffocating me…..times like that I would climb a tree, or sit out in the open and look at the sky. See the stars and believe that the Goddess watched over me, that my family were with me….."
She pointed to three stars in a line very low in the night sky "See those stars?" he nodded finally tearing his eyes away from her, but only long enough to see where she was pointing before returning his gaze to her "I used to pretend they were my family. My mother, father and….and…. another…" she stopped as tears pricked her eyes.
"Another?"
"Aye…someone dear to me….he died four summers past." She looked down at the roof; deep in thought. Then she brightened and he watched the shutters come down once more – but he knew more about her, what she'd said explained much.
Enough to make him want to hug away the pain, instead he took her hand and squeezed it…his soft gaze resting on her once more "Enough about me" she said, smiling gently up at him, squeezing his hand back "Tell me of Arthur…."
"Ah…Arthur…well…." He smiled.
"Dagonet?" they looked to see Lucan running around below them "Dag?"
"Lucan! Up here!" she called, a big grin on her face…he realised she genuinely loved children…
"Oh…can I come up?" the boy looked excited.
"Not with a broken arm you cannot…we'll come down and go to the battlements…" Dagonet said, then looked at Devon "That's if you wish to join me and the boy?"
She touched his arm "Aye, I would; and thank you for asking…" he made his way down first.
As he went to disappear through the hole in the thatch her hand briefly caressed his cheek and she spoke softly to him "You are a good man Dagonet….honourable and with a pure heart….a rare soul in these times. Proud I am to call you friend."
His eyes filled – so, the boy was not the only one who cared after all….
He helped her down, and it was only when they reached the battlements that she realised they had been holding hands the whole way; she smiled and gripped his hand tighter.
As Devon gripped his hand more firmly, he looked down and saw that he had been holding her hand since he had helped down from the roof of the stables. She didn't seem to mind, in fact it appeared she liked it, so he didn't let go.
They walked along the battlements and then sat down away from the sentries; Lucan watched them sit together. He liked the woman, she was nice – tough and uncompromising, but nice. Plus his Dagonet liked her…he could tell.
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They talked for a while……Lancelot happened on them as he was strolling around the battlements. She was playing with Lucan now, and showing Dagonet how she threw a Roman to his death off a cliff; her shoulder and leg wounds seemingly not bothering her.
The boy was screaming with laughter as she gently tossed him around and she was giggling. Lucan was begging her to do it to Dagonet….to which she roared with laughter…..
"Lucan he is huge! With the best will in the world I could not even carry Dag, let alone throw him – not even as far as I could spit!" she hooted.
Dagonet stood and threw her over his shoulder in one movement "No, but see how easy I can lift you!" he laughed.
"That is not a fair contest Dagonet! I'm about half of you, you cheater!" She laughed as he set her on the ground. Their eyes met……and locked……for once she held his gaze and he found himself literally drowning in those honey coloured amber eyes of hers…..they moved closer, lips only inches apart.
Lancelot walked over "Hello Devon - fancy coming to the tavern for a few ales; I could show you around the fort then?" he oozed as much latent sexuality as he could muster, turned on his most charming smile – attempted to be the friendliest and most likeable man she had ever met…….
Lancelot had not really seen this side of his brother knight, ever. Dag was always usually in Bors' shadow…always quiet; sometimes more than even Tristan….now he was laughing, sporting and even making eyes at a woman.
Dagonet saw Lancelot approach and backed away, fully thinking he had lost. He sighed, it was a nice dream whilst it had lasted; but now she would be swept away from him by his friend. Rightly so; he was nothing – a nobody, whilst Lancelot was vibrant and passionate……but still, there was a part of his soul that hurt at the thought of losing her so soon….
Lancelot saw the defeat in Dagonet's face, and whilst he hurt for his friend he could not help the fact that all women found him irresistible – he could only thank his good luck on this occasion, because the woman before him was a Goddess as far as he was concerned.
Then Devon turned round; she too had seen the look on Dag's face, heard the flirty seductive tone in Lancelot's voice and bristled at it, how dare this philandering prick – in the literal sense of the word too – think he could just wander in and pretend that Dagonet was not there and she was automatically his!
Her look would have curdled milk, her tone was deliberately light, but she resolutely emphasised her connection to the large knight next to her ; Lancelot was left in no doubt he had never really stood a chance with her "I'm sorry Lancelot, I did not see you there….no, I don't drink – but I will be going with Dagonet later as I really want to get to know the others properly.
I am also with Dagonet; in fact I am quite surprised that you did not see that, as he is large enough not to be missed. As to showing me around the fort, not to worry I'm sure Dagonet would do that if I asked him to?" she looked at Dagonet for confirmation, then quickly looked away as he nodded.
But the look in his eyes spoke reams, they held much feeling and not a little mirth at the way she had so deliberately deflated Lancelot's ego. And deflate it she had….he could see Lancelot sag visibly in front of him.
Lancelot could not believe what he was hearing; no woman had ever rejected him – none… Yet here was one who had, for the first time in his life told him he was not wanted. A woman who resisted him…he smiled.
She, however, did not… "Don't think this is some ruse Lancelot, to pique your interest further. I like you well enough as a friend, but that is all. Try and touch me as you do Vanora and I will not merely slap you as she does, I will break your arms!" She spoke calmly and with humour, but that edge was there and he decided not to push it. But still, he admired her for her loyalty and grinned good naturedly.
She walked back to the large knight and painfully linked her bad arm through his good one, then held out her uninjured arm to Lucan "Shall we go for that walk now; I wish to see Van…."
As they walked away Lancelot smiled in amicable defeat at Dagonet, he inclined his head to the older knight….who was grinning widely, knowing full well what Devon had actually said to the other knight. She preferred him, maybe only as a friend, but she still preferred him….that had never happened before.
"You are a good friend to me Dag…you have been since the first time I collided with you….I could not let that arrogant git belittle you so!" she hissed as soon as they were out of earshot.
"he does not mean any harm Devon….it's just Lancelot being Lancelot…" Dagonet placated with a smile.
"It matters naught….I would not wish to bed him, I have too often seen the company he keeps. No, as a friend he is acceptable…beyond that it is all nothing to me." She sighed "I will not have my heart broken a third time; first my family, then….then…" she shook her head "no more…the pain of the loss is too much…"
She gripped his arm tighter, not seeing him watching her more than anything else "No, I am lucky to have come here and met Van and through her, you…and Jols of course" she swiftly added. "I have gone from having no one, to three good and true friends….four if you count Tristan, which I would like to do."
"Then do…." Said a calm voice from behind them "For I consider you mine."
She turned and faced the scout "You are quiet…." She smiled.
"I wouldn't be much of a scout if I was not…" he pointed out. He had seen her deal with Lancelot, and it pleased him immensely. The dark knight was too cocky at getting his own way; but he doubted Lancelot would push the issue further, he could see where her loyalties lay now.
Tristan knew Lancelot would never intentionally hurt Dag, none of them would, but then if he wished to bed a woman he never put a thought to the consequences. The only other up to now to stand against him was Van…..
The scout had seen Dagonet's face as she had rejected Lancelot - and he was pleased to see the gentle, silent knight so happy. Dagonet smiled more rarely than even he, and that was rare enough.
Let them fool themselves for now, or at least she, that it was all friendship and naught else. He could see the body language and he knew different; and it pleased him. He liked Dag, he really did. He was like himself – quiet, watchful and loyal to the other knights.
"I know what a scout you are Tristan…..the bloody nightmares you gave me trying to stay out of your way!
Not just on the missions either, even around the fort – I used to spend most of my time in the hayloft, out the back of the tavern or on the roof of the stables as they were the only three places you rarely went!" She laughed and he dipped his head; both touched and amused by her heavy handed compliment.
Guinevere stepped onto the battlements "A word with you Woad!" Devon was immediately on the attack – Tristan knew he would back her, as he had no love of the Woads either; though he knew not the reason for the sudden change in temperament.
Dagonet for his part knew he would support her for no other reason than he was her…. friend…definitely, a good friend. If she had issue with the Woad woman, then he would stand with her.
Guinevere smiled in confusion at the tone of Devon's voice…the other knights had come looking for Dagonet and Tristan, Lancelot following them – so they too were witness to the stand off between the two women.
"Aye…what it is you wish to say to me?"
"Make a choice…but make it – and then stick to it! You cannot continue to play the two ends off against the middle.
Whilst you seem to choose Arthur because - well, I have no idea why, but I think you have your own plan you are working to in that quarter – you also toy with Lancelot." Lancelot stopped dead as he once again reached the top of the battlements.
All the knights ranged behind Devon, Dagonet and Tristan, who had moved forward to align himself with the other two, and Guinevere could not understand what was going on.
"He is a completely arrogant prick….but he is now my friend and I guard my friends jealously. You, Woad, will not break his heart for him!"
"I wish to do nothing of the sort….." Guinevere replied "I have done nothing to encourage him…."
"Oh, don't play the innocent with me, my lady…..I see the doe eyes and hear the meaning laden remarks to both men! I mayhap have not had much dealings with people for some time, but I know how we women work if we wish to.
Your sort make sicken me, I understand why some men would bother not with our sex when they come across manipulative little witches like you!" She had walked to the woman and jabbed her in the shoulder.
"If you wish him as a friend, then that is all to the good…..if you wish him as more then do not pursue the other. If you wish the other, then let Lancelot be." She stood menacingly close to the Woad "otherwise I may have to show you how a Sarmatian woman protects her family..." she hissed at her, but loud enough for the other to hear.
They grinned…Lancelot for his part felt comforted that despite rejecting him, she would defend him so vehemently.
"You think to threaten me!" asked Guinevere incredulously.
"Nay! I do not ever threaten" Devon spoke suddenly lightly, which sent a tremor round the knights, the last time they heard that tone she had just killed two roman soldiers. Tristan smiled thinly and fingered the dagger in his belt.
"To threaten is to merely pretend to do something" there was a pause and then she continued darkly "I always do what I say…..always. I gave my word to ensure that all the knights were safe – for me that means happy too. I know what it's like to be sad, to be so heartbroken that death would seem a blessing…" she stopped and then focused again on the woman before her.
"So Woad, who do you choose - Arthur or Lancelot? But mark me, choose one and if I see you toy with the other it will be the last thing you do in this life…."
Guinevere stood for a moment staring at Lancelot, then she glanced towards where Arthur's room was "I choose him…" she said very quietly pointing over there.
"Then I pity him…for you are nothing but trouble; but I have seen the way he looks at you and know he feels for you, and I am happy for you to prove me wrong.
As to Lancelot if you ever make eyes at him again….ever make words with him that may lead him to believe you think more of him than you do, then I will cut you down. I will kill you, for hurting my friend and those I care for."
Guinevere went to speak but Devon held her hand up "These knights have only had each other for the last 15 years; they rely on each other to watch their backs as much as they themselves do. There is a big battle coming….the Saxons will be here soon…they will need each other. You cannot break that bond…I will not allow it.
If I thought I might be a cause of such division I would leave, as much as it would pain me" she glanced towards Dagonet, leaving the others in no doubt who she would choose if made to "you will not, I can see that; you only think of yourself and your own 'plan'…so if I think you may well break them apart then I will deal with you. I will keep my vow.
They are all good men….even he" she gestured to Lancelot "they have good hearts, and some may seem childish or thoughtless, but I would see not one of them harmed. They will need their wits about them and their bond intact if they are all to survive the coming storm…and I intend to ensure they do!"
Guinevere turned to the knights; both sadness and anger in her face "She is a good friend to you all…..guard her well."
"They need not guard me…I fight my own battles and have done for many a long year! If you wish to make a point Woad, make it now – but mark me, expect no mercy…for there will none forthcoming!" She pulled her swords free with a flourish.
Guinevere stepped back "I do not wish to fight you….I was told this would come to pass if I could not decide. My father told me one would come to force my hand….." she sighed and would not look at Lancelot "I have a destiny to follow, but I wavered. I will waver no longer…the die is caste, the decision made – for good or ill I will stand by it."
Devon looked perplexed, but sheathed her swords "Nay, nay…do not wonder so" Guinevere offered "It is my own fault this has come to pass. I will not raise hand, bow or blade against you – you are merely fulfilling my father's prophecy. You have your own destiny to fulfil with him…." She gestured towards Dagonet.
Devon's reaction was somewhat unexpected "I am not a pawn for fate to blow me where it will!" she cried angrily "I am not for him…nor anyone..." she shook her head vehemently "I will not go through that pain again…I will not lose more that I love!" Her eyes wild she stalked away.
Tristan grabbed her arm as she passed "So you were not upset when he was injured today? That was not anger I witnessed when you thought we were not doing enough to save him?"
She looked at him briefly and all he saw in her eyes was pain and loss….he let her go. Whatever she had suffered had killed her inside. Dagonet would have much work to do to make her admit she cared for him as more than a friend.
As she reached the bottom of the steps she ran full tilt into Arthur and Van, both coming to find the others.
"Devon!" Arthur exclaimed with a smile and then saw the look on her face "what has happened? Who has hurt you?"
"Hurt me? No one has hurt me Roman! I would have to have a heart to be hurt, and your kind killed that long ago!" she shrugged him off and stormed away.
Van looked up at Bors in confusion; he was upset to see the tough little demon so distraught "Go after her Van!" he called "It's not right this bitch upset her so!" he turned and glared at Guinevere "She's right, you are naught but trouble!"
"I cannot help the facts…she must accept her fate full as much as I must accept mine!" and she too turned and strode away….but not before they all saw Arthur go to her.
Van ran after Devon "Wait….wait! What is it? What has happened?" she called; now almost as upset as the girl she was following. "Please Devon…you are like a little sister to me…I hate to see you upset so…"
Devon stopped so suddenly that Van nearly ran into her, she spun round on her "Do not think of me so Vanora…I am a curse to those who care about me…they die…..I…I….my parents, he…he…my baby…dead…all….." she took a deep breath to steady herself, Van could feel her shaking.
"Devon what in the name of the Goddess happened to you? Even if you cannot tell them…" she gestured to the knights making their way towards them, Dagonet in particular looking stricken "then you can tell me…can't you?"
Devon hesitated but a moment, before dragging Van closer to her and whispering brokenly into her ear.
"You have to tell Dag, Devon….you do…I know that great lump of an ox, he thinks a lot of you already; and I know you feel the same…though…though with what you've said…I can understand…" she swallowed "but you have to say…you do…he should know…"
Devon nodded…her eyes swimming. "Alright, alright….but what about the others?"
"That's up to you…" Van could not trust herself to speak to more. She longed to hold the young woman before her, for she did consider her a sister not a friend. Friend was such a little word, it could not hold the strength of feeling she had for her; sister did though….and she told her so.
Devon listened to Van's words in shock "you must not love me so, Van truly. I would not want to lose you….I mean it, all those I love die."
"Well, it can't be helped now….sister…"
"Sister, aye – may the Goddess protect you, for I feel the same…..then sister it shall be and I shall watch over you…." and Devon hugged her; for the first time….
The knights all saw Van's face crumple, and she turned to them. Her eyes reached Dagonet's and locked.
Tristan nudged him forward "Go….She needs you…"
The large knight stumbled forward; he reached Vanora "What do I do?" he whispered. Devon would not look at him, but let him grasp her hand.
"I know not….just let her talk…..though she might not want to…but…but it's not good…none of it is good…." Van flew to Bors and buried herself in his arms.
"What? What is it?" he asked concerned for both his lover and her little friend.
"I cannot tell you…only she can…but Bors…Oh, Bors…..what they did to her and those she loved…what she saw…." she sobbed into his arms "she is such a good person, she helped me…." She looked into his eyes "it was me, I got her to look after you lot….I did….and she did…and she is so good…"
"Sssshhhh…it's alright now…we'll be here for her, won't we? You and me and the knights….even Arthur…" he looked at is commander, who nodded "and old Dagonet…well, we know he's smitten don't we boys?" all the knights nodded "so don't fret so Van…she'll be right; you'll see - we'll make sure…"
"Aye, we will…" Tristan spoke quietly, but with force.
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Dagonet went to lead her into the meeting room, but she stepped back "No…"
Tristan came up "The stables Dag…she's always comfortable there aren't you?"
She nodded.
Dagonet sighed and together they went to the stables. Tristan watched them go…
Lancelot walked up "What do you think happened?"
"Judging by Van, something very bad; you know she does not cry easy, and she was sobbing."
"Aye…but she a feisty little thing is Devon…I can't see her being a victim easily."
"No, she would be no easy victim… but to let your heart die does not make you a victim…"
"Nay, it does not….but to allow your heart to perish…is that what you believe happened to her?" Lancelot looked from the retreating couple to the scout.
"Aye I do….I believe it was the only way she could cope with her life and what happened" He paused "she will not have you, you know…and don't hurt either of them, or I'll kill you."
"I know you would. Nay, it is obvious who she favours Tris….I'll not ruin it for them – but he is a lucky beggar all the same…" Lancelot smiled at his friend.
"Aye, he is…but at least we can call her friend…" he walked away.
"You can more than I, I think!" Lancelot called after him.
"She defended you this night Lancelot…and I believe she would slay the Woad to save you hurt…" Tristan ventured, before turning and resuming the walk to his room.
"Aye, mayhap she would…but she still considers you more of a friend than I, Tristan, believe me…" The scout smiled and carried on, saying nothing - but feeling strangely flattered if Lancelot's words were true.
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In the stables Dagonet had led a silent Devon to the hay bales to sit down. Lucan had decided to stay with Arthur for a while "They need to talk and I don't want to know who hurt Devon. I might want to kill them" he said "she is a nice lady…"
"She is….but I would not fret so boy - I think she has already done that, if the little I have learnt about her is true." Smiled Arthur sadly.
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"Dagonet could I have a drink; some water?" She asked solemnly.
He went to fetch it….there was a barrel just outside. After he stepped away, she heard crying and went to investigate; anything to stave off the evil moment – she did not wish to do this thing…to talk of…of…it.
She found an old woman sitting down behind the hay, sobbing. "Why do you weep mother?" she asked as she knelt to touch the woman's shoulder.
"I lost all my kin in that dungeon….I mourn their passing, girl." Watery eyes were turned to her.
"Nay….mourn not the dead. For they are gone to a better place; a place that is bright and sunny and the sky is always blue. The gates of death hold no fear for them now, for they are happy and no longer suffer." She spoke with an honest reassurance, and no small amount of envy.
"You speak as though you've visited that place…" sniffed the old woman, as Devon held out a cloth for her to wipe her face on.
"Aye – twice now have I touched the gates of death, only to be turned back by those I love. Tis not my time they tell me…." Devon shut her eyes, to the tears and the pain. "though I long to join them…..I do…it is not my lot in this life to be with those that loved me most; I am destined to be always alone – on the outside of life…." Her voice hitched; she swallowed.
"Mourn not the dead mother, mourn the living….for they are the ones that suffer. Mourn yourself, not your kinfolk."
The old woman stood and regarded the younger one for a moment. "A big heart you have daughter….a big heart to be so dead to the world. A terrible thing it was that was done to you…that caused you to turn your back on love so resolutely."
Devon hung her head "You have no idea……I suffer nightmares every night. I could not save them….not one of them….all I could do was make those who had taken them from me pay."
"Then they were avenged…you could not have done more for them." She looked at her once more "I know you….you're the honey eyed girl they speak of. You slew Marius…you avenged my kin then and for that you have my thanks."
She looked over Devon's shoulder "You have a friend come to see you…I will take my leave child." She leant forward and kissed Devon's cheek "thank you…"
Devon, knowing who was behind her, stayed her leaving by touching her arm "Mother, where do you stay?"
"Here….I have nowhere else to go…." She gestured to the stables. "But I will go for a short walk to let you two speak privately; for something sorely troubles him" she nodded at Dag.
"Nay, we can go up…..you stay here. It is not warm out. Here you have the animals and the hay….stay." the old woman gripped her arm in thanks and sat once more.
Dagonet had heard the whole exchange. Her compassion for those she felt deserved it astounded him; not least because he knew her temper with others. But the desolation at not dying hurt and disturbed him. What had happened to her that she would welcome death so?
"Dag? We need to go to the roof….I did not wish her…."
He stopped her with a finger to her lips "Aye, I heard…" he gave her the ladle of water and she drank. Then they started up the ladder.
Jols came in and saw the woman. "Are you comfy mother?"
"Aye…and more peaceful too, because of the honey eyed girl." She smiled as he handed her a cup of warmed milk and some bread and cheese.
"Devon…aye, she's a rare one….our Dagonet has his eye on her."
"The large man with kind eyes?"
"Aye that's him…how did you know?"
"They've gone up to talk…"
She gestured to the hayloft, and he saw them then "Oh right….well, it is good if they do. I think she has been much hurt."
"Nay lad, not just hurt….." she thought for a moment "destroyed…she has been destroyed." She looked once more them as they disappeared "he will need a big heart to heal her own."
"Dagonet has a huge heart mother, and a pure one….if anyone can heal her it will be he."
"I hope you are right lad, for she does not deserve the sorrow she carries with her. No one should wish to die just to be loved."
Jols started at her words and turned….he had to talk to someone, to wish to die; and he knew just the person…..Tristan…